


Heart of Ice

by Delysia_Daniels



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Fluff! SO MUCH FLUFF!!!, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Malec, Minor character death in first chapter, Past Child Abuse, Saphael, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-01 23:56:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 105,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11497488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delysia_Daniels/pseuds/Delysia_Daniels
Summary: Alexander Lightwood takes a break from ice skating to be with his family. However, after a mishap with social media, Alec finds himself thrown back into the world of figure skating and into the arms of his long-time idol Magnus Bane who has decided to become Alec's coach. As new opponents and new challenges emerge, Alec will soon come to realize that he isn't as alone as he once thought he was.It's been three years since Simon talked to Raphael. Three years of heartbreak, abuse, and horrors one could not possibly imagine. But now, as they are thrown back into each others lives, Simon must learn to not only forgive Raphael but forgive himself.aka a Yuri on Ice AU with some changes here and there





	1. Last Breath

**Author's Note:**

> THE AU NOBODY ASKED FOR!  
> You're welcome :D
> 
> (I will try to post as much as I can as often as I can)
> 
> ** I do not own any of these characters. This is loosely based on the Anime Yuri on Ice and Cassandra Claire's Shadowhunters - please don't sue me **

It was the cold. Sure, the rocks did their part, but in the end, it was the cold that killed Maxwell Lightwood. It pierced his body like a thousand knives. Consuming his body with every stroke of the blade. Pulling him further and further into the watery void that was Lake Lynn. It's dark depths dragging Max further and further down. Pushing any breath, he had left out of his body and forcing him to watch it rise to the surface as he was forced to be pushed deeper down. At this moment, Max knew two things with absolute certainty. One, he was going to die. Nobody even knew he was out here. He went for an early morning run like always. However, while he was taking his normal trail he stopped at the edge of the cliffside to admire the lake in its early morning haze. Next thing he knew, he had slipped. Falling down the cliff breaking his arm in the process. The second he hit the water, he knew it was the end. He couldn’t move, his head smacked against the rocks on his way down, causing his mind to become a fuzzy storm of utter nonsense. He couldn’t feel his limbs, only the agonizing pain inside his lungs as they devoured the freezing cold water one gulp at a time.

Max knew this was the end. He knew he was going to die. And the second thing? The second thing was that Max would never see his big brother Alec ever again. And with that heartbreaking last thought, Max opened his mouth to scream, but instead just filling his burning lungs with water one last time.

* * *

 

Alec had done it. He had just set a record for the short program at the Grand Prix Final. His body ached and his muscles screamed in utter agony, but he did it. He had beaten long ranking record holder, Magnus Bane. Magnus Bane who was Alec’s idol. Who was the man Alec hoped to be like one day. Who he hoped he could meet one day. Magnus Bane, the man who inspired Alec to skate in the first place. He had beaten his idol.

In this one moment, he was ecstatic and horrified. He had come out on top, but in doing so he had ripped a title away from his idol in life and skating. Alec shook his head, he wasn’t going to think about that right now. All that mattered was that he finally had a real shot of winning the Grand Prix Final for the first time in his whole skating career. This was it, this was his shot. During the kiss and cry Luke, Alec’s coach, practically leaped out of his chair with pure joy.

Jace and Clary into his arms for a much-needed group hug when he got his scores. It was without a doubt the proudest moment of his life, and he didn’t even win yet. There was still the free skate tomorrow to get through. But Alec knew that if he did what he did today, he was going to win without a doubt. This was his chance, and nothing was going to mess it up. His family was counting on him. The money, time, and sacrifices they took to make this a possibility was too much for Alec to go back home empty-handed.

He needed to win, he wanted to win. It had been a long time coming and he could feel the pressure beginning to build. He knew he had to keep his cool though, or else the pressure would get to him and that would be the end of it for sure. Alec looked around him, his friends surrounded him with bright blinding smiles. The cameras were everywhere, taking pictures of his every move. The press was shouting at him, begging for a comment, anything to give to their rabid readers. Alec was about to relieve them of their anticipation with a few words when suddenly his phone in his pocket began to buzz. It was his sister Izzy.

“Izzy!” Alec shouted over the loud noises the press was making in the background, “Did you see me, Izzy? I’m in first!”

There was silence on the other end, and then the slight sound of what seemed to be sniffling. “Yah, I saw Alec,” Izzy replied in a soft tone.

“Alec listens,” another sniffle followed she said this. It was like she was trying to push back tears, and not the happy kind. Alec froze. Something was wrong, he knew it. Something was very very wrong. Although it had been over 3 years since he last saw his sister, Alec knew her better than anyone. He walked away from the crowds and the press to a quieter corner of the room, Luke was thankfully taking on a major portion of the press. Although looking back on it Alec would be eternally grateful for this, at the time he was too preoccupied with the gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach. Something was terribly wrong and he knew it.

“Isabelle, what is it?” Alec said, praying to whoever would listen, that it was nothing and Alec was just feeling this way because he was coming off an adrenaline high.

“Oh, Alec….” Now she was crying, full on sobbing.

“Oh Alec, it is Max. He…. Oh God…. Alec, he… he drowned. Alec, Max is dead!”

Alec stopped breathing. He could barely move. He could hear his sister calling out his name between her sobs before his phone fell from his hand and landing hard on the ground. Then, his legs, which is what his entire career and life were built around. The legs that just carried him to a victory, gave out completely, and Alec fell to the ground with a hard thud.

Clary noticed first. “Alec! Alec are you okay?!” she ran to his side and touched his arm. Alec just sat there frozen. He could barely breathe let alone move. Then came Jace, he asked the same questions Clary did but the sound was muffled by the ringing in Alec’s ears. He could barely hear, and now his vision was going blurry. It wasn’t until the wetness on his cheek that he realized he was crying. He could barely hear Clary begging him to look at her. The desperate pleas of someone who was genuinely worried.

What finally snapped him out of it was two hands on his face. They were warm and smelled slightly of vanilla and brown sugar. It was unfamiliar to Alec, the hands laid on either side of his face like they belonged to a longtime friend or an intimate partner.

“Alexander?!” a familiar voice called out, although Alec could not quite place it. His eyes stung too much to look at the face directly. The tears stinging his eyes, and the constant flashing wasn’t making it any better.

He heard someone yell out the words “Back away!” and “Leave him alone!” But all Alec could think about, all he could seem to comprehend in his mess of a mind was that his little brother, was dead and he would never see him again. He would never hear his laugh or his silly stories. He would never see his brothers smile while he explained the newest addition to his manga collection. Or when he told him about the fish that him and Old Man Lou caught that week. It was all gone. Everything that mattered was gone.

All Alec was left with was a broken heart and strangers hands on his face calling out a name that sounded foreign to him in every sense of the word. It was finally Luke who pulled Alec up and shook him when Alec finally broke out of his trance. He just stared at Luke. Before Luke could even open his mouth, Alec whispered: “Max is dead.”

Luke looked like Alec had just slapped him. However, after a second of recovering from the initial shock, Luke turned to Jocelyn and told her to get him the first two tickets to Idris, the small town where Alec lived. Then he pulled Alec into a hug, one that Alec could not find the strength to reciprocate.

“I promise you, Alec, I will get you home.”

With that, Alec pulled away from Luke and for the first time saw him. Really saw him. He had known Luke almost his whole life. He was like a second father to Alec. He trained him, raised him, and taught him almost everything he knows about skating and life. However, looking at him now, it was like for the first time. Alec noticed that his face had slight scars on his cheeks. His eyes were not just brown, but they had flakes of gold in them. They were warm and comforting, but most of all, they were the eyes of someone you could trust.

So, without a second thought, or hesitation of any kind, Alec nodded his head and let Luke lead him through the press, through the flashing lights, through the crowds, and through the horrors that lied ahead until he got home. However, before he left for good, Alec turned around. Wanting to get one last glimpse of the future he had wanted for so long. A future so close he could almost taste it. It was right there, and yet, he realized it was never his. It was never going to be his.

With his last glimpse, he saw a familiar face. A face that he could not read, but one he knew better than he knew his own face. Its owner was a man that Alec had always dreamed of meeting, but like the dream of gold he had not 10 minutes ago, it was a dream that was no more. For Alexander Lightwood knew two things at this moment, one, his brother and best friend were dead and there was nothing he could do about it. And the second, he would never see Magnus Bane again.


	2. Caramel Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from the POV of Simon's character who is a 16-year-old figure skater and Magnus's POV. There are flashbacks :D Also, even though I don't state it yet, I do imply that Magnus is bisexual. I promise to have Magnus confirm this later in the series, probably to Alec. Okay, that's it :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so in the anime Yuri on Ice, there are two Yuris. Alec plays the main Yuri (who is sweet and caring) and Simon plays the other one (who is a little shit with a big heart).  
> However, I am warning you that Simon is a little shit and kinda mean in this chapter which I know is not his usual MO, but this WILL CHANGE OVER TIME!!!!! So don't worry, because I am very excited to full develop Simon's character into the Simon we all know and love, as well as all the other characters of this fic. So bear with me and enjoy! I will try to post again in the next couple days or so. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia
> 
> PS I don't' own anything from Yuri on Ice or Cassandra Claires Mortal Instruments

Simon looked down at his phone. Ever since the Grand Prix Final, there had been a swarm of news stories all featuring the same name, “Alexander Lightwood”. Simon didn’t even know this Lightwood asshole, but he already hated him. How could he be such a disgrace to figure skating? To rise through the ranks and land a spot at the Grand Prix Final, only to snap cause the pressure got to him. What a jackass. What kind of figure skater can’t handle the pressure? Simon was angrier than normal, and for Simon who had a horrible disease called “Chronic Pissed Off Syndrome,” this was impressive.

But why should he care anyway?! Just one more person he doesn’t have to worry about competing against. Although it would have been nice to see this Alec Lightwood compete. Simon was there when Alec did his short program, and it was impressive, to say the least. It looked like Alec wasn’t even aware of his movements, like he let the music completely take over. Simon has only seen that happen with no other skater and has tried his whole life to be able to achieve that. Most skaters choose music that fits a story they are trying to tell. Some choose sad music and others happy, but Alec always chose music that was a little bit of both. It was bittersweet was of looking at the world. When you watched him skate, it was like you felt sorry for him and proud of him all at the same time. It made Simon sick.

Simon didn’t go to many senior skating competition, but when he turned 15 he became very involved with the senior competitors. Better to scope out the competition before he made his debut when he turned 16. So, when the opportunity to watch the final came up, Simon jumped at it. He was actually excited to see Alec skate in real life. Now that he was of age to compete at the next level, he was more than disappointed that Alec Lightwood had decided to retire. Simon had watched his career closely, there was no real reason behind this, other than the fact that he was sick and tired of hearing about skating genius Magnus Bane. He needed new material or he was going to lose his shit.  
Many skaters are good at what they do, hence why they are considered professionals. However, very few can ever truly lose themselves in the music like Lightwood does. Alec Lightwood had a gift. And what did he do with it?! He cried like a little bitch cause the pressure was too much. What a LOSER!

Simon threw his phone back into his bag out of pure anger. Why had he wasted his time watching a skater who just disappointed him? Someone who he was even looking forward to competing against. Simon felt betrayed for some reason. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why he felt this way so passionately. But then he heard that stupid laugh. The laugh that everyone floated towards like it was a stupid mermaid calling sailors into the sea before she eats them. He stopped pouting and turned to look at the source of the laughter.

Magnus Bane.

Simon didn’t hate Magnus per say, Magnus was nice and kind to Simon. He was also always willing to help Simon no matter what. Magnus had even promised to create a program for Simon if he won gold or silver at the next Grand Prix Final. However, sometimes Magnus was the most annoying person in the world. It was like he didn’t have any cares in the world. He could sleep with whoever he wanted, and do whatever he wanted. Ragnor, their coach, didn’t even seem to care that much. If Magnus showed up for practice every day at a reasonable time, then it didn’t particularly matter.

Simon stared at Magnus as the other man flirted with the giggling girls in the stands. They were fans who came to see the infamous skater practice. Despite the two girls’ pale completions, their faces were bright red when Magnus leaned in close and whispered something to them. They giggled and turned even redder.

“Gross” Simon thought.

How could they be so naive? Magnus didn’t care about them, all Magnus cared about was himself, his cat, and skating. In that order, exactly. However, no matter where in the world they were competing at, Magnus would always bring back to his room a trophy and another conquest. Simon respected Magnus as a skater, but as a person, he didn’t particularly care for him that much. The only time that Simon saw a glimpse of something even remotely resembling an empathetic human being was at the Grand Prix Final that Alec lost his shit.

**** Flashback ****

Magnus wasn’t even angry that he was in second, which was surprising. Usually, Magnus is a very sore loser, even though he could still win, if Alec performed like he just did, there was no way in hell Magnus stood a chance. No matter how many medals Magnus had won. However, Simon remembers that instead of being angry Magnus just stood up quietly and turned to Ragnor and Simon and said that he was going to find Alexander and congratulate him. The look of Ragnor’s face was hilarious. A perfect mixture of confusion, anger, and pride.

As Magnus walked away to congratulate Alec, he turned and told Simon to follow him. Simon got up almost immediately and walked next to Magnus until they reached the kiss and cry, where Alec would be standing talking to the press. When they arrived, they were swarmed with press asking how infamous Magnus Bane, 25 years old and reaching the end of his skating career felt having his record broken by newcomer 20-year-old Alec Lightwood.

It was a ridiculous question, to begin with. First, as Simon and Magnus knew, Alec was not a newcomer. He had been skating competitively since he was at least 12 years old. He had competed in the Grand Prix Final 2 times before but had only gotten as high as bronze. So, Simon and Magnus exchanged a slight smirk at the stupid question the reporter asked. However, instead of dismissing her and pointing out her mistake, Magnus took it in stride.

“Someone has to take on the torch eventually. I was hoping it would be Simon here, but I guess Mr. Lightwood would be a nice change of pace,” Magnus said with a bright smile. Simon just rolled his eyes and scanned the crowded room for Alec. That is when he saw him, on the ground no less. A redhead girl ran to Alec’s side and shook his arm. He couldn’t make out what she was saying, but her face said it all. Something was wrong. Then a blond that Simon recognized very well came to sit at Alec’s other side. It was that douchebag, Jace Wayland. What a dick.

Simon never actually talked to Jace, but he knew him from competitions. Simon and Jace rivaled each other, fighting every step of the way. Sometimes Jace would win gold, and then sometimes Simon would win. Jace and Simon were both going to be 16, and therefore they were taking their rivalry to the major leagues. It wasn’t like Simon and Jace were beating the shit out of each other, but the fact that Simon was losing to anyone made him pissed off beyond belief.

It wasn’t until Magnus bumped into him that his trance of pure hate directed towards the blonde-haired jackass named Jace that he noticed Alec was still on the ground. Simon walked towards him and Magnus knelt in front of Alec. The boy was crying, like huge sobbing tears.

“Alexander?!” Magnus said, gently putting his hands on either side of Alec’s face. It was an intimate touch, but Simon was not surprised Magnus made it. What did surprise him though was the fact that Magnus was…. caring. This was not like Magnus to give a shit about others. However, everything in his voice made him sound like he was genuinely concerned for this Alexander Lightwood. Don’t get Simon wrong, he cared, but just that much.

Then right as Alec seemed to notice Magnus’s presence or anyone’s presence for that matter, a tall broad man walked over and picked Alec up off the ground in one swift move. It was like Alec weighed nothing, which of course is ridiculous. All the people here who were skaters were nothing but pure muscle and therefore were not light or easy to lift. But this man did and shook Alec slightly until Alec recognized what was occurring. Then right as Alec was about to say something, there was a shout.

“MAGNUS! SIMON! GET OVER HERE!” Ragnor yelled. Simon grabbed Magnus’s arm and pulled him towards their coach.

“What’s going on?” Simon heard one of the reporters say.

“I don’t know,” another said.

“Maybe the pressure got to him,” said one more.

It was then that Ragnor pulled Magnus and Simon away from the crowds and to their car that would take them back to the hotel. The next thing either of them knew, they had gotten an alert that Alexander Lightwood had dropped out of the Grand Prix Final. Simon turned to look at Magnus, but instead of seeing joy as he expected, there was a sad look in his eyes. It was almost like a disappointment. But what would Magnus be disappointed over? He was in first place again. Any hopes of competition for his titles were fading and he was back to being skating’s golden boy. Why was he upset? Instead of asking this, Simon just got up and took a walk around the hotel.

When he reached the lobby, he saw Alec Lightwood. He was standing still, looking at nothing. That Jace guy was next to him, and the redhead girl on the other side. The tall man, Luke, or was it, Logan… Simon couldn’t remember, was talking to an older redhead woman. Their bags were being loaded into a car parked in front of the hotel. Simon wanted to yell out at Alec to not quite so easily. But he just turned and walked away.

In a way, Simon was disappointed too. He was so close to skating with Alec, someone he had been watching for years now. Almost secretly rooting for him. And now? Now, Alec was leaving it all behind, because it was too much? Bullshit. At this moment, Simon wasn’t angry, just disappointed.

**** End of Flashback ****

“Hey! EARTH TO SIMON!” Ragnor yelled from across the ice. “We gonna stand around daydreaming all day or are we gonna go again?!”

Simon sighed and skated to the middle of the ice. If he was going to win this year’s Grand Prix Final against Jackass Jace, then he had to be at his best. Of course, he would still probably lose to Magnus, but it was worth a shot. So, Simon bowed his head and waited for the music to start. In the first notes of the song, he thought of Alec and tried to lose himself in the music like he always did. Turns out losing yourself is harder than it sounds.

* * *

 

Magnus looked across the ice, watching as Simon fell on his ass for like the third time today. It was very funny. Watching Simon get frustrated was one of Magnus’s favorite pastimes. The young man was just like Magnus when he was at that age. However, Magnus was not nearly as angry as Simon tends to be. Maybe because Magnus only had Ragnor yelling at him. Unlike Simon, who has his sister and mother breathing down his neck all the time, plus Ragnor, Magnus had no family.

It was simple for him, sure it was lonely, but Magnus thrived in the loneliness. It was almost comforting. His parents died when he was just a baby, and the orphanage he went to would go ice skating in the winter to help the kids feel more together and not dwell on the fact that it was the holiday season and they were alone. Magnus always appreciated this gesture, mostly though because he loved to skate. Soon one of the workers at the orphanage noticed Magnus’s love for the holiday season. When she asked why he always got so excited around this time of the year, he eagerly replied with “Because we go skating!”

It was after that day that the worker who asked him this question, who was named Caterina Loss, took him to skating practice every day instead of the other exercising activities the other orphans did (like soccer, etc.) It was on the ice that Magnus found his bliss. It was there that he embraced the ice-cold loneliness that only a child with no real home could feel. Instead of wallowing in it though, he took that pain and used it to push himself off the ground and land his first quad flip by the age of 12. This was not only extremely impressive, but it caught the eye of Ragnor Fell.

Ragnor Fell was an ice skating coach in St. Petersburg Russia. He was an old friend of Caterina Loss at the orphanage, and she begged him to come down to Indonesia and watch Magnus skate. He did and noticed how passionate Magnus was about his skating. He asked the orphanage if he could adopt Magnus and take him back to Russia. They agreed and when the paperwork was filled out, Magnus packed his few belongings and said goodbye to the home he knew. On his way, out he hugged Caterina with all his might. He didn’t know when he was going to see her again, and he wanted to know how thankful he was for everything she did.

In Russia, Magnus thrived. He fell in love with St. Petersburg and the rink where Ragnor taught. It became his new home. Years passed, and when Magnus was 15 he won gold at his junior championship. It was a moment he would never forget. It was the moment that he realized what he was truly capable of and how far he was willing to go to make himself and his coach proud. Although Ragnor was his adoptive father, he was a coach and nothing more. Magnus lived with him, but when he was 18 years old, Ragnor bought Magnus his own apartment in the center of St. Petersburg. Magnus adored Ragnor, but he also knew that their relationship would never become a father and son type relationship. He was the coach, Magnus was the student, and that was it. This dynamic worked wonders for them and they have always been able to work together in harmony. Magnus would do stupid shit, Ragnor would yell, but all would be forgiven when Magnus nailed his short program and free skates.

Simon however, had too many people that told him what to do. It made him become an angry person. However, despite this, Simon was still a good kid with a kind heart. Magnus tried to be nice to him, even promised to create a program for him, but Simon had his mind set on being the best. In Simon's mind, the only way to achieve that was to block out unnecessary distractions. For example, friends, or even a boyfriend. Or was Simon into girlfriends…. Magnus could never figure it out. Maybe he was into both just like Magnus himself was. There is no shame in liking both, Magnus learned that over his years and travels around the world.

“Um, Magnus,” one of the girls he was sitting next to said, pulling out of his trance as he watched Simon.

“Yes, lovely lady,” Magnus tried to play it cool like he knew exactly what she was talking about and also knew her name. Neither of these things was true.

“Do you maybe want to go out to dinner with us tonight?” The girl said. Magnus turned and looked at her. She and her friend were both petite but older, maybe in their early 20s. They had bright blond hair, which was very normal for Russia, as well as sky blue eyes. They looked so similar that Magnus thought they were sisters, but he also kind of remembers asking the question if they were or not early. Magnus didn’t remember the answer, but that shows how little he cares about them talking to him.

Don’t get Magnus wrong, he loves his fans, always will. However, they tend to overdo it sometimes. Not that it is a bad thing, but sometimes he will get locks of hair in the mail and Magnus gets too creeped out to keep reading other letters. These two girls seemed to be good fans, but the way they talked to him also made him feel like he was a product at the department store and they were trying to buy him. It was extremely uncomfortable. Most people just saw Magnus as an object and not a person.

Someone to hate or love or lust for. However, nobody saw him as just a person. So, in return, Magnus decided to not see people as people either. Instead, he saw rivals, ex’s, or new conquests. However, he never gave anybody the time of day, unless it was someone who didn’t treat him like a prize to be won. Simon and Ragnor were the only two people who came close to that standard. But Ragnor was his coach, not his friend. And Simon, well Simon needed to get laid. Maybe that would help him, but with Simon being wound up so fucking tight he was bound to break before that happened. And yet, the young man persevered. Never giving in. It almost made Magnus smile at the thought of how similar they are. However, instead of smirking, he brought himself back to the conversation at hand.

“I don’t know ladies, I’m pretty tired. Maybe some other time,” Magnus said. Without waiting for their reaction, he walked away and grabbed his skating bag.

“I’m going to the gym to do weights,” Magnus told Ragnor. Although Ragnor nodded, he was pretty sure his coach's mind was elsewhere. Magnus couldn’t blame him. Simon was about to make his senior debut, and with some older competitors retiring his chances were very good at making silver, maybe even gold. Especially since one player, in particular, had unceremoniously retired, or at least that is what the newspapers were saying.

“Alexander Lightwood Breaks Down at Grand Prix Final in Germany” was one of the titles of the many articles written about the poor man. Magnus was more than happy to lose to Alexander Lightwood after watching his short program at the Final last season. It was like watching someone float across the ice without any hesitation or concerns. Watching him be one with the ice like there weren’t thousands of people watching him. It was breathtaking. But when Magnus saw poor Alexander on the ground, it was heartbreaking. To watch him come so far on to crack under pressure. It didn’t make any sense.

Magnus looked up Alexander's name every day twice a day to see if any new stories had come out. There was nothing though. “Quiet is good,” Magnus thought. “Quiet means that he might come back.” However, Magnus seriously doubts that. He had never, in his whole skating career, seen another skater breakdown in that manner before. It made Magnus think that maybe it wasn’t nerves but something else, something worse. However, for the life of him, he could not figure out what.

Instead of focusing on it anymore, Magnus simply removed his shirt and started doing pull-ups in the weight room. Anything to get his mind off of those perfect caramel eyes and the tears that they bore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ NOTES IN THE BEGINNING!!!!!!!!


	3. Dead Body in Lake Lyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Alec's POV. Now I know in the books and TV show that Alec and Clary don't really get along, but I love their friendship and I think that they would make good friends if Alec wasn't in love with Jace for like the first half of the books. So I made them friends here, and I hope that doesn't piss too many people off. Also, I made Lydia and Alec friends as well. I liked their dynamic (not their engagement - just friends). It took me a really long time to write this chapter, and I hope you guys like it :D There is a link in it too that leads to a page of SoundCloud where you can listen to the song Alec skates too. :D
> 
> PS Alec and Magnus meet next chapter!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there is any confusion on words and spelling. I'm from England and this is how we spell things. So I promise I'm not spelling things wrong, just differently. (unless it really is wrong, then sorry!!!!!)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading my work!!! I promise Chapter 4 will be posted in a week, maybe sooner! Love you all and thank you again! 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia
> 
> PS I don't' own anything from Yuri on Ice or Cassandra Claires Mortal Instruments

Somewhere near the Rockie Mountain Range in North America is a hidden lake. This lake is clearer than any before it, in fact, no matter where you are in the lake you can always see the bottom. The lake itself is said to have mystical healing abilities, whether this is true or not, it has helped the locals with their businesses during tourist season. On every side of the lake but one there are large mountains, however, on one side there are cliffs that lead to many man-made paths interlinking around the mountains. These paths are perfect for early morning jogs and other such activities.

One of the mountains, the biggest of all of them, is called Mount Idris, and the town that lies at its base is named after it. This town resides between the mountain and the Lake, making it the perfect get away from the outside world. There is only one road into this town, but once you arrive, you would be surprised about how the roads interlink and bring you to the coastline or up to the houses built into the side of Mount Idris. One house, in particular, was built by the founders of this town, the Lightwoods.

The house had stood for 100 years, and despite some renovations here and there, it has remained the same. The first Lightwoods were a wealthy family, building a summer home to escape to. The house itself is three stories tall, plus an attic and a basement (5 in total). The house was made of stone and had over 15 bedrooms inside. The house was split into two halves, the server side, and the master side. The master side was renovated into the guest side of the now bed and breakfast. While the servants' side was revamped to suit a family of some worth, a family that the Lightwoods considered themselves as.

The outside of the house had a large front yard. There is a volleyball court and a tennis court on the lawn and a large deck that wraps around the house that overlooks the pool and the lake. The Lightwoods hold afternoon tea every day for their guests on this deck. The grass lawn leads down to the Lightwoods private beach. On the beach, there is a fire pit and two docks where guests may take boats out to explore the rest of the lake. The Lightwoods private boat though is stored in the boathouse further down the beach.

The basement was converted into an extensive gym and swimming area. There are a full pool and two hot tubs, as well as all the latest workout equipment. Alec Lightwood was given the equipment for free, as long as he said in front of a camera that he uses it for promotional purposes. At first, Alec was against this, but it quickly changed when he got his first paycheck. With it, he could help pay for Izzy’s schooling at a university one day.

In this town, there is one of everything. One coffee shop, one nice restaurant, one diner, one movie theatre, one bookstore with new books every month, one elementary school/middle school/high school (there aren’t that many kids), and most importantly, one ice skating rink. The only things that there are multiple of are beds and breakfasts, but out of all of them, the Lightwood Manor is the grandest and the cleanest. It also is the only one with a private beach that leads to the crystal clear Lake Lyn. But the best thing the Lightwoods have is a local celebrity as a son, Alexander Lightwood, who is a professional ice skater.

The Town of Mount Idris is very proud of its local hero. Every time he comes home, the Lightwoods throw a large party to celebrate his accomplishments (never in a pretentious way…. well at least not intentionally pretentious). This town is one where everyone knows everyone. Its population only goes into the 3,000s and the local newspaper reports all the good gossip. In this small lakeside town, people are friendly, they are nice and hard working. Nobody steals, hurts, or does anything to upset their neighbor. Travel magazines from all over the world have stated that this small beautiful town is the perfect piece of paradise. Every day proved that.

However, today is not like every day. Today marks the day of the end of a “perfect paradise”. Today is the day where the whole town mourns the loss of one of its children. Today is instead the day that a boy no older than 12, was found dead at the bottom of Lake Lyn.

* * *

 

Alec woke up surrounded by his comforter. He felt warm and at peace in his bed. It wasn’t until he opened his eyes that he realised where he was. Alec was home, or at least in his old room at the Lightwood Manor where his family lived and worked. As Alec sat up in bed, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and stretched his arms over his head. He looked across the room at the mirror that reflected himself back to him. Alec looked sickly. He was paler than normal, and his eyes were bloodshot. Alec turned to look at the floor next to his bed and realised the source of his irritated eyes. Tissues were laid all over the ground and part of his bed. He remembered now what had happened.

 ***** FLASHBACK *****

When Alec got off the plane, Luke held his arm, guiding him through the airport and to the car that was waiting for them outside. Jace, Clary and Jocelyn, Luke’s wife and Clary’s mom, stayed behind to grab the bags. They each hugged Alec and promised to meet him at his house later. It was a two-hour drive from the airport to Idris. Alec was silent the entire way home. He just looked forward, praying that this was all a nightmare.

When Luke finally pulled into the Lightwood Manor parking lot, Alec finally realized where he was. Luke got out of the car first, then opened the door for Alec. He walked with Alec to the front door and knocked. Mrs. Verlac, the pet shop owner down the street, opened the door and sighed when she saw Alec.

She said something to him, but every word she said vanished from his mind, for Alec was too focused on something behind her. Sitting in a chair behind Mrs. Verlac, was a young woman with raven hair and brown eyes, matching Alec’s perfectly. She was taller than the last time Alec saw her, and her face looked worn. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she held a tissue in her hand tightly. When she looked up, her eyes met Alec’s. She got to her feet, and before she could say anything, Alec ran into her arms. She held him tightly to herself and started shaking in his arms. Alec held her close and started to cry with her.

It wasn’t until Alec heard his name being called from across the room that he broke the embrace. He looked down at the woman in his arms.

“Izzy,” he whispered.

Isabelle, Alec’s younger sister looked up at him and smiled.

“You’re home. Thank God for your home,” she said as she buried her face back into Alec’s chest. It was then that Alec remembered his name was called from across the room. He looked up and saw an older version of the woman in his arms. It was his mother. She looked just as torn up as Isabelle did. He had never in his whole life seen his mother look so out of place. This was a woman who could hold her own against anyone. This was the woman who drove Alec 300 miles so he could audition for Luke to be his coach. This was the woman who would go to Hell and back to defend her children. Now, she looked so small.

Alec loosened his grip on his sister and grabbed her hand so she could follow him. He made his way over to his mother. Alec’s mom, Maryse, looked at her children. She then put her hands on either side of Alec’s face. It had been three years since he had seen his mother. She looked slightly older, but other than that, nothing had changed.

“Oh, Alec. You got taller,” Maryse said. Alec knew that this was probably the only thing she could bring herself to say. Anything else she would fall apart, and Maryse Lightwood was not about to let half the town, who sat in the room around them, watch her cry.  That’s just the kind of person Alec’s mother is and always will be. Before Alec could ask her anything his mother took his hand and pulled him and Izzy into the back kitchen so that they could talk in private. Maryse turned around and looked at her children, sighing deeply.

“How Mom? How did Max….” Alec couldn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words “die”.

“We don’t know everything yet, it has only been a day since they found him,” Maryse said with a sigh. Before Alec could ask what she meant by “found him” Maryse continued talking. “Apparently, Max went for his usual run in the morning and near the cliff side, he stopped. We don’t know why, but when he stopped, the ground gave way, and he fell down the cliff side. The police say he must have hit his head on the way down which is why he drowned do quickly.”

Alec didn’t know what to think. His brother drowned? It seemed like it was an impossibility, but here it was.

“One of the tourists found him at the bottom of the lake when they were taking a boat out,” Maryse continued. Alec felt numb like he couldn’t absorb any more information. All he wanted to do was go to his room and lock himself away. But he knew that he couldn’t leave Izzy to defend herself. Not that his sister wasn’t capable of kicking major ass, but by just looking at her, Alec knew he could not leave her side. She needed him. She needed her brother, and in all honesty, Alec needed his sister.

So Alec told his mother that he was going upstairs. Maryse just nodded her head and hugged Alec one last time before leaving Alec and Izzy in the kitchen by themselves. He held Izzy’s hand tightly and took the servants staircase up to their rooms. Once, in Alec’s room, everything hit him at once. The pain of giving up his dream of skating, the pain of losing his brother, the pain of seeing his family in such despair.

Everything that he was feeling finally broke him and Alec sat on his bed sobbing like a small child. Izzy looked at Alec and then left his room. Alec was too busy crying his eyes out to notice that she left. But when she came back, Izzy was in her pajamas and she brought tissues, cookies, and a photo album with her. She handed Alec the box of tissues, he blew his nose and Izzy did her best to try and wipe the tears away. Then she handed Alec a pair of pajamas she found in one of his drawers on his dresser. Alec slowly got up and went to the bathroom to get changed.

When he went in, he looked in the mirror, staring at his face. He looked like someone just beat the living hell out of him, and he felt it. So Alec decided that maybe mirrors weren't the best idea. Alec quickly changed and then went back to his room where Izzy was waiting for him. She was sitting in his king size bed, surrounded by tissues and cookies. She was going through the photo album in front of her.

Alec sat down next to her and looked at the photos. It was the first photo of Max. He was just born, and Izzy and Alec were at the hospital smiling brightly next to their mom and little Max. Alec remembers that day fondly, he always loved being a big brother to Izzy. So when he found out he got to be a big brother to someone else, he was ecstatic. Teaching Max and Izzy how to tie their shoes, or ride their bikes, or swim, or ice skate, or play cowboys. These were things that Alec cherished with all his heart. If he could make a profession out of being a big brother, he would. Nothing is more important to Alec than family. Not even skating, no matter how much Alec loves it.

Alec and Izzy fell asleep surrounded by tissues, cookie crumbs, and photos. Each one with its own story, each one with a now distant and bittersweet memory.

*****END FLASHBACK*****

Alec turned to his side after remembering what happened last night. His sister Izzy laid next to him, her back turned to him. She has wrapped herself up like a burrito with the remaining covers. Her hair had cookie crumbs in it, and she looked like she spent half the night crying. Alec decided not to wake her and instead take a shower.

The hot water felt nice on his skin. It helped him relax his muscles and let go of that breath he had no idea he was holding in. When Alec got out of the shower, he realized that all of his belongings were there. That only meant that someone must have unpacked his suitcase from earlier and put his stuff away. Good thing Alec never carried anything embarrassing on him. He quickly brushed his teeth and got changed back into the only clothes he had in the bathroom with him, his pajamas he wore last night.

Then Alec returned to his bedroom. Izzy was now awake and staring at her phone. Alec went to grab a new pair of clothes and was about to turn to leave.

“Alec,” Izzy said, stopping him in his tracks towards the bathroom.

“Yes?” Alec replied.

“Do you know what they are saying about you? The news I mean. They are all saying that you had a massive freak out and dropped out of the Grand Prix Final because you couldn’t handle the pressure,” Izzy said.

“Shit. I guess I should ask Luke to put out a formal statement, but maybe it’s best if they think it was because I freaked out,” Alec said.

“Why would that be better?” Izzy asked.

Alec sighed, “I don’t know, it’s just an idea. I’ll talk to Luke.” With that, Alec left the room and went to go change. After changing, Alec went downstairs. When he walked into the main living area, he realized that it was completely empty, not compared to the fullness that it was last night. He was thankful for the emptiness of the room though, makes it easier to breathe. Alec then turned and walked into the kitchen where he knew he would find some of his family, or at least his friends.

Sitting at the kitchen table was Clary and Jace, they were both involved with their phones and didn’t realize he had walked in. Alec didn’t disturb their focus, and instead grabbed himself a cup of coffee. Then he turned and sat down across from Clary. It was only then that she lifted her head up from her phone. She had her long red hair pulled back into a messy pony-tail. Some loose strands had fallen into her face and her eyes looked tired. She was drinking a rather large cup of black coffee that Alec knew was probably half filled with sugar. Although Clary and Alec did not get along for the first year of knowing each other, he had grown rather fond of her. Alec always thought this was just because he missed his own sister so much, and that Clary reminded him of Izzy. But Clary had proven herself a loyal friend over the years, and she was good for Jace. Alec was very excited when they told him they were dating, mostly because the stupid “will they won't they” bullshit could finally end.

“How are you?” Clary asked, pulling Alec out of his thoughts. Jace had realized Alec’s presence now and was making sure Alec had his full attention.

“I’m…. I don’t know. Everything happened so quickly I think I’m still processing,” Alec responded.

“I get that, when my parents died, it was like the world fell out from underneath my feet. It takes a while to find your footing again, but once you do, you can start to heal,” Jace said.

Alec just sat in silence, staring at his cup of coffee. He thought of the first time Max drank coffee, he hated it. Alec knew Jace was right, but how long before he finds his “footing” as Jace put it. How does Alec stay away from falling deeper into the depressive episode he can feel coming. Alec has always had depression and anxiety, but he saw a therapist for it at the skating rink where he trained. Luke had recommended it when he found Alec having a panic attack before his first public skate. Alec had learned over the years that it is okay to have a lapse every now and then, he is only human. However, lapsing and falling back into a deep depression are two completely different things.

Instead of dealing with any of this, he just took a big swing of his coffee and changed the subject.

“So what were you guys looking at on your phones so intently earlier?” Alec asked Clary and Jace. They seemed to notice what he was doing, they knew Alec too well and decided to just roll with it. When Alec wanted to talk he would. Jace and Clary would just have to be patient.

“The news,” Jace replied. “A lot of shit about you broadcasting. Saying that you dropped out because you couldn’t handle the pressure.”

“We should tell Luke to get a press team to kill these stories, tell them the real reason,” Clary said.

“No,” Alec stated in a firm tone.

“What?! Why, ” Jace and Clary said at the same time in surprised tones.

“Because I don’t want my family surrounded by press and being held under a microscope during all of this,” Alec stated in a calm yet stern voice. “They don’t need that. Not while we are……” Alec took a deep breath, “Not while we are burying Max.”

Jace and Clary just looked at each other and then Alec. “If that is what you want Alec,” Clary said.

“I’ll go tell Luke,” Jace said, rising from his seat leaving to go find him. Once Jace was gone, Clary turned to look Alec in the eyes. She was examining him, and Alec remembered why he hated Clary when he first met her. She was always examining him, and Alec hates being looked at like a science experiment.

“Yes, Doctor Fairchild?” Alec asked. He always said this when he caught Clary examining him like a doctor would a patient. Usually, she would quickly apologize for do so and fumble her way through an explanation of why. However, this was different.

“You don’t want us to tell the press what happened, so you can ‘spare your family’. You’re doing it because you want to let everyone think you lost your shit and are retiring. That way you can disappear from skating quietly and you don’t have to face any of your problems,” Clary said.

“FUCK.YOU.FAIRCHILD.” Alec thought. Of course, he would never actually say that to her, but damn her for psychoanalyzing him. Alec did not appreciate it.

“Maybe,” Alec replied, trying to keep his cool. He didn’t want to get upset if he did Clary would tell her mom what was going on and then Jocelyn would tell Luke, and then it would turn into a big disaster. However, one look at her and he knew there was no way he could talk his way out of this.

“Fine, yes,” Alec said.

“Why though?” Clary asked quietly. Alec looked at her and realized her face had gone from a pensive look to one of actual concern.

“I don’t know. It's just a thought…... I need time to sort through everything. But maybe retiring wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world….. I don’t know Clary. I just need to focus on my family right now. They need me,” Alec said.

“Okay,” Clary said. She looked like there was more she wanted to say, but she sat quietly and drank the rest of her coffee. When she was done, she took Alec’s and her empty cups and put them in the dishwasher. Then she left to get changed for the day. Alec sat in the kitchen alone, staring out the window behind where Clary was just sitting. Through it, he could see the lake. At first, he smiled at its peacefulness, but then he quickly remembered how Max died. Alec stood up quickly and went upstairs to hide from the world in his room.

He laid in his now empty bed, trying to forget about the news, about skating, and about Max. Instead, he just stared a poster on his wall. One that had a familiar figure standing on a podium in the middle of a skating rink. The subject of the poster stood next to two others, but Alec only focused on the middle figure. His composure, his costume, his makeup, his red rose flower crown propped neatly on top of his head, and his eyes. Those perfect yellowish-green eyes that made this figure look almost angelic.

They were the eyes of Alec’s idol in life and skating. The person Alec based his whole career around, the person who inspired Alec to skate in the first place. They were the eyes of the infamous, Magnus Bane.

* * *

Max died on a Friday and was buried on the following Monday. The service was long, almost every single person in town showed up. Everyone was dressed in black, telling Alec and his family about how sorry they are for the Lightwoods lose. Isabelle had to excuse herself three times, almost running to the bathroom so she could burst into tears and no one would see her. Clary ran into the bathroom to comfort her each time, Alec was grateful for this.

It was almost near the end of the line of people that had come to see the Lightwoods in their time of need when Alec finally saw her. She looked almost the same since he last saw her three years ago. Same long blond hair pulled into a braid, same blue eyes that calmed one's nerves, and the same smile that made Alec, for once in a couple of days, relax his body. It was Lydia Branwell.

Lydia and Alec had been friends forever. Ever since they met in kindergarten until the day Alec left to become a professional skater, they were joined at the hip. Lydia caught Alec’s eye and smiled at him, and for the first time for the whole day, Alec smiled back. When she finally got up to the LIghtwoods, she gave Maryse and Robert, Alec’s parents, each a big hug and told them how sorry she was. Then she moved to stand in front of Alec. Almost on instinct, he gave her a big hug, slightly lifting her off the floor. When he let go, she looked at him with the sweetest smile, and Alec remembered how much he missed her when he was away. So much had happened.

“Hey,” Lydia said, pulling Alec out of his head, “If you ever need anything, you know where I am.”

“Okay,” was all Alec could say in return. Then Lydia turned and walked away, and a new group of people took her place.

* * *

 

Alec stared at the ground, unable to move. He just looked at the freshly turned over dirt unable to believe that his brother laid six feet underneath it. It made Alec feel numb and cold all at the same time. Maryse, Robert, and Izzy, as well as all of their friends, went back to Lightwood Manor for refreshments.  

Alec just stared at the rectangular patch of dirt on the ground. He couldn’t believe that his baby brother was gone. That he was never coming back. That he couldn’t even see him one last time. Alec wasn’t sad, he was angry. Angry at everything that was happening at once. Angry at wasting his time with skating and not family, angry for moving so far away, angry for not protecting his family. If he was with Max, if he was there, Max wouldn’t be dead. Angry tears rolled down Alec’s face, he brushed them away quickly. He would not cry for himself, he deserved no such sympathy. He did this. If he was there none of this would happen. But he wasn't there, he was busy doing what?! Skating?! Skating so he could meet a man that doesn’t even know his name. Skating to meet someone who would never even think twice about him.

Alec at this moment hated himself. However, it was this hate, that began to fester and boil inside his gut that made him come to a realization. Alec would never skate again, not unless he could do it here, in Idris. Where he could be with his family, to protect them. He had failed Max, he was sure as hell not going to fail the rest of them. With that thought, Alec placed a rose on top of Max’s gravestone, said one last prayer, and left to go back home.

* * *

 

Two weeks after the funeral, Jace, Clary, Jocelyn, and Luke left the Lightwood Manor. They were unable to convince Alec to go back to Detroit where they trained. Instead, Alec told them that he was going to take the rest of the year off and figure out what he wanted to do. They had no choice but to respect his decision. So with hugs and promises of Skyping, the family that Alec had grown to love, left.

**SEVEN MONTHS LATER:**

It had been a long time since Alec thought about his life as a skater. Every night he would go for a run and always end up at the same place, right outside the Branwell Ice Skating rink. He felt the ice calling his name, begging him to come back. Alec knew that although he wanted to skate again, he would only do it if he could skate in Idris. That way he could be close to his family.

It wasn’t that Alec didn’t want to go back and skate with Luke as his coach. He wanted that terribly, but he wouldn’t abandon Izzy. No matter how much he missed Jace and Clary. He made sure to Skype them every night. They always had the best stories to tell him. Recently Clary had been filming Jace so that when he fell on his ass during practice she could show Alec. It made him feel like he was still part of everything.

Alec still trained, as usual, he would run and lift weights like he was still preparing for competition. However, he knew he would probably never go back. It hurt knowing that his career as a skater was over. There was no way in hell he was going to leave home, and there was no way in hell a coach was going to train him here. Even Luke was unwilling to make the transition. Alec didn’t blame him, it was hard to uplift your life and bring it to a whole new part of the world for one person. Alec didn’t expect anyone to do that for him.

However, despite all of this, Alec was still able to keep his therapist, Alaine, from back in Detroit. They Skyped once a week and it made his transition back to home more tolerable. He always liked Alaine. She was calm and easy to talk to. She never pressured Alec to talk about things he didn’t want to. She helped him battle his anxiety and depression that has been plaguing him for most of his life. Alaine helped Alec realize his potential and help him achieve his dreams. She was the one who even gave him the courage to come out to his parents and finally say “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”

To Alec’s surprise, it was responded with a simple “We know” and Max asking what “Gay” means. Izzy had to explain it to him because Alec was in too much shock. He couldn’t figure out how his parents knew at the time. However looking back on it, the fact that Alec was in love with world champion figure skater Magnus Bane, having at least 5 posters of him on his walls in his room, was probably a dead give away.

It was Lydia who first put the idea of Magnus Bane and figures skating into Alec’s head. After school, they would race to Lydia’s family figure skating rink and skate for hours. Alec fell in love with the sport, the gracefulness of it, the beauty of how your body moved over the ice. Yet at the same time, he loved the strength of it, and how the ice and yourself were in a constant battle for control. Sometimes the ice won and Alec would fall on his ass, and sometimes Alec won.

Either way, it wasn’t until he saw Magnus Bane skating on television that he realized this is what he was meant to do. Watching Magnus skate at his Junior Grand Prix Final, it was an experience all on its own. They way he floated around the rink, becoming one with the ice and music, it was memorizing. Lydia and Alec practiced every day until they got his program down. They mimicked most of their skating after Magnus. Although Magnus was 5 years older than Alec and Lydia, he was still their idol in every way.

Alec fell in love with ice skating, and he fell in love with Magnus Bane. Everything he did from that moment on was so that one day he could compete with Magnus and win. To show himself, the world, and Magnus just how much skating meant to him, and just how much Magnus Bane himself meant to Alec. However, when given the chance, when his dream was finally in his grasp, he let it slip through his fingers.

Alec decided that it was time to stop feeling sorry for himself, and instead, he went for a run. He ran until his legs burned and his body begged him to stop. When he did, he looked up and noticed where he was standing. Right outside of the ice skating rink he knew all too well. So well in fact that he knew the back door was probably unlocked. Alec walked towards the back of the building and pulled the door there. It opened swiftly and Alec walked inside. Forgetting about the burning feeling in his legs, or the fact that he was totally trespassing. All he could focus on was the smell of the fresh ice making him feel like, for the first time since his brother died, he was finally home.

* * *

 

**Five Months Later….**

Alec had been skating for the last five months in secret. Well mostly secret, Lydia found him one night, but instead of yelling at him, she just handed him the keys and said to lock up after he left. Alec always loved Lydia for this. Over the last five months, most of Alec’s skating had been him just lazily floating around the rink. But recently it had been him recreating a certain skaters routine.

Alec was still watching professional skating, mostly for Jace. Well actually mostly it was for Magnus, but watching Jace skate was nice too. The Grand Prix Final that just happened (a year after the one Alec left during), Magnus performed an amazing program. Jace did very well too, but he didn’t win a medal. Instead, a new senior champion won silver next to Magnus’s gold medal, his name was Simon. He looked pissed off even though he won. The third place winner was a skater called Meliorn who Alec knew pretty well. By pretty well, he meant enough to make small talk, but not enough to have a real conversation with.

Over the skating season, skaters do the same routine for the entirety of a season. That way by the time of the Grand Prix Final, they have perfected a routine worthy of gold. Magnus was no exception. He had been doing a routine that would make angels weep from its beauty. It was powerful and yet delicate. Alec had watched it at least 50 times and had it completely memorized by now.

So here Alec stood, in the center of the ice skating rink, waiting for the music to start. **_(_ ** [ **_MUSIC Play song titled "Aria"_ ** ](https://soundcloud.com/user-985807580/sets/yuri-on-ice-soundtrack) **_)_ ** Once it did, Alec skated to it with every ounce of his being. He made the music his own, hanging on to every word. The song was about love and Alec let himself feel it completely. He wanted so much to skate how he felt, so he did. He let his love for his brother, for his friends, for his family, and for Magnus pour out of him until he found himself in the music. Letting go for the first time since Max died, Alec felt free. He landed every jump, he matched every step in perfect time. He was perfect. When the music finally came to a close, he felt all the pain, all the suffering, all the guilt leave him. All that was left was pure bliss, and that is how he ended the song. Standing where he started, but instead of feeling heavy from life and all that had happened. He felt light and a peace.

Little did he know that there was someone in the background, filming the whole thing. With one click of a button, Alec’s life was about to change forever.

* * *

 

Lydia couldn’t help it, he was perfect skating on the ice like that. She just had to tape it. He had to see how amazing he just was. Maybe it would help him build the confidence he needed to get back out there. To follow his dreams once more. Maybe he would finally become the person Lydia always knew Alec was capable of becoming. So when she taped him skating Magnus’s program, she knew she had to upload it. This way the world could see Alec and they would know that he wasn’t this drop out that everyone thought he was. Instead, they would see the Alec that she knows. The Alec who has been her best friend since she could even know what the word friend meant.

With a few clicks on her phone, the video was posted on Youtube, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter and even Facebook. Lydia didn’t know what was going to happen, but she hoped and prayed that maybe someone who could help Alec would see the video. Someone willing to come to Idris and coach him.

Little did she know, that the video would fall into the hands of a certain man with yellowish-green eyes who would change Alec’s life forever.


	4. Hello Darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY MEET!!!!!!!! This chapter is in both Magnus's and Alec's POV. Hope you all enjoy! Please read the Chapter Notes too!!!!!
> 
> Here are the new ages for everyone: 
> 
> Jace, Clary & Simon: 17 years old  
> Izzy: 18 years old  
> Alec & Lydia: 21 years old  
> Magnus: 26 years old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Loves, 
> 
> Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I just broke up with my boyfriend and it has been really hard finding inspiration to write. But here it is, the chapter where they finally meet! The next chapter should be out soon! Hopefully by Sunday. Thank you so much for all your support and love! Please read the Chapter Summary for the ages of all the characters, they have been updates since this a year after the stories beginning. 
> 
> Comment and leave Kudos if you guys like it :D  
> Also, follow me on Twitter for updates on chapters!  
> Twitter: @DelysiaDaniels 
> 
> Thanks for all the support!  
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

_**Professional Ice Skater Alexander Lightwood Copies Rival Magnus Bane’s GPF Routine** _

_A few days ago a video was posted of Alexander Lightwood skating to figure skating legend, Magnus Bane’s routine. The video was posted on many different social media sites under different handles. The video went viral almost immediately after the upload and now has over 2 million views._

_Alexander Lightwood was a shoe-in to win gold at last year's Grand Prix Final, but crashed under the pressure, forcing him to retire from figure skating. However, with this new video out, Lightwoods fans are dusting off their posters and memorabilia in hopes that their favorite figure skater returns to the rink._

_Magnus Bane made a comment on the video, posting it on his Instagram and Twitter with the caption “Welcome Back Alexander #offtoIdris #f*ckretirement”. As loyal Lightwood fans know “Idris” is Alec’s hometown in the United States of America. Fans are unsure if Bane’s hashtag holds any meaning and if Bane actually intends on going to Idris._

* * *

 

Magnus has always had a love for skating. Ever since he first step foot onto the ice. As he got older, and Ragnor taught him how to skate professionally, Magnus always enjoyed creating his own routines. He found inspiration all around him. In his friends, in his home, in his lovers, and even in himself. He was always able to create a story, and use skating to project that story into real life.

He always wanted to surprise the audience, so every story he told was different. They were a part of him, and he shared this part with millions of strangers. However, by doing this, Magnus became the greatest skater to ever live. By pouring his heart and soul into every routine, into every song, every step sequence. He was able to paint a picture with his skating, it was a skill that skaters would kill for.

Magnus was gifted. He was a work of art. From the costumes to the makeup to the way he let himself go in his movements as he danced across the ice. He was like a God. Lost in a haze of beauty and surrounded in a dream-like reality. He hypnotized the audience with every turn and twist. It was what Magnus lived for.

However, recently, Magnus was out of inspiration. He was stuck in a fog that he couldn't shake. Sure he could still skate, but he no longer felt anything. He was just going through the movements. Without inspiration, Magnus was nothing. He could barely sleep at night, staying up till all hours, trying to find something, anything, to inspire him.

One day, he did.

It was a video link that his friend and competitor, Meliorn sent him. At first, Magnus thought it might be another cat video (Magnus and Meliorn shared a love for cats). However, when he clicked on it, Magnus found something else, something that for the first time in a long time, made him feel inspired. It was a video of Alexander Lightwood skating to his program from the GPF.

As Magnus watched he was memorized by Alexander's beauty. It was like nothing Magnus had ever seen before except once. One year ago, when he saw Alexander skate in real life. It was just as beautiful, just as graceful. Magnus was actually crying at the end of the video.

Magnus felt a sudden surge of inspiration. However, it wasn't an inspiration to skate, no it was something else completely. He saw Alexander skating and new that he had to do everything in his power to make sure this talented was not wasted. He had to do something that he never in a million years ever thought of doing.

Magnus went to his computer and bought a one-way first class ticket to a city near Idris, from where he could catch a taxi to the small mountain town. He knew that if Alexander was ever going to skate again, he had to go to him. Magnus watched the video one more time, memorizing how Alec looked almost lost in the music, feeling it with every fiber of his being.

It was at this moment that Magnus made a decision that would not only change his life for forever but Alexander's life as well. Magnus was going to become Alec's coach.

* * *

 

Ragnor was pissed. Actually, he wasn’t he was more disappointed. Here you had the greatest figure skater in the world, and they were leaving to coach some nobody. Ragnor was hurt, confused, and betrayed all at the same time. He couldn’t figure out what Magnus was thinking to go and coach the Lightwood boy. Sure, the kid had talent, but that does not mean that he deserves the time of the best skater in the universe!

“Please listen to me Ragnor,” Magnus pleaded.

“Why? Why should I listen to you?! I feed you, house you, raise you! I make you into the greatest figure skater this world has ever seen! And this is my thanks! Leaving me to go, coach… to go, coach, that NOBODY!” Ragnor raved. Magnus knew that he was just upset, but it still hurt to hear those words come from Ragnor’s mouth. He knew that Alexander had a long way to come, but he was no “nobody”. He had talent, the likes that Magnus had never seen before.

“Ragnor, deep breaths, please! Just hear me out for once!” Magnus begged again. Ragnor just stared at Magnus, his body was stiff and looked almost like a statue. However, Ragnor’s eyes betrayed him, he was heartbroken.

“I will always love you Ragnor, you were my coach for so many years. I can never thank you enough for everything you did. However, I need to do this. I need to go to Idris and see, not only what Alec is capable of, but what I am capable of. You have always taken such great care of my Ragnor. But I need to do this. Please, please understand,” Magnus said with tears in his eyes. His voice slightly cracking as he tried to hold back the tears from becoming full on sobbing.

Ragnor’s body relaxed and he looked at Magnus, for the first time, not as a coach but as a father.

“Okay, Magnus. If this is something you need to do, then go,” Ragnor sighed. He knew that Magnus had made up his mind, and no matter what he said, Magnus was not going to change it.

“Thank you Ragnor, for everything,” Magnus said. He gave Ragnor a kiss on either cheek and turned to leave. Magnus had no idea what was in store, but he knew it was going to be quite the adventure.

“Magnus!” Ragnor called out after him.

“Yes?”

“Make sure he is worth it,” Ragnor said, and with that Magnus left to go find out who this Alexander Lightwood is and if he is worth it. Despite not knowing Alexander, Magnus still had a gut feeling that not only was he worth everything, but he deserved everything too.

* * *

 

The plane trip wasn’t too bad, especially since it was first class. However, Magnus still had a two-hour long car trip ahead of him. The trip was quiet, the driver occasionally telling him different random facts about their surroundings. Most of the trip though, Magnus just sat in silence petting his cat who laid tiredly on his lap.

Chairman Meow, his faithful companion, a small tabby cat who refused to leave Magnus’s side. He hated flying, but Magnus was not going to leave him back in Russia where he lived and trained. Magnus looked down at the soft feline and scratched behind his ears. Magnus loved his cat more than almost anything else. However, Magnus often had to leave poor little Chairman behind when he did competitions. For Chairman hated flying, even if it was first class. The wee little thing was very skittish.

However, Magnus decided to bring him to Idris, mostly because he really didn’t think he was going to return to Russia. This was his new life, and Magnus was a mixture of nervous and excited. Chairman purred under Magnus’s touch. Magnus smiled down at him.

When Magnus pulled up to the house if you could even call it that. It was more like a mansion. He slowly stepped out of the car. Magnus had Googled Alexander Lightwood before he left, and found out where the skate lived. Even though Magnus wasn’t sure that Alec lived at the Lightwood Manor, he figured it was his best bet.

The house looked like an ancient English castle mixed with a French Chateau. It eloquent and strong looking. It made Magnus think of Alec and how while he skates, he looks powerful, yet graceful. The driver unloaded the two suitcases that Magnus had brought with him from the trunk of the car. The rest of Magnus’s things were being shipped to him from Russia.

Magnus took a deep breath and walked towards the main door. It was made from a redwood and had a door knocker the shape of a fire. It almost looked like a family crest. Magnus took a deep breath, pulling the small cat in his hands closer to his chest, and with a leap of faith, he knocked on the door.

* * *

 

Alec was so tired. Like his whole body ached. He just ran up a mountain, literally, and was very much looking forward to sitting in the hot tub downstairs in the indoor pool area. It had been a long week, mostly because somebody had taken a video of Alec while skating and posted it on every social media platform there is. After a massive freak out, Jace and Clary were able to calm him down over Skype. However, Alec was still embarrassed as hell.

As he walked in, he noticed his sister was bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly talking to him. However, Alec couldn’t hear a word she was saying, for his headphones were still on and the loud music still on full blast. He removed his headphones, only to catch the end of what she was saying.

“.... and look! He brought his cat!!” Izzy said excitedly. She pointed to a small tabby cat that sat on top of the front desk. The cat looked familiar for some reason. Alec reached out to pet the little thing, and the cat gladly accepted it. He purred she Alec began to scratch behind his left ear. As the cat turned his head to give Alec a better angle to pet him at, the color around the cat's neck became visible.

“Chairman Meow” it read. With this, Alec’s heart almost stopped. There was only one cat in the whole world that Alec knew of with that name. He had read it in a magazine when he was younger, tearing the page out and hanging it on his wall. It is still there now, a picture of this lovable tabby in the arms of the one and only, Magnus Bane. Alec turned slowly and stared at his sister, she still had a huge bright smile on her face.

“Whose cat is this?” Alec asked. Although he was well aware of the answer already.

“He is our new guest’s cat. A lovely young man, maybe a little older than you darling,” Maryse said as she came around the corner, cutting off Izzy. “He had a lovely accent and there was something familiar about him. But I can’t put my finger on it” She smiled at Alec.

“Where is he?” Alec asked, his voice sounded strange and foreign when the words came out.

“Downstairs,” Izzy said with an all-knowing smile. “I think he is in the sauna or the hot tubs, can’t remember.”

Alec ran. He almost tripped on the carpet in front of him, but he ran anyway. Bursting through the french doors which lead down to the indoor pool area. He ran down the stairs in record speed. When he got down there, the first thing that hit Alec was the smell of chlorine. The basement had been converted into a workout facility and indoor pool/hot tub/sauna area. It was very large and there were over 5 inground hot tubs. A few had people in them, but none were who Alec was looking for. The walls and floor were made of stone and glass. It made it feel like you were in a magical cave, swimming among the mystical creatures of the water. Alec fully admits that it is one of his favorite parts of the whole house.

Before Alec could think about anything anymore, he spotted him. His caramel skin, his piercing yellowish-green eyes, his spiked black hair, with a smooth undercut and a mixture of different colors on the tips of his hair. He wore three different necklaces, all silver with unique pendants at the end of them, making Alec think they were one of a kind. His hands were covered in rings, each different from the previous. He had a silver clasp on his left, stretching from the top to the bottom, it was the shape of a dragon. It looked almost alive like it was whispering in his ear.

His face though was the most beautiful thing Alec had ever seen. Despite the steam of the tubs, his makeup was perfect. He had dark eye makeup on, and this skin seemed to glow and glisten with the way the water reflected off of his glittered face and body. It was then that the man stood up. Alec almost fainted. The man before him was wearing a tight black bathing suit trunks, that clung to his body in a sinful way. It made Alec feel a lot of different things all at once, especially since, due to their tightness, he could make out the outline of almost everything below the belt.

It was then that Alec heard a throat clear. Slowly raising his eyes, Alec met the man’s in front of him stare. It was like looking in the eyes of a God. Standing before him was an actual God, nothing could convince Alec otherwise. This man, who was beautiful in every aspect, who had water clinging to his perfectly sculpted muscles. Alec throat when bone dry.

“Fuck. Me.” Alec thought.

The man in front of him looked shocked, and then a shit eating smile formed on his face, “Well if you insist. However, we should at least have dinner first,” He said in the smoothest voice Alec had ever heard. It took Alec a minute to realize what he said, and how that was in response to him saying something. However, Alec didn't remember saying anything, and then he realized that he didn’t think ‘Fuck. Me” he had said it. Out loud. To Magnus Fucking Bane. Shit.

Alec’s face turned bright red, and he looked down at his feet trying to calm himself down. He heard footsteps make their way across the stone ground, and fall into his view. Then he felt a hand slip under his chin, and pull his face up so he could look the man in the eyes, as he now stood in front of him. He had a soft smile on his face, and his eyes matched it perfectly. Alec noticed that he was taller than the man, but only by a couple of inches. The man’s hand was still under his chin, and the yellowish-green eyes were pouring into his as if there were looking for something. For some reason, this position seemed oddly familiar.

“Hello darling,” the man said. “My name is Magnus, and starting to today I am going to be your new coach. I am going to make sure that you get to the Grand Prix Final, and I promise you this, you are going to win.”

“WHAT?!”


	5. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus go out to dinner :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings, 
> 
> It is finally here! Chapter six will be posted in a week probably - feeling inspired!  
> In this chapter btw, Alec and Magnus meet Yuri, Viktor and Yurio (from Yuri on Ice - the anime this fic is based on) so get excited! 
> 
> Also**** Alec suffers from Anxiety, I personally don't have anxiety, so if you see something wrong, please let me know. I want to make sure that I am representing people with Anxiety properly! So please PLEASE tell me if I am fucking it up somewhere! 
> 
> Okay, that's all I guess. Make sure you comment and leave kudos! Also, subscribe to me on twitter @DelysiaDaniels for updates on the fic :D 
> 
> I don't own Shadowhunters on Yuri on Ice - please don't sue me. 
> 
> I love you all and thanks for all the support!
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Alec held his knees to his chest, leaning back against his bedroom door. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and fell onto his jeans. He pulled himself even closer, hoping that maybe if he condensed himself tight enough, he would just evaporate from existence entirely. Maybe, with luck, he would just disappear, the floor opening up underneath him, letting him fall off the plane of existence and into the mercy of death. However, Alec was not that lucky.

He just sat in utter disbelief of the event that had just occurred, they seemed almost dream-like, but a really weird dream, the kind you get after watching a scary movie and eating a crap ton of pizza. Alec took a deep breath and placed his head against his door. The tears still falling from his eyes, as he closed them and thought of everything that had just occurred.

* * *

 

“WHAT?!” was all Alec could say at the proposal Magnus had just given him. He wanted to be Alec’s coach?! Why?! Alec did not deserve such a thing, nor did he even realize that Magnus even knew who Alec was. Yet here the man stood, looking like a fucking Greek God. Alec was breathless, concerned, slightly scared, and even, a little turned-on. So like every time Alec can’t figure out what to do next, or feels flustered in any way shape or form, he turned and ran away. Classic Alec.

As he ran, he heard his name being called out after him, but Alec paid no mind to it. He just ran as fast as he could. When he was upstairs, a familiar pair of arms wrapped themselves around Alec, making him come to a complete stop. When Alec looked up, he noticed it was his father, Robert who had stopped him.

“Alec? Are you okay? You look upset. Why Are you running?” Robert asked his son.

Alec couldn’t seem to form the words, instead, someone else did for him.

“Sorry Mr. Lightwood, I’m afraid I am the cause for your son acting so strange,” Magnus said. Alec stiffened at the sound of his voice, unsure how to react.

“Oh? And why is that Mr. Bane?” Robert asked, looking at his son who was now out of his arms, with nothing but concern.

“Well you see, I must have shocked poor Alexander when I told him I was here to be his coach,” Magnus responded. Now Alec finally turned to look at Magnus. The man was still wet from the hot tub, but he was now wearing with one of the hotels plush robes. Alec thanked whatever God there was that this was now the case, for he did not need to get caught staring at the perfect abs of the man in front of him while standing next to his family.

Robert was about to respond to Magnus when the front door flew open with a loud bang. Lydia stood in the doorway, out of breath, and a face of utter excitement.

“Holy shit! It is true!” Lydia exclaimed. Alec and Robert shot her a look of confusion.

“What is true?” Alec asked, his voice was weak and slightly broke at the end of his statement.

“That Magnus Fucking Bane came to Idris to coach you!” Lydia said with pure excitement. She ran up to stand at Alec’s side as she said it.

“And what is your name darling?” Magnus asked.

“Lydia,” she said blushing, “I’m Alec’s friend.”

“Just friends?” Magnus asked one eyebrow-raising.

“What?” Alec said, sounding even more scared and freaked out than he already was.

“Oh! Mr. Bane!” Maryse said, entering the living room, “How was your time in the hot tube?” She smiled at Magnus like he was an old friend. Izzy was right behind Maryse.

“Very nice Mrs. Lightwood, thank you for suggesting it,” Magnus explained with utter gratitude.

“So Alec, how do you feel? Finally meeting your hero?” Izzy said, her smile and eyes screamed mischief, as she stared at Alec. Alec was blushing so hard right now, he was sure his face looked like a tomato.

“Um… What? Hero- I never… I don’t have - um…. What?” Alec said.

Everyone looked at him with concern and amusement, especially Magnus and Izzy.

“WAIT!,” Robert said, everyone, turning to look at him now. “I know who you are now! It took me forever to figure it out, but it finally clicked! You're the skater, the one Alec models himself after. Oh, Alec, this is so exciting,” he said turning to his son.

Robert walked up to Magnus, taking his hand and shaking it.

“You know, it is a great pleasure to meet you. I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you before. I should have, I mean, Alec has had a poster of you hanging in his room since he was a kid,” Robert said laughing and innocent laugh.

Alec just froze, his entire being begging to be suddenly swallowed up by the world.

“Is this true Alexander?” Magnus asked with amusement.

“Of course it is!” Izzy chimed in, obviously having too much fun at her brothers' expense. “Why don’t you show him, Alec?”

“I-I can’t be here. I need- um…. I need to - I um… bye.” And with that shitstorm of a statement, Alec ran up the stairs and to his room seeking solace from all that occurred downstairs.

* * *

 

Now it is here Alec stayed. Knees to chest, back against his door, feeling like the world around him was falling apart. Why would Magnus be here? Why would he want to be with Alec? Magnus must have thought Alec was such a loser to have a poster of him, well multiple posters to be exact. Alec slowly rose and walked towards the wall here one of the posters laid. It was one of Magnus skating a couple years ago. His golden-greenish eyes were filled with determination and spirit.

Alec slowly and carefully took the poster off the wall, then went to do the same with the others of Mangus. He placed them in a neat pile and then slid them under his bed. Once he was done, he laid face down on his bed, burying his head in his pillows.

Hot tears pouring from his eyes, as he thought once more of all that had just occurred. Magnus must have thought Alec was such a loser. He cannot believe that the man he had been looking up to his whole life was downstairs, probably trying to get the first ticket out of here she could go back to Russia. Probably cursing at himself for wasting his time with Alec.

It was then that his bedroom door opened slowly.

“ Go away, Izzy!” Alec said voice muffled from the pillows.

Although the person didn’t go away, instead then sat down on the bed next to Alec, and started to rub his back in soft circles. It was actually comforting.

“Izzy… please just go,” Alec pleaded.

“Is that your sister's name?” a familiar voice asked. Alec’s entire body went stiff. Then, as if it was a reflex, Alec practically jumped off his own bed, falling on the floor with a hard thud.

“Oh my God! Are you okay?” Magnus asked. Of course, it was Magnus, still in his robe of course. His tan, muscular chest visible from where the rob opened at the top. Alec just stared at him like an idiot.

“Yes, I’m - well you see…. Um…. what was the question again?” Alec stuttered.

Magnus just smiled at him with the kindest eyes he had ever seen. “I asked if you were okay Alexander.”

“Fine. Yeah, fine. Thanks.” Alec said picking himself off the floor and sitting on the bed, facing Magnus.

“Well, well, you can talk in complete sentences,” Magnus said with a kind laugh.

Alec blushed, “I was never famous for my talking skills.”

“Oh, I noticed. However, you make up for that with your skating,” Magnus said.

“You watched me skate?”

“Well of course Alexander! I watched you skate a couple of times, that is why I am here. I saw the video that was posted. I thought it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Sure there are a couple things you need to work on, but still, it was beautiful. The way you moved to the music, it was inspirational. So inspirational that I packed all of my belongings and came here, to coach you,” Magnus said with the brightest smile Alec had ever seen.

“Oh,” it was all Alec could bring himself to say.

“Listen, I know that our meeting was a little unusual. However, I would love to get dinner with you tonight Alexander. You can ask all of your questions, and we could have a little privacy. Not that your family isn’t likely, they are, but this way I can get to know you. Just you.”

Alec was in shock, he just shook his head “yes”. With that Magnus excitedly left with a goodbye, and a promise to be ready in an hour.

Alec just sat there on his bed, still not sure what the fuck was going on. But he got up, grabbed his phone and texted Izzy.

**_To Izzy:_ **

**_Please help. Need outfit. Dinner with Magnus_ **

**_From Izzy:_ **

**_Izzy to the rescue big bro!_**

* * *

 

Alec was nervous. It was a feeling he had grown used to over the years. It was Luke who noticed how he got very anxious before almost everything. He would build up the situation into his head, imagining the worst possible scenarios for almost everything. After Alec’s first real panic attack, Luke called Alaine. She was a therapist that specialized in anxiety disorders.

She was kind to Alec and make him feel welcomed. After going to her for over 3 months, Alec finally opened up to her. She was understanding and caring. It made Alec feel light to get everything off his chest. She prescribed him with anxiety medication, and Alec started to feel better. Slowly but surely he started to get better control of his emotions.

Sure, he still fell into a panic attack every now and then, but with Alaine’s help, he was able to handle them. It was a lot of work, but it was worth everything. When Max died though, the anxiety came back. Alec felt alone like he had his footing and was falling further and further down the rabbit hole. However, when Luke told him Alaine was going to Skype him for their appointments, Alec felt so much better. He was eternally grateful for Luke and Alaine. They never made him feel like there was anything wrong with him. He stood tall and fought his mental illness with everything he had.

However, despite all of his training on how to deal with panic attacks, on how to cope with his anxiety, on how to control his thoughts, Alec was freaking the fuck out. He didn’t even know how to move. It is like he forgot how to be a human being. He didn’t know what to do. He just stopped moving and stared ahead at nothing. It was then that the most beautiful voice in the world pulled him out of his trance.

“Alexander?” Magnus asked sweetly. “Are you okay there darling?”

“Hmm? Oh! Yes,” Alec said trying to bring himself back to reality. Alec realized where he was. They were right in front of the restaurant Alec recommended for their….. date thing? Alec wasn’t exactly sure what to call it. He decided on this restaurant though because they serve the best Japanese food ever. It was owned by a small family, the Katsuki family. The had moved to Chicago from Japan a couple of years ago and took a vacation in Idris. They fell in love with the town and decided to move here, opening up their restaurant.

It quickly became a town favorite, mostly because of their signature dish, a pork cutlet bowl. It was amazing. Alec loved it so much that every time he came home he made sure that he had it at least once. He chose the restaurant though because of its familiarity. “Familiarity is your friend Alec” Alaine would have said if she was here. She always told Alec that whenever he was anxious about a new situation or change. “Find the familiarity,” it was a saying that helped Alec in so many ways.

“Shall we go in?” Magnus asked.

“After you,” Alec said with a smile. Trying to look as normal as possible.

When they entered the restaurant, it was slightly crowded. Alec liked crowds, it helped him disappear, making him more comfortable. He liked being in the background.

“Alec!” Mrs. Katsuki said from behind the hostess stand. “How are you, Alec? I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s your family?”

“Hello Mrs. Katsuki,” Alec responded with a smile. “Everyone at home is good. How are you?”

“Oh, can’t complain! Who is your friend there?”

“Oh, um… this is Magnus,” Alec said blushing.

“Hello, Magnus! Welcome! Is it just the two of you tonight?”

“Hello, and yes it is,” Magnus said. Warmth flowing from him.

“Well right this way then,” Mrs. Katsuki said leading them to a table near the windows. Alec and Magnus sat down as she handed them the menu. With a nod and an “enjoy your meal” she left.

“So, what's good here Alec?” Magnus said, staring at the man in front of him.

“Well, everything really. They have the best food in all of Idris,” Alec said staring at his menu, trying to avoid eye contact with the man in front of him. Magnus folded his menu and put it on the table. Then he reached over and grabbed the top of Alec’s menu, lowering it so he could see Alec’s face.

“Alexander, what’s your favorite thing to eat here? If I’m going to be your coach, I should know these things.”

“Oh, um well, I like the pork cutlet bowl. It’s really good,” Alec said, looking up to meet Magnus’s gaze. Alec still couldn’t believe that he was here, with Magnus Bane. Magnus smiled at Alec, it was a smile that reached his eyes, one that shows genuine happiness. It was intoxicating.

“Hello! How are you this- OH! Alec!”

Alec pulled himself away from Magnus’s gaze and looked at the man standing next to him. It was Yuri, the Akatsuki's son, he worked at the family restaurant as a waiter.

“Yuri! Hi, how are you? I thought you would be in Russia?” Alec said, smiling at the man in front of him. Yuri was shorter than Alec, by at least a foot, but he was older than Alec by two years. He had black messy hair and dark brown eyes. He wore his uniform and a pair of blue glasses that he kept having to push up to keep on his face.

“I was, but sadly all good things must come to an end,” Yuri said, smiling down at Alec.

“Where in Russia where you?” Magnus interrupted. “I only ask because I live there.”

“Oh, well I was kinda all over the place. But I spent a lot of time in St. Petersburg,” Yuri said, blushing at the last part.

“That's where I am from!” Magnus exclaimed happily. “Did you like it?!”

“Oh yes! It was an amazing city,” Yuri said. “I have actually met someone there,” Yuri was really blushing hard now.

“Oh really?” Magus said, deeply involved with the conversation at hand.

“Um yes, his name is Viktor. He is over there actually, the one with the silver hair,” Yuri said pointing at a man at the bar. The man was tall and slender, but muscular. He was deep in conversation with another young man, blond with a serious bitch face.

“Well he is very handsome Yuri,” Magnus said.

“Who is the guy he is talking to?” Alec inquired.

“Oh, that's Yurio. He is Viktor's little brother, well adoptive brother,” Yuri said. “Anyway! What can I get you guys tonight?”

“Two pork cutlet bowls please,” Magnus said with a wide smile. Yuri wrote down the order and left to go give it to the kitchen. Alec looked over at the two men at the bar, Viktor, and Yurio. Alec smiled, he was happy that Yuri found love.

“So how do you know Yuri? Did you guys date once?” Magnus asked. Alec snapped his head back into Magnus’ direction.

“What? No no no no, um Yuri and I went to high school together, he was a little older than me, but we were friends,” Alec responded.

“Ah, so Alexander, tell me, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

“No,” Alec looked down at his hands when he said this, playing with the hem of the tablecloth.

“I see, so Alexander, tell me about yourself. What's your favorite song? Your favorite color? A favorite TV show? Movie? Oh! Who's your favorite celebrity?”

“Um… Skin by Rag’n’Bone Man, Black, Game of Thrones, Young Frankenstein, and Keanu Reeves.”

“Keanu Reeves? Seriously?” Magnus asked with amusement in his voice.

“Hell yeah!” Alec said excitedly, “Haven’t you seen John Wick?!” Magnus shook his head ‘no’.

“Okay, so it's like Keanu, who is John Wick, obviously, like he was an assassin for the Russian mob, but he quit. Then like after his wife dies, these assholes who don’t know who he is, sneak into his house, kill his dog, and steal his car. So John is like ‘fuck you’ and then goes on a killing spree, murdering like the entire Russian mafia! Oh, wait did I forget to tell you that the ass that kills his dog and stuff, well he is the son of the head of the Russian mob, and so John just kills everyone! It's so cool!” Alec said excitedly. His eyes were bright and full of happiness as he described the premise of the movie.

Magnus just stared at Alec as he babbled on, fully immersed in how adorable he looked. When Alec was done, Magnus just laughed.

“Well I guess you are going to have to show me this movie then Alexander,” Magnus said.

“Absolutely!” Alec was still smiling at the thought of the movie, “By the way, Magnus, why do you keep calling me Alexander?”

“Oh,” Magnus was taken aback by this, “Well, it's just that…. well it is just a beautiful name, it deserves to be said. Why do you not like it when I call you Alexander?”

“No, I like it a lot actually,” Alec said, blushing. Magnus just smiled at him, taking him all in at once. Alec was dressed in casual yet nice clothes. He was wearing black jeans and a green sweater that fit him perfectly. It made his eyes pop, and Magnus could see the specks of green in them. The longer he looked at Alec, the more he realized how beautiful Alec was.

“Okay!” Yuri said, seeming to come out of nowhere, “Here is your food! Enjoy you guys.”

The bowl placed in front of Magnus smelled amazing. He grabbed the pair of chopsticks, watching Alec do the same, and then took a bite of the food in front of him.

“Holy Shit,” Magnus thought. This was the greatest thing he had ever tasted in his entire life.

“This is amazing Alexander!” Magnus said, watching as Alec smiled at Magnus’ enjoyment of his favorite dish. With that, the two men ate in silence. When the check came around, Magnus swiftly grabbed it, slipping his credit card into it and handing it back to Yuri before Alec could even protest.

When Yuri came back, they left their tip and grabbed their coats. As they walked towards the door, Alec heard his name being called.

“ALEC! WAIT!” Yuri said, Magnus and Alec, both stopping in their tracks to face the man.

“Yeah Yuri?”

“Listen… um… Alec, I didn’t - well you see…. Um…” Yuri took a deep breath, “Alec I’m so sorry about Max. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you since I have only been back for a couple of weeks, and I literally found out when I walked through the door. But, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

Alec was taken back a little at this, mostly because he could feel Magnus staring at him, probably wondering who this “Max” was.

“Thanks, Yuri, it’s okay that you weren’t here, don’t worry about it,” Alec said. Yuri just smiled up at him and pulled Alec in for a hug. Alec was happy to reciprocate, and after it was over, Alec and Magnus bid their goodbyes and left.

Magnus and Alec walked on the boardwalk back towards the Lightwood Manor. The only sound was their footsteps on the wood and the light sound of waves rolling up against the rocks and sand. It was Magnus who broke the silence.

“Who's Max?” Magnus said, causing Alec to stop walking completely. Alec turned and faced Magnus.

“He is my brother,” Alec said softly.

“Oh,” Magnus looked at Alec’s face and for some reason knew there was something wrong. “What did Yuri mean when he said he was sorry about Max?”

Alec sighed and turned to face the water, leaning himself against the railings on the boardwalk. Magnus slowly walked up and copied him, standing close enough that their elbows were touching.

“Last year, Max went for a run on the mountain trails. He stopped to look at the lake, and the ground beneath him gave way. He fell,” Alec said, staring at the lake in front of them, eyes never leaving the spot they were fixated on.

“What happened?” Magnus said quietly.

“He drowned,” Alec whispered. “He drowned and died. He was only 12, Magnus.”

Magnus just stared at Alec’s face. Tears slowly falling down his pale cheeks and dripping onto his sweater.

“That’s why you left. At the Grand Prix Final last year, that's why,” Magnus said, finally connecting the dots. It all made sense now. Magnus reached up and touched Alec’s face, wiping away the tears gently with his thumb. Alec smiled slightly at the gesture. Then Alec took the sleeve of his sweater and wiped away the rest of his tears.

“Magnus,” Alec said, his voice rough from the tears. “Why are you here?”

“I told you, Alexander, to coach you.”

“Yeah, I get that, but…. Why? Why me?”

“I already told you, you inspired me,” Magnus said.

“But how, how in could _I_ inspire you? Your… well your Magnus Bane the greatest skater to ever live, and I’m well… not.”

“Alexander,” Magnus said, taking Alec’s hands and holding them in his own, “Have you ever watched a video of you skating? You’re incredible. Watching you skate is an experience all within itself. For over three years now I have had little to no inspiration. My goal always to surprise the audience, but it has been growing harder over the years. However, when I watched you, God Alec, it was like you were breathing the life back into me. I knew that no matter what, I had to keep that alive, I had to make sure that your skating would never die. That the fire you carry would never leave you.

“Alexander, you are beautiful, everything about you is beautiful. I just want everyone to see the Alec I see. The angel on ice skates that deserves the world. So why am I here? Because you are my inspiration Alec, you.”

Alec was speechless. He just stared at the man in front of him, feeling his sweet breath on his skin. His golden eyes pouring into Alec’s. Alec just stood there, and then all of the sudden, he reached for Magnus, pulling him into a hug. Alec buried his face in Magus’ shoulder, breathing him in, he felt Magnus do the same.

“I would love nothing more than for you to coach me, Magnus,” Alec whispered into Magnus’ ear.

Magnus pulled away, smiling a bright beautiful smile, eyes shining in the moonlight.

“Oh, Alec! This is going to be amazing! I promise you won’t regret it! I am going to make sure everyone knows just how amazing you really are!”

With that, Alec turned back towards the way they were walking. Magnus and Alec walked side by side the whole way home. Every now and then they would chat, about the weather or Magnus’ trip to Idris. When they finally reached the Manor, Alec walked Magnus to his room.

“Well good night Alexander. Tomorrow afternoon why don’t you show me where we can practice skating.”

“Sounds good,” Alec smiled, “Goodnight Magnus.”

With that, Alec turned and left, once he was in his own room he closed the door behind him and slid to the ground. He pulled his knees to his chest and his back leaned against the door.

Even though he was in this same position earlier today, he realized it was completely different. For instead of being in utter despair, feeling like the world was going to end. Alec, for the first time since Max died, finally felt… happy.

* * *

 

“Hey Ragnor,” Simon said as he entered the rink. Simon had been very eager to get back on the ice since the GPF, mostly because it was finally time for Magnus to keep up his end of the bargain. To create a program for him that would help him win gold once and for all.

“Hello Simon,” Ragnor said. The man looked like he was nursing a serious hangover.

“You okay there Ragnor?” Simon asked.

“Ugh… Magnus,” Ragnor said as he took another swing of his coffee. Simon laughed, Magnus was an ass for sure, but he was too excited to get his new program to be really hating on the man today. Still, Ragnor seemed relatively upset about something.

“What about Magnus? Did he get caught on tape again making out with a competitor in the elevator?” Simon said laughing.

“Worse,” Ragnor stated. “Much worse.”

“What is it?” Now Simon was concerned. He needed Magnus to get his program.

“He left,” Ragnor said.

“What do you mean… left?” anger rising in Simon's’ voice.

“He is gone. He quit. Went to coach that Lightwood kid in America.”

Simon didn’t even stick around to hear the rest of it. He just got up and pulled his bag with him, running towards the exits. Simon angrily talking to himself the whole way out the door, “Fine, if Magnus wants to go play house with that loser Lightwood, then I guess I’m going to America too! No way in Hell am I gonna let Magnus back out of his promise!”


	6. Uninvited Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is Simon oriented in the beginning and then Magnus POV near the end. It shows a little bit of Magnus and Simon's relationship and Simon's past. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Homophobic language and child abuse!!!!!!
> 
> I know it is a little out of character for the Lewis’s, but I kinda just went off of what their lives would be like if Simon’s dad wasn’t dead and if his dad was an asshole.  
> The Lewis family will have a happy ending - but that will be near the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY! TRIGGER WARNINGS: HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE AND CHILD ABUSE!!!!
> 
> Hello Darlings, 
> 
> I know this chapter is shorter than the others, but I wanted to post it before the weekend. I promise you that this chapter will help show a side of Simon never explored before and kind of put the character in perspective. There is a happy ending in store for the Lewis family, except for Simon's dad, he will probably get hit by a bus or something. Not sure yet. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I AM NOT SAYING THAT HAVING SHITTY PARENTS MAKES IT OKAY FOR YOU TO BE AN ASS! This will all be addressed as the story continues - probably either next chapter or later when Simon meets Raphael. 
> 
> I love hearing from you guys, so please comment and leave kudos. 
> 
> If you want updates on the story please follow me on Twitter @DelysiaDaniels or Subscribe to the story on AO3. 
> 
> I love you all very much! Next chapter will be up in a week hopefully. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia
> 
> P.S. The links are to SoundCloud click on the songs Agape and Eros to hear the music, they are at the bottom of the song list.

Simon sat on the plane in his first class seat. They just took off and Simon was not excited about the flight ahead of him. He hated flying, it was one of his many fears. Followed by spiders and heights.

“Excuse me, sir?” The stewardess said in a sweet voice. “Would you like anything to drink?”

“No thank you,” Simon said smiling at the woman. She nodded her head and went to ask the next person if they would like a drink. Simon wondered what it must be like to be a flight attendant. To be able to travel wherever the world takes you. No real responsibilities. If you didn’t like where you were, just hop on a flight and you could be anywhere else. If Simon wasn’t so goddamn scared of planes, he would have loved to be a flight attendant.

However, here he sat, on a flight to New York City so he could catch another flight to some local airport near the Rockie Mountains and then drive two hours to get to Idris. Simon liked that name, Idris. It was fun to say. Simon leaned back in his chair, reclining it so it became a bed. He stared at the ceiling of the plane, trying to remember the last time he was on a plane.

* * *

 

 **FLASHBACK** :  

Simon grabbed his bag from the bag carrier. Pulling the heavy luggage up and placing it down on the ground. He was finally home. He hadn’t been in America in over 2 years, and now here he finally was New York City. He walked out of the airport and grabbed a taxi. Simon told the driver the address, and they left the airport.

As they drove through the familiar streets, snow started to fall down around them. The Christmas decorations in every window made the city seem so alive. Like the buildings were breathing warmth and beauty. It made Simon’s heart fill with happiness. He hadn’t seen his family in forever and was so excited to spend Hanukkah with them.

When the driver pulled up to the front door, Simon paid him and grabbed his bags. He walked up the steps leading to the door. “This time, it will be different. This time you won. This time they will be proud,” Simon whispered to himself, then he slowly reached up and knocked on the door. It swung open revealing a young woman with brown hair and brown eyes, matching Simon’s looks completely.

“Rebecca!” Simon said, walking towards his sister, hugging her. She hugged him back, parting after a couple seconds.

“Well well, the prodigal son returns,” she said sarcastically. “MOM! DAD! SIMON IS HOME!” she yelled, closing the door after Simon and his bags were inside the house.

“Simon?!” Simon turned and saw his mother staring at him. She had her hair up in a neat bun, her pearls wrapped eloquently around her neck. Drink in one hand, with her perfectly manicured fingers wrapped around it. She smiled at Simon and gave him a half-hearted hug, stumbling a little on her way towards him. When Simon received the hug, he could smell the alcohol on her breath.

“Why don’t you take your jacket off and come join us in the dining room, we are about to get eat,” Simon’s mom said. Simon did as she commanded, he looked around the house as he walked towards the dining room. Everything was decorated in blue and silver, there was also an army of snowmen figurines on the hallway table. Simon remembered playing with them when he was a kid. He had broken one once. He still can feel the pain on his back of where his father had hit him with the end of his belt when he came home from work.

Simon closed his eyes at the memory, instead focussing on not breaking anything. “You won. Remember that, you won!” Simon thought over and over again. As Simon entered the dining room, he was overwhelmed by the amount of food on the table. It was incredible, all of his favorites. He had never been more excited to eat, and Simon loved food.

He sat down in his normal seat, right across from Rebecca. Their mother at one end of the table, all of them sitting patiently in silence. Then he came in. Simon’s father was a tall man broad, ex-military and had a temper like no other. Literally, anything could set him off. However, Simon played it cool, he had promised himself that he was going to try and get along with everyone this time. “Maybe this time will be different” Simon thought.

His father sat down at the head of the table, staring at Simon as he did.

“Hello father,” Simon said trying to sound calm and collected. However, on the inside, Simon was scared to death. Ever since his father found out that he was…. Well that he liked…. Well, let's just say, ever since his father found out Simon was not as straight as they originally thought, things have been rather ….. Horrible. Yeah, horrible is a good word for it.

“Simon,” his father said in a stern tone. “Your mother told me that you were coming. Although I’m not sure why you are here, to begin with. Didn’t we teach you that being an uninvited guest is rude?”

“Well you told me that I could come back home when I proved myself as a man,” Simon said, staring at his hands. “So here I am,” he said, a little bit more confidently, actually meeting his father's eyes.

His father started to laugh that sick laugh. Simon looked to his family for support, but his mother was on her sixth maybe seventh glass of wine, and his sister was apparently fascinated with the carpeting and refused to look up. “Welp, shit,” Simon thought.

“You’re no man Simon. You're nothing but a fucking fairy prancing around that stupid spit of ice. You're barely a fucking person,” Simon’s father spat at him.

Simon looked his father, staring him straight in the eye. He mustered up all the courage he could, “I am, father. I won, I proved my worth-”

Simon was cut off by his father's horrid laugh. The one that still haunted his nightmares some nights.

“Won?! You won silver, barely. It is bad enough that I have to have a fucking faggot for a son, but now you disgrace your entire family! Although I guess I should be grateful, at least you’re not an even bigger faggot like that Magnus FUCKING BANE!” Simon’s father’s voice roared, filling the room with the hatred that he brought with every word. It made Simon sick.

“I’m leaving,” Simon said, standing up from his chair, practically running to the door. All the way, hearing that horrid laughter.

“Oh no, you don’t! You’re gonna stay and eat dinner! Despite the fact of your affliction, you are still my son,” his father said, menace filling his voice.

“NO!” Simon said. “Fuck family! And fuck you! You want to know what Dad?! I don’t give a fuck what you think! I like skating, I like fucking guys, and girls, and everything in between! Oh! And that ‘faggot’ Magnus Bane, well guess what dad?! Magnus is going to help me create my next program for competition and with it, I am going to win! So fuck -” it was here that Simon felt his father’s first meet the side of his face.

Simon fell to the ground, hard. His father standing above him, with that sick smile on his face. Before anything else could happen, Simon got up and grabbed his coat and bags. He threw open the front door and ran outside into the freezing cold. He ran until his legs burned, and his lungs begged him to stop. Tears pouring down his face, hands numb with the cold, and his father's laughter, clinging to the air like a cheap perfume.

* * *

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please be advised we will be having some slight turbulence. No need to worry, it should clear up shortly,” the Captain said over the loudspeaker.

“Perfect timing,” Simon whispered, as he grabbed a sleeping pill from his bag. He downed the pill and some water, letting the plan rock him to sleep, praying that his father’s laughter never spilled into his dreams.

* * *

 

Alec had the most amazing dream ever last night. It was about Magnus and him, skating elegant circles around each other until they finally met in the middle. Embracing each other, as Magnus lend in close to Alec’s face, whispering “You are my inspiration Alec, just you.” This was a common dream that Alec had been having over the last month.

Alec couldn’t believe it had been a month since they had met. Although they hadn’t spent too much time together, for Magnus was creating Alec’s short program for the last month. He left in the early mornings and didn’t come back until 8 o’clock at night. Alec tried to go with Magnus a couple time, but Magnus refused.

He said that he didn’t want Alec to see the program until it was complete.

Alec agreed to this, however it only left their late night talks near the lake for any time alone together. Even then, they were always surrounded by guests or Izzy would be there. Alec didn’t mind his sister's presence, for she needed someone - especially since Max.

Alec walked downstairs from his room, heading to the kitchen. There he poured himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. Then he sat down at the table, Izzy came in stumbling down the stairs in a sleepy haze. Her long black hair showed up in a bun on top of her head, her eyes looked tired. She poured herself a large amount of coffee and then plopped down in a seat next to Alec.

“Goodmorning,” she mumbled.

“Good morning,” Alec said with a smile.

“Whqatsgoingonwithyouandmagnus,” she mumbled incoherently.

“What? I can’t understand you.”

“What is going on with you and Magnus?” she said clearly.

“Oh. I don’t know, he is busy with the program, so as of right now nothing,” Alec said, staring at his coffee.

“Okay whatever you say, big bro,” Izzy smiled down at her coffee.

Alec was about to respond when his phone started going off. He looked down at the screen and smiled.

“Hey Clary,” Alec said putting the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Alec!” Clary said, Jace in the background saying the same thing.

“Whats up?” Alec said, pain tingling in his heart. He missed his friends, a lot.

“Nothing much, Jace feel on his ass yesterday, it was hilarious!” Clary said, with Jace mumbling in the background about how it still hurt.

Alec laughed, “Well serves him right, I’m sure there is some karmic balance going on there.” Alec heard a loud noise coming from the front of the Manor. Izzy and he exchanged a look of confusion at the ruckus.

“Clary hang on a second, I think there is something going on near the front of the house,” Alec said into the phone. Before she could respond Alec moved the phone from his ear and places it facing his chest so he could hear what was going on better.

Then he got up from his seat and walked through the kitchen doors. The guest in the main living room, enjoying their breakfast all started towards the main hallway leading to the front desk. It was from this direction that he heard voices. His mother's and the voice of a seemingly annoyed male.

“Sir, I told you, I can’t give you the personal whereabouts of our guests,” Maryse said.

“I get that, but I really need to talk to Magnus. I promise I’m not going to stalk him or something stupid like that, I just need to talk to him,” the other voice said. Alec recognized this voice.

“ALEC!!!” Alec heard coming from his phone. Alec moved the device to his ear.

“What?” Alec said, still trying to hear what this stranger wanted with Magnus, unable to see his face to tell if he is someone Alec’s knows.

“Alec whats going on? Jace said.

“Someone is here looking for Magnus,” Alec said. He moved closer to the source of the voice, and then he finally saw the man who was asking for Magnus.

“Holy shit,” Alec said, phone still resting on the side of his face.

“What?!” Jace and Clary said in sync.

“Simon Lewis?!” Alec said. Simon and Maryse turned to look at Alec, Izzy staring at Simon trying to figure out where she knew him from, and Clary and Jace yelling into the phone asking why “Simon the Douchebag” (as Jace liked to call him) was there. With everything happening at once, Alec just stared into the eyes of the man in front of him.

They were a dark chocolate brown, with a fire behind them that was fierce. He wore jeans and a Star Wars t-shirt, his glasses framing his face perfectly. He was shorter than Alec, maybe Jace’s height. He walked up to Alec, wearing the biggest ‘fuck-you’ face Alec had ever seen and said in a harsh tone, “Alec Lightwood. Where the _fuck_ is Magnus Bane.”

* * *

 

Magnus floated across the ice, thinking only of the music playing eloquently on his earbuds. He moved with it, creating a story with every turn, every jump, and every spin. He felt the music coursing through him like an electric shock. It was incredible, however, the feeling did not last long when Magnus caught a glimpse of a familiar brunette he had left back in Russia. As the music came to an end, Magnus stopped skating ad removed the earbuds from his head. He turned to look at a confused Alec, a pissed off Simon and a slightly amused/annoyed Izzy.

“HEY MAGNUS!!” Simon yelled.

Magus signed, “Hey Sheldon,” he said, knowing it would annoy the shit out of Simon. Izzy smiled at this, despite Simon looking like he was going to punch Magnus in the face. Simon stepped out onto the ice, meeting Magnus as he skated up to the younger man. Magnus always admired how Simon could walk on ice and not slip.

“Let me guess,” Magnus said, smiling down at Simon, “I forgot to do something I promised I would do.” Simon’s face was a mixture of hurt, anger, and exhaustion. Magnus knew that he was right, although he couldn’t quite remember what the promise was, he had such a bad memory sometimes.

“You said that you would teach me a new program if I won silver at the Grand Prix Final. Well, I won silver, so pack your shit and let’s go back to Russia,” Simon said. The younger man seemed like the fight was slowly leaving him, but he was still clinging to it for dear life. Magnus pitied Simon, he wasn’t too sure about what his home life was like, but out of all the family Magnus had met of Simon's (his sister and mother), he was sure Simon was under a lot of pressure.

This is why Magnus never really held anything against Simon, he was a good kid, but he always seemed to think the world rested on him, crushing him like a small bug.

“I see,” Magnus said, examining Simon’s facial features. Maybe he could make this work, after all, he had two programs made, and two skaters….

“Well, why don’t we do this Sherlock,” Magnus said, “why don’t we all go back to the Manor, then we can get some food and some rest, and I can think about this.”

“What is there to think about?! You made me a promise, now keep it!” Simon said, his patience running thin. Magnus looked at the man and then stared at Alec. He looked lost and scared. Magnus had not spent too much time with Alec, but he had grown rather fond of the man. He was kind and good-hearted, and he didn’t call him an asshole all the time like Simon did. Not that Simon was abusive of anything, he was just a little shit, but that's what Magnus loved about him. Alec on the other hand never said a cross word to anyone, Alec deserved Magnus as a coach. However, looking down at Simon again, Magnus knew this kid needed a win, and the only way he was going to get it is if Magnus helped.

“Simon,” Magnus said softly, “I know I made you a promise to create a program for you. However, I also made Alexander a promise to be his coach.” Simon looked like he had been taking punches his whole life and Magnus just told him that the world was only getting started. “Now, before you freak out,” Magnus said, skating towards the edge of the rink, near Alec, “I just finished perfecting two short programs. So I will tell you what. I will assign you and Alec each a program, and teach you separately.”

“Not good enough Magnus! I was promised a short and long program,” Simon said, marching towards Magnus and Alec.

“Okay, well then how about we make it a competition. Whoever wins, I will be the coach for. So if you win Sally, then I will go back to Russia with you. And if Alexander wins then I stay here in Idris,” Magnus said proudly of his little idea, “Deal?”

Alec and Simon exchanged a look, Simons filled with newfound determination and Alec’s filled with confusion and something else Magnus couldn’t put his finger on.

“Deal,” Simon said.

“Deal,” Alec said, looking down at his feet.

“Great, so tomorrow morning I expect you both here at 9 am ready to learn your programs,” Magus said, clapping his hands together at the end. “Now if you both excuse me, I am going back to the Lightwood Manor and going for a nice long hot tub. You are both free to join.” With that Magnus left, praying he didn’t just make a huge mistake.

* * *

 

Magnus stood on the ice, phone in hand, a Bluetooth speaker in the other. Alec and Simon faced him, balancing on their ice skates.

“Love, what is it?” Magnus said, remembering the speech he said in the mirror like five times last night, “There are two parts to love, it is unconditional or Agape, and there is sexual or Eros.”

Simon and Alec exchanged a look of confusion.

“Okay, and your point is?” Simon asked.

“My point, dearest Sam, is that each of the programs I have coordinated express a different type of love, Agape, and Eros,” Magnus said, “First we shall listen to [ Agape. ](https://soundcloud.com/yurionice/sets/oh-suketora-yurionice)”

The soft music floated across the rink, echoing against the walls. It was peaceful and made Alec think of Max and Izzy. Of his family, and how no matter what he loved them, unconditionally.

“I like this,” Alec said, smiling at Magnus.

“I knew you would,” Magnus said back.

“WellI think it sounds stupid. Unconditional love is crap anyway,” Simon said. Alec looked at him, about to ask him what he means by that when Magnus steps in.

“Anyway, here is the next one, [ Eros ](https://soundcloud.com/yurionice/sets/oh-suketora-yurionice) \- sexual love,” Magnus said, winking at Alec. Alec’s entire face went bright red as the music played. It felt entirely different to the Agape song like it breathed sexual tension.

“I want to do this one!” Simon said once the music stopped.

“Well tough cookies Sal, because you will be doing Agape and Alexander will be doing Eros.”

“What?” Simon and Alec both said at the same time.

“My decision is final, if you don’t like it then leave,” Magnus said with a smile.

“But why? I would rather do Agape than Eros,” Alec said, looking confused.

“Yah no shit there Alec, have you ever even been laid before?” Simon said. Alec’s face got red, but before he could stutter out a lame comeback, Magnus stepped in once again.

“Boys stop. I have chosen these songs for each of you so that you can challenge yourself. The reason why I am considered the best skater to ever live is that I challenge myself. I don’t do what everyone thinks I am going to do, I surprise the audience and myself. That is what I want you each to do.”

“Fine,” Alec and Simon mumbled together.

“Great! Simon, you are up first, Alec go back to the Manor, come tomorrow morning at 9 am and we will work on your program then,” Magnus said. Alec nodded and left the ice.

Simon turned to Magnus, “So are you gonna fuck him?” Simon asked.

“Hey! I am your coach now! Show me some respect.” Magnus said.

“My apologize, so are you going to fuck him, _Coach Bane_?” Simon said with a smirk.

“I don’t know, I am not even sure he swings that way, to be honest,” Magnus said.

“He does,” Simon said turning to skate towards the middle of the rink so they could start the routine.

“How do you know?” Magnus said meeting Simon in the middle of the rink.

“Cause I saw him staring at your ass yesterday, more than once,” Simon said, an annoyed tone in his voice. Magnus blushed at this, smiling a lovesick grin.

“Gross, can we please just do the routine now?” Simon asked impatiently.

“Fine. Now follow me closely, and if you fall on your ass, I will laugh at you.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”


	7. Just the Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Simon struggle with their assignments. A surprise visitor arrives at the Lightwood Manor and a dinner turns into a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much! You have all been amazing so far and there is so much more to come! Hopefully, the next chapter will be out in a week! I'm gonna try and get as much writing as I can get done before I go back to school! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me so far! 
> 
> Remember, I don't own Yuri on Ice or Shadowhunters. Also, this is a loose interpretation of Yuri on Ice, so some events will be different and some will be uniquely my own :D
> 
> Follow me on twitter @DelysiaDaniels for updates! 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Alec fell, hard. His ass hit the ice with a loud thud and pain shot through him. It was the 5th time he had fallen since they started. Magnus and Alec had been working in the routine for a week and a half now, yet Alec still couldn't get it right. He felt like there was something missing, something he couldn’t quite capture.

It was exhausting trying to do something Alec couldn’t do. He knew that Agape was something he could show. Unconditional love came easily to him. Love for his sister, his parents, Clary and Jace, Luke, and Max. This was love that Alec could project he could feel it coursing through him.

Eros though? Sexual love? Hot and heavy lust, yeah that wasn't Alec’s specialty. He was still a virgin for god's sake. His only kiss was from Lydia before he blurted out “I’m gay!” right afterward. It was very awkward, it was also, however, the first time he had said the words aloud. Lydia wasn't even mad, she just smiled and told him that it was okay.

But sex? This was something that Alec was not familiar with. He knew how it worked, obviously, but he had never done the deed himself. It scared him. Magnus scared him, for Alec never really had much of a sex drive until he saw Magnus dripping wet, black bathing suit clinging to everything that mattered below the belt. It made Alec's throat go dry even now.

“Okay, maybe we should take a break,” Magnus said staring down at Alec still on the ice.

“No, I can do it, I just….. Magnus, I'm not Eros!” Alec said, getting back onto his feet.

“Sure, you are darling! You are very sexy,” Magnus said while winking. Alec just groaned and made his way to the side of the rink where he got off the ice.

“Where are you going?!” Magnus yelled out after him.

“For a run, I need to clear my head. I can land these jumps if my mind won't shut up,” Alec said. Leaving the ice rink and a confused Magnus, Alec tossed on him running shoes and started a jog up the mountain side of Idris. He ran until his legs burned and his body begged for release from this torture. When he got back to the Lightwood Manor he didn't pay any mind to the people around him. He just walked upstairs and into his room. He then plopped down onto the bed and buried his face in the pillows.

“Eros, Eros…. what is Eros to me? What turns me on?” Alec thought.

It was his phone ringing that pulled Alec out of his thoughts. He looked down at the screen, a picture of Clary smiling brightly with a coffee in her hand displayed across the screen.

“Not Eros,” Alec sighed as he took the call.

“Hey, Alec!” Clary’s bright voice echoing through the phone.

“Hey, Clary. What's up?”

“Listen, Jace did something stupid…” Clary said.

“Well it's Jace so that's not really new territory for him,” Alec said sarcastically.

“Very true,” Clary laughed.

“Hey Clary, I have a question. This is gonna sound really stupid, but how does one…. how does a person…. how does one sex?” Alec settled on even though he knew his question made no sense.

“Well…. um…. I think it's a little different for gay men, but it's all generally the same guidelines I think…. you see when a man and another man love each -”

“NONONONONO! That's not what I meant!” Alec said hastily cutting Clary off. “I meant, how does one give off the vibe of sex appeal?”

“Oh! Well-”

“Who said you weren't sexy!!! Was it that douchebag! Listen, Alec, you are a sexy motherfucker! If I was gay I would totally hook up with you!” Jace yelled over Clary’s response.

“Jace! What did I tell you about interrupting my conversations!” Clary said angrily.

“But babe this is important! My boy is questioning his sex appeal!” Jade said defensively.

“Sex appeal?” Clary said.

“Your boy?” Alec said.

“Yes, my boy and his sex appeal! Who said it, Alec?! If it was Simon?! Tell him to get fucked!” Jace said talking loudly into the phone.

“It wasn't Simon. Magnus has us doing competing ice skating routines and my theme is Eros or sexual love. But I literally have no idea how to show that,” Alec said frustrated at himself.

“Well maybe you shouldn't be yourself,” Jace said.

“What?” Alec and Clary both said.

“Hear me out, maybe you should be someone else. Like Magnus or me, you know people who ooze sex appeal,” Jace said.

Clary laughing in the background, “you ooze sex appeal?”

“Hush,” Jace said, making Clary laugh even more. “What I mean is, don't try to seduce Magnus, pretend like you're Magnus seducing you. Get it?”

“No,” Alec said even more confused than he was before.

“Well I give up, I'm going to go back to packing,” Jace said.

“Wait why are you packing?” Alec asked.

“What I'm not packing?! I have no idea - why would you even suggest?! How dare you! Goodbye, sir!” Jace said and with that, Jace hung up the phone. Alec now just stared at his phone, feeling the weight of it pull down at his hand.

In fact, he felt the weight of everything pull down on him, pushing him further and further down into the bed, crushing him almost. Magnus might leave, was the only thought floating through his head. He had just finally started to feel happy again since Max, finally started to feel normal and even loved. Now Magnus might be on a plane to Russia in 3 weeks and it is all because Alec can't form some sort of sex appeal!

Alec started to hyperventilate, turning himself so his back was on the mattress and his front faced the ceiling. Hot tears rolling down his face, burning his cheeks and he stared at a crack in the ceiling. It was something Alaina had taught him to do, focus on an object and take deep long breaths, counting to ten.

Alec did this over and over again, his eyes never leaving the crack. He felt like he was there for hours, breathing in and out, tears still rolling down his face. He couldn't move like he was paralyzed. He just kept counting, over and over, until eventually he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

 

Simon fell, hard.

“Well that was fucktastic,” Magnus said standing over Simon on the ice.

“Thanks, appreciate the notes,” Simon said, grunting as he pulled himself up and off the ice.

“You know, Alexander was here earlier and he was falling all over the place too. Maybe you guys need a break. Learning a new routine, competing over my fine ass, and having no breaks must be getting to you guys,” Magnus said, thinking about how to alleviate their stresses.

“Fine ass?” Simon said.

“Shut up Sam.”

“You already used Sam.”

“Fine, shut up Scotty,” Magnus said, sticking his tongue out at Simon, getting a playful smirk in return. “How about this, we head back to the Manor, we all go hot tubbing, and then we go out to eat. Alexander took me on this date when I first got here to this amazing Japanese food place. We can all go and get to know each other!”

“Why would I want to get to know ‘Alexander’?” Simon said in a condescending tone.

“Because it would make me happy,”

“So?”

“And I think it would be nice for you and Alexander to get to know each other.”

“So?”

“Look, Simon,” Magnus said, skating closer to the younger man, “You are a little shit.”

“Wow, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside,” Simon said.

“Shut up. I think it would be good for you and Alexander to be friends. You need more friends Simon. I can’t be your only one,” Magnus said.

“We’re not friends.”

“Okay, hurtful, but despite you having a shitty personality 85% of the time, I still consider us friends. So please do this for me. I really think you and Alexander could both use friends,” Magnus said, giving Simon puppy dog eyes as he said please.

“Fuck. FINE!” Simon said, skating off the ice and grabbing his stuff so they could walk back to the Manor.

* * *

 

Alec sank further down into the water. His body fully emerged in the hot water, the sound of the water whirling around him drowned out any excess noise. It was peaceful. Alec often came down to the hot tubs when he needed to not think. The sound of the rushing water blocked out any thoughts on any and all topics. Particularly topics revolving around a certain caramel skinned man with an ass that took Alec’s breath away, a voice that Alec would follow into the darkest depths, and a smile that melted away any ounce of pain Alec ever felt.

Yeah, that man. The only man that had made Alec feel alive since Max. The only man who ever looked at Alec like he was actually worth something like he was perfect all on his own. The man that made Alec’s heart flutter and his pants slightly tighter when this man took his shirt off. This man, who Alec had given a large part of his heart to without even knowing it, could shatter everything in seconds.

For it wasn’t just the man Alec didn’t want to think about, but the reason he might leave, forever. Alec could lose him. He could forever be stuck in a world of what-ifs. All because Alec might not be good enough. He might not be better than Simon, and because of this, because of his weakness, he could lose the most important person in Alec’s life. But Alec didn’t want to think about this, instead, he just let the water float over him until his lungs burned and he was forced to surface from his watery cocoon to breathe.

This, of course, was a mistake, for it was the man Alec was avoiding who smiled at him when he surfaced. It was also the reason he might leave that stood next to him.

“Hello there darling,” Magnus said with the most beautiful smile that Alec had ever seen. It was one of those smiles that reached his eyes, that made you feel like there was nowhere Magnus would rather be in the whole world, but right here talking to Alec.

“Hey,” Alec said, his voice was hoarse from the water.

“Cool,” Simon said in a mocking tone. Simon then removed his shirt and slipped into the pool. If Magnus and Alec were paying any attention to Simon, and not too busy eye fucking, they would have noticed the scars on Simon's back, and the neatly places little scars on his thighs, all in relatively straight lines, no more than an inch. However, this was not the case, and instead, Simon slipped into the hot water with a sigh and no questions about his battered body.

“You gonna get in or are you gonna eye fuck, Alec, all day?” Simon said.

“Rude,” Magnus said, bringing a smile to Simon’s face. It was one of the first times Alec saw Simon smile. Magnus threw his towel onto the bench nearby dramatically. Then he slipped into the water gracefully. They each sat in the circular tub keeping enough distance between them that it was appropriate. Although, as the time in the tub continued, Magnus moved significantly closer to Alec. Simon just laid his head back and stared at the ceiling, closing his eyes are trying to think of anything. Letting his muscles go limp and allowing Magnus’s voice to fill the background as he informed Alec of their plans this evening.

"So, what do you think?” Magnus said with a sweet smile.

“Sure, we can go there tonight,” Alec said smiling back. “Is it okay if we invite Izzy? I’m sure she would love the company. It’s been pretty lonely for her.”

“Of course, Alexander!”

“Great,” Alec smiled at Magnus. He was happy. He was truly happy. Although this happiness might not last, although it might turn to shit, Alec was going to enjoy it for as long as he could.

After their time in the tub was over, Alec, Magnus, and Simon walked up the stairs to get changed for this evening. It was when Alec reached the top of the step he heard a familiar laugh.

“Clary!” Alec said, rushing around the corner leaving Magnus and Simon to follow suit. As he came into the main entrance he has faced the redhead and her blond companion.

“Clary! Jace!” Alec said excitedly, smiling as his friends ran into his arms. He had missed them terribly.

“Told you we had a surprise!” Jace said, pulling away from the hug and smiling up at his friend.

“What are you guys doing here? Is Luke here?” Alec asked excitedly, looking at Clary and Jace to see the familiar man was standing near the doorway.

“No, Luke and my mom when to NYC for a little vacation,” Clary said.

“Oh, well that’s okay,” Alec said. “So why are you guys here?”

“Well, we came to meet – “

"OH! FUCK!” Alec turned around to see the source of the noise that had cut Clary off. It was Simon, of course, it was Simon.

“HA! What’s up Captain Douchebag,” Jace said towards Simon saluting him as he said ‘Captain’. Magnus looked between Simon and Jace, and then grabbed Simon’s arm holding him back. Alec couldn’t blame him, it looked like Simon was about to pounce on Jace and start beating him.

“Oh, Fuck You Blondie!” Simon spat at Jace, despite Magnus’s best efforts to control the teen.

“Hey! Hey! Put away the claws kitty!” Clary said to Jace pulling him back.

“What is going on?” Izzy said, coming around into the entrance. “Oh! Hi Clary, hi Jace,” she said smiling at the pair.

“Jace and Simon hate each other,” Magnus said, blocking the teen from Jace’s view.

“Okay? Why?” Izzy said.

“Cause this bitch was flirting with Clary!” Jace said, pointing at Simon.

“WHAT?!” Clary and Simon both said.

“When?!” Simon asked, voice losing some of its edges.

“Three years ago! At the junior cup!” Jace said, annoyed at having to explain himself.

“Okay, first of all, dumbass,” Clary said looking at Jace, “He was helping me with my bags cause you left to do something stupid.”

“Doing stupid things does sound like Jace,” Alec said.

“Oh! Yes, I’m sure he was just ‘helping with your bags’” Jace said, implying that more than being a nice person had occurred.

“Since when is ‘helping with your bags’ a euphemism for something else?” Alec said.

“I don’t have to explain myself!” Jace said, pouting.

“Wait, so you hate me because I was a gentleman and helped someone you love?” Simon asked. “Jesus you’re stupid.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying! Hey look, Simon, we agree on something,” Alec said, shooting the man a smile. Simon smiled back laughing slightly.

“Well now that we are all friends, kind of, let’s all go out to eat!” Magnus said, clapping his hands together.

“I could eat,” Jace said happily, earning a laugh from Alec and Clary. With that, Clary and Jace were shown to their room and everyone went to get changed for dinner.

* * *

 

They sat at a corner table in the crowded restaurant. Magnus always liked crowded restaurants, it made everything more intimate. If it was quiet then everyone could hear him, but now with the slight roar of the other voices filling the room, he was free to talk without the concern of eavesdroppers.

Magnus turned to Alec, smiling at the man next to him. The night so far had been good, the food was amazing (everyone ordered the pork cutlet bowl), and the drinks kept coming in, making Alec and Magnus both a little drunk. The rest of the party (Jace, Clary, Simon, and Izzy) were all under 21 and pouted as Magnus and Alec downed their drinks. Although, Magnus did notice Jace stealing some of Alec’s drink when no one was watching. Magnus was pretty sure Alec knew, but he wasn’t stopping Jace. The intimacy between Alec and Jace made Magnus uneasy for some reason.

It wasn’t like Magnus was jealous. He just didn’t appreciate the inside jokes between Jace, Clary, and Alec. Nor did Magnus appreciate the fact the subtle touches between Alec and Jace. A hand on the shoulder or the tap on the back, little things like that that made Magnus’s hair stand on edge. So to escape this annoyance, Magnus would make conversation with Simon, for Izzy, despite being better company, was too preoccupied with Clary. Simon, however, is a little shit, and so whenever Magnus would look away from Alec due to Jace and him chitchatting about something, Magnus was met with a shit-eating smile from Simon. As if he was asking “jealous much” and rubbing it in his face.

“Fuck you,” Magnus whispered to Simon, making Simon burst out laughing. It also made Magnus’s face turn bright red. Despite all of this though, the evening was going very well. Magnus had learned a lot about Jace and Clary, in particular, their relationship with Alec. Alec and Jace were skating buddies, both under the teaching of Luke Garroway. He was an ice skater back in the day and was now a professional coach out of Detroit. Jace and Alec practically grew up together and bonded over homesickness, skating, and almost everything else under the sun. They were practically brothers, as Jace so kindly put it when explaining their relationship.

Clary, on the other hand, was an artist and dancer. Her mother, Jocelyn, owned a dance studio where Jace and Alec would practice ballet during training season. Jocelyn and Luke were longtime friends apparently, however over time their friendship developed into more. Three years ago, Luke and Jocelyn were married and Clary couldn’t have been happier if she tried. Luke was always like a father to her she told Magnus. It meant the world to her that her mother was happy, and that Luke was now officially part of the family.

Clary and Jace started to date about a year ago, and all three of them had been best friends since the start. Well, it took Alec a little bit to warm up to Clary, but once he did they were as thick as thieves. It was almost heartwarming seeing Alec with Clary and Jace. Two people, he was so comfortable with, two people who knew him better than anyone. Sure Alec’s family knew him well, but Clary and Jace had spent almost every waking moment with Alec for years. It forced them to create a bond that was strong and beautiful in their own right. Like Magnus said, the evening was going really well, until Simon asked a question. A question Magnus knew was bugging Simon for over a year. A question Magnus knew the answer to, but also knew that he had no place to say, no matter how many times Simon asked. So here they all are this group of misfits, thrown together by some cosmic arrangement. Finally, enjoy each other's company, and one innocent question ruined everything.

“So, Alec,” Simon said hesitantly.

“Yah?” Alec said, his eyes trying to focus on Simon. Maybe the third drink wasn’t such a good idea.

“Listen, I have a question that’s been bugging me for like a year now. What happened at the Grand Prix Final?” Simon asked in an innocent tone. Everyone stopped moving. Clary’s hand went under the table, no doubt grabbing Izzy’s. Jace’s body went rigid, and Alec looked like he was in shock from the question. Magnus slipped his hand under the table, taking Alec’s in his, and squeezing it slightly.

“I mean if it was just the pressure that’s cool. I mean, I get it, but you always seemed like a really level-headed guy. I mean, not that I knew you, I just saw you skate a bunch. You seemed fine during the short program too. So, what happened?” Simon said, looking Alec straight in the eye. He seemed to not notice the change in atmosphere when the question was asked.

“Max,” was all Alec could say, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Who’s Max? Your boyfriend or something? Did he like dump you after the program?” Simon asked, still voice sounding innocent. Magnus wasn’t even mad at the misconceptions, for Simon wasn’t mocking, just curious. However, not everyone saw the question as a form of innocent curiosity and instead saw it as a rude insult. Exhibit A being Izzy’s reaction.

“He was our brother you ass!” Izzy yelled. Some heads turning to look at the source of the noise, but the group paid no attention to them.

“Your brother?” Simon asked.

“He drowned,” Alec said, eyes meeting Simons’. Tears filling them as he spoke. “Max was our brother. He drowned the same day as the final. I found out after the short, and I – I just – I had to come home.”

“Oh," was all Simon said. He fell back into his chair, looking at the Lightwood siblings and then at Clary and Jace. Before anyone could say anything more, Alec stood up.

“I think – I’m gonna – bye,” he said and then turned to leave. The group watched as Alec left the restaurant and walked out into the cold air.

Magnus reached for his coat behind him to run after Alec.

“Don’t,” Clary said in a stern voice. “Alec needs to be alone right now, trust me. Let him walk it off.”

“How can you know that?” Magnus asked.

“Cause I’m his best friend,” Clary said.

“Rude,” Jace mumbled under his breath.

“I’m – I’m so sorry,” Simon said, staring at Isabelle. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah well, you’re still an ass. My brother has been through a lot, he doesn’t need your shit too,” Izzy said fiercely. Simon stood up, grabbing his coat.

“I know,” he said, and then left before anyone could stop him. It was Yuri, who was waiting for them, coming up to the table that interrupted the silence that took place amongst the group.

“Dessert?” he said, unsure what had just happened.

“Just the check,” Magnus said with a smile, one that could not reach his eyes.


	8. The Meaning of Love Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Simon talk, Presents are given and Mentions of Raphael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been less than a week, but I love you all and I have no self-control! 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter!!!! Finally some Raphael x Simon action...ish
> 
> The next chapter (Ch 9) is full of Simon x Raphael love and I think you guys are really gonna like it! 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Alec sat on the edge of the dock, the boats bumped lightly against each other as the wind danced across the top of the lake. It was no more than a breeze, rustling the leaves in the trees near by. Alec's shoes sat next to him, his pants rolled up and feet submerged in the water. It was ice cold, freezing his toes with every passing minute. But Alec didn't seem to care. He just stared off into the distance, looking at nothing. A light fog falling from the mountain tops, floating above the water, creating a misty, mystical mirage.

It entranced Alec. Making him think of only one person, Max. How could something this beautiful, this peaceful, this innocent take away his baby brother? How could this once glorious piece of God, that Alec, Izzy, and Max spent hours swimming and splashing in turnout to be pure Hell? It stole his brother. It killed him in the most horrific way Alec could think of dying. Tears feel from Alec's eyes, landing on his coat. He gripped the edge of the dock, his knuckles turning white.

Alec felt the weight of everything, of his brother, of his failures, of his life. It came to a crashing halt right in front of his eyes and he got a good look at the train wreck that is his life. Alec didn’t want to look at anything anymore.

“Hey,” a voice said, pulling Alec out of the dark thoughts clouding his mind. Alec turned around and saw Simon, holding two to-go cups of some sort of hot drink. He walked up to Alec and sat down next to him, handing him one of the cups. Alec took it gratefully, the warmth of it flowed through him, killing any evil thoughts that were floating around his head. Alec took a sip of the warm drink, tasting the chocolate on his lips. It was amazing.

“Listen, Alec,” Simon said, staring down at his hands, playing with the cup, “I know I have been an ass lately. I’m really sorry. I just, I sometimes forget that there are people in this world with their own shit to deal with. That it's not just my shit that sucks. So I’m really sorry, I’m also sorry about your brother.”

Alec turned to the other man, Simon meeting his eyes. Alec looked at Simon, really looked at him, for maybe the first time. The man was Jace’s age, he had dark brown eyes and a mop of dark brown hair. It was styled, but also messy, and stray pieces fell into his eyes. Simon also wore a pair of glasses, fitting his face perfectly. He was muscular but not broad. He had kind eyes, but there was a fire behind them that screamed: “don't fuck with me”.

“Thanks,” Alec said. Simon nodded and turned to look back out across the lake. Alec did the same, taking periodically sips of hit hot chocolate. After a long while, Alec turned to look at Simon, he seemed like he was lost in thought, searching for something across the lake that he could never find.

“What are you thinking about?” Alec said.

“My Bubbie Helen,” Simon responded.

“Happy thoughts?”

“The best,” Simon said, turning to smile at Alec. “Bubbie Helen was the one who got me into skating, she taught me on a small pond at the park near her house. She was my biggest fan.”

“She sounds incredible.”

“Oh she was, she survived the Holocaust. She was one of the few to survive Auschwitz. She came to America when the war was over and worked as a seamstress. When she met my grandfather, it was like ‘love at first sight’ she always said. When my grandfather died, she raised my mother all on her own. She was tough.” Simon said, a slight twinkle in his eyes when he said this.

“What brought on these thoughts?” Alec asked.

“It was a night like this, that I last saw her,” Simon said, staring across the lake, face going soft.

“What happened to her?”

“What happens to everyone, we get old,” Simon said. “I went to her house for Hanukkah, I was… well, let's just say I wasn’t particularly welcomed at my families house. So I went to go see her. Her house was all lit up for the holiday, it was beautiful. We sat together and lit the first candle. It was perfect. She told me stories about my grandfather, and about how the neighbors were being too loud. But mostly we talked about skating. She was so proud of me for my medal. I had won silver in the junior final. Your boy Jace won gold. But to Bubbie, a medal was about how much you worked to get it, not about the place it represents.”

“Why weren’t you welcomed at home?” Alec asked.

“Well, um…. My father doesn’t really approve of some of my life choices. Actually, he doesn't approve of anything I do,” Simon said. “But Bubbie, she never judged anyone. She always said that the world will always judge you, so it's important for family to accept you. No matter what.”

“What life choices?” Alec asked although he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“Well for starters, he thinks figure skating is for ‘fairies’ as he puts it. Then there is the whole wanting to fuck guys and girls thing,” Simon said, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“So you’re bisexual then? Like Magnus?”

“Pansexual, actually,” Simon said.

“Oh,” Alec said, looking back down at his hands.

“Can I ask a question?” Simon asked.

“Sure.”

“Why didn't you tell the press about your brother? It would have made them more forgiving of your drop out.”

“Well for starters, my family was going through so much, I didn't think a shit ton of press around was going to make anything easier. Also, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go back to skating.”

“Oh,” Simon said.

“Listen, Simon, I’m not mad at you, I was just - everything - I’m not good at dealing with my… emotions,” Alec said.

“Well, no shit. But good news for you, we have that in common,” Simon said, turning to smile slightly at Alec. Alec looked at Simon and smiled back, thinking that maybe Simon and he could be friends.

“So… how's your skating going?” Alec asked hesitantly.

“Shittastic,” Simon said, taking another swing of his hot chocolate.

“Same,” Alec said. “I keep falling on my ass. Magnus says it is because I’m distracted. But in all honesty, I’m not distracted. I just have no idea how to show Eros.”

“Ha! Same! I mean I have no idea how to show Agape.”

“Want to hear something stupid?” Alec asked, turning to look at Simon.

“God yes,” Simon said, raising his cup to his mouth.

“I have this story in mind when I try to think of Eros. It starts with a man who comes to a new town. He is admired by all the women, except one. So he does everything in his power to win her over. But she knows that he doesn’t love her, still, he keeps pressing on. Flowers, jewelry, gifts from all over the world. Eventually, she gives in, falling in love with him. However, once the consummate their love, he leaves,” Alec says.

“Hot,” Simon said in a deadpan tone.

“Shut up,” Alec laughed.

“So, uh in this story, are you suppose to be the player?” Simon asked.

“Yep.”

“Well, that's your problem dumbass.”

“Why would you say that? You don’t think I could play the playboy?” Alec said, faking an offended tone.

“No. No, I do not,” Simon said. “Now before you get offended, hear me out. Alec,” Simon turned to look at Alec, examining him and looking him up and down, “you're hot. I’m not gonna lie, but you are not the kind of hot that this player would be. You are like a subtle hot. See Jace, is a dick, but he is hot hot. Like he could seduce somebody. Roll into town, fuck a bunch of girls, and leave. You are more like the kind of person who would wine and dine someone for like a month before you even tried kissing them.”

“You think Jace is hot?” Alec said amused.

“I would not mind hate fucking him, yes, but I never would,” Simon said, refusing to meet Alec’s eyes. “And if you tell him that I will stab you with my ice skates.”

“Noted.”

“Anyway, if you were to follow the story, I think you would be better off playing the woman.”

“Why?”  
“Well for starters, you would be much easier to seduce than to be the seducer. I feel like that you should embrace your inner tease. Give the audience just enough to pull them in, make them mesmerized. But never go all the way.”

“A tease?”

“Yep,” Simon said confidently. Alec had never thought of that, being the one to be seduced. He always thought when it came to Eros he had to be dominant. But maybe he could become the one seduced, give into the emotion instead of projecting it.

“I never thought of it that way,” Alec said.

“Well, that's cause you hang out with Jace and his stupidity is rubbing off on you.” Alec and Simon just looked at each other, and then burst into laughter.

“Well this is a sight for sore eyes,” a voice said from behind them. Alec and Simon turned and say Magnus standing on the dock, arms crossed and an amused smile playing on his face as he looked at the two boys. Magnus took a couple steps forward until he was standing next to Alec. He knelt down so he could look Alec in the eyes. He reached up and brushed some hair that had fell in Alec’s face behind his ear.

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked softly.

“Yeah, I'm good,” Alec said, blushing like crazy. Simon just looked at both men with an all-knowing smile.

“Well no offense Alec, but you think we can go inside now? I’m freezing my balls off,” Simon said, rising from where he was sitting on the dock. Alec smiled and started to get up, grabbing the shoes that were next to him. The three men walked together towards the Manor, leaving the cold and the darkness of the night behind.

* * *

 

Simon wrapped himself in the blankets on his bed. He clung to the warmth of the bed, begging that he could sleep in just a few more hours. But, he knew that this was an impossible feat. Magnus was expecting him downstairs in half an hour for some sort of surprise. Simon turned and threw the blankets off of himself. He removed his pajamas quickly and threw on a pair of tight workout pants and a fitted shirt. He knew that whatever this surprise was, Simon would be heading to the rink afterward to get in some practice. He only had a week before him and Alec was to compete for Magnus. Simon’s stomach turned at the thought. He had grown rather fond of Alec, he might even consider him a friend.

Simon thought about his time with Alec last night as he brushed his hair and teeth. He thought of everything he said, everything Alec said. He kicked himself for helping Alec find his “eros” while he was still struggling with Agape. If he didn’t figure out Agape soon, Simon was screwed.

Simon took one last longing look at his bed, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into it and watch cat videos on his phone. Instead, though, he turned and went downstairs.

Alec, Clary, and Jace were all changed and ready for the day. Chatting happily around the kitchen table eating breakfast and drinking coffee. When Simon walked in, Jace and Clary went quiet. But Alec smiled at him, pulling a chair out next to him, signaling for Simon to join them.

“Breakfast?” Alec asked.

“What are we having?” Simon said, sitting down next to Alec, across from Clary.

“Clary went to the bakery down the street and bought different pastries,” Jace said, pushing a pink box towards Simon. Simon opened it, revealing a variety of different pastries. He settled on a chocolate croissant. Clary handed him a small plate from the pile placed in the middle of the table. Simon smiled at her, gratefully taking it. He took a bite of the pastry, moaning at the taste. The others laughed at his reaction.

“Good?” Clary asked, an amused smile on her face.

“Very,” Simon said in return. Everyone seemed satisfied with this response. “So what were you guys talking about?”

“How Jace snores in his sleep,” Clary said smiling brightly at Simon.

“SERIOUSLY CLARY?! TO MY GREATEST ENEMY!!” Jace said throwing his hands in the air over dramatically. Alec, Simon, and Clary all started laughing. “Oh sure, laugh at my pain!”

“Always,” Alec said smiling at his friend.

“Besides Jace, Simon isn’t your worst enemy. Raphael is.” Clary said teasingly. Simon started to choke on his breakfast at the mention of Raphael. Alec started hitting Simon’s back in an attempt to help him not choke.

“Raphael Santiago?” Simon said, voice hoarse from the choking.

“Yeah? Why?” Jace said confused by Simon's reaction to the name.

“Nothing, I just - I um - I know him,” Simon said, trying to regain his composure. “Why do you hate him?”

“Cause he beat me at the Grand Prix Final this year. Remember? He won 4th?” Jace said.

“So what? Just cause the guy beat you doesn’t mean you should hate him. If that was the case there would be no one left in this world for you to like,” Alec said, pleased with his quick comeback. Jace looked insulted, but still, his eyes were filled with amusement.

“So why do you hate him again? Cause he beat you at one competition?” Simon said, trying not to seem too desperate to get information out of Jace.

“No! I hate him cause he stole my song!” Jace said, leaning back in his chair with a pout.

“Well, technically he didn't steal anything. You both wanted to do the same song, he just claimed it first. Next time, actually meet the due dates for song claims for your routines and this won't be a problem,” Clary said, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Whose side are you on?” Jace said.

“Not yours. Never yours. You're too wrong too often,” Alec said, another amused smile playing across his face.

“Jesus! If you guys are just gonna be mean the whole time, I don’t have to be here!” Jace said.

“Okay, bye,” Clary and Alec said at the same time, shooting each other a smile at their synchronization.

“Wait, how do you know Raphael?” Jace asked. “I remember the GPF, you barely talked to anyone other than Magnus. If you knew him why didn’t you talk to him?”

“Stalker much?” Simon said, earning a laugh from Alec and Clary.

“Shut up. How do you know him?” Jace said, ignoring his friends.

“I met him a couple of years ago. I was 15, he was 16. We met at a camp Ragnor, my coach back in Russia was running. His coach and Ragnor were friends, so he came for the month-long camp. We had to share a room,” Simon said, staring at his hands. An image of piercing eyes came to mind, a slight smile, and an accent that could make an angel’s heart melt. Simon pushed it out of his mind, not wanting to think of Raphael and all that had happened between them.

“Okay? Were you guys close?” Jace asked, still confused.

“We were,” Simon said. Praying that there would be no more questions on the topic. Alec seemed to notice his discomfort and changed the subject. The three of them started talking about Luke and Jocelyn and their vacation pictures of New York City that Jocelyn was sending Clary. Pictures of the empire state building, central park, and the different touristy places they went. Alec did a good job of pulling attention away from Simon, and he was grateful for it. Simon sat in silence the rest of breakfast, trying to bury the thoughts of Raphael, his heart slightly breaking with every memory that came to mind.

It was Magnus barging into the kitchen that pulled everyone away from the conversation at hand.

“What are you guys doing in here? I said 10 am. It’s like 10:05,” Magnus said staring at Alec and Simon.

“Oh My God! Five whole minutes! The horror!” Simon said sarcastically, rising from his seat. Alec did the same, smiling at Simon's comment. Magnus just sighed with an annoyed tone, turning to lead Alec and Simon into the large living area. There, boxes laid all over the room.

“What are these?” Alec said curiously.

“Well I figured that if you two are gonna compete, you are going to need proper costumes,” Magnus said.

“Magnus, I’m like 3 inches shorter than you, and Alec is like 6 inches taller. How the hell are we gonna fit into your costumes?” Simon said.

“Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, it so happens that I talked to the tailor in town yesterday. He has informed me that no matter what the altercations, he can make them,” Magnus said, sticking his tongue out at Simon. Alec just shook his head, smiling at the two of them. Magnus and Simon’s relationship reminded Alec of his own with Jace and Clary.

Alec opened one of the boxes and started going through the costumes. Simon did the same, and they were joined by Clary and Jace. All four rummaging through the piles and piles of costumes, Magnus periodically telling them a story that matched the material in their hands. It was Simon who found his costume first.

“This one,” Simon said. Carefully holding out a white one-piece. It had a lace top, forming long sleeves. There were white and silver flames, interlacing them around the stomach and legs. It was from Magnus’s junior division, and fit the theme of Agape perfectly. It would make Simon look innocent, almost boy like.

“Perfect Sheldon!” Magnus said, excitedly explaining to Simon the importance of the perfect costume. Alec kept rummaging through the costumes, looking for one in particular.

“Alec!” Clary said excitedly. Alec looked up and saw that she was holding what he was looking for. He scrambled to his feet, almost tripping in the process, and ran over to Clary. He gently grabbed the black fabric, running it through his fingers. It was softer than he thought it would be. It was jet black, with one-half of the top a silver color, large white gems interlaced across the chest, and a half skirt suggesting both male and female genders. It was the costume that Magnus made his junior debut in. It was the costume that Alec first saw Magnus in, and it was perfect in every way.

“This one,” Alec said, eyes never leaving the fabric in his hands.

“I think that this would look lovely on you, dearest Alexander,” Magnus said, moving closer to where Alec was sitting. “Why don’t you both come with me to the tailor, that way he can get the right measurements and get started on any adjustments.” Alec and Simon both agreed and left with Magnus to get their costumes fitted. Clary and Jace stayed behind.

“What do you think?” Jace asked Clary, once they were alone.

“Think about what?” Clary said, neatly folding the costumes and putting them back into their boxes.

“About Magnus and how he looks at Alec. Don’t tell me you haven't noticed,” Jace said, helping Clary fold the clothes.

“I have, I just don't see a need to comment on it,” Clary said.

“How can you not?! Babe, you have heard the rumors too. Magnus likes to sleep around, and while that's fine and all, Alec is sensitive. He needs someone to love, not someone who just wants to fuck,” Jace said.

“I never knew you put so much thought into Alec’s sex life,” Clary said teasingly.

“Oh hush,” Jace said, Clary, laughing in response. “He is my best friend, and the closest thing to a brother I will ever have. I just want him to be happy.”

“And you don’t think Magnus can make Alec happy?” Clary asked, stopping what she was doing to look at Jace.

“I don’t know. I just don’t want Alec to get hurt trying to figure it out.”

“Well, I think it is best if we just let it run its course. Who knows, maybe it is nothing, but on the other hand, maybe it is everything,” Clary said shrugging. “I don’t know how things will end up. But I do know this, we owe it to Alec to let him explore a relationship with Magnus, even if we fear he might get hurt. Alec has been through so much, he deserves some happiness. Maybe Magnus can give that to him.”

“You are very wise Clary Fray,” Jace said, pulling his girlfriend in for a kiss. She kissed him back, and at this moment, all was right with the world.


	9. The Meaning of Love Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH!!!! FLASHBACKS!!!!! Simon meets Raphael, Family drama, and Alec and Simon finally learn how to love! (or at least how to skate love)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I wasn't gonna post this until Friday, but I have no self-control. I hope you all enjoy it anyway! 
> 
> Please leave comments, I love hearing from you guys.
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

News about the competition was spreading like wildfire around the town. Posters were made, the local news reporting on it like it was the biggest story they ever had. Even outside news coverage started pouring into the town, trying desperately to catch an early glimpse at Magnus’s prodigies. The Lightwood Manor was booked, so much so that Clary and Jace gave up their rooms, opting for Clary to sleep in Isabelle's room with her, and Jace in Alec’s.

Simon was lucky though and was able to keep his room. He sat on the dock, where Alec and he had sat a couple of nights ago, staring out across the lake. It was midday, so the warm sun was beating down on him, although it was still cold, Simon took off his jacket, and put his feet in the water. It felt nice, the sun on his face, the cool breeze preventing him from getting too hot. He leaned back, resting his back against the dock, and closing his eyes. It was peaceful, despite the chaos that reigned inside the Manor and at the rink.

He knew Alec would be practicing his ass off right now, it was his official last day with Magnus before the competition. Simon’s was yesterday, and he was all over the place. He was nailing his jumps and techniques, but he didn't feel the music like he was supposed to. He just felt numb.

He needed to win, he needed Magnus to help him win gold. He couldn’t do it without him. He needed to prove it to himself, to his father, to his mother and sister, even to his grandmother that he was worth it. That skating was worth all this pain it caused him. A pair of dark brown eyes flashed before Simon’s mind, pulling him unwillingly into a memory he had spent years trying to forget. It was before he went home for Hanukkah before his father hit him in the face so hard, he had to hide up in his room so no one would see the bruise. Although he couldn’t hide the bruise from his Bubbie Helen.

He can still remember all of it, the camp, the eyes of a soldier, burning into Simon making him feel things he wasn’t sure what to do with. He had always felt affection towards females, males, and everything in between. However, it wasn’t until he saw him, with his jet black hair, square jaw, and broad shoulders that he ever really thought of being with a man. Raphael Santiago. A name that Simon spent too many nights thinking of. As if the signature was burned into his memory for all of eternity.

Simon still remembered the first time he saw Raphael. It was the beginning of camp, 2 years ago, Simon was just 15, and he was still full of hope. His father was cruel, but he wasn’t terrible yet. His mother hadn’t started drinking as much yet, and his sister still made an effort to talk to him. Simon was excited about the camp, mostly cause he got to meet a bunch of new skaters, learning a bunch of new moves.

Magnus signed up to be one of the coaches, pulling in a lot of attention. The only reason Simon was even able to afford to attend was that Ragnor was his coach. Simon was taken back by the number of people at the camp, mesmerized by the different accents and languages floating through the air, creating a collection of culture that was captivating.

When Simon entered his room, he was faced with the most beautiful person he had ever seen. The boy before him was a year older than Simon, much broader, and had a resting bitch face.

“Hi! I’m Simon Lewis,” Simons said excitedly, stretching his hand out to the boy could shake it. The boy turned around, facing Simon, and went still. He was almost examining Simon, his face, his posture, even his clothes. He took Simon's hand and started to shake it.

“Raphael Santiago,” he said in an accent that melted like butter in the air around them. It was Spanish and it made Simon’s heart flutter. “I hope it's okay, but I took the bed closer to the window,” he said.

“No no! That's fine!” Simon said, he always hated being near the window anyway. The rest of their time together was quiet as they each unpacked. However, despite their silence around each other, Raphael joined Simon for dinner down in the cafeteria. Simon looked across the table, taking in Raphael. He had an undercut hairdo, perfectly sculpted for his face. He had tan skin, and eyes that Simon never wanted to look away from.

 _“Shit, I have a crush on my roommate,”_ Simon thought as he continued to stare at Raphael.

“What are you thinking about?” Raphael said, taking a sip of Simon's drink, too lazy to get up and refill his own. Simon found the gesture oddly intimate for practical strangers, but he didn’t mind.

“Um Star Wars,” Simon said, thinking of the first thing that came to mind.

“Is that the one where all the red shirts die and the captain is gay for the dude with the pointy ears?” Raphael said, looking at Simon with confusion.

Simon laughed, really laughed. “No No No, that's Star Trek,” Simon said.

“Oh, well then I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“What!?! Okay well let me break it down for you then,” Simon began. Over the rest of dinner, Simon explained the entire premise of Star Wars. Raphael never interrupting him, only nodding his head and asking the occasional question. When the two of them returned to their room, Simon was exhausted from all the talking. He plopped down on his bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

Over the next couple weeks at the camp, it was the same thing every day. Workouts, skating, more workouts, more skating, food, rest, more food, bed and then start it all over again the next day. Every meal though, Simon and Raphael would sit together. Simon would chatter on about whatever interested him that day, and Raphael would sit quietly, taking in everything he said. Simon had no idea if Raphael hated him or not, but he never showed that he hated it, so Simon just kept talking.

It wasn’t until the last week that Simon felt a shift in their relationship. Raphael looked at him differently, like he was admiring Simon instead of being hesitant around him. It made Simon’s heart flutter, making him feel slightly giddy. Raphael leaned in when Simon talked, instead of keeping his usual cool composure. He would smile and even laugh with Simon. He even started talking at meals instead of Simon being the only one to talk. He sat closer to Simon when they watched TV or got ready in the locker room. His eyes seemed softer to Simon, more playful and happy, then the hardened eyes he had grown used to. At least this is what Simon thought.

It was one night in particular that changed everything. Simon and Raphael had snuck into the skating rink. There was no real reason behind this, they just wanted to skate around. As they were creating lazy circles around the ice, talking to each other, laughing at different inside jokes they now had from their time together, they didn't realize they were moving closer to each other. Finally, they met in the middle of the ice. Raphael smiled down at Simon, being an inch or two taller than him.

Simon just stared into his eyes, emotions pooling and pulling in them. Simon felt mesmerized and leaned in closer to look at them better. He noticed though that when he did this, his mouth was barely two inches from Raphael’s. Simon had no idea what overcame him, he was always the one waiting for someone else to make the first move. But at this moment, with Raphael, Simon gravitated towards him, he gently placed one hand on Raphael’s cheek, and pulled the man to him, kissing him fully on the lips.

Raphael’s lips tasted sweet, like caramel. They pulled Simon in more, wanting to never let go. Simon felt Raphael’s lips move on his own, moving with and against Simon’s. Then he felt Raphael’s hand slip behind Simon’s back, pulling him further into the kiss. It was like nothing Simon had ever experienced. He always remembered his father telling him that those who like the same sex are abominations, but in this moment, surrounded by Raphael, running his fingers through his neatly placed jet black hair, feeling Raphael’s hands exploring him, holding him in ways he had never been held, Simon couldn't see, no matter how hard he tried, how this could be anything but pure, unadulterated, normal, love.

It was Raphael who pulled away first, staring down at Simon. His face flushed, lips red and swollen. It brought a smile to Simon’s face. Raphael smiled back, looking into Simon’s eyes. On the way back up to their room, Simon and Raphael would stop periodically to kiss, they were sweet and innocent. None of them saying “take me now” or anything like that. It was more than lust, it was pure.

The next day, however, was another thing entirely. It was the last day of camp. Simon was to stay in Russia, and Raphael was to leave, going back to Spain where he trained. Simon watched as Raphael packed his things, heavy silence filling the room. When Raphael's coach came to the room, he grabbed Raph’s things, bringing them downstairs. Raphael turned to look at Simon, alone in the room, Simon tried to hold himself together. He had no idea what was going to happen next. No idea what was going to come out of this out of the kiss, out of any of it. Confusion clouded his mind, invading every thought.

Raphael’s lips against his pulled him out of the fog. He felt Raphael’s hands against his face, gently caressing his cheek. Sweet, kisses laced on his lips, making Simon think that everything was going to be okay. As Raphael pulled away, Simon sighed.

“Write me down your cell phone number,” Raphael said. Simon scrabbled off his bed, grabbing a piece of paper and pen, jotting down the number and handing it to Raphael.

“I will call you when I land,” Raphael said, pulling Simon closer to him, pressing his forehead against the other man's. “I promise.”

With that, Raphael turned and left, leaving Simon to cling to the words that had just been said. Praying to anyone who would listen that this was true.

However, hours turned into days, days to weeks, weeks to months. Raphael never called. Simon began to lose hope. He grew angry, and cold, shoving the world aside. He grew a “fuck you” attitude and stuck with it. He threw himself into the competition, winning silver at his last junior competition. Proud of his accomplishments, and thinking his father would finally be proud of him as well, he went home for Hanukkah.

There things went from bad to worse, and Simon found himself walking alone of the streets of Brooklyn, snow falling down around him, face hurting with a pain that was a thousand times worse than any fall he had on the ice. He stopped at a park bench, his legs stiff from the cold. He leaned back into the chair, letting the snow fall onto his face. As he felt the icy mixture hit his face, and melt when it touched his skin, Simon thought of Raphael. He thought of his smile, his eyes, his laugh, but most importantly he thought of his kiss.

Simon wanted nothing more than to compete in the senior division, that way he could see Raphael. He just wanted to see him, to look into his eyes and see if there was anything looking back. Any affection, or regret, anything that Simon could cling to. Any hope at all. But he also knew Raphael, and if Raph didn’t want to see you, he would avoid you like the plague. (Which, of course, is exactly what happened at the GPF)

Simon felt a hand on his shoulder, jolting him up from his position on the bench. He almost slipped on the ice beneath his feet. When he looked up to see who it was, he noticed the uniform.

“Hello officer,” Simon said, looking the cop in the eyes.

“Hello there, are you okay sir? Are you lost?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice.

“Kinda,” Simon said, looking around not really sure where he was.

“Can I drive you anywhere son?” he asked.

“Um, my grandmother lives close to here. Could you drive me there?” Simon asked.

“Sure thing kid,” the officer said kindly. Simon followed him to the police car. He gave the officer the address and within 10 minutes they were there.  
“Thank you,” Simon said kindly.

“You take care of yourself now, ya hear?” the officer said, handing Simon his bag. Simon nodded and walked towards the familiar house. Slowly he moved up the stairs. His grandmother’s house was lit up, with blue and silver decorations in every window. He knocked on the door, and after 3 minutes, a little old lady that Simon had not seen in 2 years opened the door. She looked the same, same kind eyes, same warm smile, same hairdo.

“Simon!” she said, her face lighting up, smiling brightly at the boy.

“Hi Bubbie Helen,” Simon said, accepting the hug that his grandmother was pulling him into. She smelled like cookies and latkes.

“Oh, Simon!” She said, pulling him inside with his bag, closing the door behind him. “What brings you here?”

“Um, Dad and I got into an…. argument,” Simon said staring down at his feet.

“Ah yes, is that where you got the shiner?” she said, gently touching the side of

his face, Simon winced in pain as she touched his now forming bruise. Simon shook his head, tears starting to fill his eyes.

“Well come on then,” she said, gently pulling him further into her house, the whole place smelled warm and like cinnamon. It made Simon relax, and feel, for the first time since Raphael walked out that hotel room, at peace. Bubbie Helen sat Simon down in one of the kitchen table chairs. Food all over the table, plates filled with all of Simon’s favorites, enough to feed 20 people.        

“Are you expecting people Bubbie?” Simon asked.

“Some older people who have no other family to visit are coming over,” she said handing an ice pack to Simon. He gladly accepted it and placed it against his face. The cool pack began relieving the pain on his face.

“Here, take this,” she said handing him two painkillers and a glass of water. Simon took the pills without a second thought and leaned back in his chair.

“Would it be okay if I stayed? I don't want to intrude -” Simon began, cut off by Bubbie raising her hand.

“Of course you can stay Simon. I would love nothing more,” she said smiling at Simon. It wasn’t long until the whole house was filled with his Bubbie Helen’s friends from around the neighborhood. They talked about the latest gossip and the ‘good ol’ days’. Simon sat with a plate of food, talking with a man who came to America after World War II. He talked about his home and his family. He was one of the hidden children during the Holocaust, and his whole family, except for some aunts and uncles, survived the war. He boasted about his shop down the street and how he had achieved the American Dream.

It filled Simon’s heart with warmth as this man talked. All of the people in the room with him were Holocaust survivors or descendants of survivors. It was incredible, the resilience of them. Still, today, refusing to bow to anything, fighting no matter what. It was incredible.

When the party was over, Simon felt whole and warm. He was stuffed with delicious food and excited to spend the rest of the days of Hanukkah with his Bubbie Helen. She showed him to his room and he fell onto the bed, closing his eyes, and thinking of nothing until he fell peacefully asleep.

On the day Simon was to leave, he brought his bags downstairs. He went into the kitchen, saying goodbye to Bubbie Helen before he got into the car waiting outside for him.

“Simon,” she said, looking at the young man.

“Yeah Bubbie?”

“Don’t listen to your father. He is a bad man, filled with hate and greed, don’t let him get to you. I remember buying you your first set of skates, do you remember? You were so excited, we skated for hours and hours around that little pond. No matter how many times you fell, you always got right back up. I knew then that you, Simon, are special. You followed your dreams, you skated your heart out. I watched you know, I was so proud of you when you got your medal.”

“Thanks, Bubbie,” Simon said, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “But it was only silver.”

“Doesn’t matter the color of the metal Simon. It matters how you earned it and if you deserved it. And you did. I am so proud of you. I love you, Simon,” she said, pulling Simon into a hug. Simon returned it, squeezing lightly.

“I love you too Bubbie,” he said. With their final goodbyes, Simon left.

It was a month later, that Simon tied to call his grandmother, but when he entered her number, he received an automatic voice telling him the number was no longer in service. So he called his mother, maybe Bubbie changed her phone number. However, that was not the case. His mother informed him that Bubbie Helen passed away, a heart attack. She was to be buried in three days. To make matters worse, Simon was not allowed to attend the funeral or service, under any circumstances.

Simon just hung up the phone. Unable to move, tears rapidly falling from his eyes. He had lost his grandmother, the only person in this whole world who ever truly loved him. He had lost her, and he wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye. He was alone. Raphael, Bubbie Helen, his family, all gone. He had lost control of everything. He needed to find his grounding again.

Simon ran to the bathroom, filling the tub with hot water. He removed his clothes and grabbed the razor blades in the cabinet. He slides into the hot water, burning his skin slightly as he did. His hand shaking as he moved his hand to his bare thigh. Simon had only done this once before, he was 11. His father had just beat his mother after she tried to defend Simon for breaking a plate. He begged for an escape, a punishment for his crime. He found solace in the razor cutting through his skin. However, he was also ashamed for the scar.

But now, Simon looked at the little scar from years ago, he moved his hand over it, bringing the razor into contact with his skin. Cutting through his flesh, opening the scar once more. It felt good. He did it again, just below the other cut. Then again, and again. Control of the situation finally being returned to him. He dropped the razor onto the bathroom floor, blood spilling from his leg, turning the hot water into a pinkish color. Simon leaned his head back, letting his problems leave his body with the blood.

* * *

 

Simon opened his eyes, the sun falling down over the mountain range. He sat up and placed his hand on his thigh. He hadn’t cut in almost 4 months. But the urge was still there, scratching at him. Simon took three deep breaths, pushing the urge down deep inside.

He looked out across the water. “Agape,” he thought. “To me that means grandmother. Unconditional love. The only time I ever felt it,” he thought. He closed his eyes, letting the cool breeze hit his face, happy now that he has finally found his Agape.

* * *

 

Clary was about to go to bed. It had been a long day, and with the competition tomorrow, she knew the next day was going to be even longer. Izzy was still in the bathroom, doing her nightly ritual which consisted of at least 5 different moisturizers. Clary closed her eyes, resting her head on the pillow when she heard a loud abrupt knocking at the door.

“Jace I swear to God! I told you once I will tell you again,” she said rising from the bed, speaking loud enough for whoever was behind the door could hear her, “We are not making out in -”

She was cut off when she opened the door, revealing it was not Jace, but instead a very amused Alec.

“Oh! Hey Alec, what's up?” she said, trying to act like she wasn't embarrassed.

“I need you to do me a favor,” he said, sounding anxious.

“Okay?” Clary said confused on what Alec could possibly need at this time. He should be in bed, tomorrow was way too important to go without sleep. Yet, here he was, “What do you need?” Clary asked.

“I need you to teach me how to dance like a woman.”


	10. Battle of the Blades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOO! It is finally here the ultimate showdown (so far)! Who will Magnus go with, Simon or Alec?! Multiple points of view so look carefully!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings,  
> SO TODAY IS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!! AUGUST 25th BITCHES! So I decided to give you all a present and post Chapter 10 a little early. I hope you guys all love it because it was so much fun to write.  
> There are multiple POVs in this one so look out for the changes, they will be labeled. There is also a time jump in Alecs POV.  
> I love you guys so much! Leave Comments and Kudos or Subscribe for updates!  
> The next chapter will either be posted in a week-ish (maybe sooner - depends on how much writing I get done).  
> Thanks for sticking with me this far loves!
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Clary laid her head down on the kitchen table. She was so tired. She had spent all of the last night with Alec, teaching his awkward ass how to move gracefully, like a woman trying to seduce a man. It is actually a lot harder than it sounds. She was more than grateful when Jace showed up to help her. She used him so she could show Alec how she moved her body that way he could mimic her. Jace also helped encourage Alec to keep going until he got it right. It ended up working out pretty well since both boys have extensive ballet backgrounds.

By the time they were supposed to get up, they were finally done and about to fall asleep. So naturally, there was no rest for the three musketeers. Instead, they drowned their exhaustion with large, hot coffees, and scrambled eggs that Maryse made them. Simon came downstairs after they had already started eating, and grabbed a plate as well. However, instead of sitting next to Alec he sat at the end of the long kitchen table, far away from the others.

Clary knew why he was doing this. Over the last weeks, she had gotten to know Simon pretty well. Not so much by the conversations they had, but by how he acted around others. She thought, that maybe, they could be good friends one day. She hoped this was true. However, there he sat, far away from them, alone at the end of the table, picking at his food, but never really eaten any. Every now and then he would look at Alec with a sad face, that broke Clary’s heart a little bit.

She could see so clearly the hurt he was feeling, he had been different since yesterday. After falling asleep on the dock, he woke up almost a new Simon. He was quiet at dinner and refused to look anyone in the eye. He was polite though, never giving into Jace’s pestering. It looked like he was in deep thought. Even though Clary could not read Simon’s mind, she had a pretty good idea of where this was coming from. Simon had finally made friends, real true friends. Alec had warmed up to Simon after the disastrous dinner, she and Jace were even starting to like him. Jace’s comments went from mean to playful. Simon responding with witty comebacks, creating the perfect banter.

It was nice to see everyone get along. However, what they all seemed to forget, which now they were reminded of with every passing second, was that this was a competition. There had to be a loser and there had to be a winner. No matter what happened, Magnus would have to choose one person. He could either be in Russia or Idris. If Magnus left, Clary wasn’t sure Alec could handle it. He was finally getting back on his feet. He was finally starting to feel like himself again.

Yet, Simon on the other hand, he looked like life had beaten the shit out of him too. He also needed this, he needed a win. If Magnus didn't go back to Russia with him, he might never achieve what he so desperately needs. It was a shitty situation. On top of all of it though, the mere thought of these two men, never being friends again because of what happens in a couple of hours, it a horrible thought. However, it was the case nonetheless. So Simon and Alec remained quiet, neither one speaking the truth that laid between them. That no matter what happened, no matter who won or lost, in the end, they both will lose a friend. They will both lose each other.

* * *

 

**_ Battle of the Blades: Alec Lightwood and Simon Lewis compete in the local competition for legend Magnus Bane as their skating coach! _ **

_Today is the day! After weeks of anticipation, local hero Alec Lightwood will face off with Silver Medalist Simon Lewis. The will compete for legendary figure skater Magnus Bane to become their coach. Whoever wins, Mr. Bane will coach. It is an exciting time for the town of Idris as well as the skating world. Millions will be watching to see which of these seasoned skaters will triumph._

_Over one year ago, Alec Lightwood competed in the Grand Prix Final, dropping out due to an “emotional breakdown”. However, here he is now, competing in yet another competition. Simon Lewis is the Silver Medalist from this year’s Grand Prix Final and hopes to claim Gold at the next GPF in December._

_People around the town are excited at the opportunity to watch their local hero skate professionally. “We are so proud of Alec,” says Lydia Branwell. Ms. Branwell and her family own the rink in which the competition will be occurring this afternoon._

_Both of the skaters will be performing original choreography, designed by Magnus Bane himself. The theme for these programs will be “Love” and the different forms it takes._

_The news of the competition has reached worldwide exposure, fans of the infamous Lightwood have poured into the Idris area to watch their favorite skater come back from his year-long absence. The competition has also been trending on social media, particularly Twitter._

_Longtime skater and competitor of both Simon Lewis and Alec Lightwood, Meliorn tweeted this morning the following: “I wish the best of luck to @ALightwood and @SimonLewis! #skating #battleoftheblades”_

_Fellow skater Jace Herondale, Alec Lightwood's skating mate, and a long-time friend tweeted about the topic as well. Wishing both competitors good luck. It is said that Jace Herondale and longtime girlfriend Clary Fary will also be attending the competition today._

_We wish the two competitors the best of luck! May the best skater win!_

* * *

 

Simon was first. He took a deep breath, trying to release some of the stress building in his muscles. He had grown fond of Alec and knew that if he was to win, he would take away any chance Alec had of winning. Or even coming back to professional skating for that matter. On the other hand, if he were to lose, he would never prove to himself that he could win. He would probably lose to Alec, proving his father’s theory that he was nothing but a worthless piece of shit. The thought of either outcome made Simon numb.

Instead, he decided to just pace back and forth the locker room of the ice skating rink. Alec sat against the lockers, his eyes closed, listening to music. Simon looked at the other man, smiling at the friendship they had built over the last month. His stomach started to turn as he thought that this precious friendship was probably going to end. He didn’t want that. He wanted to be Alec’s friend. He even wanted to be Clary and Jace’s friend.

Even though Jace was an asshole, he was an asshole Simon could learn to tolerate. Simon couldn’t think anymore, his thoughts so loud he could barely think about his program. Instead, he just paced, taking deep breaths to calm his nerves.

“You can do this,” he thought over and over again until it was all he thought of. It was painful, the thought clouding his mind. He sat down, his legs tired from walking around on his skates. He put his head in his hands, covering his face. Taking deep breaths again, trying to regain some sort of composure. It wasn’t working.

“You can do this. You can show Agape. Think of Bubbie Helen,” Simon thought. But no matter how many times he said the statement in his head, all he could bring himself to think about was Alec, and how this would kill him. He needed Magnus, Simon truly needed Magnus, but Alec needed him more. His entire body seemed to be on edge.

“This is what you deserve for making friends! This is what you get for letting people into your heart. Raphael, Dad, Mom, Rebecca! ALL GONE!” Simon thought. “Fuck Alec! Win! Win or always be a loser!” Simon’s mind racing around him, these horrid thoughts taking root inside of him. Festering and boiling until they could push him over the edge.

“Simon?” Clary said, popping her head into the locker room, “It's time.” Simon looked at the redheaded girl. In another life, maybe they could have been friends. But now was not the time for sentiment, now was the time to crush one’s enemies and win. Simon moved silently, exiting the room, and walking towards the ice. He could feel the cold flow through his body, putting his nerves to rest. He loved the ice, loved skating, it was his peace, his sanctuary.

Simon approached the rink, feeling like the pressure alone was going to crush him. Simon removed his jacket, revealing his perfectly tailored costume. It made him feel out of place like he didn’t belong in the outfit like he didn’t belong here. Magnus approached him, smiling at him, Simon’s heart broke, for he knew that Magnus would much rather be smiling at the skater still in the locker room.

“Okay Simon, you got this. Just take a deep breath and skate,” Magnus said, fixing Simon’s hair and costume. Simon just looked at Magnus, he had always respected the man. The last thing Simon wanted to do was disappoint Magnus, he had worked so hard on the program.

“Okay Magnus,” Simon said, handing Magnus his jacket and glasses. Then he moved to the ice, taking one last deep breath, before stepping onto the ice. As he moved towards the center of the rink, the crowd clapped. However, he knew that the clapping was just to be nice, everyone was really here to see Alec.

Simon looked into the crowd, searching for anything that was familiar, but he found nothing to comfort his nerves. Instead, he looked down at the ice, closed his eyes, thought of his Bubbie Helen and waited for the music to start.

* * *

 

Magnus watched Simon carefully, examining his every move. His jumps were flawless, his foot movement was perfect. There was only one problem, he wasn’t enjoying himself. He looked more stressed than normal, and for Simon that was surprising. The kid was a stress ShamWow, soaking up every ounce of stress begging someone to ring him out. Simon was too focused on the movements than the music.

However, the blueprints for Agape were there, it was almost like Simon had it, but refused to show it. It bothered Magnus, all Simon needed to do was let go, for once. He would be so much happier if he would just say “fuck you” to the expectations of the world and was just himself. But Magnus knew there was only so much you could push the kid in a month. He had been through a lot, and Magnus knew this. Simon’s father was a piece of work, and his mother and sister weren’t particularly any better.

Magnus tried to think of the last time he saw Simon happy, truly, innocently, beautifully happy. It must have been, what 2 years now? Simon just turned 17, so yeah, two years sounds about right. He was at the camp Ragnor ran, Magus had volunteered as a coach. It was annoying at first, but Magnus soon found his love for the art of coaching.

Simon was one of the students, Magnus had known Simon for a while by then, he was a good kid. Very talkative with a wide smile and kind eyes. Magnus missed that Simon, someone who was free of any real concerns. Sure, Simon would always be on edge when he came back to Russia after going home, but he would eventually fall back into kid-mode after a week or two. But after that camp, Simon changed. He was cold, and cruel at times. Magnus was never really sure what happened, but by the fact that every time Raphael Santiago, Simon’s roommate during the camp, entered the room, Simon went stiff and rigid kind of gave away the idea that something must have happened between them. Magnus tried getting some information out of Simon once, it ended up with Simon screaming “Mind your own fucking business Magnus,” and a door slamming in his face.

Magnus asked Raphael once too, knowing the man from different competitions, but that ended with Magnus receiving the biggest bitch-face he had ever seen. So, Magnus didn’t ask after that, instead opting to just ignore the obvious tension between Simon and Raphael. Meliorn, Magnus’s friend, and fellow competitor said that they probably had really awkward sex. Magnus wasn’t really sure about that one, but it was the best guess he had.

Still, watching Simon out there today, it showed just how much the younger man was willing to push himself. He would break his own legs if it meant he could place first at the Grand Prix Finals. Simon may be a dick every now and then, but he was dedicated, and that is what made it impossible to look away from him. His pure dedication to the sport mesmerized the audience, not only earning their approval but their respect.

Magnus felt something brush against his arm. It was Alec, and holy shit did he look good. Magnus felt his mouth water, literally. Alec was dressed in Magnus’s junior debut costume, perfectly tailored to fit his tall frame. The pants were tight, highlighting his calves and ass perfectly. The top wrapped around Alec in a fashion that showed off his abs and muscles, making him look like a marble statue. Alec’s hair was slicked back, but still messy in its own right. He noticed the look from Alec’s previous competitions.

Magnus just stared at Alec, and Alec stared at Simon, who was dancing across the ice in a fluid motion. Moving with the music, but never truly feeling it. Magnus knew that if he were to leave with Simon to Russia, he could win gold at the GPF. However, a part of him didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay with Alec, this man who, for whatever reason, seemed to have a hold of Magnus’s heart. He wasn’t sure why, or how, or what it meant, but he knew that every time he looked in Alexander’s perfect eyes, he lost a little bit of himself in them. Despite this, he was not upset, he liked giving a part of himself to Alexander, mostly because Alexander always gave a part of himself back to Magnus.

Simon turned back to the ice, watching Simon’s skate come to a close, the audience standing up to cheer for the man panting on the ice. He looked like a cute little snowflake in his white costume, perfect for Agape. When Simon exited the ice, he looked at Alexander.

“Good job out there,” Alec said, smiling at Simon. Simon just smiled slightly back at Alec and turned to get changed in the locker room. There were no real scores, it was mostly just a “who did Magnus think deserves him as his coach more” kind of deal. Alec then turned to look at Magnus, his eyes flashing many different emotions before them, finally settling on one, determination.

Alec leaned in close to Magnus, Magnus’s heart beating quickly as he did. Alec then pressed a small kiss to Magnus’s cheek.

“No matter what happens today, thank you, Magnus. Thank you for everything,” Alexander said. Magnus was blushing, hardcore butterflies in your stomach, blushing.

“The pleasure was all mine Alexander,” Magnus said as coolly as he could. Alec smiled that beautiful heart-melting smile, and turned to skate onto the ice.

“Alec!” Magnus said, making the man turn around. “Seduce me,” Magnus said, winking at Alec.

Alec just smiled and said, “Don’t look away.”

Throughout Alec’s whole short program, Magnus eyes never left him.

* * *

 

“Okay! Again. This time, try to move your hips more, kind of like this,” Clary said, showing Alec how she rolled her hips. Alec copied the movement.

“Like this?” Alec said hesitantly.

“Um, hang on,” Clary said, turning the music on and then moving to stand behind Alec. She placed her hands on his hips, guiding Alec through the movement.

“There you go!” She said excitedly.

“Um, what the fuck is going on?” Both Alec and Clary turned to look at Jace standing in the doorway of the room.

“I’m teaching Alec how to be a woman,” Clary said, her energy filling the room. She always got very hyper when she was sleep deprived. Alec felt bad for making her have to do this, but he needed to learn, and she was his best bet.

“Well alright then,” Jace said, moving into the room and closing the door behind him. “Let’s do this.”

“You’re going to help?” Alec said in disbelief.

“Hell, yeah I am! I mean have you seen me? I ooze sex appeal and I can move my hips,” Jace said, very proud of himself. Clary and Alec started snickering under their breath. “Besides, if I remember correctly, I kicked ass in ballet!”

“That was only because you would spend hours training so you could flirt with Clary,” Alec said.

“Yeah, well it worked so who cares,” Jace said shrugging his shoulders. “So, what are the moves we are trying to teach this awkward stick?”

“Awkward stick?” Alec said under his breath.

“Here I’ll show you,” Clary said. She started the song back up again, dancing around the room in a soft fluid motion. Her body moving in tune with the music perfectly, her movements made it look like she was really skating on the ice. Jace watched carefully, memorizing the movements as Clary made them.

“Okay, Alec you try it now,” Jace said. Alec followed the motions Clary had laid out, moving to the sound of the beat and the rhythm of the song. When he was done, Jace and Clary were talking quietly.

“Maybe if we….”

“No no, see how he moved his feet in the last sequence….”

“Oh, yeah, maybe we could…”

“Yep, yep…”

This exchange went on, Alec felt incredibly left out, especially considering it was about him.

“So, what’s wrong?” He asked unable to take the suspense anymore.

“You need to relax more,” Clary started.

“You’re too rigid,” Jace said.

“Exactly, you need to be more fluid in your motions,” Clary said.

“Yes, like you’re a leaf, floating through the air,” Jace said, making a floating motion with his hand.

“Okay?” Alec said.

“So, let’s try it again, but this time, be the leaf,” Jace said, hitting play on the music once more. This went on for at least another hour or two. The motions being embedded into Alec’s muscles. They were all moves Magnus had designed for the program, Clary playing the video she took of Alec skating on her computer over and over again. Jace left to make coffee and get snacks as Clary and Alec poured over the footage.

“If we change this so that you move your body more like….”

“Oh! I see what you mean, maybe I could….”

As they got further into the night, the exhaustion started really setting in, but none of them gave up. Running through it again and again.

“Seduce me, Alec!” Jace would say as Alec would move across the room.

“Better, now remember what we said about your arms,” Clary would say as she put another packet of sugar into her coffee. When the sun started to rise, and the light came in through the window, Alec looked around the room. Empty red bull cans, sugar packets, snack bags, and coffee mugs were scattered all over the room. Clary had bags under her eyes, and she looked like she needed a 36-hour long nap, but her mood never shifted no matter how many times they went through it. Jace looked tired too, but he had a look of determination in his eyes. Alec thanked whoever was listening out there for blessing him with Clary and Jace as friends. They were his rock and he had never been more thankful for them.

“Okay, one more time,” Clary said.

Alec opened his eyes, he was no longer in the workout room with his friends, instead, he was in the middle of the ice skating rink, his heart pounding fast. The cold air filling his body, unlike the warm air of the work out room. He looked over to the edge of the rink, standing there was Magnus and a now changed Simon. “You got this,” Alec thought, “Give them just enough to make them beg for more.”

Alec took a deep breath and waited. The song started to fill the room. As he started his movements across the ice, Alec was reminded of why he loved skating so much. It wasn’t that he liked the crowds or the loud cheers, in fact, he hated both of those things. Sure, his fans were cool, but large crowds like this made him very anxious.

It wasn’t the smiles on his families faces either on why he skated. He knew that they would be proud of him no matter what, that’s just the kind of people they are. Although it was nice to see them all happy, especially since Max. Nor was why he loved skating because of Magnus, no matter how amazing on and off the ice he is.

No, Alec loved to skate because as he lost himself in the music, he also found himself. It made him feel free, even though his muscles ached from training last night, from falling on his ass too many times, he still loved it. Every second of it, as if he was born to skate. It made him feel incredible.

Alec moved on the ice, mimicking Clary and Jace’s movements they went over and over last night. He followed Simon’s advice of being the one seduced not the one to seduce. He moved his body in ways that he didn’t know he could before. As he came up to one of his jumps, he pushed off the ice, landing it perfectly. The crowd roared in approval, the sound bringing a smile to Alec’s face.

The beat of the song was fast, making it difficult to keep up with after a night of no sleep. But still, he pushed on. Next came a triple lux, a type of jump that Alec had been falling on in practice. As Alec pushed off the ice, he could tell it wasn’t enough momentum, so he changed it to a double instead of a triple.

Alec paid no mind to the voices of disapproval he could hear, instead, he searched for a pair of eyes in the crowd. Once he found them, he refused to look away, his body almost gravitating to the figure, and his movements flowed through him, creating the perfect spell. The audience was mesmerized, but Alec didn’t particularly care, for he was looking at the only man who mattered in the room, Magnus.

As the song came to a close, Alec skated back to the center of the ice, ending the song with a perfect step sequence, turning at the last note to look at the man he was trying to seduce, and he was looking right back at Alec with a gaze that would make a nun blush.

Alec breathed heavy, and the crowd roared with approval. Despite some miss steps and a couple of fudged up jumps, Alec still pulled through. He was everything and more. He hastily skated over to the exit of the ice, Magnus excitedly waiting for him.

“Magnus!” Alec said, before being engulfed in the other man’s arms. Alec happily accepted the hug, even though he was sweating.

“You never cease to surprise me, Alexander,” Magnus whispered into Alec’s ear as they hugged. Alec just pressed his face into Magnus’s shoulder, he smelled like vanilla and honey. Alec then pulled away, only to be pulled into another hug, this time it was Jace.

“That was awesome dude!” Jace said, pulling away.

“Well it was all thanks to you and Clary,” Alec said smiling down at his best friend.

“Told you-you were a sexy motherfucker,” Jace said, slapping Alec’s arm with a bright smile. Alec and Magnus laughed. Clary slowly approached the group, her face looking solemn.

“What’s wrong babe?” Jace asked.

“Simon left,” Clary said, looking back and forth Magnus and Alec.

* * *

 

Simon knew what he had to do, he knew the second he got off the ice and headed for the locker room. He knew as he got changed, and as he packed his gym bag. Simon knew as he booked the first flight to Russia, one-way, one ticket. Simon knew that he could never take Magnus away from Alec.

This was made definite in his mind as he entered the rink, as Alec skated on the

Ice. Sure he made mistakes, hell Simon made plenty, but he was perfect in every way that counts. He moved with the music and beat perfectly, his costume and hair were perfect, his body language was perfect, and his eyes, never leaving the man next to Simon, that too was perfect. Simon could beat Alec, he could win, but he could not win Magnus over Alec. There was just no hope, there could never be anyone in this world who could ever compete with how Magnus looked at Alec now.

Simon knew the look too, the look of total admiration. The look that was only written about in love novels, or sappy Nicholas Spark movies. This shit was true love, something pure and innocent, and Simon knew it the second he saw Magnus watch Alec on the ice today. The only reason Simon knew that look, was because long ago, he thought he was on the receiving end of that look, just like Alec is now. Although it wasn’t Magnus’s eyes that burned into him, but those of a man Simon missed very much. A man who Simon wanted to hug and slap across the face all at the same time. Raphael.

With a long, deep breath Simon took one last look at Alec, thanking God that he was able to call Alec friend, even though it was only for a little while. He also said a little prayer, hoping that Alec would have better luck in love and that Magnus would finally tear down those walls he put up around himself. The facade of glitter and glamour that kept him warm and safe. He prayed and prayed that these two idiots would be happy, for if there was anyone in the world who deserved it, it was Magnus and Alec.

With that thought, Simon walked away, knowing that from now on Alec wasn’t his friend, but his competitor. His enemy. There was only one gold medal at the GPF, and Simon was going to win it, with or without Magnus’s help. As Simon headed for the exit, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Clary asked. She looked tired but also concerned. It felt nice to have someone worry about him like this, he was going to miss it.

“Back to Russia, I can tell that I have lost,” Simon said, looking the girl in the eyes.

“Oh, but don’t you want to say goodbye first,” Clary asked. Instead of answering, Simon just pulled her into a hug. After a moment of hesitation, she hugged back. It was nice to have someone close, to have someone care. As Simon pulled away, he leaned in and kissed Clary on the cheek.

“Dasvidaniya Clary Fray,” Simon said, leaving her and the life he wished he could have behind. Instead, he moved forward, because that’s what he is supposed to do because that is what he always does. He gets his nose broken, wipes the blood away, and keeps going. No matter what.

* * *

 

Clary watched as Magnus placed a flower crown on Alec’s head. The crowd cheered loudly, standing up to give their local hero the proud approval he deserves. Clary was very happy for Alec, he needed this. However, at the same time, her heart ached for Simon, who she knew was probably grabbing his things at the Manor.

When he said goodbye to her, her heart practically broke. Not because she is in love with him or anything, her heart belongs strictly to Jace, but because he seemed so sad to leave. Like he found himself here in Idris, and now he needed to go back to Russia, back to the old Simon. A Simon that he didn’t like, unlike the one he was here. It made Clary upset that she had to watch him leave so reluctantly. She wished he could stay, train with Magnus too, but she knew this was not something that could happen. Simon needed to be on his own, out of the shadow that Magnus cast, and into the light of his own creating. Simon needed to find peace with himself, and he couldn’t do that while here.

Clary watched Alec and Magnus wave at the crowds, people still cheering. She going to miss Simon. Maybe in another life, they could have been friends, maybe even best friends. She would have liked that, but now, staring out at Alec who she loved like an older brother, she was glad he had won. Simon is strong, he is a survivor, and he will keep on surviving no matter what is thrown at him. But Alec, he didn’t need to survive anymore, no, he needed to learn how to live.

So, with that thought in mind, Clary clapped for her friend, who for the first time in a very long time, looked truly happy.      

* * *

 

He looked down at his phone, watching the video over and over again. The footwork needed improvement, and the jumps needed to be touched up. But what struck him the most was the lack of feeling, almost like there was none. It looked like Simon was trying too hard, trying to feel something that wasn’t really all there.

He brushed his finger across the screen, over Simon’s face. He leaned back, now laying down on his bed, phone above his face. He thought of the Simon he once knew, blabbing on and on about Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, video games, art, books, and even different music. A boy so full of life, it was almost impossible to think that the person on the screen was the same Simon he had known.

He turned his phone off, placing his hands on his stomach, breathing in and out slowly. He closed his eyes, seeing Simon’s flash through his memory. He opened his eyes, and sat upon his bed, he needed to get back to practice. He looked in the mirror, pulling his shirt back on, and fixing his hair.

Once on the ice, he skated lazy figure eights around the ice, waiting for inspiration to strike. His coach had gone home, and the rink was practically empty. Yet, here he was, skating around and around the ice, he always did his best thinking here. It made him feel safe and at home. As he journeyed to the center of the rink, he closed his eyes, think of nothing but of the Simon he had once known, the Simon who loved to talk and laugh until his sides hurt, the Simon who kissed him in the middle of the ice skating rink two years ago, the Simon who tasted of honey and candy. This was the Simon he longed for, he wanted to be near more than anything. However, this was also the Simon who broke his heart into a million fucking pieces and refused to meet his eyes at the Grand Prix Final.

Despite all of this though, despite the pain and the hurt, despite everything, when he opened his eyes, he begged that Simon would be there, looking back at him. However, this was not the case, instead, he was in the middle of an ice rink, alone. He sat down on the ice, despite it being freezing cold, and played with the laces of his skates. He waited, knowing full well that Simon was never going to show, hell he probably didn’t even know where the rink was. But still, he waited, for Raphael would wait an eternity for Simon, no matter the odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dasvidaniya means goodbye in Russian btw - yes Simon speaks Russian
> 
> Also, read my notes, in the beginning, please :D


	11. Start of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary and Jace leave, Magnus and Alec bond, choices are made and competitions explained, Clary tracks down an old friend, and Simon gets a wake-up call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be out soon-ish  
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

“Ready babe?” Jace asked as he counted the bags near the front desk. He was double checking that they had everything. It had been a week since the battle of the blades and Luke was calling Jace and Clary home.

“Yep, I just need to make sure I have my phone,” Clary said, digging through her purse. Jace turned to look at Magnus and Alec. Alec was staring down at his feet; his shoulders were slouched and he leaned against the wall. Jace knew that his friend was upset that they were leaving. If it was up to Jace, he would never leave his best friend, but he needed to train. The Grand Prix Final was only 8 months away, he needed to get back to training if he wanted to qualify.

“Hey,” Jace said, patting Alec on the shoulder, “Cheer up. Besides, we will see you in Detroit when you are competing.”

“Detroit?” Magnus said, sounding confused.

“Yeah,” Clary chimed in, “Alec needs to qualify for the world competitions first before he can qualify for the Grand Prix Final.”

“But - wait, I’m confused. Alec doesn’t qualify for the world cups yet?” Magnus said.

“No,” Alec said, “I need to get first in at least two of the three local competitions before I can do the world championships which then get me qualified for the GPF.”

“Oh, wow, I didn't even think of that,” Magnus said, pulling out his phone, “When is the first local competition?” He was typing quickly on his sparkly phone.

“One and a half months from now,” Alec said. “It is in New York City, I already booked the tickets.”

“But that means we don’t have a long time to create the long program,” Magnus said, concern laced his voice.

“Don’t worry about it Magnus,” Alec said, smiling at his coach, “The people I will be competing against are all going to be younger and more inexperienced than me, I will breeze through the competition.”

“Exactly,” Clary said. “Okay, I’m ready now,” she said turning to Jace.

“Alright then,” Jace extended his hand to Magnus, Magnus happily shaking it, “It’s been real Magnus. Take care of my boy.”

“I will,” Magnus said smiling at the young man.

“Bye Magnus,” Clary said, hugging Magnus.

“Bye-bye biscuit,” Magnus said.

“Alec,” Jace said, pulling his friend into a hug, “You got this shit.” Alec just nodded his head, letting go of his friend.

“I’m gonna miss you, Alec,” Clary said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Alec picking her off the ground to hug her tightly. “Follow your heart Alec, you never know where it may lead,” Clary whispered into his ear so only he could hear. Then she let go, Alec, placing her back on the ground. With final farewells, Clary and Jace left and Alec felt alone again.

“You guys are really close, aren’t you?” Magnus said.

“They are my family,” Alec said, staring at the door Jace and Clary just went through.

“Well don’t worry my dearest Alexander, we will be in Detroit soon. Until then we should talk about the long program. First of all, we need a theme, then a costume, then a routine, but most importantly, we need a song,” Magnus said. Alec had forgotten how much effort everything was when it came to skating. He had always just let Luke pick his costume, music, choreography, and theme. But one look at Magnus told Alec that he was going to have to do all of that. Alec hated it when he had to actually be an adult.

“Um…. I don't…. I…” Alec stuttered.

“That's okay, why don't we start with something easy, a theme.”

"Right… themes…. Um okay well, what about…. Can we take a break?” Alec said.

“But we haven’t even started yet,” Magnus said, however before he could finish his sentence Alec had run upstairs. A door slamming in the distance made Magnus sigh. He needed to get Alec comfortable making his own decisions in skating, even in life. Magnus sat on the steps, putting his head in his hands. He needed to find a way to make Alec more comfortable around him like he is around Jace or Clary. This way, Alec will open up and they can start really working together, as a team. But how?

It was then that Magnus felt a warm fur ball brush up against his legs, Magnus smiled down at the familiar cat.

“What do you think I should do Chairman?” Magnus asked his cat while picking him up off the ground. Magnus buried his face in the soft fur, the cat happily purring in his arms.

“Maybe I need to think about what makes Alec comfortable. Like how he always runs, or how he likes to swim at night, or maybe,” Magnus said aloud to his cat, getting up from the steps and walking over to a collection of family photos on the walls, there were so many, some of the guests and some of the Lightwoods. But it was one in particular that stood out, “That’s it!” Magnus said excitedly, hurrying up the stairs to put on a more appropriate outfit for the activity he was about to do.

* * *

 

“Deep breaths Alec, deep breaths,” Alec said aloud to himself. Panic and fear were filling his body, infecting every area of his being. His mind racing around in circles, if you skate, you could fall, if you fall Magnus will see, if Magnus sees then he will be disappointed in you, if you fall in competition you will lose, if you lose Magnus will be disappointed, if Magnus is disappointed you have failed him, you are going to fail him. This thought ran around Alecs’ head, repeating itself over and over again, each time bringing a worse and more unsettling feeling that the thought of it.

“Deep breaths, remember what Alaine told you,” Alec said, burying his head in his hands, knees pulled to his chest. He took long deep breaths, often shuttering halfway through, but he kept doing it, over and over again. During the breaths, he would count to 10. 10 seconds to inhale, 10 seconds to exhale, over and over again.

Eventually, Alec could feel his heartbeat go back to a normal rate. He leaned his head against the wall he sat against. He looked across the room, noticing a piece of paper sticking out from underneath his bed. Alec crawled across the floor, reaching for the paper and pulling it out into view. It was a poster of Magnus winning Worlds. Alec smiled down at the photo, Magnus had a smile on his face that seemed to brighten the whole arena. Alec remembered watching the competition with Jace and Clary. They had ordered a pizza and made popcorn, drinking their sodas and laughing as they told jokes about the other competitors. Jace did an amazing Meliorn impersonation that had Clary fall off the bed because she was laughing so hard. This only made Alec and Jace laugh more.

Alec remembered watching the competition with Jace and Clary. They had ordered a pizza and made popcorn, drinking their sodas and laughing as they told jokes about the other competitors. Jace did an amazing Meliorn impersonation that had Clary fall off the bed because she was laughing so hard. This only made Alec and Jace laugh more. It was when Magnus appeared on screen that the laughter stopped, for Alec was enthralled with the man on the screen. He watched him float across the ice, landing every jump. Magnus mesmerized the audience and probably everyone who was watching. When his set was over, it was clear that he had won gold.

It was when Magnus appeared on screen that the laughter stopped, for Alec was enthralled with the man on the screen. He watched him float across the ice, landing every jump. Magnus mesmerized the audience and probably everyone who was watching. When his set was over, it was clear that he had won gold.

Alec looked at the poster, Lydia had gotten it for him for his birthday, she sent it to him in the mail. He remembered when he was younger than she and he would skate around her family’s rink, copying Magnus’s routines. They would do it over and over again until it was perfect. He always loved that. Magnus was his idol in skating, his inspiration, and motivation. The idea of meeting him, of competing with him, of being even respected by him was what kept Alec going when he wanted to quit forever. All he had ever wanted was for Magnus to see him, and now that he was, Alec was terrified that Magnus would see everything, warts and all.

“Alexander?” Magnus called from outside Alec’s door. Alec put the poster back, gently under his bed. He got up off the ground, dusting off his pants, and opened the door.

“Hey,” Alec said, getting his voice to sound normal.

“Come with me,” Magnus said, grabbing Alec’s hand and pulling him downstairs.

* * *

 

Simon placed his hands on the railing of the ice-skating rink, facing the ice, one leg placed on the ground, the other shooting up in the air, he was playing on his phone as he stretched his legs. He had been back in Russia for a couple of days now and was eager to get back to practice. He needed to win, but to do that, he knew that he would have to train harder than he had ever before.

Ragnor called him over, Simon picking his head up out of his phone to look over at him. He put his leg down and walked over to his coach.

“Ready to go?” Ragnor asked. Simon nodded his head and skated onto the ice. He found his way to his starting point and began to skate the routine Magnus had given him. It would be the first time that Ragnor saw it in person. Simon skated around the ice, the music playing softly in his own head as he muscles followed their memory of the program.

When he had finished, Simon skated up to Ragnor.

“Hmmmm…. let me make a call,” Ragnor said. “While I’m gone, keep doing it, but no jumps,” Ragnor said as he left, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Simon did as his coach said. As he skated around the ice, letting himself get lost in the program and the movements. The only thought in his head were those of a certain black-haired man who was probably skating right now somewhere in Spain.

* * *

 

The anchor fell, hitting the bottom of the lake with a hard thud, catching itself as it was dragged across the sandy bottom. Alec watched through the crystal-clear water as the anchor caught the bottom, proud of himself for getting it on the first try. It had been ages since he had been on a sailboat, let alone actually sail.

Yet, here he was, all thanks to Magnus, who was too busy unpacking the little picnic he brought to notice Alec staring at him. He was laying out two sandwiches that he made, a container of grapes, a container of dried apricots and the two glasses with a bottle of red wine. Alec smiled at this, reminded of the last time they had gotten dinner, just the two of them. He had enjoyed his time with Magnus, in fact, Alec always enjoyed his time with Magnus.

“Do you want ham and cheese or turkey and cheese?” Magnus asked holding the two sandwiches out to him.

“Ham,” Alec said, grabbing the correct one, Magnus smiling down at him.

Magnus sat down next to Alec, opening the wine and pouring it into the glasses. The lake was calm, not a wave in sight, so pouring the wine was not a challenge. Magnus handed Alec a glass and he thanked him for it.

“Maybe alcohol will make the nerves go away,” Alec thought.

“Cheers,” Magnus said raising his glass, “to the start of something new.”

“Cheers,” Alec responded, lightly tapping his glass against Magnus’s and then taking a sip.

“So, Alexander, I feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to really get to know each other yet, with both of us being so busy with Sherlock,” Magnus said.

“You mean Simon?” Alec said amused.

“Whatever, he stole away precious getting to know each other time. Time, I think we should start making up. So, dearest Alexander, tell me about yourself,” Magnus said, smiling brightly at Alec. Alec blushed and took another sip of the wine.

“We already talked about me, I want to know about you,” Alec said.

“Oh please,” Magnus said, waving his hand in the air as if he was waving off Alec’s words, “Everything you need to know about me you can find in a magazine. You, on the other hand, are far more interesting. So, tell me, what do you like? Do you have any weird fetishes? Or maybe a dark past? Ex-lovers? Girlfriends? Boyfriends?”

Alec just shook his head smiling.

“Um, no weird fetishes, no dark past, and no ex-lovers worth mentioning,” Alec said.

“Ah, and if you were to have lovers…” Magnus said playing with the bottom of his wine glass, “Would they be female? Male?”

Alec looked at Magnus, well aware of what he was really asking. “Male. Only male,” Alec said, following with, “Is that an issue?”

“Oh God no!” Magnus said, placing a hand on Alec’s arm, “I don’t care about someone’s sexuality! I mean look at me, I like girls and guys. I have no room in my heart to judge others on what they like.”

“Okay, good,” Alec said, smiling at Magnus.

“So, when did you come out,” Magnus said, asking it like he was just asking him what the weather was like.

“Um...” Alec said, laughing, “Over a family dinner.”

“No!” Magnus said laughing through his shocked face.

“Yep,” Alec said, smiling, “I just was like ‘I’m gay’, and my parents just kind of looked at me with this ‘is that supposed to surprise me’ face.”

Magnus laughed at this, and Alec smiled at the other man. Alec noticed how easy it was to talk to Magnus. How he felt very comfortable around the other man, unlike how Alec usual felt around people he hadn’t known for very long.

“What about you, any past relationships,” Alec said.

“Well I’m not going to lie to you, yes there have been a few, but none worth talking about. I never really dated anyone, mostly just pacing through kind of deal,” Magnus said.

“Different person different city?” Alec said calmly.

“Pretty much. You're not judging me, are you?” Magnus said, raising his eyebrow to look at Alec.

“Nope, I get it. We live lives where commitment is hard. I’m not gonna scorn you for that,” Alec said smiling at Magnus. Magnus seemed taken back for a second, but then returned the smile, even blushing a little.

“So, tell me, Alexander,” Magnus said pushing a strand of hair out of Alec’s face, “Why are you so scared of me sometimes?”

“What do you mean?” Alec said nervously, taking a swing of his drink.

“I mean, when I touch you, sometimes you flinch, or when I get close, you back away. But mostly I mean how you get very nervous when it is just us in a room unless there is alcohol involved or skating,” Magnus said.

“Honestly?” Alec said, drinking the rest of his wine, and pouring himself some more.

“Yes, I want us to be truthful with each other, no bullshit,” Magnus said.

“Okay,” Alec said, “it's cause you're my idol,” he mumbled.

“What? I couldn't hear you,” Magnus said, actually unable to understand what Alec just said.

"You're my idol,” Alec said more clearly. He looked over at Magnus who looked shocked, embarrassment started to set in and Alec quickly started talking more to fill in the silence, “Not like in a creepy or weird way, but like I always admired you. I mean you're the reason I got into skating, I saw you at your junior debut and you were amazing. I knew that I had to meet you, so I started skating. My friend Lydia, the one who owns the rink, and I would memorize your routines and we would skate for hours. One day Luke found me and trained me to be a professional. I was so excited, I mean I could finally meet you, the great Magnus Bane. I worked so hard, day and night. I wanted to be just as good as you, so that way when we met, you would notice me. Not like a creepy ‘look at me’ way, but like a ‘wow that dude is really good’ kind of way. I mean for god sake I had your poster on my wall since you won gold at juniors. That's why I didn’t want you to see me skate, I don’t want you to see my shortcomings or imperfections. Cause to me Magnus, you're perfect. I just don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”Magnus just stared at Alec, eyes wide. Magnus’s expression one of disbelief, admiration, and amusement.

Magnus just stared at Alec, eyes wide. Magnus’s expression one of disbelief, admiration, and amusement.

“Wow,” was all Magnus said, then with a bright smile he said, “You think I’m perfect?”Alec laughed, really truly laughed and Magnus followed

Alec laughed, really truly laughed and Magnus followed suit.“Maybe,” Alec said, blushing.

“Maybe,” Alec said, blushing.

“And if I’m not?” Magnus said, voice going soft, eyes down staring at his glass.

“Not what?” Alec asked.

“Not perfect,” Magnus said, turning to look at Alec’s eyes, searching for something.

“Well then, you’re human,” Alec said, “But in all honesty, I don’t think that's a bad thing. See if someone is perfect, then they aren’t real. Flaws, quirks, all of that, it makes us real. It makes us who we are. So, even if you aren’t perfect Magnus, I still think you are worth knowing. In fact, I would like it better if you weren’t. I would rather get to know you, the real Magnus, then the perfect illusion you created for the world.”

Magnus almost cried. He almost threw his arms around Alec and kissed the man for his wonderful words. But instead, he just smiled, blushed and said, “It’s getting late, we should head back to shore.”

Alec nodded and helped Magnus up from the ground. He then cleaned up the picnic and went to pull the anchor up. As they sailed back to the shore, Alec thought of everything that had happened in the last year. Max dying, having to leave skating, having to leave Luke, Clary and Jace - his family, having to help pick up the broken pieces of the family he had left behind, the guilt of everything he faced, the guilt of leaving Idris to begin with, his desire to skate again, Magnus, Simon, all of it.

He thought of how this year had turned out to be horrible and great all at once. He had lost so much, but he also gained a lot. He was ready for the road ahead, as long as Magnus was by his side, he could handle it. It was weird to be so dependent on someone he barely knew. But there was something about Magnus, something that pulled Alec in and made him feel safe. When they pulled ashore, Alec got out of the boat first, then held his hand out for Magnus to grab hold of, helping him off the boat.

“I think I have a theme,” Alec said, still holding onto Magnus’s hand.

“Okay, what is it?” Magnus said, looking up at the man, making to move to take his hand out of Alec’s.

“Love.”

* * *

 

Clary sat on Jace’s bed, she was scrolling through Instagram, Jace sitting on the floor playing video games on his Xbox. Clary was about to comment on Simon’s selfie of him back in Russia at the skating rink when her phone started ringing. Alec’s name popped up, with a picture of him smiling brightly at the zoo petting a llama.

“Miss us already,” she said picking up the call. She hears Alec laugh on the other end.

“Of course,” he said.

“Is that Alec?” Jace asked. Clary nodded and brought her attention back to Alec.

“So, what’s up?” she asked.

“I need you to do me a favor. Are you still friends with that bartender, the one who does the music?” Alec asked.

"Maia?” Clary said.

“Yep! That one, can you see if she still has that song she made for me a while back? I want to use it for my long program, but I don’t have it anymore,” Alec said.

“Sure, I can go over and ask,” Clary said. With promises to text him Maia’s response and goodbyes, Clary hung up the phone. She lightly tapped Jace on the head.

“Grab your coat, we are going to the Hunter’s Moon,” Clary said. Jace paused his game and got up, shoving his boots on and handing Clary her coat as well as putting on his own. They walked out of the building and down the streets of Detroit until they found the small bar.

Jace opened the door, holding it for Clary. She thanked him when she entered, and he smiled in return. As they walked further into the bar, people turned to look at them. It wasn’t busy but it was the usual crowd.

“Hey Clary!” a woman behind the bar said happily. Maia, she was very beautiful with her dark skin and bright smile. She had wide, kind eyes and made you feel like you were the only person in the world that she wanted to talk to. She was also one of the nicest people Clary knew.

“Hey Maia,” Clary said, sitting down at the bar. Jace sat down next to her, shrugging off his coat and smiling at Maia. Maia and Clary had grown up together. Maia lived next door to Clary and her mom. She was a couple years older, but Clary always thought of her as a big sister. Maia even babysat her from time to time. She would always braid Clary’s hair and they would stay up late eating pizza and watch movies. Now that Clary was older, she often came to the Hunter’s Moon to hang out with Maia. Although Clary and Jace weren’t old enough to drink, Maia would let them sit in a corner booth, drinking Shirley Temples and other virgin mixed drinks. On slow days, Maia would even sit with them, talking about college and her boyfriend.

“I have a favor to ask of you,” Clary said.

“Okay? What is it?” Maia said, wiping down the counter and pouring Jace and Clary two ginger ales. Jace thanked her when she handed it to him.

“It’s for Alec, he wants to know if you still have that song you composed for him a while back,” Clary said, gratefully taking her ginger ale.

“I’m not sure, but I can check,” Maia said, turning to grab her backpack that sat on the ground behind the bar. She pulled out her laptop and placed it on the bar. She then started searching through her old files, most of them were music recordings.

“Oh! Here it is, I used it for one of my classes, got an A,” Maia said proudly.

“Congrats,” Jace said, “I on the other hand suck at school.”

“You would be better if you did your homework,” Clary said nudging her boyfriend lightly in the side.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Jace said taking another sip of his drink.

“So, what do you want me to do with the song?” Maia said, looking at Clary and Jace amusingly.

“Can you email it to me?” Clary asked.

“Sure thing.” Maia began typing into her computer, “Sent.”

“Perfect! Thanks, Maia!” Clary said, pulling out her phone and forwarding the email to Alec, then texting him to tell him what she did.

“So, tell me about your boyfriend, how is he?” Clary asked.

“Oh! Let me tell you what this dumbass did….” 

* * *

 

Alec ran into Magnus’s room, bursting through the door. The room was pitch black, except for the light from the moon pouring in through the curtains.

“Magnus!” Alec said excitedly, popping onto Magnus’s bed. Magnus shot up, his hair was a mess and he looked like he had no idea what was going on, he was also shirtless. Very very shirtless.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Alec said, if it was lighter in the room, Magnus would have been able to tell Alec was blushing.

"It’s okay,” Magnus’s voice rough from sleep, “What is it?”

“I have it, the song,” Alec said, handing Magnus headphones. Magnus took them and pushed play on the phone, graceful music started to fill his ears. Alec watched Magnus react to the music when he felt a small creature move and sit on his lap. It was Magnus’s cat, Chairman Meow. Alec scratched behind the cat’s ear, earning happy purring, the cat leaned into Alec’s touch.

“It’s perfect,” Magnus said taking the headphones off and handing them back to Alec. “I love it. What’s it called?”

“Well the composure, Maia, calls it ‘composition 235’” Alec said.

“Doesn't quite roll off the tongue does it,” Magnus said, smiling.

“No, probably not. I was thinking maybe Love on ice, or Hearts on Ice, something like that,” Alec said, petting the cat on his lap.

“Heart of Ice,” Magnus said, looking up at Alec for approval.

“Heart of Ice, perfect,” Alec said smiling back at Magnus.

* * *

 

Simon was standing in the hallway next to Ragnor. He had asked Simon to meet him here before practice. Ragnor paced back and forth in the hallway, glancing at his watch every now and then. Simon just watched him, confused about what had him so on edge. Ragnor was always so calm, so reserved. It was rare to see him express any kind of emotion, particularly nervousness.

Finally, Ragnor stopped moving and faced the door at the end of the hallway. A tall, slender, Chinese woman walked through the door. She had her hair dark pulled back tightly in a high bun. She wore tight black pants and a white fur coat. She had a serious ‘get the fuck out of my way’ face and a sharp chin. She wore six-inch black heels and walked up to Ragnor with such grace that Simon thought she might be floating.

“Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule,” Ragnor said meeting the woman eye to eye.

“Which one is he?” the woman said, “If I don’t like what I see I am leaving.”

“Right here,” Ragnor said pointing to Simon. The woman walked up to him before Simon could say anything she grabbed his face and pushed his mouth open. She put her fingers in his mouth, pushing his lips back so she can look at his teeth. Simon tried to pull away, but her grip was too tight.

“He has good teeth at least,” she said. Then she took her hands out of his mouth and turned him around so he was facing the wall. She grabbed one of his legs and pulled it up behind him. Simon fell towards the wall, grabbing it for support.

“Not very flexible but we can work on that,” she said and dropped his leg back to the ground. “We will start from square one with ballet.”

“Whatever you think is best,” Ragnor said.

“Who the hell are you?!!” Simon yelled at the woman frustrated for having been thrown around against his will.

“The person who is going to get you that gold medal at the Grand Prix Final,” she said, “My name is Camille Belcourt, prima ballerina of the Russian Ballet. I will be choreographing your long program. So, get used to seeing me around Simon Lewis, for if you want to win you must be prepared to sell your soul to me,” Camille said, her gaze would put a weaker man on his knees. But Simon was not weak.

“I will do whatever it takes to win. If it is my soul, fine it's yours,” Simon said.

Camille smiled down at him, “Good. Then pack your bags, Simon, you will be living with me while you train. I own a ballet studio under my apartment and it will be easier this way. Oh, and Ragnor, you will be moving in too,” Camille said, turning back to Simon’s coach.

“What?!” Ragnor said.

“Oh, don’t lose your shit, it’s not like we are getting back together or anything Ragnor,” Camille said. Ragnor seemed flabbergasted at this response, but mumbled something about needed to pack and then turned to leave.

Camille stared at Simon, “Are you ready my little caramel? The road ahead will not be easy nor I’m afraid will it be particularly fun.”

“I don’t care. I will do whatever it takes,” Simon said. With that, Camille asked Simon to lead her to the rink so he could show her the program Magnus made.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, Subscribe and leave Kudos :D


	12. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec explores the city, reflect on the past, and look to the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT!  
> I was going to wait a little bit to post this, but then I thought it would be disappointing for you guys if you waited a week for a short chapter. So here it is, I hope you all like it :D  
> The next couple of chapters will be long, and it will take me a while to write them. So please please please be patient. I will have them out as soon as they are done! I love you guys!  
> Please leave comments and kudos - I really like hearing from you guys. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Alec and Magnus worked their asses off. Their days blended into a chain of actions, eat, skate, eat, skate, skate some more, eat, ice everything, sleep, repeat. Alec would fall hard on the ice, no matter the damage though he would get right back up and keep on skating. He would then go home and sit in a large ice bath, letting his muscles get the proper healing time they needed. Bruises scatter up and down his body in these ugly purple blotches, but Alec didn’t care.

The routine Magnus and he designed was incredible, extremely challenging, but incredible. For Magnus, it was easy to perform the routine, but for Alec, who hadn’t skated at this level in over a year, it was not an easy feat. Triple loop jumps, quads, the foot work, everything burned into his muscle memory until he was able to get it perfect. Even then, one bad dream of failure and Alec would fall on his ass the next day. But he kept going.

He once did the routine 11 times in a row before Magnus made him stop and take a break. Complementing his amazing stamina, but worried about him over extending himself. Still, the continued on, pushing themselves to the next level, the next jump, the next skate over and over again until they would pass out on the couches downstairs in the Manor, too tired to walk up the stairs.

Magnus and Alec grew closer, bonding over the skate, over past memories, and current ones they made together. On break days, they would jog around the town, Alec showing Magnus the mountain ranged around Lake Lyn. They would go to local shops and restaurants. Talking about amazing food and laughing at Magnus’s need to buy anything that was glittery in the boutiques.

Alec found himself falling for Magnus, gradually and then suddenly. Magnus in return, found himself falling for Alec in the same fashion. However, neither of them acted on these bubbling feelings towards the other man, ignorant of the feelings they shared. Instead, they pushed forward in the skating routine and their friendship. They would watch movies with Izzy and Chairman Meow, Magnus would lay on the dock reading a fashion magazine, and Alec would sit in a chair next to him, reading an “actual book” he would say.

They fell into a comfortable routine that thrived in their compatibility. The two and a half months before local competitions flew by. By the time it was over, Alec only fell when he was doing quad jumps. Feeling comfortable in his routine and his friendship with Magnus, Alec looked forward to the competitions to come.

* * *

 

Alec hadn’t been to New York City in a long time. He always loved the city, even though it smelled like exhaust fumes and the Hudson River, he still loved it. He loved the life of the city, unlike Idris, which was so quiet. He also loved the anonymity of it all, how he could simply disappear amongst the crowd. Again, unlike Idris where everyone knew each other.

Alec excitedly bounced in his seat when the pilot of the plane told them they were about to land in New York. It was also the first time Alec had left Idris since Max died, seeing the world again was something Alec was very much looking forward to knowing that he was back in competition. When the plane landed, Alec and Magnus made quick work of grabbing their bags and getting a taxi to drive them to the hotel.

When they arrived, the hotel was filled with skaters and their entourages. Skate-moms and their big hair and long fake nails. They were all treating their kids like they were Gods, the next coming of skate Jesus - or something stupid like that. Alec never really liked local competitions, he was so excited when he no longer had to do them, but yet here he was, competing with this group of riff-raff.

When Magnus and Alec walked further into the hotel lobby, the sound of chatter amongst the mothers and their spawn slowed to a stop. Instead, everyone just stared at Magnus and Alec. Magnus smiled at the gawking faces and pushed forward to the hotel clerk asking for their room keys. Alec, on the other hand, stood there awkwardly. It was only when a little kid, no older than 10 walked up to Alec that he snapped out of it. Alec looked down at the little kid, the little boy handed Alec a piece of paper and pen. Confusion filled Alec, and he knelt down to look at the small child, hoping they would provide some sort of explanation.

“Can you sign it?” the little boy asked, pointing at the paper, Alec now looking at it, noticing that it was actually a picture, of him, skating. Alec’s heart felt like it was going to burst, he hadn’t been asked to autograph something for what seemed like forever. Alec nodded his head and neatly wrote his signature on the picture. He handed it back to the little kid, smiling at him.

Magnus approached Alec and the small child, smiling at them.

“I got the keys,” Magnus said, helping Alec back up. Alec just wordlessly followed Magnus to the elevators, waving goodbye to the kid as he did. The kid smiled widely back, waving his hand, his mother walking over to him, as he excitedly showed her the picture. When the elevator doors closed, Alec took a deep breath.

“Well that was adorable,” Magnus said, smiling fondly at Alec. Alec just returned the smile, heart still light for what happened.

When the two of them entered their room, they placed their things on one of the two full-size beds next to each other. The room was nice and had a beautiful view of the city below it. There was a large television set, mini fridge, and a large bathroom with a full-size tub and shower. Alec plopped down onto one of the beds, covering his eyes with his arm. He was exhausted from the flight, despite his excitement from being in his favorite city. Magnus removed his coat and shoes, throwing his coat onto the bed with all the luggage. Then he followed Alec’s example and fell down onto the bed that Alec was on. Their shoulders touched but neither of them made a move away from the other. They laid in a comfortable silence until Magnus’s stomach started to growl loudly.

Alec started to snicker at the noise, Magnus hitting him lightly on the chest.

“Don’t laugh at my pain,” Magnus said amusingly. Alec only laughed harder and then moved to get up from the bed. He put his hand out for Magnus to grab, helping him off the bed.

“Come on, I know a good pizza place around the corner that we can go to,” Alec said, putting his shoes back on. Magnus followed suit, grabbing his wallet, phone, and the room keys. He made a mental note of their room number, 546, and then Alec and Magnus left.

The pizza place was only three blocks from the hotel, Magnus and Alec walked in contempt silence, Magnus trying not to focus on how hungry he was. When they got to the restaurant, Alec ordered them a ‘grandma pizza’ and swore it was the greatest thing Magnus would ever taste. When the pizza and their drinks arrived, Magnus dove in. Alec was right, it was amazing. The hot mozzarella and pesto melted on Magnus’s tongue making him moan slightly. Alec smiled at Magnus’s reacting and took a slice as well.

“How did you find this place?” Magnus asked between bites.

“Jace and I found it last time we were here,” Alec said.

“Ah,” Magnus said, “So tell me about them, Jace and Clary.”

“Um, okay? What do you want to know?”

“How did you meet? How did you guys become friends? Stuff like that,” Magnus said.

“Well, we all met when I went to train in Detroit with Luke. Jace got there the

same day I did, so we kind of just hit it off. His grandmother was a big skating legend and she wanted him to continue to tradition. Jace’s parents both died when he was really little, so I was the only family he really had. We were stuck together like glue. Luke didn’t mind, he happily trained us together. It was good for us that way, the competition between each other made us try even harder in practice. But it was all just fun and games. We were like brothers. We celebrated Christmas, birthdays, Easter, Halloween, and pretty much any other holiday you could think of together. Luke kind of became our surrogate dad and we were one big happy family,” Alec said, smiling at the memory.

“And Clary?” Magnus said.

“Well Clary’s mom, Jocelyn, she and Luke always had a thing. We were never really sure what said thing was, just that it was there. So when we started getting into the junior competitions, Luke sent us to Jocelyn for ballet practice. She worked us to the bone, but it was beyond helpful. Jace, of course, was much better at it than me, but that was mostly because he would spend all of his free time there, flirting with Clary of course. I will admit, I was jealous at first,” Alec said shrugging, “But only because I thought I was losing my best friend. But I was wrong, instead, I just gained another best friend. Clary and Jace started dating a little bit ago, but before that she would come over and we would read comic books, watch movies, and watch different skating competitions. She soon became one of my closest friends.”

“Wow, I wish I had that,” Magnus said.

“Well you must have skating mates back in Russia,” Alec said, trying to comfort Magnus.

“Yeah sure, but really, I think Simon was the only one I got to really know,” Magnus said. “I was a little bit self-absorbed when I was younger, it rubbed people the wrong way.”

“Well tell me about Simon then, I’m sure he isn’t a grump all the time,” Alec said.

“No, actually it’s really weird. See, Simon, when I first met him was really cool. He was a huge nerd, like could name every character in Star Wars, even the obscure background characters, nerd. But he was fun. He would have his ups and downs, his family life isn’t really that great,” Magnus said.

“What do you mean?” Alec’s voice full of concern. Sure, Simon was a jerk at times, but Alec had grown to really like the kid over the months he got to know him.

“I don’t know, all I know is that his father is a real ass. I saw him once, screaming at Simon, making the poor kid cry, I’m ashamed I never did anything to stop it. I think the only reason his family lets him skate is that they hate him so much that having him in Russia is better than at home. He used to get bruises. Huge ones, on his chest,” Magnus said, gesturing to the areas that were marked.

“I asked him once where they were from, he swore that he had just fallen too many times on the ice, and then told me to ‘fuck off’ when I questioned him more,” Magnus said. “I didn’t know what to do, I mean I told Ragnor and he said that it was just from falling. Not that I think Ragnor was lying, but I still wanted to make sure Simon knew he had a place to come back to. I would invite him over for holidays, I was usually alone or out drinking with fake friends. Sometimes he would say yes, and we would just watch Christmas movies and eat takeout. It was nice, he wouldn’t say much, but he seemed happy,” Magnus said, refusing to look at Alec, instead just staring down at his pizza, taking small bites.

“It was a couple years ago though, that really changed him. We had this camp, one that Ragnor and this coach from Spain ran together. I don’t know what happened, but ever since then, Simon had been different. More angry, quick to jump to conclusions and quick to jump down your throat. He lost his…. Wonder for the world I guess you could say,” Magnus said, finally looking up at Alec.

Alec looked at Magnus, his eyes pouring into Magnus’s. He was still processing everything Magnus had said. Then without hesitation, he grabbed Magnus’s hand, rubbing small circles on the back of it. Magnus looked at their hands, and then back up at Alec.

“It’s not your fault Magnus. I don’t know what's going on with Simon, but don’t blame yourself for anything. Do you understand me? It is not your fault,” Alec said. Magnus’s heart felt light, and he squeezed Alec’s hand in his own, happy for the comfort. Alec eventually pulled away and they ate the rest of their meal in a comfortable silence. When they were done, Alec paid and they left the restaurant, walking the streets until they reached a small park, deciding it would be nice to stretch their legs after the long flight. They walked in silence, taking in the scenery until Magnus had to break it.

“I love New York,” Magnus said.

“Me too, it is by far my favorite city,” Alec said, looking at Magnus now.

“You know, I always thought I would set up a skating school here one day. Become a coach, live in a flat in Brooklyn, adapt like six cats and live happily ever after,” Magnus said smiling at the thought.

“Sounds nice, mind if I visit you?” Alec said.

“Visit?! Oh no, dear Alexander, you are not allowed to visit me. You are going to be my assistant coach! We will do it together,” Magnus said smiling at the taller man.

Alec’s face lit up, happy at the thought of working with Magnus, of just being with Magnus. “I would be honored,” Alec said.

“Good! But of course, this will take a couple of years, for starters you need to finish your skating career and don’t even think about quitting before you at least go to the Olympics!” Magnus said. Alec stopping in his tracks, staring at the other man.

“Olympics?” Alec said, voice slightly wavering. Magnus turning around to look at Alec.

“Yeah, what did you think that I was only going to stick around just for the Grand Prix?” Magnus said, Alec, nodding slowly up and down.

“Oh, my sweet Alexander, I’m not just here to coach you for one competition. I’m here to coach you for the rest of your career. I’m 26 years old, soon to be 27. My skating days are behind me. Sure, I love the sport, I always will. But I’m tired, competing has been my life since I was 6 years old. I don’t want to compete, I want to actually have a life. When I agreed to be your coach, I officially retired, no matter what the press might think. So yes, Alexander, I plan on being your coach for the rest of your skating career, and you can bet your cute butt that your career includes the Olympics,” Magnus said, his face now inches from Alec’s.

Alec was in awe. He could barely think, so instead, he just did. He pulled Magnus into a hug, tightly wrapping the other man in his arms. Magnus returned the hug, burying his face in Alec’s shirt. Alec's heart was pounding so hard he felt like it might burst. When he pulled away, he just looked at Magnus, memorizing the color of his eyes.

“Thank you, Magnus, I promise, I won’t disappoint you!” Alec said, determination ringing in his voice.

“I know Alexander,” Magnus said, placing his hand on the other man's cheek smiling up at him. Alec blushed and moved away, Magnus smiling at the man’s reaction. He liked making Alec blush, it was so beautiful and cute.

“Should we… um… walk?” Alec said stuttering through his words. Magnus nodded and turned to walk side by side Alec until they decided it was late and returned to the hotel. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, and they needed to be prepared. For tomorrow, was the first time Alec would compete in a real competition in over a year. All eyes would be on him, and his coach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ NOTES IN BEGINNING!


	13. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The New York competition takes place, fights are had and feelings are realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings, 
> 
> The next chapter will be out in a week, hopefully, sooner. It will be Simon based (YEAH!!!!) I hope you all like this chapter :) 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

**_ Alec Lightwood: Return of the Skater _ **

_Alec Lightwood has been out of the skating rink and community for over a year, yet here today he will be making his comeback in the domestic New York City competition. Competing against local New York skaters as well as those from far away - Alec Lightwood needs first place to claim victory and move on to the Grand Prix Final decision._

_However, he will also need to win first in either Chicago or Detroit - if he does, Alec Lightwood and coach, skating legend, Magnus Bane, will continue their usual due to the next round and beyond. Fans eagerly await the return of their beloved skater. Some of the parents of other skaters have complained to the board for the competition, claiming it is unfair for their skaters to have to compete with Alec Lightwood - given he is at least 2 years older than the oldest skater and has many more years of experience under his belt._

_Maggie Laffet, the head of the committee running the New York City competition had this to say, “All skaters are welcomed at this competition, despite their experience. Alec Lightwood has come out of retirement and we will not discriminate against him simply because he is older than the other skaters. We encourage all skaters to do their best, and we encourage all coaches, parents, and fans to show respect to every skater.”_

_The competition has gained massive amounts of social media coverage, thanks to Lightwood and Bane. Competitor Raphael Santiago tweeted the following, “Good luck to @ALightwood at #NYC Skate. I look forward to seeing you at #GPF” Another tweet was made out by competitor Jace Herondale, “GO @ALightwood!!!!!! SEE YOU IN DETROIT!!! #NYCSkate #DetroitSkate”_

_We are excited to see what Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane have created for this year’s competitions. May the best skater win!_

* * *

 

Alec was nervous, despite him knowing that he had this competition in the bag. He walked slowly through the skaters warm up area, loud music blaring in his ears. He drowned out the voices around him. Mothers talking to each other, their voices leaving a bad taste in the air as they gawked and whispered harsh words about Alec to each other. Talking about how he had a “freak out” last season, about how he was practically cheating being here today, or even about how he stole legend Magnus Bane from professional skating.

None of them knew the truth. The fact that it wasn’t a “freak out”, but the reaction of a broken-hearted brother finding out his younger sibling died. The fact that Magnus was retiring anyway, and that he loved being Alec’s coach. A fact that made Alec’s heart feel light and warm. Also, the fact that Alec didn’t want to be at this competition just as much as the skater-moms didn’t want him here.

Alec appreciated local, domestic competitions. But he had performed at World Championships and the Grand Prix Final for god's sake. Being here was like taking Michael Jordan and making him play basketball against 5th graders. It was silly and slightly stupid. But Alec understood why he was here, and still appreciated it for it's worth. Being here allowed him to slowly get used to crowds and competitions again. It was like dipping his toes into the pool before jumping in. 

Magnus, on the other hand, seemed to be thriving in the attention he was receiving. Signing autographs and taking pictures with fans and fellow skaters alike. He even pulled out his own phone to take a big group selfie with a bunch of gushing fans. Alec smiled at the sight, happy that Magnus was pulling the spotlight away from him. It made Alec’s warm up easier. Magnus was dressed in a three-piece suit. He wore black trousers and a black coat with rhinestones embedded into the fabric. His waist coat was a dark purple color with sequences creating a spider web pattern across it. His shirt was a white and he wore a dark purple tie to match his waistcoat.

Magnus’s hair was done up perfectly, glitter all over his person. He had a smoky eye look and his nail polish matched his suit. Alec remembered waking up this morning to Magnus walking busily around the hotel room getting ready. Gelling his hair up and carefully putting on his makeup. Alec just sat in bed watching Magnus work fondly. When he asked Magnus why he was putting so much effort into his outfit, Magnus replied that this was his first real appearance as Alec’s skating coach, he needed to look his best. Alec just shook his head and helped Magnus pick out the perfect shoes, having bought like 3 pairs.

Alec smiled at the memory as he sat down on the ground, stretching his legs out in front of him, and reaching for them. Relaxing his muscles as he did other stretches, taking deep breaths calming his nerves. He was the last to skate the short program and then depending on how well he does, he will skate his free skate (or long program). Since it is a local competition, all the skating is done in one day and not over the course of two days like usual. Alec didn’t mind this, he always hated the two-day thing. It just gave him more time to psych himself out and overthink everything.

When he was done stretching, Alec got up from the floor dusting his pants off, not wanting to ruin his costume. Magnus walked over to Alec smiling happily at him.

“Ready?” Magnus said. 

“As ready as I will ever be,” Alec said. They turned and walked out towards the rink, taking their seats next to the other skaters and their coaches. Alec watched the other skaters move across the ice, dancing to their programs in soft fluid motions. They were all pretty good, and Alec and Magnus cheered happily for them as they skated. Finally, it was one skate away from being Alec’s turn. He started putting on his ice skates, lacing them up slowly, making sure they were tight.

“Here,” Magnus said, handing Alec something.

“Chocolate?” Alec asked examining the small piece of candy in his hand.

“Yep,” Magnus smiled, “I always eat a piece of chocolate before I skate, calms my nerves.”

“You get nervous?” Alec asked, slightly shocked.

“Not like you, but yes I get nervous. Anyway, it is important for coaches to share traditions with their students,” Magnus said, eating a piece of chocolate himself. Alec smiled and then put the piece of candy into his mouth. It melted on his tongue and the sweet taste comforted Alec.

“Thank you,” Alec said, standing up and removing his zip-up sweater. Magnus took the sweater and stood up as well. They walked together towards the rink entrance and waited for the skater to exit the ice. Then Alec stepped onto it, skating to the railing and facing Magnus. Their faces no more than a few inches from each other.

Alec grabbed his water bottle from Magnus’s hands and took a swing of it, washing away the taste of the chocolate, and with it, the comfort it held. His nerves setting back in, his shoulders growing tights, and his balance faltering. Taking deep breaths over and over again, reminding himself that he could do this, trying to his feelings under control.

“Turn around,” Magnus said. Alec did what he asked, now facing the other side of the rink where the photographers and audience sat. Alec felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind, pulling his back against a hard, warm chest. Alec froze.

He was blushing, he knew he was blushing really bad. He was still, unable to move from the position, cameras across the ice snapping away as the captured the moment for their articles. Magnus’s hot breath on Alec’s neck made Alec’s knees weak.

“Seduce me with everything you have Alexander,” Magnus whispered in his ear. His voice like the chocolate Alec just had, soft, smooth, and comforting. At the same time, it gave Alec the courage and determination he needed to skate his best. Magnus gently kissed Alec’s neck, a quick, warm kiss that made Alec almost fall apart completely. But instead, he just gripped the railing, his knuckles turning white and took one last deep breath, before pushing himself away from Magnus’s embrace. Magnus gracefully lets go of Alec, smiling as the man skated towards the middle of the rink. He didn’t plan on kissing Alec’s neck, but Magnus just couldn’t resist. He was falling for Alec, for the first time in forever, Magnus was actually falling in love. Magnus pushed these feelings out of his mind, instead focusing on Alec and his routine.

He couldn’t allow himself to get distracted with notions of love, not now. Alec needed him to be his coach, not his lover. But yet, Magnus couldn't help the sinking feeling that Alec was special, that he was the person Magnus might finally be able to open up to. Magnus silenced these thoughts as the music filled the room. Watching Alec intently as he seduced the audience, bringing them to their knees.

Alec messed up a couple of his jumps, no surprise there though. Alec always seemed to mess up his jumps when he was nervous, and being out on the ice for the first time in over a year was bound to make him nervous. Magnus noticed though that Alec seemed to get nervous about a lot of things. Alec was easily flustered if there was even a hint of change in the air. He also made a complete and utter fool of himself in any and all social situations, not to Magnus’s displeasure. Magnus found Alec’s nervousness around him adorable. But he was still worried for the younger man. He needed to be able to compete at high levels of stress. The Grand Prix Final was not going to be a walk in the park.

Maybe Magnus should talk to Alec’s old coach, Luke. He had coached Alec for years, he must have known about Alec’s obvious anxiety before skates. Magnus observed the audience, they were enthralled with the skate. Alec oozed sex appeal, it even made Magnus drool slightly. When the skate was over, the audience was on their feet. Cheering loudly for Alec, pleased with his performance.

Alec skated over to Magnus, smiling slightly. Magnus could tell that Alec was disappointed in himself for his fudged-up jumps. Turning a triple axel into a double was never a good thing, particularly because Alec is so experienced. Magnus knew Alec’s thoughts by now almost as well as he knew his own thoughts. He could tell Alec was upset by the jumps, not because of his experience, but because it reflected badly on Magnus’s teachings. However, when Alec exited the ice, he was immediately embraced by a smiling Magnus.

“Good job Alec,” Magnus whispered in his ear.

“But the triple axel,” Alec started, cut off by Magnus placing a finger on Alec’s lips. Magnus faced Alec, smiling at the man, he knew Alec needed encouragement, but he also knew Alec needed a coach.

“Yes, you messed up the jumps, but your step sequence was amazing, so why don’t we just focus on the step sequence for the long program, and leave out the quad jumps. Besides, you have never landed a quad, even in practice, so it makes no sense to do it now,” Magnus said, smiling at Alec. Alec just stared at Magnus.

“No quads?” Alec said, disappointment ringing clearly in his voice. “But Magnus -”

“No buts mister!” Magnus said, “You do not need quads to win, so just stick with triple axels and you will be fine. You wouldn't go against your coach’s instruction, would you?” Magnus said, raising one of his eyebrows in a questioning manner.

“No,” Alec said, looking down at his skates. Magnus knew Alec was a man of his word and would follow his instruction. Yet part of him wished that Alec would say ‘screw the rules’ and take matters into his own hands. Control his own destiny. These thoughts were interrupted by the announcements for the scores.

“Alec Lightwood, 95.76. Lightwood is currently in first place,” the loudspeaker said, the audience cheering excitedly at the scores. Magnus looked over at Alec, he didn’t seem to be pleased with the scores. Magnus was unsure why, but then remembered Alec’s short program scores at the GPF Alec was in. His scores breaking the world record, currently held by Magnus himself.

There was a lunch break between the short and long programs, and since Alec was in first place, he was skating last. Magnus and Alec ate their lunches in silence. Well, Magnus ate his lunch and Alec just move the food around his plate, refusing to look up at Magnus. Magnus could tell Alec was disappointed in himself over the scores, he needed to do something to cheer Alec up.

“Don’t worry about the scores Alec, you are going to win first place no matter what. Everyone else only scored in like the 70s,” Magnus said, reaching to grab Alec’s hand. But Alec pulled it away quickly, putting both of his hands under the table on his lap. Alec looked up at Magnus, his face impossible to read, it sent a shiver down Magnus’s back. He had never seen Alec so…. sullen.

“I’m going to go get changed for the long program,” Alec said, getting up from his seat and heading back towards the locker rooms. Magnus watched him go, wanting nothing more than to run after him, so he did.

Alec was a fast walker, mostly because his legs were so goddamn long, so with a little jog, Magnus was able to catch up. He pulled on Alec’s arm, turning the other man around to look at him.

“Alec, what’s wrong,” Magnus said.

“Nothing,” Alec said, sounding like a teenage girl who tells her boyfriend that's she’s ‘fine’.

“Don’t lie to me,” Magnus said, his voice stern.

“Fine, then don’t hold me back!” Alec said, voice raising.

“Hold you back? How am I doing that?!” Magnus asked, trying to keep his voice from being too loud. People already turning to look at what was going on. The last thing they needed were cameras catching them in an argument. 

“The quads Magnus!” Alec said like it was so fucking obvious.

“Seriously!?! Alec, you know as well as I do that every time you do a quad you fall on your ass!” Magnus said, feeling like he was arguing with a child.

“Maybe I could do it if you were a better coach!” Alec said, his face screamed shock, raising a hand to his mouth as if he was trying to pull the words back in. But it was too late, the words were said and the damage was done. Magnus was pissed. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so mad at someone. Maybe when Simon spilled cranberry juice on his white Prada jacket. 

“Okay, you listen up Alexander, and you listen well. I will not be talked to in this manner. I am your coach and you will do what I say. If you want to go out there and do a quad, falling on your ass in front of everyone then go fucking ahead. But if you want to listen and not embarrass yourself and me, then do what I tell you. Do I make myself clear?” Magnus said in a ‘don't fuck with me’ voice. He knew that the ‘embarrass me’ part was a low blow, given how Alec opened up to him about not wanting to embarrass Magnus. But he needed to say it, hopefully, it would get across. But when he looked back up at Alec, Magnus realized he was the one who just messed up. Alec looked hurt, truly deeply hurt.

“I didn’t - I don’t want to - okay Magnus,” Alec said, finally resolved on the issue. However, the win was not a sweet one, for Magnus looked at Alec, and felt like crap. He didn’t mean to yell at him, but he needs to know discipline and most importantly, Alec has a lot of competing to do, he can’t get injured now. Alec just turned and left, heading to the locker rooms.

Magnus watched him go, wanting nothing more than to go after him, he didn’t.

* * *

 

Alec walked towards the ice, he felt like shit. He didn’t want to fight with Magnus, he didn’t want to make Magnus mad. But for some stupid reason, he needed to be right. Maybe it was because he wanted to prove to himself, to everyone watching that Magnus didn’t just give up skating for nothing. That Alec didn’t get the greatest skating legend ever to retire just so he could fuck around on the ice with no real improvement.

As Alec approached the edge of the rink, Magnus was there waiting for him. Magnus handed him his water bottle and took Alec’s sweater. Alec took a swing of his water, the cool liquid calming him, sending a sigh of relief through his body. He looked up at Magnus, his eyes were blank and cold, it sent a shiver down Alec’s spin. He felt uneasy and disoriented, he needed to apologize. But before he could, the announced called Alec to the ice. 

Alec stepped on the ice, before skating towards the center, he turned around. Magnus was looking at him, his face impossible to read. Alec skated towards him, once they were face to face, only the railing of the rink separating them, Alec reached forward, resting his hand on Magnus' cheek. Magnus’s eyes shot up in surprise at the sudden touch but he didn’t move. Alec could hear the clicking of cameras taking photos of the pair, but he didn’t care. Nor did he particularly care about the fact he was supposed to be skating already, it could wait, this was more important.

He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Magnus’s other cheek, whispering as he pulled away, “I’m so sorry Magnus.”

With that, he turned and skated towards the middle of the rink, leaving a shocked Magnus and skaters behind him.

 _“Love,”_ Alec thought, _“When I think of love, who is it I see?”_

The music started to play, softly filling the room with its piano melody. He moved with the music, creating a story with every note of the song. It coursed through him like a wave of emotions, infecting every ounce of his being. He did as Magnus said, no quads, and instead focused on his footwork.

 _“Love,”_ Alec thought, _“When I think of love, I see Izzy and Max. I see my parents.”_

Alec moved, mesmerizing the audience with his dance, creating the perfect contrast between of restlessness and peace. Alec could always move with the music easily, his ability to find himself in the music had always been his gift. 

 _“Love,”_ Alec thought, _“When I think of love, I see Jace, Clary, Luke, and Jocelyn.”_

Alec moved quickly, building up momentum for his final jump. He pushed himself into the air and landed perfectly. The audience roared in approval around him, but Alec wasn’t fazed by it. He just kept on skating, kept on feeling everything through him, the love, the peace, the restless heart searching for something more. It was when the music came to a close, and he swung into his final pose that he saw what it was. What he had been searching for his whole life, this whole time, right there in front of him. With an extension of his arm, he reached out towards it.

 _“Love,”_ Alec thought, _“When I think of love, I see Magnus.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, Kudos and Subscribe :D


	14. Hi, My Name is Simon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp this fucked me up.  
> It took so long cause I literally couldn't stop crying.  
> Have fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITALICIZE AND BOLD WORDS = RUSSIAN!!!!
> 
> (Also, no offense to my Russian readers. I love you all. no hate or shade was meant to be intentional!) 
> 
> COMMENT! KUDOS! SUBSCRIBE! :D
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

The room was cold. The air conditioner was pumping freezing air into the room, making a horrible wheezing noise as it did. The fluorescent lights were bright, illuminating a sickly color all over the room. There was one light in the corner that flickered on and off as if one of the bulbs were loose. Simon sat in a circle, a young woman to his right. She looked tired, bags under her eyes and smudged eyeliner making her look older than she probably was. She looked like she would rather cut off her left foot with a butter knife than be here.

Her clothes were tethered, and her shirt revealed a lot of cleavage. Her pants were black and she wore crappy converse sneakers that had seen better days. Her nails were painted a sickly purple color and were chipping leaving behind the resemblance of a crappy manicure. She was thin, very thin. Her face looked like she hadn’t slept for a year, her eyes were bloodshot as if she had just finished crying. Her hair had a tint of purple, matching her nails, its vibrant color fading. It pretty much summed up the girl as a whole, fading.

She spoke only in Russian, but then again, everyone in the room was speaking Russian. As she spoke her voice was smooth, soft, and yet unnerving. She spoke of her friends and family, her hopes and dreams and how they were crushed before her eyes. How life had taken her life, stomped on it, set it on fire, and handed it back to her, all while asking her, “Oh! Wait, did you need that?”

Simon could relate. Her boyfriend left her, and she had to move back home with her parents. One of her parent’s rules of living with them though was that she had to come here. She had to get help. It wasn’t a bad deal, Simon supposed it was a sign of loving parents. But then again, he was not a good judge of character. Especially when it came to parents.

As she talked, Simon listened intently. Her name was Viktoriya, not uncommon for someone from Russia. She seemed nice enough, her story was sad though, well no shit, they were at a Depression support group after all. Happy people don’t usually go to these kinds of things. Viktoriya had been here before, many times really. Sometimes they would grab a coffee after meetings, sitting in a comfortable silence as he did homework, and she played on her phone.

Yes, Simon has homework, he is still 17 after all. She had either graduated from high school already, or she didn’t give a shit, both worked for Simon. Once he asked her why they never really talked to each other during their coffee meets after their group sessions. She responded with, sometimes people just need comfortable silence after opening their hearts. Simon always liked that response, embracing the idea of comfortable silence completely. Sometimes though, Simon would have a little too much caffeine and he would talk nonsense and she would just listen.

Every now and then she would laugh, mostly though it was because he mispronounced something in Russian and said something completely inappropriate, instead of what he actually meant to say. She would correct him, and they would continue on with whatever it was they were doing. If Simon had to think about what a friend was, she was probably the closest thing to come to mind, other than Alec.

Simon’s stomach hurt at the thought of the other man. He was in Chicago now, competing for a place in the Grand Prix Final playoffs. Alec had already won in New York, first place, obviously. It was a good win, even though he fell on his ass a couple times. Simon resisted the urge to look at his phone, checking the scores of the competition happening an ocean away.

Instead, he pulled his attention back to Viktoriya.

 ** _“…. So that’s what is happening in my life. One shit storm after another. But I’m trying, I have to,”_** Viktoriya said.

 ** _“Thank you for sharing Viktoriya,”_** Leo said. Leo was the head of the group, controlling who talked and when. He was an elder man with white hair and large glasses perched on his nose. He always wore a suit, some fancy material with an Italian name sewn into the tags. His shoes were always polished and he had a brown briefcase neatly placed at his feet. He was always perfectly groomed and he had a mustache that made him look like a cool grandpa. Simon liked him plenty.

Leo was a professor at the university nearby, he taught Psychology. He had opened this group a couple of years ago, the small thing took place in a community center. Nothing special, but he had done it after his son died from suicide. Leo vowed to help everyone suffering from Depression and Anxiety that he could, as a way to cope with his loss.

Depression wasn’t something people in Russia really talked about, but still, here he was, making sure that this band of misfits had a safe place to talk. To deal with the world in a place hidden from it. There were others in the room, people Simon had gotten to know rather well over the years.

 ** _“Simon? Would you like to share next? It has been some time since you were last here,”_** Leo asked, his kind eyes resting on Simon. If Simon were to ever have a chance to meet his grandfather, he hoped that he would be like Leo.

 ** _“Yes… um…. Hi, my name is Simon and I have Depression, and things have been really difficult recently,”_** Simon said in Russian, only Leo really understood English, **_“I went to America, and I have been very busy with… my job…. So that’s why I have not been here. But I’m…. I…..”_** Simon was unsure how to continue.

 ** _“It is okay Simon, take your time,”_** Leo said. Simon looked down at his jeans, there were a couple of holes in them, that distressed look he liked. One of the holes was rested perfectly on his upper thigh, revealing a small bunch of little white scars. One would barely notice, given Simon’s pale complexion, but he noticed. He took a deep breath; mimicking Alec’s go to move before he started skating.

 ** _“It just keeps getting worse,”_** Simon said, never looking up, staring intensely at the scars, **_“The urge to cut is more and more intense every day. I just want to,”_** Simon looking up now, meeting Leo’s eyes, **_“I don’t know what to do. Everything feels like it is spinning out of control. I push myself harder and harder at... work… so that I can be better, be more and control my life. But I just feel it slipping even more. When I cut, I feel a sense of control wash over me. It is a relief. Without it, I just feel lost. Like I’m wandering through a pitch-black room, constantly bumping into things.”_**

 ** _“What do you think is preventing you from being able to see? From being able to control the things around you?”_** Leo asked softly.

 ** _“I’m not sure. I just feel alone, like there is no one I can talk to,”_** Simon said, tears starting to fill his eyes.

 ** _“Well, why don’t you reach out, find someone to help guide you through the fog. A friend? A co-worker? Someone who you can use to help see better,”_** Leo said.

 ** _“I don’t really have anyone like that. There are only four people in this world I can rely on, one is dead, one is my enemy, one is screwing my enemy, and the last one I hate,”_** Simon said, thinking of Bubbie Helen, Alec, Magnus, and Raphael in that order.

 ** _“Why are they your enemy?”_** Viktoriya said, interrupting whatever it was Leo was going to say.

 ** _“We… have conflicting jobs,”_** Simon said. He had never told the group that he was a figure skater, praying no one would recognize him. He didn’t need a media storm over this, asking questions about his Depression. Sure, the American media might be a little bit more forgiving, with all their athletes coming out about their own mental illness, but Russia would be cruel. Claiming he was weak, he didn’t need or want that. No offense to the Russians.

 ** _“Anyway, I just need to get my shit together, but I don’t know how to do that. Especially when life keeps beating the hell out of me every five minutes,”_** Simon said.

 ** _“Simon, life is a mixture of chaos and coincidences which we could never hope to control. One must learn to surrender control at times, and let life lead us to where we need to be. Let life lead you, Simon. Let your heart open up to others, you might be surprised by how accepting people are. How kind they can truly be. Stop trying to control everything, because you can’t,”_** Leo said, his words flowed with wisdom.

 ** _“But who am I supposed to talk to?”_** Simon said.

 ** _“Sometimes, those we preserve as enemies, are actually not our enemy,”_** Leo informed.

 **_“And for those who we hate? Are they our friends too? Should we just forgive them for the shitty things they have done?”_ ** **Simon said in an impatient tone.**

 ** _“Yes. One must forgive to move on Simon. Stop clinging to the past in hope of redemption or revenge. Instead, let it be, and move on. Things people do when they are young and stupid, do not define who they are as they grow. I’m sure you have learned from your own mistakes, this person who you hate might have learned from theirs. Forgive them Simon, and then, forgive yourself. Do not carry the weight of things outside of your control,”_** Leo said. With that note, he turned his attention to the man sitting two seats away from Simon, allowing him to open up and talk about his life. Simon was thankful for the lack of attention to himself. It gave him time to think about everything.

Could Simon forgive? Could he have friends and still be able to compete against them? Could he let go of the control he strived for but never achieved?

“It is worth a shot,” Simon thought.

After the group was over, Simon started his walk back to Camille’s house. Despite him living at Camille’s for over 4 months, it was still strange. Like he was a permanent guest in his own life, never really being in charge of anything. Camille was nice enough, mostly a cold exterior, but she never minded Simon and he paid no attention to her unless of course, it was during the workouts and skates. Her house was very large and had a collection of various rooms for various purposes, most of which were located through complicated doors and confusing hallways. Simon got lost like 6 times already.

Her taste in style reflected the Chinese culture she grew up in, but it was also very modern. Simon liked it, running his hands over the different artifacts she had tucked away in glass cases. Her trophies and medals from her dancing days, her pictures with famous people who Simon didn’t really know, her library with a collection of almost every book there was. These were the things that Simon found himself drawn to in the house. Despite it only having three people living in it, the house was full of life. Each room filled with its own history, its own story, waiting to be explored.

Simon turned the corner of the road he was walking across one of the many bridges that interlaced St. Petersburg. He was a couple of blocks from Camille’s apartment. Usually, he would grab a cab since it was always late when the group was done, but he wanted to walk this time. He needed to think.

He thought of Alec, of how much he missed having a friend. Of Clary and Jace and how jealous he is of Alec for having them. To not only have a loving family but friends who would die for you. On top of all of that, he has Magnus, it was just all so unfair. Simon didn’t have anything, no family, no friends, no significant other, nothing. Simon stopped walking, standing in the middle of the bridge. It was empty, the streets were clear, nobody was around. It was around 10 pm, the air was cool, but it was nice after the long hot day. Simon walked slowly towards the edge of the bridge. He leaned against the railing, looking down at the water beneath the bridge. It was still, and dark, not like Lake Lyn where no matter where you were you could see the bottom. This was an all-consuming, dark, cold water, one that drowned not only you but all that you held dear. It was unforgiving.

“Forgive yourself, forgive others,” Simon thought, clinging to Leo’s words for dear life. He gripped the railing, his knuckles turning white. He wanted to jump, he wanted to let the water wash him away. He knew that the jump would probably not kill him, but maybe he would get lucky. Knowing Simon’s track record though, luck was unlikely. He wanted to die, right there and then, he wanted everything to just come to a screeching halt, everything to just end.

Why should he live? Nobody loved him, nobody cared. His father always told him he was a worthless piece of shit, and you know what, he was right. Simon thought of all the abuse he had endured from the hateful man and thought of how he deserved every single second of it. He thought of how his mother drank until she passed out, every night. Of how his sister probably always hated him, he was the one to fuck up everything. Everything was fine in their life until Simon was born.

Simon thought of Bubbie Helen, of how much he missed her, of how much he wanted her to just make her famous latkes, hug him, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. How he wanted nothing more than to have been there at her funeral. Simon put his feet on the bottom railing, pulling himself up. He looked down at the water, mesmerized by its movements.

Simon felt the water fall from his eyes and down his face, his body trembling horribly. He was sobbing like a child, but he didn’t care. He never let go of the railing. His vision blurry from the tears. His breath shaky and quick, he wanted nothing more than to just climb over the railing and let go. Let it all go.

Simon fell backwards.

More like he was pulled backwards, landing hard on his ass. Standing over him, was a dark-haired boy. He was about Simon’s height, maybe a little shorter, he had dark eyes and tan skin.

“Raphael?’ Simon croaked, tears still clouding his vision. He reached out to the figure.

 ** _“Are you okay?!”_** the figure said, helping Simon up. Simon took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. When his vision was clear, he looked at the boy. His heart broke when he realized it wasn’t Raphael. Instead, it was just some random person he had never seen before.

 ** _“Are you okay?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”_** The boy yelled, he must have been 18 at the oldest. Simon just looked at him. He wanted to scream at the boy. To yell and cry, crushing him for saving his life. To tell him that he wanted to die, that he didn’t want to live. Instead, Simon just turned and walked away. The boy yelling at him in the distance, but Simon just kept walking.

He walked until he got to Camille’s apartment, even then, he walked straight to her room, ignoring Ragnor and Camille yelling about him being out so late. He just went to his room and laid down on his bed. He looked up at the ceiling, feeling numb all over.

It was here that Simon closed his eyes, if death wasn’t going to be his release, then maybe sleep could be. Right before he was about to fall into a blissful sleep, his phone buzzed. Simon pulled it out of his pocket, looking at it. It was a notification on Instagram, he was tagged in Magnus’s photo.

Simon opened the app and looked at the picture. It was Magus, dressed to the nines, kissing Alec’s cheek, with Alec smiling brightly, eyes closed, holding a gold medal that hung around his neck.

_“@ALightwood won #ChicagoSkate!!!!!!!! See you at the #GPF @AttackoftheJace @Meliorn @RSantiago and @SimonLewis!!!!!”_

Simon liked the photo, then looking at the @RSantiago tag. He raised his finger, clicking on it. It brought him to Raphael's Instagram page. There were pictures of Barcelona all over the account, mostly scenery pictures. Simon knew that it was in Barcelona, Spain that Raphael skated. Simon scrolled through them, some of the pictures featured smiling strangers, probably Raphael’s friends, others featured a motorcycle, always the same one.

However, there was one photo that really caught Simon’s eye. It was a picture of them. Simon and Raphael were standing near the skating rink in Russia. Raphael looked at Simon, smiling lovingly, while Simon stood there talking, using his hands to show what he meant. Simon had no idea what was being said, but he did know when it was. This was at the camp, before everything.

_“#TBT to the time Simon Lewis and I skated together at #skatecampfromhell - Thanks to @TheGlitteryOne for the photo credit”_

Simon smiled at Magnus’s stupid handle name. But also at the name of Ragnor’s camp. Camp from hell, that sounds about right. Simon wanted to like the photo, but since it was posted like a year ago, that would be creepy. Instead, he just plugged his phone into the charger and went to take a shower.

In the shower, Simon let the hot water burn into his skin. He looked down at the scars, running his hand over them, wishing the hot water would just wash them all away. Wash everything away. “Forgive,” Simon thought. He closed his eyes, taking a long deep breath.

“Okay,” Simon said quietly. Surrendering to the chaos of the world, and all that it came with. When he got out of the shower, he went to his phone and pulled out the only photo in it that he had of Raphael. It was taken during the camp, but this time, it was taken by Simon. Raphael sat on Simon's bed, Simon next to him, his arm extended to take the selfie. Simon had a huge smile on his face, bright and happy. Raphael smiled too, but it was subtle and sweet, reaching his eyes.

Simon adjusted the photo, adding the perfect filter, and then wrote:

_“A rare photo of @RSantiago smiling - miss this”_

Simon looked at it for a while, before finally taking a deep breath and pushing “post”.

Maybe it wasn’t the biggest gesture in the world, but it was something. It was a start and isn’t a leap of faith better than no leap at all.

* * *

 

Raphael sat on his bed, earbuds blasting music, computer in lap. He was looking at footage from practice that day. Watching intensely as he skated around the ice, taking note of the jumps, of his movement as he floated across the ice. His phone started to buzz, pulling his attention away from the computer. Raphael pulled the phone up to him, taking his earbuds off. It was an Instagram notification, he was tagged in a picture from Sim-

Raphael froze as he read the name. “Simon Lewis” he read over and over again. When he finally snapped out of his hypnosis at the name on the screen, he unlocked his phone and opened the app, looking at the photo. Raphael remembered when the photo was taken, smiling fondly at the memory. But what really made his heart feel light was the fact that Simon actually tagged him in something. He reached out.

Maybe…. Maybe there was hope. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Maybe things could be different, maybe things could be good. Raphael let his mind race with these thoughts of reunited lovers and proclamations of love one would see on TV or in movies.

“Snap out of it!” Raphael thought when his mind got too carried away. “Just write back! BE COOL!!!!” Raphael thought.

 _“Been a while @SimonLewis, excited to see you at the #GPF hmu?”_ Raphael typed. Then deleted it immediately.

He tried a couple different responses, but eventually just settled on liking the photo. It wasn’t the world's biggest gesture, but it was a start, and he had to start somewhere. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT! KUDOS! SUBSCRIBE! :D
> 
> Also, just in case there is any confusion
> 
> @ALightwood: Alec  
> @AttackoftheJace: Jace  
> @SimonLewis: Simon  
> @Meliorn: Meliorn  
> @RSantiago: Raphael  
> @TheGlitteryOne: Magnus


	15. Dr. Fairchild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Alec’s victories in Chicago and New York, Magnus and Alec take a much-needed vacation. Oh! And yes, I did do the classic one bed thing. Why? Because I can! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings, 
> 
> This chapter and the next will be Malec based. But don't worry my SimonxRaphael shippers, Chapters 17-18 are my present to you :D Love you all so much! Thanks for all the support!  
> COMMENT! KUDOS! SUBSCRIBE!!!!  
> (seriously comment, I love hearing from all of you!)
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Alec watched as Magnus’s bag approached him on the baggage claim carousel. It was a bright purple color, some designer brand. It had Magnus’s initials sewn into the front pocket of the suitcase, “MB” in a beautiful cursive font. It was the last one of Magnus’s bags that they were waiting for, making it four in total. Alec just had his duffle bag, which slung over his shoulder. Magnus was staring down at his phone, updating the web page for the tenth time that day. He was eager to get the assignments, so was Alec, but Alec wasn’t as jittery about it as Magnus was.

The assignments would tell Alec and Magnus, as well as all the other skaters who qualify for the GPF playoffs, where they would skate and when. Alec wasn’t too nervous about it, as long as he got to skate with Jace at least once he would be happy. Maybe even skating with Simon would be fun, he hadn’t heard from Simon since he left Idris. Alec had reached out a couple times but had heard no response, eventually, he gave up. He understood that Simon was now his competitor, and no longer his friend if Alec could even call him that. But Alec was still upset by the lack of response.

He wanted Simon to be his friend. Magnus told him not to worry about it though, stating that this was “classic Simon”. Apparently, according to Magnus, Simon often went radio silent when the competition started to heat up, only occasionally posting an Instagram photo for his fans. Alec smiled at the thought of the crazed fans throwing themselves at Simon’s feet. He noticed the media frenzy around Simon and Magnus at the last GPF. Simon’s Angels were what they called themselves.

Alec snapped back into reality when he noticed Magnus’s bag was about to be at his feet. Alec reached his hand out and pulled the bag up, placing it gently on the ground.

“Here we go, the last one,” Alec said, smiling at Magnus. Magnus looked up at his phone and smiled at Alec.

“No news yet,” Magnus said. Alec just nodded his head and grabbed the handle of Magnus’s bag, pulling it and leading them to where the cabs were. They were able to get one rather easily and told the driver the address of the hotel. Alec and Magnus sat in the car silently. Alec thought of the last time he was in Detroit. The streets, despite not having seen them for over a year, still looked familiar to Alec. He remembered walking around with Jace and Clary during their break days in off season. They would go to the local parks and mess around, climbing trees or lying in the grass with blankets and books.

He missed those days, warm, easy, and peaceful. Alec loved his family, he loved Idris, but the more he was away from it, the more he realized he had been living in a bubble. Just because his world stopped moving, doesn’t mean the rest of it did as well. Being thrown back into competition, also meant he was thrown back into reality, and boy did he miss it. He missed traveling, seeing the world, seeing the cities, his fans, skating, everything. He missed living. With Magnus though, it was more than living, it was like everything in life was clear. Almost like he could breathe again.

Every experience was new, different, and better, simply because Magnus was there now to experience it with him. His laughter was infectious, pulling Alec out of his own head every now and then and bringing him back into the reality that was “Magnus Bane”. Alec would find himself getting lost in Magnus as he spoke to Alec during practice. The smooth sound of his voice, the way his eyes were always bright, the way that when he spoke to Alec, it was like there was nobody else in this whole world that Magnus would rather be talking to.

Alec found himself happier with Magus around, more alive. He felt whole, adored, respected, and loved. All Alec wanted to do, was make Magnus feel all these things in return. Alec wasn’t sure what happened in Magnus’s past, everything before his skating career has found a way to remain out of the press. However, the silence spoke volumes, never once was there a mention of a birthplace, or parents, or any family for that matter.

Alec wanted to ask Magnus about his past, but he could never find the right time. He wanted to know more about Magnus, the real Magnus. Not the facade of glitter and glamour that he put on every day for the world to see. He wanted to know the true Magnus. Alec needed to know, he needed the truth.

Alec felt a smooth, warm finger interlace with his hand that laid on the seat between Alec and Magnus. It was a subtle touch, which Alec reciprocated by pulling Magnus's hand into his, interlacing their fingers so they were holding hands. Alec wasn’t really sure when this practice started, but it had been going on ever since New York. Alec liked the soft feeling of Magnus’s hand in his own. The feeling of Magnus so close made Alec hyper aware of everything he felt and relaxed all at the same time.

Magnus rubbed his thumb over the back of Alec’s hand in a circular motion. It was beyond comforting. Alec turned to look at Magnus, the other man staring out of the window, just as Alec was doing earlier. He seemed lost in his own thoughts. Alec wished more than anything that he could read minds. That he could know and understand what Alec was thinking and feeling, but Alec had no such superpowers. Instead, he opted for simple conversation.

“What are you thinking about?” Alec asked softly. Magnus stared out the window at the passing streets, eyes filled with a blank emotion.

“Indonesia,” Magnus said his voice sounded like he was unaware he was speaking.

“What’s in Indonesia?” Alec asked, keeping his voice calm and collected even though his whole being begged for more information on the foreign place. Magnus turned to look at Alec. His eyes were empty of all emotion. Magnus opened his mouth to talk, but was stopped by the sudden jerking stop of the cab.

“Here we are, that will be $20.34,” the cabbie said. Alec handed the man the cash and got out of the car, opening the trunk and began pulling Magnus’s bags out. The bellhop of the hotel came outside with a bag carried. He began putting the bags on it and moved everything inside the hotel. Alec watched Magnus slowly get out of the cab, he looked tired but still vibrant as ever. Alec extended his hand out to Magnus, who gratefully took it with a smile. They walked into the hotel behind the bellhop hand in hand. When they entered the hotel, Alec leads Magnus to the front desk where they checked in. The lady at the front desk smiled kindly at Magnus and Alec as she handed them their keys and told them what time the complimentary breakfast was and where the pool was.

Magnus and Alec walked towards the elevators and went to their floor. When they finally got to their room, it was much larger than Alec thought it was going to be. There was a kitchen area and a living room. Then behind double doors lead to a king size bed. There was a walk-in closet and a full bathroom with a tub.

“How much money did you spend on this room?” Alec said to Magnus who booked the hotel. He turned around to look at Magnus and noticed that Magnus’s attention was drawn to something else.

“What's wrong?” Alec said, following Magnus’s gaze to the bed.

“There is only one bed,” Magnus said, turning to look at Alec, his face was a light pink color suggesting that he was blushing.

“Oh,” Alec said, blushing now as well.

“We can as for another room?” Magnus asked. “Or one of us could sleep on the couch. I can sleep on the couch, don’t want to mess up your back before the Grand Prix,” Magnus said, rambling. Alec had never seen Magnus ramble before, it was cute.

“Magnus, it’s okay, I think we can share a king size bed for a couple nights. Besides, we can always just put up a pillow wall between us if you want,” Alec said.

“Oh,” Magnus said, looking directly at Alec. No matter how hard he tried, Alec could not tell what was going through Magnus’s head. “That works,” Magnus said. They just kept looking at each other, neither one of them breaking the spell they were under. Magnus took a hesitant step towards Alec.

“Alexander,” Magnus began but was rudely interrupted by knocking at the hotel room door.

“I’ll get it,” Alec said, walking past Magnus, careful not to bump into the other man. When Alec opened the door, the bellhop smiled at him. Alec let him in and helped the man bring the bags into the hotel room. Then he tipped the man and thanked him for helping as he left.

Alec entered the other bedroom, where Magnus had already begun to unpack and put things into the large closet. Alec took the dresser on the side of the room, knowing he would only use two drawers at most. By the time Magnus was done unpacking, Alec had already, unpacked, brushed his teeth and hair, changed shirts, texted Jace and Clary he was here and was now sitting on the bed scrolling through his Instagram feed.

“Ready?” Magnus said, looking at Alec from the foot of the bed.

“Yep,” Alec said, shoving his phone and wallet into his pockets. Magnus and he rode down in the elevator in a comfortable silence. When the elevator door opened, Alec let Magnus out first, and then followed suit. Alec was about to ask Magnus if he wanted to grab a cab when a small girl with bright red hair threw herself into Alec’s arms, knocking him to the ground with a thud.

“Alexander!” Magnus said, his voice filled with concern and amusement.

“Alec!” Alec heard someone say from across the hotel lobby. Alec felt the person in his arms move, pulling away from him, revealing who he hoped it was. Clary.

Alec smiled brightly at the girl as she got off of him and helped him up and back onto his feet.

“Clary,” Alec said happily, pulling the familiar figure into another warm embrace.

“Oh, I missed you, Alec!” Clary said.

“Hey! Stop hogging him Clarebear!” Alec head from behind Clary. Clary sighed at the nickname. Alec let go of Clary and looked to see Jace almost running towards him, embracing him in a tight bear hug.

“I missed you brother!” Jace exclaimed happily.

“I missed you too Jace,” Alec said, smiling at finally seeing his friends for the first time in months.

When they pulled away, Alec noticed Clary was hugging Magnus too. Jace followed his eyes and saw the same scene. Smiling, Jace wrapped his arms around Clary and Magnus, almost lifting them off the ground with his tight hug. Magnus and Clary laughed at the situation they found themselves in. Alec had missed this. He missed his family.

“What are you guys doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the restaurant,” Alec said, looking at his friends.

“Well, we thought we could surprise you!” Clary smiled.

“Yeah! Besides, we walk past the hotel on our way to the restaurant anyway,” Jace added.

Alec shook his head at his friends and their inability to follow instructions. Happily, though, Alec and Magnus followed Jace and Clary as they lead them to the restaurant for dinner. The walk was nice, the air turning cold around them. It was a nice feeling, the idea of winter approaching. Alec always loved the winter, the snow, the food, the holidays, the clothes, and most importantly, the hot chocolate. There was one place in Detroit, a small family owned bakery, that served some of the best hot chocolate. Alec made a mental note to take Magnus there. Alec looked up at his friends, Magnus and Jace were happily talking about skating and their eagerness to get the Grand Prix competition assignments. Clary, on the other hand, walked silently at Alec’s right. She was watching Alec, examining him.

Alec remained still, trying to not give any emotions or thoughts away with his facial features. Eventually, though, he gave in a turned to face her. Clary’s eyes were soft, happiness flowed from her making all those who talked to her feel light at heart. Her hair was down, and she wore a brown peacoat, jeans, and tall boots. She smiled at Alec, and he returned it.

“What is your conclusion, Dr. Fairchild?” Alec teased. Clary shook her head at the nickname. Despite her last name being Fray, it was legally Fairchild, after her father, her mother was Jocelyn Fray. Clary adopted the name after her father abandoned her mother and herself years ago. Her father, Andrew Fairchild, was a doctor, a heart surgeon actually. He was a decent husband, except for the fact that he fucked one of the nurses in the hospital, and knocked her up. He now lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his new wife and twin girls. Clary hasn’t seen him in years, but she gets a Christmas card and a birthday card every year. Clary throws the cards away but keeps the money they usually hold.

She never talks about her father or his new family, except for the twins. They are two blonde identical twins who always seem to look miserable. Clary sends them birthday cards, but nothing over the top. Her mother encourages her to be nice to her father and sisters. Jocelyn is a kind woman, full of warmth, just like her daughter. She was mad and hurt when her husband first left, but over time she learned to stand strong on her own. She reconnected with Luke, fell in love, got married, and that seemed to be the end of that.

Clary once told Alec that she asked her mother how she could be okay with everything that happened. How could she forgive Clary’s father? Jocelyn simply smiled and said, “Being angry over something you can’t change is pointless. Besides, what is there to be mad about? Your father might have been a dick, but he gave me the greatest gift in the whole world, you Clary.”

Ever since then, Clary seemed to let go of her anger. Still though, whenever Clary would start to analyze someone, Jace and Alec would call her “Dr. Fairchild” as a way for her to realize what she was doing.

“There is something different about you Alec,” Clary said, examining her friend.

“Maybe I’m taller,” Alec said jokingly.

“Haha,” Clary said in a monotone voice, “I’m serious, you seem, lighter.”

“Are you saying I was heavy before? Are you calling me fat Clary?! Because I work my ass off to look this fine,” Alec said mocking his friend.

“Alec, I’m-” Clary began.

“Jace, Clary is calling me fat!” Alec said, pulling Jace out of his conversation with Magnus. Alec knew what Clary meant, but he didn’t really feel like answering her string of questions he knew Clary was forming inside her head. So, in hopes of changing the subject, he reached out to Jace. It worked.

“WHAT!?!?! Clary how dare you! First, how dare you call anyone fat! Secondly, how dare you call Alec fat! And thirdly, my boy ain't fat! He is a tight Greek God and more people should appreciate his fine ass!” Jace said, fake yelling.

“PREACH!” Magnus added, making Alec blush and Clary giggle.

“Exactly! I mean come on Clary! We both saw the boy pole dance before!” Jace said, smiling brightly at Magnus agreeing with him. Satisfied with his defense of his friend. However, what Jace didn’t notice was that Magnus had completely stopped moving, and Alec’s entire face had gone a deep red from blushing.

“I’m sorry, um... Pole dance?” Magnus said, looking back and forth from Jace to Alec. Alec started praying that a sinkhole would form under his feet and swallow him up.

“Yep,” Jace said happily, “Jocelyn, Clary’s mom, had a friend who taught pole dancing classes. Alec and I had to attend cause Luke and Jocelyn thought it would be good for out cores. Help us with our balance. It was actually fun, definitely did wonders for our abs,” Jace said patting his stomach.

“I have pictures,” Clary chirped in.

“NO!” Alec said firmly.

“YES!” Magnus said, reaching his hand out towards Clary making a ‘give me’ sign with his hand.

“Maybe later,” Clary laughed, “But for now we need to keep walking or we are going to be late.”

By the time they reach the restaurant, they are a couple minutes early for their reservation. Tonight, it is just the four of them, tomorrow though Jocelyn and Luke are joining them for dinner.

They are seated almost immediately and brought to a booth near the back of the restaurant. Alec had been here a couple times before while training in Detroit. It was a nice restaurant, the food was amazing, but it was expensive so they usually avoided it. But tonight, was special, they were celebrating. Alec had won, he had qualified for the GPF playoffs, this was not an easy feat.

The waitress took their orders after they read over the menus. Once she was gone, they began to talk about whatever came to mind. Clary talked about how she wanted Magnus to meet her mom, Jace talked about some story about how a duck chased him in the park - “Another reason why ducks are assholes,” Jace said.

The table filled with laughter and funny stories. Clary and Jace dished a lot of dirt on Alec out, much to Alec’s displeasure, and much to Magnus’s pleasure. They brought up stories on how Alec was oblivious to this girl, Natalia, and how much she was in love with him. Eventually, Clary and Jace had to take her aside and tell her that Alec was beyond gay.

“Poor Natalia,” Magnus said, trying not to laugh at the girl's misfortune.

“Don’t feel too bad, she soon realized that boys weren’t exactly her thing, just like girls aren’t Alecs,” Jace said laughing.

“She is dating this girl Emily in my art class. I introduced them one day and that was the end of that,” Clary added. When their food arrived they all happily dug in. Near the end of the meal, Alec unable to eat anymore, stuffed from the meal and appetizers, Clary and Jace stole his dish and ate the rest of it.

Over dessert is when it happened.

“Ding”

“Beep Beep”

Their phones all going off in unison, each of them knowing exactly what it was from. As if on cue, they all reached for their phones with inhuman speed. Unlocking their screens, and pulling up the message that they all received.

“France!” Jace exclaimed, “Alec, we are in France together!”

“Yes! I love France! We should go early so we can sight see,” Clary said.

“Russia,” Alec said, “That's my other one, France, and Russia.”

“China is your other one Jace,” Clary said.

“China and France, not bad,” Jace said.

“You’re up against Raphael in China,” Clary said, Jace groaning in response.

“You face off with Simon in Russia,” Magnus said.

“Where else is Simon competing?” Alec asked.

“Canada, with Raphael and… ugh... Sebastian,” Magnus said ‘Sebastian’ like it was the name of a horrible disease.

“EW! Sebastian sucks! Where else is he skating?” Jace said.

“Skate America, thank God!” Clary said.

“What about Meliorn?” Alec asked, knowing that Magnus and the other man were close.

“France and Russia,” Magnus said, smiling slightly at the prospect of seeing his friend again.

“So pretty much, France is fine, China gonna either suck, or be good, Russia is gonna suck for you Alec, and Canada is gonna suck for Simon,” Jace said.

“Hopefully Sebastian breaks a leg during Skate America,” Clary said.

“I wish!” Alec said, the skater Sebastian Morgenstern was an asshole. Actually, that’s not right, calling him an asshole is an insult to assholes everywhere. It was like the evil shit that Satan took after too much Taco Bell. Yeah, that’s a good way to describe him.

“Well, I propose a toast,” Magnus said, raising his glass. “Cheers to France, Cheers to China, Cheers to Russia, and Cheers to Sebastian sucking ass,” Magnus said.

“Cheers,” Clary, Jace, and Alec said, laughing at the last part of Magnus’s toast.

* * *

 

Alec sat in bed, reading his book that he brought, “The Rest of Us Just Live Here,” by Patrick Ness. It was about living in a world full of chosen ones and being ordinary. So far it was amazing, but he was only like five chapters in. He was waiting for Magnus to be done with his nighttime ritual. Alec was tired, it had been a very long day. Tomorrow was going to be hectic as well. They were planning on heading to the rink, seeing Luke and Jocelyn, then Alec wanted to see Alaine. They planned on walking around the city too, maybe stop by the Hunters Moon and see Maia.

Magnus exited the bathroom, turning off the ceiling lights as he walked towards the bed. The only light left on was the one next to Alec on his nightstand. Alec marked his page in his book, putting it on the table.

“Ready for bed?” Alec asked softly.

“Yep,” Magnus said. Alec turned off the light and slid under the covers, adjusting his pillow until he was comfortable, Magnus did the same. They both turned so they were facing each other. Alec was wearing long cotton pajama pants and an old white t-shirt. Magnus, on the other hand, wore silk, black pajama bottoms and a soft loose black tank top that read “Bi As Fuck” in purple and pink letters. It made Alec smile every time he saw Magnus wear it.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered.

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you ever talk about your past?” Alec asked softly.

“Oh,” Magnus said, rolling over so he was on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, “I shouldn’t have asked. I get it if you don’t want to talk about it. I just…. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I’m here. You can trust me, Magnus,” Alec said, looking at the other man carefully through the darkness.

Magnus turned to look back at Alec. He rolled back over onto his side, reaching out in the darkness, his hand gently touching Alec’s cheek. He brushed his thumb against Alec’s face, sending Alec’s body into a hyper-aware mode. Every touch Magnus made felt like the first touch. Alec’s entire body was almost overly sensitive now. It was an amazing feeling. Magnus then traced his hand down Alec’s side, around his shoulder, and down his arm. When he got to Alec’s hand he grabbed it and gently pulled it towards his lips, kissing the inside of Alec’s palm. The gesture sent sparks all over Alec’s body, lifting his heart up, banishing any dark thoughts.

“I trust you, Alexander, that’s what scares me. I - I never trust anyone. But you have…… you’ve unlocked something in me,” Magnus said moving closer to Alec, now inches from Alec’s face.

“Magnus,” Alec said, interlacing their fingers and moving even closer to Magnus. “I will never hurt you. I will never betray you. I promise,” Alec said, a fierce determination in his voice.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered.

“Yes?” Alec asked.

“We should go to sleep.”

Alec sighed and nodded his head.

“Okay Magnus,” Alec said, closing his eyes but never letting go of Magnus’s hand, Alec fell into a blissful sleep. Magnus on the other hand, watched Alec’s face soften, and his breathing evened out. He smiled at the other man, wanting nothing more than to wake him up, tell him everything, and then kiss him until his lips were sore. But Magnus didn’t. Instead, he just closed his eyes are prayed. Prayed to whatever God there was out there, thanking them for bringing Alexander into his life. For bringing love into his life. Magnus opened his eyes, looking at Alec, smiling fondly at the other man as he slept.

“Aku mencintaimu Alexander,” Magnus whispered, kissing Alec’s hand one last time, before joining Alec in blissful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SimonxRaphael shippers: Chapters 17-18 are my present to you :D 
> 
> COMMENT! KUDOS! SUBSCRIBE!!!!  
> (seriously comment, I love hearing from all of you!)
> 
> Btw: Aku mencintaimu means I love you in Indonesian :D


	16. And Oh, What Lovely Memories They Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke shares a secret, feelings and memories are shared, and first steps are taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves, 
> 
> Chapter 17-18 are Simona and Raphael based :D  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it took a long time to write - but it was soooo worth it :D  
> COMMENT! KUDOS! SUBSCRIBE!!  
> (Seriously, comment! I LOVE hearing from everyone!) 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia
> 
> PS If anyone is good at fanart, and would like to do a piece for this fic I would love that and I give my full a free permission!

Magnus woke up to the warm sun seeping through the curtains, hitting his face lightly. He was curled up in the fluffy white comforter, surrounded by a warmth that was familiar and foreign at the same time. His eyes still closed, Magnus embraced all that he felt. Hot breath on his neck, strong arms around his midsection pulling his into a warm, hard body, the slightest hint of vanilla body wash, legs intertwined with another pair, his head resting comfortably on a pale bicep, and something hard, pushing up against his lower back. It was this last one that made Magnus’s eyes shoot open.

He was perfectly still, refusing to move even an inch in hopes that he didn’t disturb the situation. “Oh My God,” Magnus thought, taking a glance at the mirror in the corner of the room, facing the bed. Magnus could see the scene clearly. A very handsome, very cute, very sexy, Alexander was spooning Magnus. Magnus smiled at the sight of them comfortably cuddled in the bed together, not a care in the world. He also smiled that Alexander was very hard and was pushing himself against Magnus’s ass. This was also an amazing experience. Magnus closed his eyes and leaned into Alec’s embrace. The other man sighing happily at Magnus’s actions, pulling him closer.

Magnus never wanted this moment to end, but he glanced at the clock on the nightstand next to his side of the bed, or at least what was his side. It read 9:50 am, Magnus almost growled at the clock for being so terrible. Magnus only had 10 minutes until the clock rang, waking Alexander up from his adorable sleepy state. Magnus really only had 5 minutes left to enjoy the comfort of Alexander’s body against his own. He needed to be out of the embrace before Alec woke up, wanting to spread the other man from the obvious embarrassment he would feel. Also, Magnus wanted to preserve the illusion of ‘I woke up like this’ for as long as he could. He needed to brush his teeth, wash his face, and put on some light makeup, that way when Alec did stumble out of bed, Magnus looked amazing.

Magnus wished that he could stay longer, but when that nasty clock turned 9:55, he slowly wiggled his way out of Alec’s grip. He modeled his actions and movements after his cat Chairman Meow, squirming out of the embrace landing gently on his feet. Alec moaned at the loss of Magnus’s body next to his. Magnus almost lost it when Alec made that noise, wanting to straddle him and kiss him like crazy right now, but he didn’t. Instead, he stood up straight and grabbed his makeup bag that sat on the dresser, turning one last time to look at Alec. He was now cuddling Magnus’s pillow, the sheets bundled up right under his butt, and -

“Holy Shit,” Magnus thought, staring at the outline of the front of Alec’s pants. Magnus took a step towards the bed, now really wanting to jump into the bed and have Alec just fuck his brains out.

“No!” Magnus’s inner voice yelled. “Bathroom, brush teeth, look hot! NOW!” Magnus frustrated as fuck tiptoed/ran to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He stared into the mirror, looking at his face, hair, eyes, everything. He started by brushing out his hair, gelling it to make it look perfect. Then he brushed his teeth, washed his face and started applying makeup. Just enough to make him look and feel glamorous.

When he was just finished applying his foundation he heard a grumpy and sleepy Alec turn off the blaring alarm that had been going off for the last three minutes.

“Magnus?” he said, voice hoarse from sleep.

“Jesus Christ this boy is going to be the death of me,” Magnus whispered, wanting nothing more than to hear that voice every morning from now until the end of time.

“Yes, my dear Alexander,” Magnus said popping his head out from the bathroom and walking towards the bed. Alexander was sitting up in the middle of the bed, his hair was all over the place in a messy and adorable bed-head look. He was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in a way that made him look like a cute anime chick. It made Magnus laugh a little at the thought of Alec being an anime character.

“Morning,” Alec said, smiling at Magnus. His expression a mixture of sleepy and blissful.

“Good morning darling,” Magnus said smiling at Alec. “Want to lay back down and I’ll tell you when I’m done with the bathroom?”

“Okay,” Alec said yawning and falling back into the mass of pillows and fluffy comforter. He curled back up on his side, cuddling Magnus’s pillow again, smiling as he breathed in the sent.

“This pillow smells like you,” Alec mumbled, voice still full of sleep.

“That’s because it’s mine,” Magnus said, moving towards Alec, wanting nothing more than to run his fingers through the other man's hair, jump into bed and cuddle the crap out of him. But instead, Magnus turned away from the now sleeping Alec and went back to the bathroom. As he began to apply his eye makeup, Magnus thought of all the reasons why he shouldn’t let Alec in.

“One, he could hurt you. Two, he is young and probably doesn’t want a committed relationship. Three, he has never had a committed relationship before. Four, you're his coach and it is inappropriate to take advantage of him. Five, never in your whole life have you ever let anyone in, let them know everything. What makes him so special. Why him?” Magnus thought. When his eye make-up was done, he looked at himself in the mirror, satisfied with his work. He then packed up his things and then brought them back to the dresser, placing them neatly on it. He then turned to look at Alec, peaceful as ever. His mind began to disprove all the reasons on why Magnus shouldn’t let Alec in.

“One, you don’t know if he will hurt you. He might be the one person you can trust, but you will never know if you don’t say anything!” Magnus thought, moving towards Alec.

“Alec, time to get up,” he said gently shaking the other man until his eyes slowly opened up. Alec just nodded, slowly getting up from the bed and walking sleepily to the bathroom, pajama pants slung low around his hips, t-shirt riding up exposing a strip of skin that made Magnus bite his lip to prevent him from pushing Alec against the wall and having his way with him.

“Two,” Magnus thought as he walked to his closet, “he isn’t that young, he is 21 turning 22 for god's sake. Besides it’s not like you are proposing to the man!” Magnus pulled a black v-neck long sleeved shirt off the dresser and a pair of black jeans out of the drawer, changing into them. He then added a black belt with sparkly silver studs and put on a pair of black designer boots.

“Three, you've never been in a committed relationship before so who the fuck are you to judge!” Magnus’s inner voice said sarcastically. He then looked through the different blazers and jackets he brought, eventually settling on a black blazer with a light blue silk interior.

“Four, yes you are his coach, but it isn’t like he is a 15-year-old kid and you're some creepy 50-year-old. You are only 26, he is 21. Besides Alec is free to make his own decisions in life,” Magnus thought as he opened his jewelry bag pulling out two necklaces and his rings. Carefully placing the necklaces around his neck and the rings statically placed on his fingers. Looking at the mirror that rested on the back of the closed closet door, Magnus smiled at his outfit. He opened the door and walked out of the closet turning to the bedroom to find Alexander sitting on the now made bed, back resting against the headboard, shoes on, outfit ready to go, book in hand reading it quietly as he waited for Magnus without complaint. Magnus stopped in his track and looked at Alec, not even a little bit surprised that the sleepy mess he had to practically drag out of bed was now looking like a fully functioning adult in a matter of a couple minutes. That was Alec for you.

Alec looked up from his book, and met Magnus’s eyes, smiling at him. It was a smile that reached his eyes, that made Magnus feel like he as the most important person in the whole world.

“You look amazing Magnus,” Alec said.

“Thanks, Alexander,” Magnus said smoothly, even though his whole body was on fire from the look Alec was giving him.

“Five, what makes him so special? Why let him in? Because you love him. Because you, Magnus Bane are head over heels in love with Alexander Lightwood. That’s why,” Magnus thought, extending his hand out to Alec to take. Alec did getting off the bed. After they put their jackets on, they walked out of the hotel room together, then to the bakery where Alec swore he had some of the best hot chocolate ever. All the while Magnus had his arm woven into the crack of Alec’s, holding onto his bicep. The thought _“This is love Magnus. Real, actual love,_ ” running through his head, so loud that he was afraid Alec could hear it. But Alec didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he kept walking on, talking about Detroit and the stories that went with it. He talked about the memories he had from practically grew up here with Jace and Clary. And oh, what lovely memories they are. 

* * *

 

“Come on Jace!” Luke yelled from where he was sitting in the bleachers. They were going over his long program again, making sure it was perfect. Jace needed to have his program memorized and perfected if he was ever going to be able to hold his own against Sebastian, Simon, Raphael and even Alec. Meliorn was either going to be tough to beat, or his age has finally caught up with him. Luke hoped it was the age. He watched Jace push himself up from the ice.

“1. 2. 3. 4!” Luke thought, watching Jace land his quad jump in impeccable form.

“YES! THERE YOU GO JACE!!!” Luke yelled jumping up from his seat. Jace was smiling, proud of his accomplishment. It had been a long way coming for Jace. Luke had known him since he was a kid, dropped off at the rink by his grandmother, Imogen Herondale. She was a prime skater back in her day and hoped to continue the tradition with Jace. He took to the ice like a fish does water, and immediately became his second-best skater. The only person who could outrank him was Alec.

Luke smiled at the thought of seeing Alec again, it had been too long since he saw his student. Alec was an amazing skate, full of ambition and determination. He was focused, disciplined, but at the same time, he was inspiring to watch.  He missed being his coach, but mostly he missed being Jace and Alec’s coach. The two of them together made an unstoppable combination. They fed off of each other's competitive spirits, pushing themselves even further, at the same time, Luke had never seen better friends. He was ecstatic when Clary came into the mix, creating the perfect dynamic. The shenanigans they would get themselves into, Luke laughed to himself thinking of it. Clary had always been like a daughter to Luke, but Jace and Alec, they were like his sons.

“Hello there,” Luke heard someone say behind him. He knew that voice, from the first moment he heard it, it was and always will be the sweetest voice in the whole wide world. Turning he smiled at the figure who approached him.

“Good morning,” Luke said. Jocelyn smiled at him as she sat down next to him.

“Where is Clary?” Luke asked his wife.

“Oh, she is waiting for Alec and Magnus,” Jocelyn said, hooking her arm into Luke's’, then holding his hand. She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he turned his head to kiss her forehead.

“Did you hear anything yet?” Jocelyn asked.

“Not yet. But they should get back to us soon,” Luke said.

Before Jocelyn could say more, she heard Jace yell from the ice.

“ALEC!!!” Jace said happily, skating towards the side of the rink where Alec just entered from was. Jocelyn moved so Luke could get up, knowing how much he wanted to see his former student. Jocelyn followed suit as Luke practically ran down the stairs like a kid at Christmas. Jocelyn laughed at her husband's excitement and Jace throwing his skated off his feet so he could get off the ice and hug Alec, even though he saw him less than 24 hours ago.

As Jace was hugging Alec to tight he was lifting the taller man off of the floor, Clary laughing at the sight, it was Magnus who caught Jocelyn’s attention. He was taller than Jocelyn thought he would be, but still, he was shorter than Alec and Luke. He was a slender man, dressed in an amazing outfit. His hair was perfectly styled, his makeup put runway models to shame. He stood like he was about to have his photo taken for a magazine cover, but Jocelyn assumed that he always stood with such grace. He held a hot chocolate in his hands, taking a sip as he watched Jace spin Alec around in his hug, much to Alec’s displeasure.

Out of all of this, the look and composure of the infamous Magnus Bane, it was his smile that made Jocelyn’s heart melt. It was not that he was smiling at her, God no, it was that he was smiling at Alec. Jocelyn had known Alec for years, she practically raised him, with help from Luke. All she ever wanted for Alec was for him to be loved, and love someone else in return. She wanted him to be happy, to be whole, to be strong and safe. She wanted him to be happy with himself, and to find someone to be happy with. Looking at Magnus look at Alec, that admiration, adoration, and love so easily present in his eyes, Jocelyn knew that Alec had found that person. With that in mind, Jocelyn smiled and walked down the rest of the stairs to be with her family, and welcome Magnus warmly. She had a good feeling that Magnus wasn’t going anywhere.

“Jace, let go of Alec,” Luke said firmly, curating a resting bitch face. Jace put Alec down, and stepped away, preparing to get a stern talking to about throwing his skates on the ground so hazardously. Alec on the other hand just looked at Luke. He looked older, but still the same. Stern face, warm eyes, and a big heart, that was Luke. It was then that Luke broke out it to his classic, huge smile.

“Come here son,” Luke said, opening his arms up for Alec to hug him. Alec did happily embracing the older man.

“I missed you, Luke,” Alec said hugging him tightly.

“I missed you too boy,” Luke said patting him on the back and pulling away. Luke placed his hands-on Alec’s shoulders so he could look at him.

“You look taller,” Luke said.

“Ha! Told you, Clary!” Alec said sticking his tongue out at Clary. Clary returned the favor followed by a middle finger.

“Clary,” Jocelyn said from behind Luke in a stern tone. Clary put her hand down and played with the hem of her shirt. Jocelyn just shook her head and smiled, turning to look at Alec.

“Hello Alec,” Jocelyn said, hugging the taller man. Alec returned the hug happily.

“Hello Jocelyn,” Alec said letting go of her and standing up straight.

“This is Magnus,” Alec said, Magnus smiled at both Luke and Jocelyn.

“Hello, it is so nice to finally meet you. Alec has told me a lot about you two,” Magnus said, shaking Luke’s hand and then Jocelyn.

“Welcome to Detroit,” Luke said smiling at Magnus.

“Hey, Alec! Want to skate?” Jace said looking at Alec excitedly.

“Sure, let me go grab a pair of rental skates,” Alec said walking with Jace towards the rental area.

“Magnus, you want to join?” Alec shouted, looking back at Magnus.

“Sure,” Magnus yelled back.

“GRAB ME A PAIR TOO!” Clary yelled at the boys as they walked away. She received a thumbs up from Alec in return.

* * *

 

Alec hit the ice, gliding away from where he lands with perfect form. He had just landed his quad combo he had been trying to perfect since Magnus first taught it to him. He could hear the cheers of Clary and Jace, but they weren’t the voices Alec was looking for. He turned to look at where Magnus last was, but he wasn’t there anymore. Instead, Magnus was leaning against the railing of the rink, water bottle in hand, still standing on the ice, but all of his attention was in the deep conversation Luke, Jocelyn, and Magnus seemed to be in.

Alec was about to skate up to them, wanting to know what it was they were talking out. But instead, he was cut off by a wild Jace appearing in front of him.

“That was awesome dude!” Jace exclaimed, slapping Alec playfully on the shoulder. Alec smiled down at his friend, eyes drifting back up to Magnus who had not moved since Alec last looked at him.

“Alec?” Clary asked Alec wanted to groan in annoyance, her voice said it all. Dr. Fairchild had made her diagnosis, and Alec was fucked.

“Yes, Dr. Fairchild,” Alec said, if he was going to have to sit here and get diagnosed, he was going to make sure he annoyed the shit out of Cary in revenge.

“What is going on? You and Magnus…. Are you sleeping together? Or is it more?” Clary said, Jace stifled a laugh, and Alec blushed.

“What! Wha- why- what! How could you- how do I know you're not sleeping with Magnus! Huh?! Yeah, trapped you in your own web!” Alec whispered/yelled, flustered and blushing a deep red color, praying Magnus didn’t hear them. Alec looked across the rink just to be sure, Magnus was still in deep conversation. Jace’s laughter was what pulled him back to the conversation. Alec couldn’t tell if he was laughing at Alec answer or Clary’s face which was a mixture of amusement, concern, smugness, and annoyance.

“No, I am not sleeping with Magnus, but obviously you are,” Clary said her voice filled with hurt, “I thought we were friends. Friends tell each other everything.”

 _“Fuck her,”_ Alec thought, _“Pulling the ‘friendship’ card,”_ Alec groaned.

“Fine, I’ll tell you what's going on,” Alec said, Jace and Clary skated closer to Alec so he could whisper, in hopes that Magnus didn’t overhear anything.

“I’m not sleeping with Magnus. BUT I do really like him, and I think he might like me too,” Alec said, hoping it would be enough for Clary and Jace to leave him alone. It was not.

“So, he like-likes you?” Jace teased.

“So, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to tell him? Are you going to say it before the Grand Prix or after?” Clary said. Before she could fire off her other questions, Alec interrupted her.

“Stop, both of you. I don’t know when I am going to tell him that I… like like him, but you guys will be the first to know if something happens. Now please let it go. I don’t need to start overthinking it more than I already am. Okay?” Alec said.

“Okay,” Clary and Jace both said, slightly disappointed in Alec’s response.

* * *

 

Magnus leaned against the railing, watching Alec and Jace try to outskate each other, falling into fits of laughter with Clary joining in. It was a beautiful sight. Magnus was about to push himself off the railing and join them when Luke started talking, pulling him back.

“So, Magnus, how’s coaching going? Alec’s not giving you any problems, is he?” Luke asked. Magnus sighed silently, wanting nothing more than to skate over to the other side of the rink where his heart resides, but he stayed put, giving Luke his classic “Magnus Bane” smile and answering his question.

“Oh, Alexander? He is great. Such an incredible, which I’m sure is due to your amazing coaching Luke,” Magnus said, smiling brightly hoping it was enough to get the older man to stop questioning him. It was not, judging by the “don’t bullshit me son” look Luke was throwing at Magnus.

“So, there are no problems then?” Jocelyn said, standing on the other side of Magnus. Magnus looked at the older woman, noticing how much her daughter looked like her. The same fiery red hair and emerald eyes, but most importantly, the same examining look, as if they had Magnus under a microscope.

“Well, there is one thing,” Magnus began, looking back at Alec who seemed to be ready to do another jump. “Alec seems to get, very nervous before skates. Uncommonly nervous. He never really told me upfront, but does he have anxiety?”

Luke and Jocelyn exchanged a look before both nodding in unison, confirming Magnus’s suspicions.

“Oh, and what did you do Luke? To help him relax?” Magnus asked, now genuinely invested in the conversation at hand. Magnus couldn’t help but notice that the way Jocelyn and Luke cared for Alec was more parent-like than any emotion Magnus saw shown from Alec’s actual parents. No wonder Alec was so excited to get back to Detroit.

“Usually we just try to get him to sit and take deep breaths. When he first started showing signs of anxiety, I chocked it up to just being nervous, he was young after all. But then he started having panic attacks. Jace came running in one day, apparently, Alec was on the ground crying and hyperventilating. I ran to go check up on him, and sure enough, he was curled up into a small ball on the ground, it was heartbreaking,” Luke said, eyes seeming to be lost in the memory.

“I signed him up for group counseling, my friend Alaine is a therapist, she specializes in anxiety and depression. After a couple of groups, Alaine told me it would be best if Alec goes one-on-one attention from a therapist. After a long phone call with Maryse Lightwood, we got Alec signed up for counseling. He had been going for a couple years, but stopped when he moved back to Idris,” Luke said, turning to look at Magnus who was a little overwhelmed at the information.

“He still does Skype calls with Alaine, and I’m pretty sure he still takes the anxiety medication she prescribed. But sometimes he thinks he doesn’t need it and then, well he ends up having a ‘freak-out’ as he calls them,” Luke said.

“He is better when Clary or Jace is around, the familiarity helps,” Jocelyn added.

“But he can’t have them around all the time,” Magnus stated.

“Then become them, be his friend. If you open up to Alec and let him in, he will accept you openly and open up in return,” Jocelyn said.

“So how do you help him? When he is having a panic attack?” Magnus said.

“Just hold him and tell him it’s going to be okay,” Jocelyn said with a tone of a concerned mother, “Get him to take deep breaths, maybe even get him to cry. Crying helps.”

“How does crying help?” Magnus asked.

“It gets the emotions out, it alleviates them,” Jocelyn said. Magnus looked back over to Alec who was talking to Jace and Clary.

“Thank you,” Magnus said, “I promise I will take good care of him.”

“We know,” Jocelyn and Luke both said at the same time.

* * *

 

Alec sat on the bed, back against the headboard and book in hand. Dinner with everyone had been nice, except Magnus was a little quiet for some reason. The water of the shower stopped, telling Alec that Magnus was almost done. Tomorrow they would be leaving Detroit, needed to get back to Idris and back to training. It pained Alec to leave, he wanted to stay with his friends, with Luke and Jocelyn. But he also wanted to go home and see his sister. To see the little mountain range town that he missed so dearly.

“Alexander?” Magnus said, he was wearing his pajamas, hair still wet, and his face had no make-up. It was a rare moment that Alec ever got to see Magnus as he truly looked. It made Alec’s heart flutter, for Magnus, makeup or no makeup was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

“Yes?” Alec said putting his book down and sitting up to show that Magnus had his whole and undivided attention.

“I’m ready,” Magnus said, looking scared.

“For bed?” Alec asked.

“No,” Magnus said laughing slightly, he moved closer to Alec, sitting down on the bed so he was right in front of him.

“I’m ready to be open with you. To tell you about myself, who I am, where I am from, everything.”

“Oh, okay,” Alec said.

“I never knew my parents, not really anyway. My father died in a car accident before I was born. My mother so overwhelmed with the loss of my father and the raising of a child, she fell into a deep depression. When I was only a couple of months old, she killed herself. Our neighbor found me, apparently, my crying was keeping her up at night and she came over to yell at us. But when she found my mother, and me all alone, she brought me to the church. I was raised by the nuns and other volunteers at the orphanage,

“One woman, Catherina Loss, was a Russian volunteer at the orphanage. She was the one who got me into skating. She thought I had a real talent, and called Ragnor, who she knew from her time in Russia. He came to Indonesia, and after watching me skate for an hour, he signed the adoption papers and brought me to Russia. I thought - all I ever wanted was a father. I thought Ragnor could be my chance at that. At having a family. But he made it very clear from the first moment I stepped into his home, that he was not to be my father, but my coach. I was raised on the ice, I was taught mathematics, and history, and grammar. I was taught to speak in Russian, French, Indonesian, German, Chinese, Spanish and English. I was taught ballet, and other dances, I was told to sit up straight and to always address elders with the utmost respect. I was taught how to laugh, how to smile, how to look. I was told what to eat and where to go, when to talk and what to say. But I was never…… I was never loved. Not the way a child is supposed to be loved. Ragnor was good to me, and his girlfriend at the time, Camille, she was nice enough. But I was adored, cherished by millions. Used as a weapon to prove Russian dominance, even though I am anything but Russian,” Magnus was sobbing now, “All I wanted was a family all I ever wanted was to be loved. To be myself, to be loved for who I am and to have someone love me in return. But, I never got that. Nobody knows me Alexander, nobody except you. That scares me because I don’t know what to do with you. I don’t know how you feel,” Magnus looked at Alec, his vision blurry from the tears. Alec raised his hands, placing them gently on either side of his face.

“Magnus, you are beautiful and smart, and funny, and amazing. Sure, you have flaws, but remember what I said before. When we went sailing on Lake Lyn? I said, ‘I would rather get to know you, the real Magnus, then the perfect illusion you created for the world,’ Do you remember that?”

“Yes, I remember,” Magnus whispered, voice hoarse from the tears.

“I m, ant it Magnus, I want to know you, I like you, I lo-” Alec paused. He brushed Magnus’s tears off of his face, looking at the man who he had grown to respect, who he had grown to cherish, who he had grown to love.

“Magnus, I love you,” Alec said, his heart beating like a hummingbird in his chest.

Magnus looked at Alec. Really, truly looked at him, and saw a man worth loving.

“I love you too Alexander,” Magnus said leaning towards Alec, pressing his lips gently against Alec’s.

Alec responded almost immediately, pushing further into Magnus, running his fingers through his wet hair, pulling him into the kiss. Magnus moaned against Alec’s lips, opening slightly to give Alec more access. Magnus had kissed many people in his life, but none felt like this. No kiss in the history of the world could have felt like this, it was passionate and sweet, caring and controlling, perfect in every way. Every kiss was met with another, until they had to pull away, gasping for air.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered against Magnus’s lips. His voice soft and his breath sweet. “We should - sleep”

Magnus looked at the other man, smiling at him.

“Okay Alexander,” Magnus whispered, turning to lie down next to Alec. They adjusted until they were both under the covers, but instead of sleeping on opposite ends of the bed like last night, Alec pulled in a willing Magnus into his arms. Magnus rested his head on Alec’s shoulders and their legs intertwined. Alec turned his head and kissed Magnus’s forehead.

“Goodnight Magnus,” Alec whispered.

“Goodnight Alexander,” Magnus whispered. Magnus closed his eyes and thought of the memories that Alec and Magnus had made in the last few days. And, oh, what lovely memories they are. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment! Kudos! Subscribe!!!  
> look at the beginning for more notes


	17. 5 or 6?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is a dick. A fucking asshole dick. Also, Raphael and Simon are adorable and angsty! 
> 
> BOLD words are Russian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even begin to tell you guys how sorry I am for the delay! I have a million things to tell all of you, but for now, here is the next chapter. More will follow I promise! Just have patience! I love you all very much! 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

The cold air is what hit him first. He could feel the snow in the air, threatening to fall from the sky and cover everything in its pure white blanket. He pushed his scarf further up his face, covering his nose which had already turned red from the cold. He longed for the heat that he had left behind. The heat of the airport, the heart of the plane, the heat of his home. Despite it being winter there as well, the cold was nothing compared to the current Canadian air cutting through him like a blade.

“Hey, idiot! Let’s go! It’s fucking freezing!” His coach yelled from the car.

He noticed that the driver was putting their bags in the trunk of the car, his coach already inside trying desperately to get warm. He walked towards the car, closing the door behind him as he moved to sit in the back seat near his coach. The car was warm, but none of the heat reached him. He felt frozen, every inch of his being covered in an icy blanket.

“Fuck it’s cold out there!” his coach said. He nodded in agreement, but he was too numb to respond to the conversation. Instead of looking at his coach, who began rating and raving about the cold and how Canada sucked, according to his coach, he looked out the window. The city turned into a blur as they drove through it. This would normally bother him since he loved to sightsee so much, and unlike his coach, he actually liked Canada, but it didn’t bother him this time. For he was not concerned with what was going on outside the window, but more of the memory of two perfect brown eyes that he tried to desperately hang on to. It was the only thought that brought him any kind of warmth now a day.

Dark brown eyes, ruffled brown hair, and a smile. Oh, that smile. The kind of smile that was contagious, lovely, and perfect in every way. It always brought a smile to his own lips whenever he saw it or thought of it. A smile that reached the eyes, and not the fake kind he had grown so used to seeing. Fake smiles, polite cheers, screaming fans, and “congratulations” that were just lies accompanied with that poisonous fake smile.

He continued to look out the window pushing the memory of that smile out of his mind. He knew what was waiting for him at the end of this car ride. He knew what was waiting for him at the hotel he was approaching. He knew the feelings that would cut through him when he met his gaze, just as the cold air cut through him. He knew, all too well, that cold, dead look that had taken residence in those once perfect brown eyes. He knew that pain that radiated off of the other man, off of himself, every time they were in the same room. He knew what lied ahead. He knew, and yet, he hoped.

He hoped that instead of a cold gaze, he would receive a warm hug. He hoped that instead of a “fuck you” he would receive an “I miss you” or an “I’m sorry”. Even though the person who waited for him at the end of this ride broke his heart, he hoped that the man he loved would look him in the eye and say “I love you, too”. He hoped.

“We’re here!” His coach said. He looked up and sure enough, here they were. He got out of the car, grabbed his bag from the driver and walked inside the hotel. He had not taken more than 5 steps inside when he saw him.

He was sitting on the couch across the lobby. The word black workout pants, combat boots, and his classic white and blue “Russian” sweatshirt. His hood was up, but you could still see his now long brown hair. He was wearing headphones and playing on his phone.

Despite the years, despite the heartbreak, despite everything, he was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen. For there he was, in all his glory,

Simon Lewis.

* * *

 

Simon walked into the hotel, Camille, and Ragnor close behind. The whole place smelled like cinnamon and pine trees, making Simon feel warm like he was surrounded by those he loved. He always adored Canada, especially Vancouver which is where Skate Canada is taking place. Vancouver was definitely near the top of his list for favorite cities. From the people to the food, to the culture of Canada itself, it was all amazing.

Despite Canada’s amazing qualities though, there was one thing that made it horrible, that made it utterly awful. Its name, Sebastian Morgenstern. Born and raised in the country where Simon stood, this asshat was the worst human Simon had ever encountered, and that included his father. Sebastian was a tall slender man with white blond hair and piercing eyes that made you feel like he was stealing your soul every time you looked at him.

Simon was about to walk towards the lobby desk when he heard it. That awful, blood-curdling laughter coming from the other end of the room. There he was, the biggest douchebag in the world. He was sitting on a one-person couch chair, his fans squealing around him. He was taking pictures with them, but in order to get your picture taken his fans (who were all females by the way, but Simon was sure this wasn’t by chance) had to sit on his lap like some pervy Santa Claus fantasy.

Simon was about to give the man the benefit of the doubt, maybe he had changed over the year, but then Sebastian did something that Simon could just not forgive. One of his fans, a girl no older than 14, was about to sit on his lap for a photo when Sebastian stopped her.

“No fatties,” Sebastian said, receiving a swarm of nasty laughter from the girls around him, all pointing and laughing at this poor 14-year-old. Simon watched as the girl began to cry and run away, out of the lobby. Simon was livid.

 _“You can be a douchebag to competitors, or even coaches, but you are NEVER mean to fans!”_ Simon thought, anger beginning to take over his being. Simon began to march over to Sebastian so he could punch him in the stomach for what he just did, but Camille grabbed the back of his jacket, stopping him. She turned him around, grabbing his chin and lifting his face up so he was looking her in the eyes.

 **“Don’t. I do not care if he punches Ragnor in the face and sets your luggage on fire. You hit him, and you are disqualified! All of this would have been for nothing! Understood?!”** Camila whispered harshly in Russian. Simon was taken back by the language she spoke in, usually, she only talked in English, but since they were surrounded by English speakers, maybe Russian was a good way to keep their private conversation, private.

 **“Yes, I  understand,”** Simon said, feeling like a child who got yelled at for taking a cookie out of the cookie jar.

 **“Now, go sit over there and don’t cause any trouble. Ragnor and I are going to check in,”** Camille said, this time more calmly and a little apologetic for getting frustrated earlier. Simon just shook his head and walked over to the coaches that Camille had pointed to. He sat down, pulling his hood up in hopes people wouldn’t look at him and then pulled out his phone, he began to scroll through his Instagram feed.

He kept scrolling, occasionally liking a photo here and there when he ran across a photo posted by Alec. It was a selfie of himself, Clary and Jace. The caption read: _“Loved seeing @ClaryFray and @AttackoftheJace in #Detroit - See you guys again at the #TrophéedeFrance”_ Simon liked the photo, then commenting _“Make sure you guys go to Notre Dame when you're in France - worth dealing with the tourists!”_

“Simon?”

Simon froze. His heart began to pound in his chest, his mouth went dry, and his body felt like it was on fire and freezing cold all at once. He knew that voice. He would know that voice until the day he died. It was the voice that haunts his dreams and breaks his heart every time he thinks of it. It is the voice that Simon had been longing for over three years. Simon knows that voice better than he knows his own.

Simon looked up, and there he was, beautiful as ever. He looked different, taller, but Simon was still a little bit taller. His cute baby face was gone, and replaced with a face of a statue, with a jawline that went on for days. He was broader too, finally filling out his figure, his arms looked stronger, and he looked more fierce. But the one thing that hadn’t changed was his eyes. They were the same chocolate brown eyes Simon had fallen in love with. They were strong, and fierce was calm and collected. They were comforting and above all else, beautiful. Simon took a deep breath, he was about to say something he had not said in a very long time. Something always on the tip of his tongue, but never able to get out. He was about to say the other man's name.

“Raphael,” Simon whispered. He sounded like he was seeing a ghost, heartbreak, and regret intertwined with the name that just escaped Simon’s lips. Raphael just looked down at Simon, his eyes reflecting what Simon was feeling. Simon wanted to reach out and comfort him but didn’t.

 _“He doesn’t get to feel sad! He was the asshole that never called!”_ Simon thought. Raphael moved and sat down next to Simon, placing his duffle that was in his hands, on the ground.

“Simon,” Raphael said, his voice filled with pain, it made Simon very confused.

 _“Comfort or punch, comfort or punch?”_ Simon thought, then remembering what Camille said and decided to just do comfort instead of punch.

“You already said that,” Simon said. Raphael looked shocked and then smiled, laughing slightly.

“Yes, I guess you’re right,” Raphael said, looking down at his shoes, and then meeting Simon’s gaze full on.

Simon stared into the other man’s eyes, fighting the urge to throw himself into his arms and tell him everything. Tell him about his parents, about his depression, about the therapy, about Magnus leaving, about having a friend, only to lose him, about his Bubbie Helen. He wanted to tell him everything that had happened in the last 3 years. But instead, he stayed silent, barely able to breathe, let alone say anything.

“Sebastian still being an asshole?” Raphael asked, nodding towards the King Douche-bag who was making fun of the girl who ran crying earlier. His fans laughing with his mock representation of her. Simon’s blood began to boil again.

“Yeah, he is a fucking asshole. Like a real live movie villain comes to life. I just want to beat his face in with my ice skates,” Simon said through his teeth, staring Sebastian down. The dumbass was oblivious to Simon’s glare.

“Yeah, like a real-life Darth Vader,” Raphael said.

“More like a real-life Emperor Palpatine,” Simon said, returning to look at Raphael.

“You’re still the same I see,” Raphael smiled, his voice flowed with his smooth Spanish accent, like honey. Simon was too distracted by the sound of his voice, that he forgot to feel insulted. But that lovely little voice in the back of his head yelling out every now and then that he was a worthless piece of shit, did not let him forget the insult.

“I’m not the same Raphael,” Simon said, anger and sadness starting to boil in his throat, he tried to calm himself, but it was too much, it was all too much. Being here, seeing him, after everything, after all the shit Simon endured over the last three years. Thankfully Camille pulled him out of a soon-to-be screaming contest, with Simon being the winner and an asshole.

 **“Simon, come on, we are going to the rooms to unpack and nap. Then we are going to the rink to practice,”** Camille said, her eyes never leaving Simon, but he knew she was examining him and the situation he was currently in.

 **“Okay,”** Simon said. He got up from the couch and walked past where Raphael sat. Then, with a sudden surge of courage, Simon turned to face the man once more.

“Why didn’t you call? If you called you would have known that I am not the same Simon I was three years ago. If you called things could have been different. Things could have been better. But you didn’t call. You just -” Simon swallowed hard, preventing any tears from escaping his eyes, feeling them build up.

“You just left,” Simon said calmly. He looked at a shocked and hurt Raphael, but before he could say a word, Simon turned and followed Camille to the elevator where Ragnor was waiting.

* * *

 

Simon exited the ice, sweat on his forehead, ears filled with the screams and cheers from the crowd. He had just skated his ass off. He landed every jump and moved across the ice in a flawless motion. He was the essence of beauty and grace, he was perfect. The only problem was, he felt nothing. There was no Agape, no emotion. There was just the blank nothingness that Simon always felt, the numbness that he had grown used to. Camille was the first to approach him as he made he way over to the kiss and cry to hear his results.

“ **Congratulations Simon,** ” she said as she sat down next to him. Ragnor coming to sit on the other side of him.

“ **Congratulations for what? The scores have not come in yet,** ” Simon said, staring at the television in front of him that should display his short program score any second.

“ **Congratulations on becoming a prima ballerina. You were graceful, beautiful, and perfect,** ” Camille said. Simon wished he could just take the compliment, since they were so rare to begin with, especially from Camille. But he couldn’t.

“ **It wasn’t perfect. It was crap. I couldn’t feel any Agape, not even if you hit me in the face with it,** ” Simon said in a hushed tone. Camille sighed and wrapped her arm around Simon’s shoulder, pulling him towards her side. Simon was not used to this type of affection, ever, let alone coming from the most affectionless person he knew.

**_SIMON LEWIS: 110.57_ **

Simon hear the cheers from the audience, he could feel Ragnor shaking his shoulder telling him that he was very proud and that this was an excellent score for the first short program of the season, he could also feel Camille kiss his head saying **“See Simon? I told you so!”** in Russian. But all of that was in the distance like he was hearing it through a radio. Instead, all that Simon could focus on was Raphael.

He stood across the room, he was one of the first to go, scoring a 102.34 on his short program, an incredible score. Raphael was wearing tight black sweatpants and a red hoodie, casual clothes that he probably changed into after his program. Raphael was looking directly at Simon, his gaze blank, covered by a facade he was putting forward. Simon couldn’t blame him, he had been avoiding Raphael since their meeting in the lobby. But now, there he was. Simon could feel Camille and Ragnor pull him up off of his seat and away from the cameras. Before they could pull him fully away, Simon broke free. He didn’t know what he wanted, let alone what he was going to do, but he knew this much, he needed to talk to Raphael. So with all the courage, he could muster, he walked towards the other man, grabbing his wrist and pulling him into a part of the arena that the cameras couldn't follow.

“What the hell?” Raphael said, pulling his wrist out of Simon’s grip once they were in private. Simon turned to look at him.

“We need to talk,” Simon said, voice weak.

“Okay?” Raphael said confusion and curiosity laced his voice.

“My room number is 546. Meet me there at 9 pm sharp. Do you think you can remember that? I know you have problems remembering things,” Simon said, trying desperately to make his voice not sound too harsh.

“What do you mean problem remeb-” Raphael started.

“Just meet me there,” Simon interrupted. “Okay?”

“Okay, fine. Room 546 9 pm,” Raphael said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Simon turned and left, leaving Raphael behind. He needed to go back to the room and shower. He needed to be there. He needed Raphael to be there. Simon needed this, Simon needed Raphael.

* * *

 

_8:30 pm_

Simon paced. He has finished showering earlier than he thought and was now nervously pacing his room. He was sure that the person below him hated him from all of the noise, but he didn’t care. Instead, he hoped it was Sebastian and kept on pacing. A million thoughts were running through his head. What is the reason Raphael never called was because he did in fact actually hate Simon? What if it was for some silly reason, what if he wanted to call but lost the number. What if there was no reason, and Raphael is just a dick? There were too many thoughts.

_8:58 pm_

After an episode of FRIENDS and some more pacing, Simon was ready, he was ready to face Raphael. He was ready to get it all out there on the table. To tell him off, or to get him off… whichever happened first. He was ready. He had rehearsed what he was going to say 3 times in the mirror and was prepared for anything.

_9:00pm_

There was a knock at the door, and Simon’s heart practically leaped out of his chest. Simon slowly got off his bed and walked towards the door, opening it slowly, and revealing what laid behind it. Raphael.

His hair was wet still and he was wearing a black t-shirt with a grey zip-up. He was wearing blue jeans and black boots. He looked like he was posing for a magazine cover, but then again, Raphael always looked like that. Sleek and stylish, those were his character traits.

Simon opened the door more, letting Raphael in. Once they were both inside the room, Simon closed the door, locking it behind him. He turned to look at Raphael.

“Hello,” Raphael said. He seemed nervous. Out of all the times Simon had seen Raphael, he had only seen him nervous once before. Other than that, he has always been a cool, calm and collected person.

“Hey,” Simon said in return. He was nervous too, but who wouldn’t be, there was enough tension in the room that it was almost unbearable.

“I called,” Raphael said. Simon looked at him, unable to hide the shock on his face.

“What?” Simon said.

“I called,” Raphael said, louder this time, his accent made his words feel like honey, but his eyes cut through Simon. They were fierce and determined. “I called every day for a month before someone called me back.”

Simon was about to say something, but Raphael interrupted him.

“No!” Raphael said, his cool exterior slipping, “I let you speak, now you are going to let me talk,” Raphael said, looking at Simon for approval. Simon nodded and gestured for Raphael to keep talking.

“I called, every day for a month. But when I finally heard back, It was from a man in Russia who was very confused why I was calling him. Not only did he not understand English, but he had no idea who I was or how I got his number! So what the hell Simon! I mean, I thought we had something, but giving me a fake number, that's low! I called you, I cared for you! Hell, I loved you! But you broke my heart and for what?! For some laughs with Magnus?! Or whatever bullshit possessed you to do that! I wanted to be with you! Don’t you get that!! I mean I figured that maybe something went wrong and you changed numbers so I tried talking to you the next time I saw you, but you practically told me to go fuck myself! So tell me this Simon, if I meant nothing to you, then why kiss me?! Why tell me you loved me and cared for me when you didn’t?! Why be cruel at every turn! Why Simon!?!” Raphael said. His chest breathing heavily after his speech. He looked like he wanted to cry and hide away, it broke Simon.

“What do you mean? I never gave you the wrong number. Raph, I loved you more than you could ever know. You were the only thing in my life that was good, that was actually worth living for. I broke your heart?! You broke mine!” Simon said, begging any tears forming to remain in his eyes.

“What?” Raphael asked, his eyes meeting Simon’s. His voice was soft, and pleading, as if begging Simon to wrap him in his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay.

“I gave you the right number,” Simon said. Raphael looked at him and then without leaving Simon’s gaze reached for something in his back pocket. He pulled out his wallet, opening it and taking out a piece of paper tucked into a pocket on the inside of the wallet. He placed the wallet on the table near him and slowly walked towards Simon, unfolding the paper.

“Here,” Raphael said, handing the paper to Simon. Simon took it, careful not to touch Raphael’s hand in the process, no matter how much he wanted to. Simon looked at the paper, and there it was, clear as day in crappy handwriting, Simon’s crappy handwriting, his phone number.

“You kept this?” Simon asked in disbelief.

“Of course, it is all I had left of you,” Raphael said softly. Their gaze met and held for what seemed like a little eternity until Simon broke the gaze and looked at the paper.

“This is my number Raphael, 754-8859. It hasn’t changed,” Simon said.

“What?! No, it’s 754-8869!” Raphael said pointing at the paper.

“What?” Simon said, examining where Raphael’s finger was. Sure enough there it was, a horribly written 5, so bad in fact that one could easily mistake it for a 6.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Simon said, unable to believe that the thing that had kept them apart for so long, that had kept him miserable for so long, was the work of crappy handwriting.

“Raphael, I’m so sorry. I - I don’t even know what to say! Raph,” Simon said, begging Raphael, to look at him, to forgive him.

“So we were both right?” Raphael said.

“I promise my handwriting has gotten better,” Simon said. Raphael looked at him and then broke out laughing. A smile spread across his face and reached his eyes, making him look like his younger self, the Raphael Simon fell in love with. Simon couldn’t help but laugh too, smiling at Raphael.

“Raph, I never- I- Oh Raphael,” Simon said, sitting down on the foot of the bed.

Raphael looked at him and smiled. He moved and sat down next to Simon. Simon turned so that they were both facing each other. Raphael reached up and took Simon’s face into his hand, brushing his fingers lightly against Simon’s cheek. Simon closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, placing his hand on Raphael’s thigh, and resting his forehead against Raphael’s. He smelled like honey and lavender. He felt Raphael’s hand rest on his leg, and the other weave it’s way through Simon’s long hair, brushing along the base of his head, soothing him instantly. Simon missed this.

“Raphael,” Simon whispered, pulling away slightly so he could look at the man sitting in front of him.

“Yes?”

“Please forgive me,” Simon whispered.

“For what?” Raphael said, brushing some of the strands that had fallen in Simon’s face out of the way, tucking them behind his ear.

“For everything, for being an ass, for being cruel,” Simon said.

“There is no apology needed Simon. But if it makes you feel at ease, then I forgive you,” Raphael whispered, lightly kissing Simon’s face. Simon didn’t realize he was crying until he Raphael pulled away from his lips and used his thumb to wipe away the tears.

“Raphael,” Simon whispered, so softly he wasn’t even sure he said anything at all. But it didn’t matter, for Simon leaned into Raphael, and within seconds, his lips found Raphaels. His kiss felt the same as their first kiss. Warmth flowed through him, infecting every inch of Simon’s body. For once in what seemed like forever, Simon didn’t feel numb. He felt warm and happy, and above all else, loved. Simon couldn’t remember the last time he really felt loved, but with every kiss, he shared with Raphael, every time their lips met, he felt it more and more.

Raphael began to push Simon back against the bed, and Simon followed his lead. Soon he found himself underneath Raphael, one hand running through his wet hair, the other underneath Raphael’s shirt, feeling Raphael’s strong muscles move under his touch. The whole experience was intoxicating.

“Simon,” Raphael whispered, voice hoarse and out of breath.

“Yes?”

“I love you. I just, I want you to know that. I need you to know that. I never stopped loving you, not for a second,” Raphael said. His eyes searching Simon’s for reassurance that the feelings were mutual. Simon lends forward and kissed Raphael softly.

“I love you too,” Simon whispered, and he meant it. He truly, without doubt, without question meant it. Raphael smiled, pulling Simon up so Raphael was sitting on his lap. He pulled Simon close, hugging him tightly. Simon returned the hug, burying his face in Raphael’s neck, feeling the warmth of his body spread over him like wildfire. When they pulled apart, their separation was short lived. For Raphael leaned back into Simon and kissed him once more. At this moment, Simon and Raphael, for the first time in what seems like forever, were both utterly and completely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOLD words are Russian


	18. Until We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning cuddles and talks, some skating, Sebastian is still an ass, Camille and Simon talk and some bittersweet goodbyes :D This chapter is kinda long, it's an “I’m sorry” for not writing in a while (BOLD = Russian)
> 
> WARNING: There is some minor smut, and some homophobic language (very brief - like one word), there is also some graphic depictions of past child abuse and past self-harm, as well as some intense depressive inner thoughts. Be prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ CHAPTER SUMMARY!!!!
> 
> Hello, my darlings! Now, this chapter is longer than most and have some pretty heavy material ahead. However, this chapter is very important to me and to the development of Simon's character. I have suffered from Depression all of my life, and to be able to talk about it in this format is very therapeutic. I know that this chapter may be a lot for some people, and for that I am sorry. But it is a chapter that needs to happen in order for Simon to grow. He needs to learn not only o love others and let them in but to love himself. I love you all very much and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Simon woke up to his phone blaring the Star Wars theme song at him. He moved to turn his alarm off, knowing that he didn’t have to be at the rink for at least two hours. Since he did so well on his free skate, he was the second last to go. Simon felt the morning sun on his face, its warmth was inviting, but the light was not. All Simon wanted to do was fall asleep for another hour, so he turned away from the light and onto his side. However, instead of more bed, Simon encountered something else entirely. A bare, tan, muscular back. Simon froze, and all at once, everything about last night hit him.

The kisses, the heat of Raphael on his lap, the feeling of having him close, his scent, his lips, everything. It was all so perfect, and yet, the hesitation was still there. For despite the feeling of Raphael’s skin underneath Simon’s hands, despite the desperate moans that Raphael released as Simon attacked his neck and collarbone. Biting and kissing the soft skin, hands running up and down Raphael’s bare chest, despite how amazing it all was, Simon had stopped.

He wanted Raphael, more than he cared to admit. It wasn’t just a “lust” want either, it was a want that pulled Simon towards Raphael. Like his soul was attached to a string and on the other end was Raphael’s soul. Speaking to each other, whispering promises of love Simon could only dream of actually having. However, no matter how much Simon wanted Raphael, he didn’t want to explain why his skin wouldn’t be as soft as Raphs. He didn’t want to explain the scars on his back, or the cuts on his chest, or the burn marks in his arms, or even the cuts on his thighs. He didn’t want to explain any of that, he couldn’t. Simon looked at the back of Raphael’s head, he was still asleep, breath even and deep. He looked so peaceful.

Simon didn’t want to ruin that, he didn’t want to ruin this bubble. He didn’t want Raphael to see the true Simon. The Simon who had suffered years of abuse, the Simon who was the victim and the abuser of his own body. The Simon littered with scars and horrid memories. The Simon that went to therapy. The Simon who almost jumped off that bridge in St. Petersburg, if not for that man who pulled him back, he would not even be here. No, Simon couldn’t show Raphael his true self. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

But still, that string pulled at Simon’s soul, making him feel guilty for not saying anything. Making him feel like he owed it to Raphael. After all, this was a man who loved him.

_“I love you…. I never stopped loving you,”_

This memory playing on repeat in Simon’s head. Raphael’s voice, hoarse and out of breath, his eyes serious and beautiful. Full of love, worry, and admiration. Simon would do anything to keep Raphael looking at him like that. The pure love that filled his heart and for the first time, made Simon feel whole. That love would bring anyone to their knees. That love that radiated off of the man sleeping next to Simon.

Simon reached out and wrapped his arm around Raphael’s midsection, pulling his back against Simons clothed chest. Simon missed this, he missed being close to someone like this. Simon moved his lips towards Raphael’s neck, kissing it lightly. There were still some red marks on Raphael’s collarbone, but this would be covered by Raph’s costume, Simon hoped.

No matter how much Simon wanted to shout from the rooftops that they were together, he still lived in Russia. If Simon was afraid of them treating him bad for going to therapy, they would crucify him if they found out he was dating a man. The only reason Magnus got away with it because he was A) never in a serious relationship and B) won more gold medals for Russia than anyone else, so no one cared. Simon was neither of these things, so best keep things quiet for now.

Simon kissed Raphael’s neck again, then his ear, pulling Raphael’s back closed to his chest. Raphael moaned softly, finally waking up. Simon watched as Raphael opened his eyes, blink a few times before registering where he was and whose arms were wrapped around him. When Raphael turned to look at Simon, he smiled brightly.

“Buenos días,” Raphael whispered.

“Dobroye utro,” Simon said smiling back. Raphael turned so he could kiss Simon. The kiss was light and brief, but Simon smiled at Raphael when he pulled away, he could get used to this.

Raphael pushed Simon away so that he was laying on his back, then Raphael warped his arm around Simon and cuddled into him, nuzzling Simons neck with his nose, kissing it lightly. Simon smiled at the warmth he felt, radiating off of Raphael’s body.

“What time is it?” Raphael whispered into Simon's’ neck.

“A little after 9,” Simon said.

“Hmm… I need to go soon, have to get ready for the competition,” Raphael said, pulling himself closer to Simon, intertwining their legs under the covers. Simon reached up and ran his fingers through Raphael’s hair lightly. Raphael smiled at the touch, and leaned into it, encouraging Simon to continue.

“So, I have a question,” Raphael said, hesitation in his voice.

“Yes?” Simon dreaded what Raphael’s response would be, fearing the worse. He didn’t want Raphael to ask him why he stopped them last night, nor did he feel like explaining the last three years of his life. Simon wanted to live in this moment, this perfect moment. With the warm winter sun coming in through the window highlighting everything in the room with a golden glow. The feeling of Raphael tucked in next to him, their legs intertwined, Raphael’s sweet scent of honey and lavender that made Simon feel at ease like he had finally come home. He didn’t want this to end, he didn’t want reality to set in and ruin this perfection. He didn’t want to to be over, for it had barely begun and Simon needed this. He needed to be close to Raphael, to let him in, to feel him near. He needed to have someone in his life, who actually loved him. He needed Raphael, but he also knew that if this was going to work, Simon was going to need to be honest, to tell the truth even though it was horrible. But still, Simon would give anything for this moment not to end. To delay the inevitable for just a little longer.

“It’s nothing serious, just something I’m curious about. You are American, but you play for the Russian teams. Why? Why not play for American teams?” Raphael asked. Simon froze. Despite the questions innocent nature, the answer opened a whole can of worms. But Simon wanted this to work, no, he needed this to work. So he took a deep breath and told the truth.

“I was born in America, but I am actually a Russian citizen. I was…. Disowned in a way by my parents a little over a year ago. I don’t talk about it, but I became a legal Russian citizen making me eligible to play on Russian teams,” Simon said, hoping that this would satisfy Raphael’s curiosity. It didn’t.

“Disowned? Why were you disowned?” Raphael asked, pulling himself closer to Simon in order to comfort him if comforting was needed. Simon smiled at the responses, it was nice to be comforted.

“Um.. well it was more I was emancipated,” Simon said.

“Emancipated?”

“Yeah, it's a nice way of saying my parents signed a piece of paper telling me that I’m on my own and now a legal adult even though I’m only 17. Well 16 at the time, but still,” Simon said, desperately trying to shove the emotions he was feeling deep down inside himself.

“Why? Is that what you wanted?” Raphael asked softly, he knew he was pushing the subject, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. He had not seen or heard from Simon in three years, and by the way, Simon reacted when Raphael tried to take Simon’s shirt off last night, he would put money on it not being an easy three years. Raphael had heard rumors from Magnus that Simon didn’t have the nicest parents around. He knew that this was bound to be a sensitive subject, but he wanted Simon to know that he was there for him. That Raphael didn’t care what happened in the past, as long as Simon was okay.

“No. Yes. I don’t know. It's what happened. Can we - Can we talk about something else?” Simon asked. Raphael lifted himself up so he could see Simon’s eyes. Simon was doing a good job of keeping up a normal face, shoving his feelings deep down, but Raphael knew better. He had spent the last three years watching Simon, how he moved how he talked. He knew that when he was stressed Simon would crack his knuckles, that when he was anxious he would pace, how when he was upset he would take a deep breath and shove any emotion down inside him, putting a face on that said, “I’m fine”. The same face that Raphael saw now. But he didn’t push it, there was no point in pushing it. If Raphael asked further, if he tried to get Simon to open up more, it could lead to a flood of emotions. He wasn’t going to do that to Simon, not now, not before the competition. So instead Raphael went back to where he was before, and kisses Simon’s neck, cuddling back into him.

“Okay,” Raphael said.

However, neither one said a thing, instead, they fell asleep again in each other's arms until Simon’s second alarm went off. After a rushed goodbye and a promise to see each other on the ice, Raphael was gone, and so was Simon’s perfect moment. 

* * *

 

Raphael got off the ice, smiling brightly at the loud cheers that erupted all around him. He held the flowers that were thrown towards him by the audience and a stuffed bear that someone gave him as he skated off the ice. He had just landed a new personal best for his long program. It was incredible, he was now in first place. He knew that Sebastian and Simon would knock him out of the spot, pushing him back to third place, but it was still enough to qualify for the GPF, as long as he got gold or silver at his next competition. With Jace being his only real competition at the China Cup Raphael knew he would qualify for the GPF. When he was finally at the kiss and cry, he sat down next to his coach.

“That was fucking amazing Raphael! You did amazing out there! You’re gonna kick Jace’s ass at Cup China!!!” His coach said loudly when he sat down next to Raphael. Raphael smiled at the older man, he had grown to like him over the years of working together. He was brash and honest, tough, but good. He cursed a lot and drank a little too much, but that was part of his charm.

“Thank you, Anthony,” Raphael said. Anthony was not from Spain like Raphael was. He was American but moved to Spain to follow his true passions. These passions according to Anthony were the following: good food, good wine, and beautiful women (not exclusively in that order). Anthony was a pro-skater though back in the day and made his money by teaching kids how to ice skate at the local rink. Raphael was one of these kids. When Raphael turned 10, Anthony told his grandmother, who Raphael lived with, that he had “real promise” and that if they wanted he could “train him up” and get him to “compete in the big leagues”. She agreed because it kept Raphael from getting into trouble and gave him a chance to really do something with his life. A chance that would be denied him if he said no. Raphael grew up very poor after his parents died he and his little sister moved to live with their Grandmother. She was a kind old woman, but she was not prepared to raise two growing kids. However, she did her best, and Raphael and his little sister, Rosa, grew up loved and cherished by their Grandmother.

But Anthony, Anthony was like an older brother to Raphael. Kind and good to him over the years, training him, encouraging him, and allowing him to express himself in his skating the way Raphael wanted to. Anthony even got Raphael into Ragnor’s skate camp for free, which was no easy feat, simply because Ragnor and Anthony knew each other from their professional skating days. It was Raphael’s birthday present from Anthony, and the greatest present he ever received, simply because that is where he met Simon.

Raphael’s score came in and Anthony almost leaped out of his chair in excitement. Raphael smiled at the other man who was beaming with excitement. Raphael was ranked first place, for now, guaranteeing him a spot on the podium. Raphael moved away from the kiss and cry, proud of his accomplishment when he saw him.

Simon was removing his Russia zip up and handing it to a tall older woman. She had black hair and a stern face. She wore tight black pants and a big white fur coat that hangs off of one of her shoulders revealing a lacy black shirt underneath. She was saying something to Simon, but Raphael couldn’t understand it. Not that he couldn’t hear, it was just that she was talking in Russian. Despite the fact that Raphael knew simple terms, he was not fluent in the language like Simon was. Simon was looking at the woman with a serious expression, paying close attention to what she was saying. When she was done, Simon nodded and moved to get onto the ice.

Raphael ran slightly to catch up with him when he finally reached Simon, he grabbed his arm pulling him around to look at Raphael. The stadium seemed to fall into a sudden silence, camera's attention directed towards Simona and Raphael, their picture displayed on the large televisions all over the stadium. Simon froze, unsure of what he should do.

Raphael realized what he had done, and almost regretted it immediately. Simon and Raphael were never photographed together, never seen in the same place, and for all the fans knew, hated each other. People probably thought he was going to punch Simon.

“Buena Suerte,” Raphael said smiling at Simon. Simon looked shocked at the words, but then smiled and winked at Raphael. He turned back around and stepped onto the ice, gliding across the rink, took his stance in the middle of the ice, and waited for the music to start.

* * *

 

Simon was in first place, Raphael in second, and Sebastian still left to go. Camille and Ragnor both seemed pleased with the scores, telling him that he was only going to improve as he got further along in the competition.

 **“Your real challenge will be Russia where you face off against not only Alexander Lightwood but** **Meliorn too,”** Camille said to him as he took a seat next to Raphael to watch Sebastian skate. Camille sat on Simon’s other side, watching him carefully as he said hello to Raphael and Raphael’s coach. Raphael’s coach, Anthony, smiled warmly at Simon, congratulating him on his score, and taking another swing from his flask that he had hidden away in his jacket. Raphael rolled his eyes at his coach and leaned in close to Simon.

“He likes to drink at competitions, says it helps him from getting nauseous from looking at all the terrible costumes and crappy music choices,” Raphael whispered so only Simon could hear. Simon smiled at Raphael, before receiving a sharp jab from Camille’s elbow. Simon looked up at her, and received a look that screamed: “What the fuck do you think you are doing?!”

Simon turned his head and looked straightforward. He watched as Sebastian made his way to the middle of the rink, a pretentious smile on his face that made Simon’s stomach turn. Sebastian waited for the music to start, and once it did, Simon wanted to throw up in his mouth. The song was called “King Sebastian” and it was written by Sebastian’s stupid band. Simon rolled his eyes and leaned back into his seat. He wanted to ask Anthony If he could have some of his drink, making this whole endeavor more bearable. But Camille would sooner cut his hand off then let him have alcohol. Sebastian skated around the ice is a fashion that made Simon, who just skated the performance of a lifetime not 5 minutes ago, look like an amateur who never skated before. Simon hated Sebastian, and he wasn’t the only one. Raphael, Alec, Jace, Meliorn, even Magnus, they all hated Sebastian with the burning passion of a thousand suns. He was a class A dick and an all-around piece of shit.

He banged every chick he could get his hands on, even though he was supposed to be engaged. Sebastian made fun of his fans, mocked the disabled, and called almost every single one of the skaters he competed against a faggot. Simon wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face multiple times. But as Camille said, he would not only get kicked out of the competition for hitting Sebastian, but he would probably get banned from skating altogether.

Even though Sebastian was a horrible human being, his father, Valentine, was worse. Valentine was a cruel man, simple as that. He had no remorse, no sympathy, no redeeming qualities whatsoever. He was just cruel. Even Sebastian didn’t like him, and that's really saying something. But there was something about the whole thing, something truly unsettling about Sebastian and Valentine, that rocked Simon to his core. If Simon’s father coached him, would that be him? Would he have grown to be cruel too, to take after his father is forced to spend time with him? Forced to learn from him, listen to him, and have him as a coach. Would Simon be as bad as Sebastian? Simon was suddenly very grateful for Ragnor, Magnus, and Camille for teaching him instead of having to learn anything from his father. He was grateful for the 5000 plus miles separating his father from Simon.

When Sebastian's skate was over, it was clear that Sebastian would be going home with a gold medal, Simon a silver, and Raphael a bronze.

* * *

 

Simon fell backward on to the bed, his medal falling out of his hand and landing on the floor. Before he could reach down and grab it, Raphael’s lips were attacking his own. Passionate, fierce kisses made Simon feel like he was being brought back to life. Raphael was straddling Simon, lips burning into his, hands finding their way under Simon’s shirt, feeling his hard, strong chest under Raphael’s fingers. Simon’s skin was rougher that Raphael would have thought it was.

Simon could feel Raphael’s hesitation, he could feel his hands run over old scars on Simon’s chest. Small, and nearly faded, but still there, those burn marks that his father scorched onto him with his nightly cigar he didn’t feel like putting out in an ashtray. Simon needed to avoid the situation, avoid answering questions he couldn’t bring himself to think about right now. Instead, Simon decided that the best way to not have this conversation was by avoiding it and distracting Raphael.

Simon pushed himself off of his back, rolling over, and pinning Raphael down onto the bed. Simon placed his hand gently on Raphael’s face, rubbing small circles on his cheek and he kissed him softly. Raphael moaned as Simon grinded against Raphael. They continued this way for a while, feeling each other out, but never going too far. Raphael's shirt found its way onto the floor along with his medal that hung around his neck. However, this blissful moment ended too soon. Simon didn’t notice Raphael stopped moving, stopped kissing back, right away. But then Raphael said his name, and Simon almost stopped breathing.

“Simon?” Raphael whispered, his voice laced with fear and worry. Simon wanted to run a hideaway. He wanted to lock himself in the bathroom and beg Raphael to leave, to not come back, to forget about him. Simon breathing grew heavy as he felt Raphael’s hand trace one of the larger scars on Simon’s back. Gentle, soft hands under Simon's shirt, each one outlining another long gash that was the result of his father’s belt, amongst other things.

“Simon?” Raphael whispered again, removing one of his hands from Simon’s back, placing it on Simon’s face, turning it so they could look each other in the eyes. Simon saw the worry and fear that laid in Raphael's gaze. Simon still moved off of Raphael at an impeccable speed. He began hyperventilating, as Raphael sat up to look at him. His face was littered with concern. Simon hated it. It made him feel small, and like there was something wrong with him.

 _“So, what if I was beaten as a kid. I was a little shit, I probably deserved it. It’s no big deal, God why is he looking at me like this! I knew this would happen! THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LET PEOPLE IN!”_ Simon thought to himself. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move. But his thoughts keep going, running through his head lashing out cruel sentiments that made Simon feel empty and broken.

 _“You don’t deserve his love, you don’t deserve anything! That's why your parents hate you, that's why you're alone! How could you possibly think Raphael could love you! Don’t you realize idiot! No one can love you because there is nothing lovable about you!”_ Simon wanted to scream at the thoughts, to yell and rip these feelings out of him. But he remained still, he just kept looking straight ahead at nothing.

“Simon!”

_“Loser! Unlovable!”_

“Simon! Look at me!”

_“No one loves you!”_

“Simon! Please! I beg you! Look at me!”

_“You’re nothing! Everyone knows it! That’s why everyone leaves!”_

“SIMON!”

_“Bubbie, Rebecca, Your Mom, Your Father,”_

“Simon! Pleas- what? What are you doing here?”

“ _Magnus, Alec, RAPHAEL!”_

“Simon? Simon! What’s happening?!”

_“They all left! BECAUSE OF YOU!”_

Simon felt a hand hit him hard across the face. He fell to the ground, snapping out of his trance. He rubbed his face where the blow hit him, looking up to see Raphael and Camille standing over him.

“Simon?” Raphael begged, kneeling down so he could hold Simon. “Simon, what happened?” Raphael looked shook to his core, tears in his eyes, voice hoarse and a worried expression on his face.

“I- I don’t. I’m sorry,” Simon whispered, his throat burned, tears starting to flow from his eyes, unable to suppress them or stop them from coming. Simon pulled away from Raphael, leaning his back against the cold wall in hopes of grounding himself.

“Simon,” Camille said softly. It was the quietest and softest he had ever heard her voice. He looked at her, her face expressionless, but her eyes said it all. She knew what was happening.

 **“How long?”** She asked quietly.

 **“How long what?”** Simon whispered.

 **“How long have you had Depression?”** Camille asked, her face was soft. She looked at Simon like a mother looks at her child, an unconditional love radiating off of her that made him feel sleepy.

 **“I don’t know. A while,”** Simon said, feeling as though he could trust Camille with that answer. She nodded and turned to Raphael.

“Can you give us a minute Raphael? I promise I will come get you in a little bit, but I think Simon and I need to talk alone for a moment,” Camille said to him. Raphael looked like he wanted to argue, but nodded his head. He grabbed his shirt and leaned down to kiss Simon on the cheek.

“I’ll be right outside the door,” he whispered. Simon did not look at him, he could not bring himself to do so. Instead, he focused on Camille. She wasn’t in her normal white fur coat, nor was she wearing her usual 6-inch black heels. Instead, she was wearing black yoga pants, converse sneakers, and a long-sleeved white sweater. This was the most casual Simon had ever seen her. Her hair was down, but it wasn’t styled to perfection like always, instead, it looked messy, like she had just woken up from a nap. She looked tired too. Now that she was so close to him, Simon got a good look at her face, small wrinkles laid around her eyes aging her.

“Simon,” Camille said in English, pulling him up from the floor and having him sit on the bed. She sat down next to him, turning his face so he was looking right at her.

“What happened?” Camille said softly. She looked like she actually cared. Like someone who had no self-interest at heart other than his own.

“Raphael… we were- he touched my back,” Simon said, voice still sore from the tears.

“Okay? What’s wrong with your back?” Camille asked.

Simon didn’t say anything, instead, he stood up and removed his shirt, revealing the scattering of scars that wrapped around him like barbed wire. Camille didn’t gasp, she didn’t say anything, she just looked at Simon.

“Who?” She finally asked after what felt like an eternity of silence.

“My father,” Simon whispered, turning back around to look at Camille. Simon then pointed to the small circular scars on his chest.

“My father,” he said. Then he moved to the scar on his shoulder, a one-inch gash that looked like it was deep.

“My father,” Simon whispered, tears forming in his eyes again, voice faltering with every word.

Then finally he unbuckled his belt, and took off his pants, wearing nothing but his boxers, Simon showed the small white scars that littered his thighs - evidence of the years of self-abuse.

“Me,” Simon barley said tears running down his face and he tried to push them away. Unable to look her in the eyes, Simon quickly grabbed his pants and put them back on. When he went to grab his shirt, he used it to wipe away the tears before putting it back on. Then, once full changed, he looked at Camille.

Her face shocked him. It was a look Simon had never seen before, it reminded him of a look a mother would give someone who threatened her child. A look of pure anger, a look that said: “touch a single hair on his head and I will bite your dick off”. But it wasn’t directed towards Simon, it was directed towards a man who was thousands of miles away, in a house in Brooklyn. It was directed towards his father, who Simon prayed could feel the intensity of Camille’s hate towards him.

“Sit,” she said calmly. Simon did as she said, sitting down next to her on the bed.

“Listen to me carefully Simon, and know that everything I say, is the truth,” Camille said, her voice serious. “Your father is a horrible man, and I swear to God if he ever so much as lays a hand on you again, I will kill him. Do you understand? If he so much as breaths in your general vicinity, I will end him. I will never let him hurt you again. I promise.”

Simon looked at her with disbelief, how could someone care so much for him? Why does she care?

“Now, you are probably asking yourself why I care, and to be honest, I don’t know why. I just do. Maybe it is because you are the closest thing to a son I will ever have. Maybe it is because you remind me of myself at your age. Determined, strong, relentless. Maybe it is because I too know what it is like to work for what you want in this life. We are not handed things on gold platters like so many others. We have to fight Simon, tooth, and nail for every inch of ground we get. Maybe it is because I have depression myself. I know the feeling of feeling alone inside your head, of wanting to die, of wanting for all of this to just be over. I know what it is like to have a little voice inside your head turning every accomplishment, every conversation, every moment into a battlefield against yourself,” Camille stated.

“It doesn’t matter why though, because, like I said, I will _never_ let anyone hurt you. Not even yourself,” Camille said as she turned her wrist over and pulled her sweater back, revealing a long vertical cut starting at the base of her wrist. Simon looked at it in shock, not knowing what to even say to the woman in front of him.

“When?” Simon finally brought himself to say.

“A long time ago, before I met Ragnor when I was still struggling to be a prima ballerina,” Camille said. “Ragnor helped me see who I really was and that it’s not just that life is worth living, but that you are worth living for.”

“Am I worth living for?” Simon asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“That is not a question I can answer for you Simon, but a question you must answer yourself. It took me a very long time before I actually liked who I was before my depression subsided and I learned to live in peace with myself instead of constantly being at war. It also took therapy and someone very special to make allow myself to know that I could be loved and was capable of loving someone in return,” Camille said, holding Simon's hand and squeezing it lightly.

“I go to therapy, it’s a group back in Russia,” Simon said.

“That’s good, but maybe it is time we found you, someone, to do one on one sessions. I had a therapist back in Russia while I was a prima ballerina. I liked him a lot. He was very discreet and would come to my house for our sessions. If you want, I can ask him to do the same for you,” Camille said.

Simon thought about it for a minute, thinking of what would happen if the press got hold of this. How they would tear him apart. But then he thought of Raphael, and how much he wanted - no, needed, to be there for him. How he wanted to feel that love Camille talked about.

“Okay,” Simon whispered, looking at Camille. She smiled at Simon and leaned forward kissing him lightly on his forehead.

“I will schedule the appointment,” she said getting up from the bed to let Raphael back in. Before she did, she turned back and looked at Simon.

“Raphael seems nice. He is a fighter too if I remember correctly. Maybe think about letting him in, sharing some of this pain with him. He seems to like you very much. Don’t shut him out because you are afraid of yourself Simon,” she said. Simon looked at her and nodded. He knew she was right, knew that she spoke the truth. When she opened the door Raphael rushed back in, immediately going to Simon, sitting down next to him, taking his hand as Camille left.

“Simon, what is happening?” Raphael asked, voice filled with worry.

“Raphael…” Simon began, and with one look Simon knew Camille was right. If he wanted to be with Raphael, he needed to let him in.

“A lot has happened in the last three years. A lot I haven’t told you, a lot I haven’t told anyone,” Simon said.

“You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t ready Simon,” Raphael said, placing his hand on Simon's cheek, rubbing soft circles on the side of Simon’s face.

“I want to,” Simon said, looking into Raphael’s eyes. He took a deep breath and told him everything.

* * *

 

They spent hours talking, most of the night really. They ordered room service and sat in bed talking the whole night away. They talked about Simon's family, his father, and mother, the abuse, physical and emotional. They talked about Simon’s Bubbie Helen and how much he loved her. They talked about how he wasn’t allowed to go to her funeral, about how he wants to return to Brooklyn one day and see where she was buried, bringing flowers to her grave and say a prayer. They talked about how Simon wants to win gold at the GPF and prove to himself and others that he can do it. They talked about Simon’s depression and Leo and Viktoriya. They talked about Raphael and his life. How his parents died and how his grandmother was raising him and his little sister. They talked about how much Raphael missed Rosa and how much he wanted Simon to meet her. They talked about them and their relationship. Settling on the term boyfriend when describing the other person to someone else. But they also agreed to keep their relationship private for now, at least for Simon’s sake. By the time all was said and done, the two of them had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, just as the sun began to shine through the curtains. However, neither one made any move to leave the comfort of the others arms. Instead of opting for a few more hours of blissful sleep and cuddling.

Simon felt lighter when he finally woke up, feeling as though the amount of emotional purging he had just gone through took the weight off his shoulders. He looked at Raphael, still sleeping peacefully. The way the sun came in through the window, Raphael was glowing in a golden blanket. Simon kissed his cheek, then his nose, then his lips as Raphael began to wake up, he smiled at Simon. It was another perfect moment. 

* * *

 

Simon watched as Raphael packed his bags. Simon’s belongings were already in the car outside. Ragnor was grumpy that Simon was making them wait for him as he said goodbye to Raphael in the privacy of his room, but Camille told Ragnor to get over it.

“Ready to go?” Simon asked as Raphael checked his bedside table one more time, making sure he didn’t leave anything behind.

“Si,” Raphael said, grabbing his suitcase. They walked towards the elevator in silence, but once inside, Simon kissed Raphael, fiercely on the lips. Raphael returned the kiss and smiled at Simon as he pulled away.

“I’m going to miss you,” Raphael said, breathless from the kiss.

“Me too,” Simon said, sadness lingering in his voice. He had just gotten Raphael back and now he was going to lose him all over again.

“Let’s not say goodbye,” Raphael said.

“Okay? Then what shall we say,” Simon asked. Before Raphael could answer, the elevator doors opened. Simon and Raphael walked out of the elevator together. When they reached the front of the hotel, Simon turned to Raphael.

“Where is Anthony?” He asked.

“He will be down in a minute, our flight isn’t for another 2 hours,” Raphael said.

“Okay, well I better get going, I don’t need Ragnor to kill me for making us miss our flight,” Simon said smiling at the man in front of him. Raphael nodded, and then took hold of Simon, pulling him into a tight hug. Simon returned it, breathing Raphael’s sent in, praying it will last him until he saw him next. Simon was suddenly very jealous of Jace for getting to see Raphael before him in China.

“Hasta que nos encontremos de nuevo,” Raphael whispered. Simon smiled at the saying, knowing what he meant by his years of Spanish lessons.

“Until we meet again,” Simon returned. “I love you.”

“I love you too Simon,” Raphael said softly, then he pulled away as to not draw too much suspicion on why they were holding each other for so long. Simon smiled at Raphael, happy he had finally found his way back to him after all these years and heartbroken to be torn from him again.

Before Simon could throw caution to the wind and kiss Raphael goodbye in front of the whole lobby, he turned and walked away. As he got into the car waiting for him outside he turned and looked one last time at the beautiful man he loved. Raphael smiled and waved. Simon did the same and closed the car door behind him.

 **“Thank God! What took you so long! I want to get out of their country and back home!”** Ragnor whined. Simon and Camille laughed at his childish complaining, as Ragnor grumbled to himself in the front seat. Camille sat next to Simon in the back of the car, then she took his hand and squeezed it lightly.

 **“Did you take my advice?”** She whispered.

 **“Yes, thank you for everything Camille,”** he said in return, then turning to look out the window one last time as they pulled away from the hotel, never letting go of her hand.

 **“Don’t worry my little caramel, you will see him at the Grand Prix,”** Camille whispered low enough so only Simon could hear.

 **“I know, I’m just going to miss him that’s all,”** Simon said turning back to look at her.

 **“What are you two talking about back there?”** Ragnor said loudly from the front seat.

 **“We are talking shit about you,”** Camille responded, earning a laugh from Simon. The driver ignored their banter. Ragnor pouted in his seat and ignored them the rest of the car ride.

 **“I made you an appointment for Wednesday,”** Camille said to Simon.

Simon nodded and squeezed Camille’s hand again.

 _“Maybe things were going to be okay after all,”_ Simon thought. That thought kept him warm throughout the car ride and the plane back to Russia. That, and the thought of a pair of dark eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Buenos días = good morning (Spanish)  
> Dobroye utro = good morning (Russian)  
> Buena suerte = good luck (Spanish)  
> Hasta que nos encontremos de nuevo = Until we meet again (Spanish)
> 
> The next chapter will be happier I promise! Its got Malec, Clary, Jace, Luke and Jocelyn :D


	19. Trophée de France

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace, Clary and Alec shenanigans, MELIORN!!!!, and Malec love :D  
> BOLD = French

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!!!!!! Finally. I promise more frequent chapter updates! Thanks for sticking around! Love you guys!!!
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

The beautifully sculpted stain glass window’ purple light cascaded down onto the floor. Clary grabbed her camera and took a picture of the window, capturing it at the perfect angle that one can even see the rays of purple sunlight in the photograph. She smiled at the photo, one of many that she had taken since arriving in Paris two days ago.

“Alec!” Clary yelled-whispered grabbing the attention of her friend who was in the middle of a conversation with Magnus, Alec’s new boyfriend. He turned to look at her and smiled as she waved him over. Following her direction, he moved to stand next to her.

“Look at this,” Clary said excitedly.

“Wow! That’s an amazing shot Clary,” Alec said excitedly holding Clary’s camera in his hands to get a better look at the picture. Clary smiled at her friend, excited to be reunited with him again. She was ecstatic at finding out the news that Alec and Magnus were now “officially” together. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Alec. He had changed so much from the broken boy she helped carry home almost 2 years ago. Instead, he stood near her now strong and confident in his actions, or at least as confident as someone like Alec could be.

Part of Clary thought that maybe it was Magnus who encouraged this new surge of bravery in her friend. But Clary knew that it was just the real Alec showing in a new light. His self-doubt and worry disappearing with every passing day, becoming who he was always meant to be. Sure, Magnus helped push Alec in the right direction, but in the end, it was his own need to move forward that won the day.

So much had happened since Max died, it made Clary almost sad that he couldn’t be a part of it. He would have relished in his brothers new found courage. Max would have loved Magnus too, Clary was sure of it. She had only met Max a handful of times, but she was always fond of the boy. He was the perfect mix between his siblings. He had that need to be seen, and desire to be the best along with the easy ability to be charismatic, just like his sister. However, Max was also simple, and would rather spend his time surrounded by close friends and books then at a party, just like his brother.

Clary wished he was here, cheering Alec on during the competitions ahead. Max would have been proud of Alec.

“Let's show Magnus,” Alec said, grabbing Clary’s hand and pulling her out of her thoughts. They moved towards Magnus who was now sitting next to a tired Jace. Clary felt bad for dragging Jace around all of Paris, especially when the competition was tomorrow, but he would bounce back once they had lunch.

“Hey Magnus, look at the picture Clary took,” Magnus got up from his seat and looked at the camera in Alec’s hands. He seemed excited by the picture, but he seemed more excited by the fact Alec was now back to standing next to him. Clary watched how Magnus looked at Alec like he hung the stars and moon himself. It was a love that was only seen in couples that have been together for 50 years or in movies. It flowed around them, infecting everyone in their path with this warm sensation of pure love.

“Hey Clary,” Jace said, looking at his girlfriend with a sad, childlike look on his face, “Can we eat soon?”

Clary laughed at how ridiculous Jace was, but then smiled at him kindly.

“Sure, Jace. Magnus, Alec, ready to get some lunch?” Clary asked. Magnus and Alec agreed, handing Clary back her camera. As they left the Notre Dame Cathedral the cold air of the outside hit them fiercely.

“Let's find someplace close, no need to stay in this cold for long,” Magnus said, wrapping his scarf around his neck more, and grabbing Alec’s hand. Clary and Jace argued about which street to take until finally, Jace gave in following his girlfriend down the road and stopping at the first cafe that was open. When they entered the whole place smelled like peppermint. It filled all four of them with a warm, safe feeling, free from the freezing cold outside.

 **“Bonjour!”** the hostess said to the four of them, **“Just the four of you?”**

 **“Oui,”** Magnus responded. Alec and Clary both knew enough French to get by, but Magnus was the only one really fluent in the language. The group followed the hostess as she leads them to a back table near the open fireplace. There weren’t many people in the restaurant, making it easy to have a nice quiet lunch.

 **“Here you go. Your waiter will be with you shortly,”** the hostess said kindly. Magnus thanked her as they all took off their coats and sat down. Before anyone could open their menus, Magnus stopped them.

“Let me order for everyone. Trust me, I’ll make sure we get things you will all like,” Magnus said happily. The three others agreed to the request, relieved they didn’t have to try to translate the menu. When their waiter came over Magnus ordered a collection of different foods and appetizers as well as a bottle of red wine for the table. When the waiter left to place the order the four friends began a comfortable chit-chat.

“So, are you excited about tomorrow Alec?” Clary asked.

“I guess, I don't know. I'm a little nervous, to be honest. It is one thing to compete against a bunch of minor figure skaters, but now I’m competing against professionals,” Alec rambled on playing with his napkin in front of him. Clary noticed the nervousness setting back in and the confidence escaping Alec. But she had faith in Alec and that when the time came, Alec would shine brighter than anyone on the ice. She was ashamed to admit she was more excited to see Alec skate than Jace. It’s not the Jace wasn’t good, it’s just she has watched him skate the same routine for the last 6 months.  
“Don’t worry darling. You will be amazing tomorrow. Besides, the only professional you need to worry about tomorrow is Meliorn,” Magnus said comfortingly, taking Alec’s hand and kissing it lightly. Alec blushed at the gesture.

“Okay first off, ew. And secondly, what do you mean ‘Meliorn is the only professional you need to worry about’?” Jace said, “Aren’t you forgetting another professional skater? Someone incredibly handsome and kind and very good at skating?”

“I thought Raphael skated in Canada, not France,” Clary said smiling as she took a drink of her water. The whole table started laughing, except for Jace who just crossed his arms and pouted at his friends joking on his behalf.

The waiter came back over, pouring them all a large glass of red wine, and passing out the beginning of the many different dishes Magnus ordered. They dug in, trying each one, commenting on the taste and comparing what everyone thought of the different dishes. How it paired with the wine, how one dish was saltier than the others, or how one was sweeter. The comparisons went back and forth, continuing on to the next round of dishes and tasting.

BEEP BEEP

BING

DING

BZZZ BZZZ

Their phones all going off in unison.

“It’s a text from Simon,” Alec said, smiling at his phone. He hadn’t really heard from Simon since the Battle of the Blades. Despite their differences and the fact that Simon might still be salty about Alec winning over him, Alec was still excited to see the other man. They had just begun to really bond with him in Idris before Simon left, and Alec wished they were able to further their relationship into friendship territory. It would be nice to have another friend, and even though Jace and Clary might not admit it, Alec knew they grew rather fond of Simon as well. Their dynamic was easy, natural, and he fits almost perfectly into their little group as if he was always meant to be there.

“What is it?” Clary asked pulling her phone out of her purse.

“It’s a video,” Magnus said clicking on the link. Alec did the same and was about 10 seconds into the video before Jace shouted.

“HOLY SHIT! It’s a video of me falling on my ass at my competitions over the years!!!!” Jace yelled, making the few people in the restaurant turn to look at the group.

However, Magnus, Alec, and Clary were too busy laughing their asses off to notice the curious glares. Jace was fuming, practically turning red the more the video went on, and the rest of them were in tears holding on to each other so they wouldn’t fall out of their chairs due to their excessive laughter. It was then that Alec’s phone began to ring, Simons name appearing on it.

“I’m gonna take this,” Alec said through the laughter, leaving the restaurant to answer the call. Once he was outside, back in the freezing cold with no jacket, Alec answered the call.

“Hello?” Alec said.

“Hey, did you watch the video?” Simon said, he sounded tired but happy, like a kid who is about to go to bed after a day of fun.

“Yeah, we got it, Jace is super pissed, which makes it so much better. Where did you find it?” Alec asked, laughing still at the video.

“Raphael sent it to me,” Simon said quietly.

“Raphael Santiago? I thought you didn’t like the guy,” Alec said.

“I never said I didn’t like him. Besides if I never talked to people I didn’t like I would have no one to talk to,” Simon said.

“Well I guess it’s a good thing you don’t do that then,” Alec laughed.

“Yeah good thing I guess,” Simon said, a smile clear in his voice.

“Well I better get back inside, it's fucking freezing in France,” Alec said, not wanting to hang up on Simon, but at the same time, he was shivering like crazy.

“Okay, well listen, good luck out there. I want it to be a fair fight in Russia so no getting injured or any of that bullshit,” Simon said teasingly.

“I’ll try,” Alec laughed back, “Bye Simon.”

“Bye Alec.”

With that, the call ended and Alec went back into the restaurant in search of heat, food, more wine, and his friends, who by the looks of it were still laughing at Jace.

* * *

 

Paris is always beautiful. In the rain, at night, when the sun is setting, but mostly, it is beautiful when the sun begins to rise. Creeping slowly over the city, bringing life to it and the promise of a new and better day. Slowly waking up those sleepy people who hide from the suns light in hopes of a few more hours of blissful sleep. Those perfect hours where it almost feels like you are getting away with something, but in reality, you don’t need to be up for a few more hours. Comfortable in the cocoons of warmth and blankets, these people of all different backgrounds, slowly surrender to the sun. Alec Lightwood was one of these people.

He first felt the sun on his bare back, its warmth bringing a sudden ease to his body, which has been a nervous wreck all night. Tossing and turning the whole night, mind racing with thoughts of this very day. Thoughts of failure, of letting his family down, his friends, Magnus, all of it making him unable to sleep for hours. However, he somehow found sleep in the comfortable featured bed. Mostly, it was because of a certain person next to him the whole night. A warm body who smelt of caramel and radiated a heat off of him that made Alec feel at ease and slightly aroused all at the same time. With soft kisses and gentle touches, this person was able to bring sleep to Alec and calm his mind. Now, as Alec opened his eyes slowly, he found his face buried in the neck of this person, arms wrapped around him, legs intertwined, his bare chest pressing against the other man’s chest.

Magnus, the most amazing person Alec had ever met in his entire life. He was selfless and gorgeous, funny and smart, kind and good, a person that made Alec want to be a better person. Not to mention he was Alec’s boyfriend, Alec’s amazing, sexy boyfriend. Magnus Bane was like an actual real-life angel to Alec, sent from the heavens specifically for him. Alec would do anything for Magnus, and he loved him more than life. Over the past couple of months, Alec had gotten to know Magnus very well. They spent almost every day together. Laughing and sharing stories, getting to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of these things, only making their bond stronger. Alec found himself this winter morning in Paris, France, truly, completely, head over heels in love with the man he was cuddling with.

His little snores, his glitter eye-liner, his 12-step face care routine, his cute little stubble in the morning. All of these things made Alec feel the warmth of true love every time he looked at Magnus. Looking at him now, Alec felt overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude and admiration towards this man. So much so, that he couldn’t handle it anymore, and slowly moved to kiss Magnus on the cheek. Then on the nose, then the neck, then the forehead. Magnus slowly waking up, as Alec practically straddled him, kissing his face and neck, small intimate little pecks here and there. Magnus smiled at the kisses and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck pulling him closer. Alec’s hands firmly placed on Magnus’s strong chest, running up and down the bare skin, feeling every crevice, every muscle.

Alec began to slowly kiss Magnus’s neck and then moved to his collarbone, leaving little love bites as he moved further down. Alec moved back to Magnus’s lips, kissing him passionately, using his tongue to open Magnus’ mouth. Magnus gladly kissed him back.

“Alexander, love of my life, my sun and moon, as much as I want you to keep going, we need to get up,” Magnus moaned through the kisses.

“You are up,” Alec said as he grinded down into Magnus, Magnus moaned at the friction which was so perfect, but never enough. Alec continued to kiss Magnus passionately capturing every one of his moans in response. Their kisses became more desperate, each one begging for another. Nothing seemed to be able to pull them apart, lost in their own world.

“PICK UP YOUR PHONE ASSHAT!! It's JACE!” Alec’s phone blared as Jace’s personalized ringtone went off. Alec groaned and reached for his phone, rolling off of Magnus and answering the call.

“What?” Alec said harshly, Magnus gently kissing Alec’s jaw and neck as he talked to Jace.

“Jeez, no need to be grumpy. Clary wants to know what kind of coffee you want. We are at the Starbucks in the lobby,” Jace said defensively.

“Ugh! I’ll take a regular coffee, cream – no sugar! Magnus will have a vanilla latte with cinnamon on top,” Alec said, then hung up on Jace before he could respond.

“You know my coffee order?” Magnus said, smiling at Alec with a look of admiration.

“Of course, I do,” Alec said, kissing Magnus lightly. “We need to get up now. They will be here soon.”

“Shower?” Magnus questioned.

“Together?”

“Better that way, saving water is good for the environment,” Magnus said, hopping out of bed and walking towards the shower, turning around and motioning for Alec to follow. He didn’t need to be told twice, jumping out of bed and following Magnus into the bathroom.

* * *

 

Alec sat in the locker room of the skating rink. He leaned against the lockers, listening to music through his headphones. He tried to ignore the nerves that were running up and down his body, making his mind feel like it was in overdrive. It wasn’t working. Alec focused on the notes of the song, the voice that flowed with it. He imagined himself skating to the music, floating along the ice as if the notes of the song pulled him in a smooth and fluid motion. He could feel himself start to calm down, but then as suddenly as the calm feeling came, it was ripped out from under him.

One of Alec’s headphones was pulled out of his ear, and his eyes opened in response. Staring at Alec was a tallish slender man with tan skin, and long dark hair with half his head shaved. The man wore a white tracksuit over his costume. He had his makeup done, green glitter eyeliner and shadow, and he wore a light pink lipstick. He had blue highlights in his hair and a small scar on his right cheek.

Meliorn.

Alec always had this one-sided love-hate relationship with Meliorn. He was nice enough, good for small talk, but he was a worse gossip than anyone. He would whisper secrets that you didn’t want nor needed to know in your ear and then grab your ass. Alec wasn’t a fan. However, he was a great skater, probably one of the bests. Also, he posted cute pictures of his cat on Instagram that Alec always liked.

Meliorn looked down at Alec, lips pursed, and hands on his hips.

“Welcome back Alexander,” Meliorn said in his Swedish accent. The way he said Alexander annoyed Alec, it wasn’t endearing like when Magnus said it. Coming out of Meliorns’ mouth it sounded off. It also pissed Alec off how Meliorn didn’t use his last name, ever. The dude wasn’t Cher or Beyoncé or Zendaya. He should use his last name. Alec swallowed his frustration and growing nerves, instead opting to be polite to Meliorn.

“Thank you. It’s good to be back. How are you doing Meliorn? How’s your cat?”

“Oh, Queenie is fine. She is here with me, I left her back in the hotel room. I do hate traveling without her. As for myself, I’m fine, happy to be back, although it might be for the last time. Oh! By the way, did you hear about Raphael? Apparently, he found a new main squeeze, standing outside in the hotel hallway shirtless at Skate Canada,” Meliorn said with a pretensions smile, “Poor Simon, must be upsetting for him to see.”

Alec didn’t want to pursue a topic. He didn’t want to give Meliorn the satisfaction of pulling him into a rumor-filled conversation. But the second Simon’s name was mentioned, Alec couldn’t help himself from asking further.

“Why would Raphael dating someone affects Simon?” Alec asked, regretting the words as soon as the left his lips. Meliorn smiled a Cheshire Cat smile, knowing he had won this little game he was playing.

“Oh, my dear Alexander, haven’t you heard? Simon and Raphael were quite the lovers for a while. Very controversial. I’m surprised you didn’t know. I thought you and Simon were close. If not, I figured Magnus must have told you, he knew after all before I did,” Meliorn said.

Alec looked at Meliorn, knowing he was playing into his hand. The questioning of Simon and his friendship, the questioning of Alec and Magnus’ relationship, all things that were the perfect bait for Alec. However, instead of digging himself further into the whole Meliorn pushed him in, he decided to take the higher ground. Alec stood up, facing Meliorn, inches from his face. Meliorn still smiled at him, awaiting Alec’s answer.

“Excuse me Meliorn, I have to go stretch and I have no time for your silly rumors. Good luck today,” Alec said, heading out of the locker room. Before he could escape, Meliorn grabbed Alec’s wrist, pulling him back. It wasn’t a hard grab, but it did make Alec stop in his tracks.

“They aren't rumors Alexander. Don’t you know by now? I only speak the truth,” Meliorn smiled, letting Alec go and leaving the locker room. Alec stood there, waiting for Meliorn to leave. When he was gone, Alec took a deep breath, happy he came out of his first interaction with the other man unscathed. Alec thought of what Meliorn had said, that Simon and Raphael were once together. It did make sense, with Simon’s obvious discomfort with the mention of the other man.

Alec pushed the thought out his head, he needed to focus. He took a deep breath and left the locker room in hopes of finding Magnus or his friends, praying the anxiety that was creeping up on him would go away.

* * *

Alec leaned against the railing, watching Jace perform his short program. He had stumbled a little in the beginning but now he seemed to be flowing across the ice, dancing to the music. Clary stood next to Alec, gripping his hand so tightly it almost hurt. Alec didn’t mind the pain, in a way it was grounding him, pushing his anxiety out of his mind, helping to prevent it taking over. Luke and Jocelyn stood next to Clary, Magnus wrapping his arm through Alec’s on his other side. They watched as Jace began to build up speed and launch himself into a triple axel. With a collectively held breath, the group intensely watched Jace spin in the air, and land perfectly. The crowd roared with approval, and so did the group. Clary jumping up and down with excitement, knowing this was Jace’s last jump before his skate ended. He had landed them all, giving him a good spot in the standings. The music drew to a conclusion, and Jace struck his final pose receiving a loud applause in response.

Clary ran over to the exit on the ice, Luke, and Jocelyn in her wake. Magnus looked at Alec, studying his features. He was nervous. Alec stared at the ice, feeling Magnus’s stare on him. He wanted to go congratulate Jace, but he could feel the dread of competing quickly taking over. His breath quickened, and his heart started pounding so loudly that he was positive Magnus could hear it.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, lips an inch from his face. Alec knew how intimate they must have looked, the questions their interactions must draw. The thought of having to answer any of them threw Alec into a loop.

“Alexander, deep breaths. Look at me darling,” Magnus pleaded. Alec could only look ahead, his mind going fuzzy and he closed his eyes trying to silence his screaming conscious.

“Hey Alec!” someone yelled, followed by a slap on Alec’s back. Alec turned around quickly, almost hitting Magnus in the face with his head. It was Jace.

He looked ridiculous in his costume, all glitter and bright colors. Alec still wore Magnus’s old costume he competed in during the Battle of the Blades, refusing to have a new one for his short program. Jace looked at Alec and then leaned up to him, giving the taller man a hug.

“You got this shit,” Jace whispered.

Alec still felt on edge, but he accepted the hug happily. They let each other go, and Alec heard his name being called over the loudspeaker. He smiled at his friends, and took Magnus’s hand, waking over to the entrance for the ice. Alec removed his coat when he got there, handing Magnus.

“Remember, you can do this. I have seen you practiced this routine hundred of times. Keep your head up and eyes open,” Magnus said smiling at Alec, worry still clear in his voice.

“Alright. Anything else?” Alec asked, as he took a step on the ice, and turned back to face Magnus, the railing between them.

“Yeah,” Magnus said, grabbing Alec’s costume and pulling Alec towards him. Their lips met, and the entire room erupted in noise. Alec couldn’t register if the noise was cheers, boos, or shock. He didn’t care. Magnus was kissing him, and it felt right and perfect in every way. All thoughts of dread that came to his mind not 5 minutes earlier at the thought of announcing their relationship, floated away as Magnus pulled back from the kiss.

“There, now you’re ready,” Magnus said, breathless and giddy from the kiss.

Alec smiled at the other man as he began skating towards the middle of the rink backward. When he reached the center of the rink, Alec closed his eyes, waited for the music, thought of Magnus and began to skate.

* * *

 

Alec was in first. He was in fucking first place. He had beaten Meliorn, Jace, and all the other skaters. He was in first place. This meant two things, first Alec skated last tomorrow, second, he was going to have a full-fledged panic attack the second he got back to the hotel. Alec managed to escape the reporters, leaving Magnus to answer their annoying questions. Magnus loved the limelight, and he smiled and answered each question in stride. Alec was thankful for the time to go take a shower and calm down.

Alec slowly undressed in the locker room, he was the only one in there, and happy for it. He grabbed a towel and walked towards the showers. Usually, he would wait to shower until he got back to his hotel room, but Jace, Clary, Luke, and Jocelyn wanted to go get dinner and celebrate the scores so far. It was still early enough that it wouldn’t affect their sleep if they went out.

Alec turned the water on and stepped into the burning hot spray. It felt good on his sore muscles, calming him. Staring at the white tile wall in front of him, Alec began to feel everything at once. The pressure of competing again, the idea that he was in first, the expectations people had he would win, the thought of disappointing everyone, the thought of disappointing Magnus. All of these emotions brought Alec to tears, and there he stood, alone in the locker room showers, ugly crying.

When the tears past and Alec regained control of his breaths and mind, he felt much better. Alec finished his shower and headed back to his locker. He quickly dried off and got dressed. He pulled out his phone and saw the congratulatory text messages from his family and Lydia. He responded “thank you” to each, however, it was the missed call from Simon that caught Alec’s eye. There was no voicemail, so Alec decided it would be best to call back. He dialed the number and after three rings, Simon picked up.

“Hello?” Simon asked, sleep heavy in his voice.

“Hey, sorry did I wake you?” Alec asked.

“Hm? No. I was just napping a little. Anyway, I watched the skate,” Simon said, sounding more awake now.

“Yeah?” Alec waited for Simon to say more.

“You fucked up your first jump, sloppy footwork. But you landed it anyway, so I’ll give you that. Anyway, it wasn’t total shit, so congratulations,” Simon said. Alec couldn’t help it, he just started laughing. Only Simon would still criticize a top score performance.

“Thanks, Simon,” Alec laughed.

“No problem,” Simon said, a smile obvious in his voice.

“Well I got to go, Jace and Clary are taking us out to dinner,” Alec said.

“Oi! You tell that asshole Jace that he needs to get his fucking shit together if he plans on making it to the Grand Prix!!! Dumbass fucking up his jumps worse than you! He had the grace of a moose on ice skates! Tell him I said to get his shit together or get the fuck off the ice!” Simon yelled into the phone. Alec just laughed at him. With a promise to tell Jace what Simon said, and a goodbye, Alec headed out of the locker room.

Standing there waiting for him was his friends and Magnus. Clary and Jace lead the way out of the stadium, Luke and Jocelyn behind them, and Magnus and Alec last.

“I’m really proud of you Alexander,” Magnus whispered.

“Well I couldn’t have done it without you,” Alec said, smiling brightly at the other man. Alec didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow, but what he did know was that Magnus was here, and Alec loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, Subscribe, and leave Kudos!!  
> I love hearing from all of you!


	20. Come What May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Competition Continues….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Alec is having an anxiety attack for most of it. So, a couple of things:  
> ONE: TRIGGER WARNING! (just in case)  
> TWO: I don't have anxiety attacks often, but when I do, this is what they are like and how I solve them. So if you disagree with my representation, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!! Thank you.  
> THIRD: yes, I know this chapter is short. The next chapter will be longer cause they are going to Russia and Simon POV will be there. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia

Alec stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t talk. All he could do is look forward, mind in overdrive.

 _“What if I fuck up? What if I mess up my jumps? Or my costume rips? Or I forget my choreography? What if everyone boos me and the whole ice rink catches on fire!”_ Alec thought to himself, mind constantly churning. Every part of Alec’s body was on edge, like the smallest touch would send him into a full-blown panic attack.

 _“Okay, get up, take your medications, shower, eat, breathe,”_ Alec thought, trying to regain control of his unforgiving mind. He slowly made his way out of bed, trying not to wake up Magnus who was sleeping next to him. He was cuddling a pillow and breathing softly, seeming completely and totally at peace. Alec envied his peacefulness, begging for his anxiety to just fuck off. Alec wanted to wake up Magnus, but decided against it, not wanting to be the one to disturb his blissful sleep.

Alec made his way to the shower, undressing as he went and grabbing his towel off the nearby chair before going into the bathroom and turning on the water. He stood under the burning hot spray, remembering the similar scenario he was in not 24 hours ago in the skating rinks locker rooms. Alec could feel the tears forming in his eyes, but he pushed them down. He wasn’t going to cry over nothing.

 _“This is nothing, just normal pre-program stress. You can do this. I mean sure your entire fate as a professional skater rides on you doing well, and if you mess up you will let everyone in your life down. Izzy, your mom, your dad, Magnus, Jace, Clary, Luke…… Max,”_ Alec’s mind was racing, a never-ending stream of one horrible thought after the other. He closed his eyes and focused on the burning of the water, trying desperately to grasp some sort of sense of reality as it began slipping away.

“Alexander,” Alec heard, followed by a kiss on his cheek and then his jaw, and then his lips. The kiss began pulling Alec out of his own head. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw Magnus standing in front of him, completely naked, and soaking wet from the shower they were now both in. Alec smiled at Magnus, trying his hardest not to show the thoughts inside his head.

“Good morning,” Magnus whispered, wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck, pulling him close, and kissing his neck. Alec relaxed into the touch, wanting nothing more than for Magnus to continue and for Alec’s thought to disappear with every touch. This was not the case.

The more Magnus touched Alec, the more his mind raced, thoughts screaming at him about how he was failing the man he loved, and he didn’t deserve the love in the first place. Magnus pulled away, smile fading from his face.

“Are you okay?” he asked touching the side of Alec’s face with the palm of his hand, gently caressing it. Before Alec could answer, his phone began to ring from somewhere in the bedroom.

“Fine, I’m going to go get that,” Alec said hastily, kissing Magnus’s cheek as he jumped out of the shower. He quickly wrapped a towel around his hips leaving the bathroom and a confused Magnus behind.

“Hello?” Alec asked as he picked up the phone.

“Sup dude?” a happy Jace responded, “Wanna grab breakfast? Clary is sleeping in and I’m starving!”

“Sure, I’ll meet you in the lobby,” Alec said, hanging up and putting on his workout clothes and grabbing his room key and phone. Magnus was stepping out of the bathroom wearing one of the hotels big fluffy robes.

“I’m going to grab something to eat with Jace, I’ll be back later,” Alec said kissing Magnus’s cheek as he sped past him.

“Well wait a minute, and I’ll join you,” Magnus said, grabbing his suitcase and finding his outfit for the day. Alec watched Magnus rummage through his bag. Hair wet and makeup washed off, he looked vulnerable and yet comfortable. Like he felt as though with Alec he didn’t have to wear a mask.

 _“Why can’t I feel that way with him? Why can’t I let him in?”_ Alec thought to himself.

 _“You mean let him into the crazy dome?! Yeah, think again dumbass!”_ the other part of Alec’s mind was screaming at him. He needed to get out of there, he needed to breathe, and being with Magnus, the thought of him finding out any of the things running through his head made Alec feel like he was suffocating.

“Magnus,” Alec croaked, Magnus immediately turning to look at him, worry written on his face.

“Is – would it be – can I…. um…. I’m going to go have breakfast with Jace, alone,” Alec said, voice wavering but determined. Before Magnus could say anything, Alec ran out of the room and headed for the elevators. Once he was inside one, he quickly clicked the lobby button, and then leaned back against the cold metal interior. He closed his eyes as the elevator began to move, mind racing a million miles per minute.

 _“Great now Magnus hates you, good job there dumbass! What if he finds out how bad things can get? What if he finds out what really goes on inside this head of yours? What if he finds out and leaves?! Magnus will leave you in a heartbeat!”_ Alec pushed the palms of his hands against his face, desperately trying to get his breathing and mind under control. When the elevator dinged, Alec forced himself to open his eyes and walk out of the elevator. He walked out into the busy lobby, trying to avoid the eyes of fans or other skaters. The last thing he needed was to get swarmed by people. He walked quickly to the restaurant portion of the hotel where breakfast was being served. It was there that he saw Jace sitting in a corner booth drinking a cup of coffee and smiling at the pretty waitress, trying desperately to sound like he knew French.

“Hey,” Alec said as he slid into the booth next to Jace, smiling at the waitress.

“Café?” she asked sweetly. Alec nodded his head as she poured him a cup of coffee. “I’ll be back with your breakfast monsieur,” she said in a thick French accent.

“Did you order?” Alec whispered to Jace when she left.

“No, there is just one breakfast they are serving everyone, it looks good,” Jace said gesturing to the other guests eating their food. It did look good. An assortment of pastries and jams, with eggs, bacon and other meats. There were also bowls of fruit which looked amazing.

“Where is Magnus?” Jace asked as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Hm? Oh, he was in the shower,” Alec said, begging that there would be no further inquiries into Magnus’s whereabouts.

“Alright, well how do you feel? You look nervous,” Jace said inspecting his friend.

_“Shit. Shit. SHIT! He knows! Great job! Look natural, if Jace thinks you’re nervous he will tell Clary who will tell Magnus. You cannot let that happen!!!”_

“What?! No man, I’m fine. Just excited for the skate that’s all,” Alec said, working overtime to make sure his voice sounded normal.

“Right….,” Jace said questioningly.

“Seriously, I’m fine,” Alec said, this time sounding more like himself.

“Okay, whatever you say. But if you need to talk, I’m here,” Jace said, patting Alec’s arm as the waitress walked over with their food. Jace looked like a kid on Christmas when the waitress put down their breakfast and told them to enjoy. Their conversation disappeared as Jace began to eat his weight in pastries, eggs, and bacon. Alec stuck to the fruit bowl and nibbled on a croissant, stomach in knots over everything in his mind. He stared at his coffee cup as he let his thoughts take over.

* * *

 _“What the fuck just happened?”_ Magnus thought as he stared at the door his boyfriend just ran out of. He needed to get changed, find Alec and find out what the hell was going on. Magnus quickly changed and put on a light coating of his makeup, knowing he wouldn’t have time later. Alec needed to be at the rink in a little over an hour, so Magnus had only so long to find him and figure out what was happening.

As Magnus grabbed his coat, key, and wallet, leaving the room, he bumped into someone.

“Oh my God! I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you!” Magnus exclaimed as he turned to look at the innocent person he just smashed into.

“Oh! It’s fine truly- wait, Magnus?” a masculine voice said. Magnus knew the voice and turned to see a familiar face.

“Luke!” Magnus said, “Man am I glad to see you! Do you know where Alec and Jace are? They went to get breakfast and I’m very concerned. Alec was acting so weird this morning.”

“Um, yeah I think they are downstairs in the café. I was just about to grab some coffee at the Starbucks around the corner, why don’t you join me,” Luke said, gesturing towards the elevators.

“I would love to, but I really need to find Alec. I feel like there is something wrong,” Magnus said, walking towards the elevators with Luke, planning on parting ways when they reached the lobby.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Remember in Detroit when I told you Alec got nervous before skating in big tournaments like this?” Luke said as they entered the elevator.

“Yeah,”

“Well, if Alec is feeling anxious it is best to leave him be for now. He needs time to focus his mind and sort through all the emotions and thoughts. He can’t do that if he is worried about how it makes him look in front of you,” Luke said. The elevator dinged, and the two men stepped out of it.

“Come with me to grab a coffee, I’ll tell you how to help him deal with his attacks. Let Alec be with Jace for now, the familiarity of a friend will help calm him down,” Luke said, “Trust me, I was his coach for many years. I know what I’m doing,”.

Magnus hesitated. He wanted to help Alec, but if distance and patience was the best way to help, then that is what he will do. Magnus followed Luke out of the hotel, walking down the street and towards the coffee shop. The cold air rushed through him as he walked next to Luke. Once they were at the coffee shop, they ordered their drinks and sat down waiting for their names to be called.

“So how do I help him?” Magnus asked once Luke was settled.

“Well for starters, make sure he takes his medication. Sometimes when Alec is really anxious about something, he will forget to take it and that causes all sorts of problems. Next, you need to get him to acknowledge what he is feeling. Right now, he is bottling it all up inside and has no outlet for it. If he continues this way he will skate horribly and there will be no chance of him getting to the Grand Prix. He needs to get it all out,” Luke told Magnus.

“Americano for Luke and Vanilla Latte for Magnus?” the barista announced to the room.

Luke got up and grabbed their coffees, thanking the young women and sat back down next to Magnus, handing him his coffee. Magnus thought about what Luke had just said, needing to acknowledge Alec’s feelings, finding an outlet for him to let everything out. The only problem is, Magnus had no idea how to do this. He never really experienced one of Alec’s full on panic attacks, nor has he ever experienced one himself. Magnus was always cool and calm when it came to ice skating. It was almost like he didn’t think about skating, he just did it. Of course, this logic was not going to work for Alec.

“So how do I help him? How do I get him to feel it?” Magnus asked Luke.

“You’re not going to like it,” Luke said.

“I’ll do it. Alexander has come too far to let his dreams slip through his fingers now. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it,” Magnus stated, back straightening as he talked. He meant every word of it. He loved Alec and he wasn’t about to let anxiety get in the way of Alec achieving his dreams.

“You have to break him,” Luke said.

 _“Shit,”_ Magnus thought.

* * *

 

Alec paced up and down the halls of the ice skating arena. He had fallen on the ice earlier during his practice hour. It wasn’t a bad fall, but it made him even more anxious than ever. His mind was all over the place, jumping from thought to thought, never shutting up. Magnus leaned against the wall, watching Alec walk. Alec was listening to music, avoiding any conversation with Magnus. He knew that if Magnus tried to get him to talk, he would lose it.

 _“Don’t lose it! He can’t know what’s going on. If he knows, he will leave. You need to focus! You fell, that’s unacceptable! Do you want everyone to see how much of a failure you are? Do you want to disappoint Magnus? Cause you’re going to. You’re going to fall on the ice during the skate and then he will see how much of a failure you are, and he will leave. Don’t fuck it up! Don’t fuck it up! Don’t—”_ Alec’s mind continued in this vicious cycle, replaying the same conversation. He rubbed his hands on his face. It was too much, this was all too much.

Magnus watched as Alec continued to walk, eyes never leaving him. He thought back to his conversation with Luke earlier that morning.

 _“Break him,”_ Luke’s’ voice played through Magnus’s memory. _“How do I break him?”_ Magnus thought. It was not an appealing idea, but the more Magnus watched Alec, the more he knew Alec couldn’t go out on the ice like this. Meliorn was skating now, meaning Jace was next and then Alec. Magnus had maybe 15 minutes to “break” Alec and somehow put him back together. He went back and forth on the idea, not wanting to hurt Alec, ever. Yet, here he was the man Magnus loves, falling apart at the seams, and trying desperately to hold himself together.

“Okay,” Magnus whispered to himself, “Now or never,”.

Magnus walked up to the pacing Alec, stopping him in his track. Alec looked up at Magnus, his eyes looked tired and worn, yet there was a panic behind them. Magnus pulled Alec’s headphones off and smiled softly at the man.

“Follow me,” Magnus said, grabbing Alec’s hand and leading him towards a door that leads to a stairwell. They could talk privately there, it was meant for skaters only, and since all the skaters were either sitting in their seats or on the ice or about to be on the ice, there was no chance of someone overhearing them.

“Magnus, what’s going on. I need to get ready. I have to skate soon,” Alec said, his voice filled with panic and dread at the idea of skating.

“Alexander,” Magnus said softly, taking a deep breath, knowing what he was about to say was going to hurt, “I just want you to know that… that if you don’t win today, I will do the responsible thing and quit as your coach,”.

Alec stopped moving. He just stared at Magnus with a look of utter disbelief.

“I know what you are going to say, but if you can’t win, then obviously I have been a terrible coach and I shouldn’t waste any more of your time,” Magnus said. Tears starting for form in Alec’s eyes.

 _“Okay, final hit. Remember, you have to break him. Crying helps – it elevates the emotions”_ Magnus thought, remembering what Luke had said that morning.

“If you lose, I will leave,” Magnus said, holding his ground firm, every part of him breaking into little pieces as the words left his lips. But God, did it work. Alec began to cry. Not that one single tear crap either, full on, sob fest crying his eyes out.

“WHAT?!” Alec chocked, trying to push back the tears with no success. They kept coming, his mind finally going silent as the tears left him. He gave himself over to the emotions in his head, unable to stop them from leaving his lips.

“You’re going to leave me! Why?! Magnus! I—I don’t, what’s happening!” Alec said, falling to the ground, landing hard on his knees. He was gripping onto Magnus’s jacket, head leaning against the other man’s thigh as he cried his eyes out. His whole body was shaking as cried. Thoughts of letting down Magnus, his parents, his sister, Luke, his friends. Thoughts of letting down Max rushed out of him with every tear as he tried desperately to grasp onto anything that could pull him back to reality. Alec didn’t want Magnus to leave, ever.

“Alexander?!” Magnus said, pressing his hand against Alec’s cheek. Alec didn’t realize Magnus was on his knees, his eyes shut to tightly to notice much of anything. He slowly began to open them and look at Magnus.

Magnus whipped away the tears cooing Alec to stop crying, running his fingers through Alec’s hair.

“Alexander darling, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, just let it out,” Magnus whispered, his gaze burning into Alec’s.

“You—you’re not going to leave me?” Alec cried.

“Never. I will never leave you. Win or lose, I love you, Alexander. Come what may,” Magnus said, meaning every word of it.

“Then, why would you tell me you were,” Alec whispered, whipping the tears from his face, calming down his breathing.

“Luke told me to break you. He said that I needed to get you to cry to elevate some of the thoughts and emotions running through your head. I’m so sorry baby, I never meant for it to get this bad. I just wanted you to get out of your head,” Magnus said, pulling Alec towards him, hugging him.

Alec breathed Magnus in, he smelled like vanilla and lavender. It made Alec feel safe and warm. Magnus had become his home in these last couple of months. He had inspired Alec, moved him, and shown him so much. No one had ever loved Alec the way Magnus does. Alec pulled away from Magnus, looking at him. He felt better, lighter. Despite the fact that Alec wasn’t particularly a fan of how this came to be, _“break him”_ , Alec was still happy he finally felt like he could breathe. He was no longer suffocating under the pressure of everything and nothing all at once.

“I’m mad at you, but thank you,” Alec said. Magnus smiled.

“Fair enough. How about next time you talk to me about all of this and I don’t make you cry your eyes out of the dirty floor of a stairwell?” Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head, “Okay.”

Magnus stood up, pulling Alec up with him.

“Let’s go, you have a medal to win,” Magnus said, leading them out of the stairwell and back into the waiting area of the arena. Alec took off his jacket and began putting on his skates. Meliorn was done skating, and Jace was halfway through his program. Alec focused on the task in front of him, one skate at a time. When he was ready he made his way to the ice, Magnus walking next to him the whole way. When they reached the ice, Jace was leaving it.

“Good luck man,” Jace said as he walked towards the kiss and cry to find out is scores.

Alec stepped out onto the ice, staying close to the railing, looking at Magnus.

“You’ll be great, I know it. You know the steps, the jumps, everything. You can do this Alexander. I believe in you,” Magnus said, adjusting Alec’s hair as he talked.

“And if I don’t place? Then what happens?” Alec said, looking down at his skates, unable to meet Magnus’s gaze.

“Then you don’t place. But no matter what,” Magnus said, lifting Alec’s chin so they could look each other in the eye, “I will never leave, and I will always love you.”

“Come what may?” Alec whispered. Magnus leaned in, kissing Alec lightly on the lips.

“Come what may,” Magnus whispered as he pulled away.

Alec nodded, pushing off from the railing and skated towards the middle of the ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anxiety attacks often, but when I do, this is what they are like and how I solve them. So if you disagree with my representation, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!! Thank you.
> 
> yes, I know this chapter is short. The next chapter will be longer cause they are going to Russia and Simon POV will be there. 
> 
> ALSO, WARNING: From here on out, shit gets serious. There are still some light-hearted chapters, but there is a lot of intense shit coming your way. Be prepared!


	21. The Rostelecom Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabelle thinks about her brothers, Alec buys a present, Simon learns to be thankful, and Magnus gets some surprising news about an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, it has been a while. But I AM BACK BITCHES!!!!!!!! 
> 
> New chapters will be updated at least once a week! (maybe more) I plan to have this done by August 14th!  
> Let me know what you guys think and as always, please leave kudos and comments so I know I'm not messing this up :D
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia 
> 
> PS BOLD means Russian

Isabelle sat down at the kitchen table. She placed her coffee down in front of her, and her phone to the side. It was still the early morning so no one in the house was awake yet. She stared out the window, watching as the dark clouds pillow around the mountains tops, as they slowly crept into the valley, sweeping over the small town. With it came the snow, light, white flurries landing on the ground, coating everything in an icy blanket.

She took a long sip of her hot coffee, the bitter taste slightly burning her tongue. She didn’t care. She just looked to the mountainside, like she did every morning. Sometimes she would watch the mountain as she slowly walked to school, its visibility disappearing as new buildings came into view. But today was a weekend, so here she sat, in the early hours of the day, watching the mountain, and thinking of her brother, Max.

She thought of Max every day. She thought of how his brown hair would bounce around his face when he would walk. How it would always get in his eyes and how his glasses were a little too big for his face. She thought about their late-night movie marathons, and how they would always watch Alec’s skating competitions together. She thought about making him breakfast in the mornings before walking together to their joined schools. She thought about his love of sweets and how sometimes on the way home from school they would stop in the bakery and grab a pastry and hot chocolate. How in the summer times they would play in the lake, and lay all day on the beach reading their books. How Max loved to read, and how he loved to have Isabelle read to him. She thought about when he was little, no older than 6 and she would read to him every night. How their parents were too busy with the hotel, and how she had to step up. She thought about tucking him into bed and saying goodnight. How Max was her shadow, always there, always together. She thought about how young he was when he fell. How that lake they spent every summer day at, that lake that they learned to swim in, and boated in, and had swimming races in; how that lake, is the one that stole her brother away from her. It had been almost two years since Max died, and still to this day, she refused to swim in that lake.

Max was more than her brother. He was her best friend, her only sense of normalcy.

Her parents were too busy with their disastrous marriage and their jobs of running the hotel. Alec, her oldest brother, was away in Detroit for most of her life, skating and traveling the world. It was Max and Isabelle that were left behind, that were thrown to the side for the dreams and jobs of her other family members. Isabelle never resented her family for this, because she had Max. When Max was alive, she had promised him that she would take him to New York City one day. He had always wanted to go since he saw it in a movie. The tall towers, the idea of no one knowing who you are, the culture surrounding the city. It was always his dream. Now here she sat, at her kitchen table, alone. No family, no friends, and no brother. Isabelle felt like her whole life was nothing more than a cold room and a now empty kitchen table. One that used to be loud and warm, with a brown eyed, brown haired, little brother, who had more dreams in life than anyone else she knew. Who was kind and good, who made her laugh. Someone who took care of her as much as she took care of him. Now, she was surrounded by nothing.

She carried Max with her always and visited his grave every afternoon on her way home from school. Sometimes she would sit on the grave, leaning against the gravestone, simply writing in her journal or telling Max about her day. Sometimes she would bring one of his favorite books and read to him like she used to. Anything to avoid going home.

Her parents’ marriage took a huge hit when Max died. Anything left of it was completely broken though when her mother found out her father was cheating on her. Screaming matches turned into silence. Now Isabelle’s parents slept in different bedrooms and have separate lawyers. Isabelle wondered what Max would have thought about the impending divorce of their parents. She wonders what Alec would think of it, of course, that would mean he would have to know what was going on.

She wanted to tell him in their phone calls to each other. He made sure to call her every chance he got, but she didn’t know how to bring it up. She knew that if she mentioned it, it would only add unnecessary stress to him. Alec needed to stay focused, he needed to do well in his competitions, particularly the one he was about to enter into. The Rostelecom Cup was one of the biggest competitions yet. The papers and news outlets were already writing up big stories on the upcoming skate. It would be the first time Simon and Alec were in the same room together since the Battle of the Blades.

Isabelle shook her head at this, smiling at the memories from that part of her life. Despite Simon being a jerk for part of it, it was nice to have the house filled with people. To come downstairs in the morning and be welcomed by warm smiles, good food, and hot coffee she didn’t have to make herself. She felt like there was life back in the house. Now it was dead. The town on its down season left a bitter loneliness in the air. She wished her brother would come home, just once so she didn’t have to feel so lonely anymore. All she had was Magnus’s cat, Chairman Meow to keep her company. Sure, the cat was cute and all, but he missed his owner, just as Isabelle missed her brother.

She knew what Alec was doing was important. Following your dreams is a very noble cause indeed. Max would be proud of Alec for keeping up with his skating. For putting himself back out there. However, it made Isabelle feel nervous all over. If her brother were to fail again, to fall apart, if something were to happen, he would never skate again. It would be all over for him. It was hard enough to learn how to believe in himself again, thank God he had Magnus at least.

Isabelle knew her brother and knew that it wasn’t winning he cared about. It was learning how to believe in himself again. It was learning how to deal with what happened to him, to their family, to Max. About moving forward and finding some sort of fulfillment in this life. That’s what’s important. Not a gold medal. Isabelle knew though that one of the major things Alec needs to do in order to find that is to compete in the Grand Prix. He needed to get there.

Isabelle sighed and looked out the window once more. The snow was falling heavy now, gathering upon the ground, covering the grass and walkways. Soon everything would be covered. Isabelle thought of how much Max loved the snow. Building snowmen and making snow angels. They used to drink hot chocolate together and watch it fall from the upstairs windows. The memory brought tears to her eyes, like most memories of her late brother. Maybe Isabelle needed to learn to be happy too. To believe in herself once more. Maybe it was time for both of the Lightwood children to realize it is okay to be happy.

Isabelle took a sip of her coffee, as she contemplated these thoughts, but when she took a sip, she noticed her coffee had gone cold. She looked down at the now cold drink and closed her tired eyes. She thought of how this was the perfect metaphor of her life at this moment. What was once warm and comforting, is now cold and bitter. The loneliness she had been carrying with her since her brother Alec left hit her like a train. Her chest felt empty and heavy all at the same time. Her heart felt strained, like someone, was pulling it from her chest. When she opened her eyes, she noticed that she was crying. Isabelle sniffled and then pushed the tears from her face with her sleeve.

She looked down the long kitchen table, an empty feeling only grew. She got up from her chair and put her coffee mug into the sink. She slowly made her way upstairs, wanting to just go back to bed. When she got upstairs she stopped at the bedroom door next to hers. It was a door she had not opened in a very long time. In fact, no one ever went into this room. She slowly reached for the handle and opened the door. The first thing she noticed was how everything was covered in a light layer of dust. The books, trophies, video games, and pictures all covered in it. She then noticed that everything was the same as she remembered. Nothing had been moved or touched in almost two years.

She walked around the room, looking at the various items on the bookshelves and such. The different manga’s Max was reading, and his little Pop Funko Dolls of various characters from his favorite shows. His pictures of his friends and family. A couple of Alec at skating competitions and others of Max and Isabelle at the lake. Pictures from Christmas and Halloween. Of their vacations to Detroit to visit Alec. On his bulletin board over his desk, there was a calendar from two years ago, different reminders on it in red marker.

The images of the calendar were various pictures of New York City. Isabelle touched the calendar, whipping the dust from it and looking at the picture of the New York skyline. She wanted so badly to take him there. To fulfill her promise to her youngest brother. The fact that she never would broke her heart all over again. She moved towards Max’s bed, perfectly made like he always did after he woke up. She climbed onto the bed and laid down on the dusty pillows. She didn’t care that they were dirty, all she cared about was that somehow after all this time, they still smelt like Max.

She felt that tug at her chest again, and this time she could not stop the tears. Her gentle crying turning into sobs as she breathed in her brothers' smell and with it all the memories of him. It was then that the bedroom door opened slightly more. As Isabelle opened her eyes to see who it was, she came face to face with a smallish cat with big concerned eyes. Chairman Meow began to lick Isabelle’s face and with it her tears. The gesture brought a slight smile to her face as the cat cuddled into her and purred softly.

Isabelle kissed the cats head softly and closed her eyes. Neither one dared moved, not even when Isabelle started to cry once more. They both laid in Max’s bed for most of the day, falling in and out of sleep until hunger got the better of both of them and they were forced to leave the room to seek food in the kitchen.

As Isabelle left the room, she turned back once more and looked at it. She stared at the pictures of smiling faces, and the disarray of books. It was when her eyes fell upon the calendar once more that she knew what she needed to do. Over their late lunch, Chairman sat in Isabelle’s lap, purring softly, as she worked diligently on her computer, filling out a college application for the University of New York City.

* * *

 

Alec walked around the store, looking for the item he had seen on the website. It was the perfect pick me up that Magnus needed. They had been so far away from home for almost two months now, and Alec knew that Magnus was missing Idris and all those there. They had been practicing at the Detroit rink since Alec’s first place win at the French competition, guaranteeing him a spot in the Grand Prix. The Detroit rink offered Alec a chance to really dive into skating without much distraction.

Also, Luke was there, he and Magnus had been working together a lot recently. Luke coached Jace and Magnus coached Alec, but each of them made different suggestions on techniques of each others student. Magnus suggested that Luke tell Jace to stop leaving all of his jumps to the end, spreading them out more. It led to Jace actually improving in his skate greatly. While Luke was helping Magnus learn how to deal with Alec’s “spells” as well as help him find the confidence he needed for the competitions.

They were a good team, both passionate about the sport and their students. Also, the friendly competition between Alec and Jace was a good mix. It led to a feud filled with who fell on their ass more often, it was Jace by the way. Also, Clary’s constant motivation was good too. Yelling at the boys from the bleachers when they screwed up. Alec smiled at the memory of the petite red hear screaming that they were fucking up while standing on the bleachers, bouncing up and down. It was quite the comical sight.

Now though, Clary, Luke, Jace, and Jocelyn were in China. It was a couple days away from the China Cup, but Luke was a big believer in getting there early so the jet lag wasn’t too bad and Jace had plenty of time to get use to the new rink. Magnus and Alec on the other hand were in Russia already. The short program was in a day, and Alec was more than prepared. He had his skate down to near perfection. Besides he was already in the Grand Prix, so his nerves were not nearly as bad as before. Instead, he felt calm, and at peace with his skating.

Alec’s eyes fell upon the object in question he was looking for. He smiled at it and picked it up from the rack. He walked towards the store clerk and paid for the object. He asked if the store owner could wrap the object, but the man behind the counter just looked at him funny.

This is of course when Alec remembered he was in Russia and the man probably had no idea what he was saying. Alec tried to explain further, but the man just seemed to get frustrated with Alec. The man behind the counter began arguing in thick Russian with Alec, neither one sure what the other was saying. Alec was about to just turn around and leave when he heard behind him a familiar voice in an unfamiliar dialect.

 **“He wants you to wrap the fucking thing up. Like a present,”** the voice said to the man behind the counter. Alec turned around, finding himself face to face with Simon Lewis.

“Hey dumbass,” Simon said with a slight smile.

“Hey Simon,” Alec said brightly, thankful Simon was somehow here. The man behind the counter grumbled to himself as he wrapped the object up in tissue paper and then gently placing it in a box. Alec thanked the man and took the box with him as he exited the store with Simon in the tail.

“So, what were you doing in a toy shop?” Simon asked, walking in step with Alec.

“Present for Magnus,” Alec said, smiling down at the man by his side. Alec noticed there was something different about Simon, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“How have you been Simon? Heard you won second at the Canada Cup, congratulations,” Alec said, trying to keep some sort of conversation going on between the two of them.

“Yeah, it was cool. Except for that douchebag Sebastian. I swear that man is the biggest piece of shit that ever walked the Earth,” Simon said, “other than that though, I have been pretty good. Getting along with my coaches and stuff which is nice. I don’t know, I’m fine,” Simon finished, however, that last part didn’t seem too certain.

Alec pondered what he should say next as they approached the hotel that all the competitors were staying at. “Simon,” Alec started, coming to a stop in front of the hotel.

“Yeah?” Simon said facing the man.

“Listen, if you ever need to… talk, or vent, or even just chat with someone, I’m here for you,” Alec said, his tone uncertain, but his voice never wavered.

Simon just looked at Alec, his face blank of all emotion. This had been the first time the two had really seen each other since the Battle of the Blades back in Idris. So much had happened since then. So much had happened to Simon. He was no longer alone like usually, instead, he had Camille, and his new therapist who he liked a lot, and most of all, he had Raphael. Raphael who talked to Simon every day, who skyped him, and texted him. Who would call every night before Simon went to bed. Raphael who had the most beautiful brown eyes in the whole world, whose laughter could cure any heartache, and whose smile made Simon melt.

Raphael who made Simon feel whole, for the first time in a long time. Simon looked at Alec, realizing now that without Alec, Simon would probably never have reunited with Raphael. He never would have had the courage to seek him out, to confront him about what happened all that time ago. Without Alec Simon would still be lost, depressed and suicidal. Sure, Simon is still those things every now and then, but now he has someone he can rely on to make everything okay again. Simon felt like he could be more open, more trusting. This of course was because of Alec, the first friend Simon had in forever.

Simon wanted to thank the other man, to hug him and tell him how much Simon appreciated Alec. He wanted to go upstairs right now with Alec and hug Magnus too. To tell Magnus how much Simon missed him. How despite how annoying Magnus could be at times, he was still the closest thing to a brother Simon ever had. But instead, Simon just looked at Alec.

“Yeah, I know,” Simon said softly, his voice wavering. Alec smiled at Simon.

“Come on, let’s get inside, its freezing out here,” Alec said, pulling Simon into the hotel with him. They made their way to the elevators and road up in silence. When they reached Simon’s floor, the younger man exited the elevator quickly. However, right before the doors closed, he turned around and looked at Alec.

“Thank you,” Simon said.

Before Alec could ask for what, the doors closed, and the elevator began to move again. When Alec reached his and Magnus’s room, he opened the door and walked inside. Magnus was lying in bed under the covers, his back propped up against the head board and book in hand. Magnus looked up at Alec, smiling brightly.

“Hey there,” Magnus said.

“Hey,” Alec responded walking towards him, sitting on the bed next to Magnus. Alec leaned over and kissed Magnus on the lips softly. As he pulled away, Magnus followed, reaching up and running his fingers through Alec’s hair, pulling him back for another kiss. They stayed like that for a while, slowly kissing each other. There was no urgency or haste, just love. When they finally broke apart, Alec handed Magnus the box in his hands.

“I got you a present,” Alec said. The box now on Magnus’s lap was covered in a silver wrapping paper. Magnus smiled at the box, eyes filled with excitement.

“A present? Is it something dirty?” Magnus said, raising one of his eyebrows in a questioning look. Alec laughed at this.

“No, just open it,” Alec said. Magnus took a deep breath and slowly lifted the lid from the box. He pulled the silver and white tissue paper apart, revealing the present underneath. It was when Magnus saw it that his heart nearly leapt out of his chest. Inside the box was a soft plush tabby cat, in fact, it was the same type of cat as Magnus’s beloved Chairman Meow, who was back in Idris.

“I know how much you have been missing him, so I thought maybe this little guy could be your travel Chairman Meow. So that way he is always with you,” Alec said, kissing Magnus’s temple. Magnus held the little fluffy cat in his hands. It was soft and adorable, just like his cat back at home. Magnus looked up at Alec and smiled brightly. His eyes full of love and admiration for the man in front of him.

“Thank you, my dearest, sweetest Alexander,” Magnus said, kissing Alec gently on the lips. However, this time, Magnus nor Alec pulled away. Instead, they fell into a blissful session of lazy kisses, soft whispers, and cuddles, until they fell asleep in each other’s arms, the new stuffed animal cat resting perfectly between them.

* * *

 

Alec made his way off the ice, he had just finished his short program with only a couple of small mistakes. He felt good, he didn’t overthink it, he didn’t fall, he didn’t freak out. He felt confident on the ice and even more getting off of it. He knew that as long as he kept this up he was sure to place first or second in the competition. Magnus waited for Alec off the ice, near the kiss and cry. He is smiling at Alec and holding tightly onto the plush cat Alec had given him the other night. Alec smiles back at the man, sitting down next to him at the booth and waited for his scores. When they came in they were higher than Alec expected, making it nearly impossible for him not to get at least a bronze medal.

Alec and Magnus walked back hand and hand towards the lockers. Alec kissed Magnus on the cheek and walked inside the locker room to change out of his outfit and skates. He felt light and warm all over, despite the freezing cold of the ice and the outside. As Alec removed his skates, he noticed Simon was also in the locker room. Simon had been one of the first to skate, scoring just as high as Alec. He should have been long out of the locker room by now, either in the bleachers watching or back at the hotel getting much needed rest and sleep. However, he was still in his costumes and skates, staring at his phone, smiling like a love-sick idiot.

Of course, Alec couldn’t judge too much, since every time he looked at Magnus, he had the same stupid grin on his face. However, it was weird to see it on someone who had a resting bitch face 24/7. Alec took off his costume, putting on a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. He threw on his sneakers and his red, white, blue, and black Team America jacket. It had his last name stitched on the back in big bold letters. It had been sent to him after the France competition. One of his fans made it, and it was by far one of his favorite items. It was warm but not hot, and comfortable beyond compare. Alec looked at Simon as he tied his shoes. The man seemed to be responding to a text, smiling brightly.

Curiosity got the better of Alec when he asked, “Who are you texting.”

When Alec said it Simon nearly jumped out of his skin, obviously completely unaware the other man was there.

“What?!” Simon said defensively, quickly shoving his phone back in his gym bag that was on the floor next to him. “No one. Wha- what are you --- why…. No one Jesus!” Simon stuttered.

Alec gave him an amused look before shaking his head and grabbing his bags.

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be out skating?!” Simon asked.

“I finished. Did pretty well actually,” Alec said with a shit eating grin.

“Oh,” Simon said, blushing slightly at the realization that he had been so caught up in texting that he didn’t realize the world was still moving around him. 

“They must be pretty important if you didn’t even realize that you’ve been sitting here for almost three hours,” Alec said.

“Yeah, they are,” Simon said, looking at the ground smiling.

“Come on, get changed. Magnus and I will take you out to dinner,” Alec said warmly to the man. Simon agreed and began to quickly change. As Alec walked out of the locker room, he saw Magnus in the corner of the room, talking intensely with Simon’s coach, Ragnor. Alec called out to Magnus, as he walked towards the man, smile bright, but when he saw Magnus’s face his smile disappeared. Magnus’s eyes were red, tears falling down his face, stuffed cat held tightly against his chest. He looked like a little kid that just found out Santa isn’t real. Alec ran to Magnus, wrapping his arms around the other man.

“Magnus what is it?” he whispered in Magnus’s ear. Concern obvious in his voice. Magnus pulled away and looked at Alec, tears falling down his face, as he sniffled.

“What happened?” Alec asked accusingly to Ragnor. The older man looked at Alec with a blank face. Before he could respond Simon walked up to the group.

“Everything okay?” he asked, seeming to actually be concerned about what was happening.

Magnus looked down at his feet, and then back up at Alec. His tear-filled eyes broke Alec’s heart into a million pieces.

“It’s Caterina,” Magnus sobbed.

“Who?” Simon asked, voiced filled with confusion and worry.

“Caterina, the woman who raised Magnus at the orphanage in Indonesia before he came to Russia,” Ragnor said in a very matter of fact kind of way. His voice made Alec want to punch him, but then Alec looked into the older man’s eyes, and with it, he saw the truth behind the bank face and flat tone. Ragnor’s heart was as broken as Magnus’s, he was just better at hiding it.

“What about Caterina,” Alec asked hesitantly, holding Magnus as the man cried into Alec’s chest.

“She is dying,” Ragnor said softly, “Stage 4 breast cancer. There is nothing anyone can do. The doctors don’t think she will make it to the end of the week,” as Ragnor said that Magnus started to sob even harder. Alec pulled the man closer to him, burying his nose in Magnus’s hair. He gently kissed his head and whispered that it was all going to be okay.

“I only received news today from Cat. She wants to see Magnus before….” Ragnor didn’t finish his sentence, but Alec knew what he meant to say.

Caterina wanted to see Magnus before she died. Her last request.

“Magnus, I am so sorry,” Simon said, placing a comforting hand on the other man’s arm. Magnus turned his head from Alec’s chest to look at Simon. He smiled at the gesture of kindness Simon was exhibiting, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I need to go to her,” Magnus finally said. He pulled away from Alec, looking him in the eyes.

“Okay, then I am coming with you,” Alec said.

“No, you can’t,” Magnus began.

“Mags –”

“No. I mean it Alexander. You have worked too hard to leave it all behind now. We just need to find you a coach for while I am gone. Someone who can help you,” Magnus said, thoughts already drifting from the moment to Indonesia.

“I can do it,” Ragnor said. Magnus, Alec, and Simon all looked at him at once. “What? It works. Alec can sign in under me and you can go to Indonesia. Don’t worry Magnus, I will make sure Alec here doesn’t fuck it up last second,” Ragnor said, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work, but Alec appreciated the gesture.

“Is that… is that okay?” Magnus asked softly looking at Alec.

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Alec said, brushing the hair out of Magnus’s face.

After everything was talked about, Alec got him and Magnus a cab ride back to the hotel. They quickly packed Magnus’s things, and booked him on the first flight to Indonesia. It was set to leave in 5 hours. Alec road with Magnus to the airport, holding his hand tightly, rubbing soft circles onto it with his thumb. When they reached the airport, Alec walked with Magnus until he couldn’t go any further without breaking some sort of bullshit TSA law.

“Okay, have everything? Passport? Wallet? Phone? Cat?” Alec asked nervously.

“Yes, yes,” Magnus smiled softly, “I have everything.”

“And you will call me when you land right? And when you get to the hospital?”

“Yes, and Ragnor texted me all the details so I know where I am going,” Magnus said, trying to calm Alec’s nerves.

“Okay,” Alec said, holding onto Magnus’s jacket, not quite ready to let go. This would be the first time they had been separated since meeting each other officially in Idris. The thought made Alec uneasy, and the thought of Magnus having to do this alone made it worse. Alec wanted to reassure Magnus, to hold him tight and tell him everything was going to be okay. He wanted to say fuck it to the competition, and just go with Magnus to Indonesia. But he knew Magnus would never forgive him if he threw away all their hard work. So instead Alec said the only thing he knew would bring some sort of reassurance to Magnus and himself.

“I love you Magnus,” Alec said.

“As I love you Alexander,” Magnus said softly, placing his hand of Alec’s face and pulling him towards him. They kissed softly on the lips, ignoring the looks from the Russian citizens who were not use to public displays of affection between two men, or anyone in LGBT for that matter. When it was over, Alec smiled at Magnus.

“I will see you in a week,” Magnus said.

“One week,” Alec repeated. With a final kiss and goodbye, Magnus made his way to the check in. Alec watched him until he disappeared out of sight, taking Alec’s heart with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KUDOS! SUBSCRIBE! COMMENTS!!!
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> Did I mention leave comments?


	22. Who You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worried boyfriends, new friends, and long distance calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I would be back in a week :D Thank you all so much for the overwhelming love and support! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Delysia
> 
> PS BOLD = Russian (but I think you guys figured that one out by now)

The ice smacked against Alec’s body like a ton of bricks. The force in which he fell left a mark of radiating pain, it flowed through him making his whole being feel sore and tired. He laid on the ice for a while, feeling the wet coldness seep through his clothes, muscles tightening at the freezing touch. He was the only one on the ice right now, given that it was his private practice time. He only had a couple more minutes before he needed to get off and give another competitor their time to warm up. Alec slowly pulled himself off the ice and stood up. He stretched his muscles, lifting his arms over his head. His back cracked as he stretched, relieving some of the pressure that had built up during the practice session. He felt exhausted, barely getting any sleep the last night. His mind was wondering to a million different places right now. Questions like: how Magnus was, did he need help, was Caterina, okay, was Magnus okay; were crowding his mind and making it impossible to land a jump even if his life depended on it.

Alec felt hopeless as he skated large circles on the ice, losing his concentration in his thoughts again. He thought of Max and how hard it was to learn to be happy again. How losing his little brother destroyed his world, making him crash down to Earth like a falling star. Alec worried that if Magnus lost Caterina, he would fall too.

“ _What if I can’t catch him when he falls? What if he doesn’t want me to? What if I can’t help him like he helped me? Why isn’t he responding to my texts?”_ Alec thought as he turned preparing to jump once more. He had texted Magnus a bunch of times since he landed in Indonesia. Asking if he was okay and if Caterina was alright. But other than the message that Magnus has gotten to the hospital, it was radio silent. Alec knew that Magnus was probably busy. To lose Caterina was like losing a mother to Magnus. For so long, she was all he had.

It broke Alec’s heart that he couldn’t go with Magnus. Wanting nothing more than to be able to comfort and care for the other man. To hold his hand and tell him it was going to be okay. Just like Magnus did for Alec when he was having a panic attack or when he found out Max had died. Now Alec was in Russia, skating some stupid competition when he should be with Magnus. Alex felt guilty and sick to his stomach.

He was failing Magnus, just like he had failed Max. He should be there. Alec’s mind raced thought after thought, never shutting up or giving him a chance to breathe. Alec was angry, he was scared, and most of all he was worried. Worried about Magnus, and worried that he wouldn’t be able to compete without the other man by his side cheering him on. Sure, Ragnor was nice and all, but he had more of a resting bitch face than Simon. Don’t even get Alec started on Camille. That woman was like a soul-sucking vampire, staring at people like she would gladly sell their souls to Satan for one corn chip. The only person she was even remotely nice to was Simon. She seemed different around him, gentle almost. Alec wanted to ask about the odd relationship between Simon and Camille but decided not to press the issue.

Alec skated around the rink, noticing he only had a few more seconds before his practice session was over. He built up the speed he needed, but even before he took off the ground, Alec knew that this jump was going to end like all the others, ass hitting the ice, instead of his skates.

* * *

 

Simon watched as Alec fell down once more. He had been skating for the last 30 minutes and was falling all over the place. His steps were completely fucked, and his mind seemed to be a million miles away. Simon watched as Alec absent mindedly skated around the rink, his eyes on the ground and not looking where he was going. It was a miracle that Alec didn’t smack into the rails and go over them. Simon bit into his apple, watching the older man intently. Simon hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, tossing and turning about what happened with Magnus. Magnus was an important part of Simon’s life. He was the closest thing Simon would ever have to a brother, and Magnus was always there for Simon when he needed him. They would spend hours training, working out, and talking in between sessions. Sure, Magnus was annoying at times, his constant flirting with everything that moved, his obsession with glitter, and not to mention his smugness when he always landed his quads.

But still, he would never shrug Simon off. He took the younger man out for coffee, they spent hours finding the perfect music to their routines together, they even helped design the other's costume. Magnus was family. Hell, Magnus was one of the first people Simon told that he liked boys and girls (and everyone for that matter). Magnus was nothing but supportive, warm and comforting with the idea. He asked simple questions like, do you like someone now, and are you telling me because you are secretly in love with me. That question got Magnus a middle finger, but still compared to how his parents reacted, Simon was grateful for how accepting Magnus was.

Magnus took Simon under his wing. He never pushed Simon to talk about his scars or his family for that matter. He was kind and good, always making sure that there was a spot for Simon in his life. Looking back, Simon should really thank Magnus for all the good he had done in his life. Without Magnus’s constant watchful eye, his warm smile, and nagging Simon constantly to get out of his room and “smell the roses”, Simon was pretty sure he would have killed himself by now. Magnus was the reason Simon was still alive. Now, skating in front of him was the love of Magnus’s life, and he was fucking up royally.

Simon knew Alec was just worried. He knew that his mind was just fogged up, but if he skates like he is now at the competition in a couple hours, Alec is fucked. Sure, he has a spot in the Grand Prix, no worries, but if he fucks up it will seriously mess with his head when the Grand Prix starts. Alec needed to be on that podium, and even if Simon had to go to hell and back to make it happen, he would. He owed it to Alec. He owed it Magnus, and he owed it to himself to make sure that when he finally went up against Alec when it mattered most, he was doing it with a fair fight.

Ragnor walked up next to Simon, leaning against the railing. He watched Alec for a moment, his footwork sloppy.

“ **How’s our little American doing?** ” Ragnor asked.

“ **Terrible,”** Simon responded, “ **and you know I am American too right?** ”

“ **Eh, a technicality that can easily be overlooked. You speak Russian, you live in Russia, you have a Russian passport,** ” Ragnor said, speaking with his hands, “ **Face it my protégé, you are Russian.”** Simon sighed at the remark, taking another bite of his apple.

 **“He isn’t watching where he is going. His mind is somewhere else. If he keeps this up he will fail horribly,”** a voice on the other side of Simon said. Simon looked to see that the voice came from Camille who had now just joined them. She tilted her head and watched Alec try and jump once more. When his body hit the ice, she made a scrunched-up face like she just stepped in dog shit. Simon shook his head, knowing that the fall probably hurt, a lot.  

 **“Well we have to do something then,”** Simon said, both his coaches turning to look at him, both staring like he had just grown a second head. **“Listen, I know he is my competition, but Magnus is our friend. We need to do this. We need to make sure that Alec can compete and not fuck it up. Not when he has come so far,”** Simon finished, taking another bite of his apple, and looking straight ahead at Alec.

 **“A noble gesture my little Caramel,”** Camille said softly, her expression fading to one of slight pride.

 **“Ugh, fine. But I am not babying him. I don’t care how much Magnus likes fucking the boy,”** Ragnor said with resolve, moving from his position to meet Alec at the exit of the rink where he was now skating towards.

Simon watched as Alec got off the ice, allowing the other competitor to get on. Ragnor just looked at Alec before grabbing him by the shoulder and pulling him to the side. Simon wished he could hear what they were saying, but it was too far away for him. Ragnor seemed to be offering some advice on Alec’s footing when he makes his jumps. Whether or not it was getting through to Alec though, is another story entirely.

 **“You care about him,”** Camille said low enough so that only Simon could hear.

 **“He is my… friend,”** Simon replied, eyes moving from Alec to Camille. Her soft brown eyes watching Simon intently. Over the last couple of months, Camille had become like a mother to Simon. She was still his coach and pushed him hard when she thought he could do better. But yet, she was kind and gentle with him. She made Simon breakfast and always made sure he had gotten enough sleep.

After Canada, she even called for her therapist friend to come to the house once a week. Simon and the therapist would have weekly sessions. It was helpful, being able to talk to someone so freely. The fact that Camille really understood what Simon was going through helped a lot too. It made it easier to talk to her about the things the therapist said. She cared about Simon. The list of people in the world that cared about Simon was once so small, but with every passing day, that list seemed to get bigger and bigger. Magnus, Alec, Clary, Ragnor, Camille, and Raphael. All people that were now a part of Simons’ life.

 **“You know my little Caramel, it is good to have friends. But one must remember that there can only be one winner at the end of this. And that winner,”** Camille said, **“Will be you.”**

 **“And if it isn’t?”** Simon asked hesitantly. He had never even contemplated the idea of not winning the Grand Prix. However, as the days grew nearer, the thought of losing didn’t seem too terrible. As long as he didn’t lose to Sebastian or Jace, Simon would be okay with it.

 **“Caramel,”** Camille said, pulling Simon’s face so he was now looking her in the eyes, **“I know you love Magnus like family. And sure, this Alec is your friend, maybe even that Jace boy is your friend too. And I understand that you love Raphael. Trust me, I know. You talk to him every day for Christ's sake. But remember this, you have worked too hard and for too long to lose now. You deserve gold Caramel, not silver, not bronze, gold. You have come so far, and not just as a skater, but as a person. I am very proud of you my little Caramel. But never doubt yourself again. Do you understand me? You are going to win, and you’re not going to do it for me, or for Ragnor, or your friends, or your Raphael. You are going to win because you deserve to. Because you want it.”**

Simon nodded and smiled up at the woman as she smiled back brightly.

 **“Careful Camille,”** Simon teased, **“People might get the idea that you are actually nice underneath the cold exterior,”** to this she laughed lightly.

 **“Don’t say such awful things,”** Camille laughed. Simon smiled and looked back towards Alec. He was still talking to Ragnor, but he looked lost, and Ragnor looked frustrated.

 **“You better go save the boy before Ragnor loses it,”** Camille said. Simon nodded in agreement, walking towards the pair, leaving Camille behind. Simon threw out the rest of his apple as he walked towards the pair. Ragnor seemed to be getting more and more frustrated with Alec by the second. Simon was used to this look, he had seen it many times when Ragnor was talking to Magnus, and many more when Ragnor was talking to him.

 **“Ragnor, stop. Let me,”** Simon said, Alec and Ragnor both turning to look at him. Alec looked like he was about to cry. Simon knew it was not because of Ragnor’s words, but because of all that was happening. He needed to get Alec somewhere safe, somewhere he can let it all out and calm down.

 **“Simon, you need to practice. Leave Alec to me. If I can raise and train Magnus, I can handle his boyfriend,”** Ragnor said. Alec’s head popped up at the mention of Magnus, but because he could not speak Russian, he had no idea what they had said.

“I already practiced, stretched and had a full breakfast. I am not skating for another 3 hours. I am going to go grab a coffee, and Alec is coming with me,” Simon stated firmly. He had switched to English, which always bothered Ragnor. But he needed Alec to know that he was on his side, so speaking the only language Alec knew would probably be a good place to start. Simon grabbed Alec’s arm and dragged the boy away from the now red in the face Ragnor. Simon could hear a slur of curses in Russian as they exited the rink but decided not to care and keep moving forward.

They dropped off their skates in the locker room and put on their winter coats. They walked to the coffee shop around the corner in silence. Simon felt awkward, wanting to talk to Alec, but Alec’s eyes were glazed over, worry obviously present on his face. It wasn’t until they sat down in a corner booth of the coffee shop and Simon placed their orders with the waitress, did Alec seem to come back from his thoughts.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Simon asked softly. It was the same voice Raphael used when asking Simon about therapy, especially if the session was particularly rough and intense. Simon’s heart ached as he thought of Raphael. He missed the other man dearly, the thought of seeing him soon made Simon smile slightly. The thought of his touch, his smell, his kiss, all of these things made Simon crave the other man that was now in China. Simon pushed Raphael out of his mind, even though he would love nothing more than to think about him all day, Alec needed him now.

“Alec?” Simon asked again, “What are you thinking about? You can tell me,” Simon said voice never wavering from its soft tone. The waitress came back with their coffees, Simon thanked her, and then took a sip of the warm drink. Alec did the same to him, closing his eyes as the hot liquid went down his throat. It was sweet and comforting, the taste familiar. It was now that Alec realized that Simon had ordered him a vanilla latte.

“I didn’t know what you wanted, so I ordered you what Magnus always gets when we come here. We used to take breaks from practices when Magnus competed here. He always liked Moscow, but St. Petersburg was his favorite of all the Russian cities. If he isn’t back from Indonesia by the time the competition is over, you are free to come back with us to St. Petersburg and wait for him there. I’m sure Camille won’t mind you staying with us,” Simon babbled on, trying to get any response out of Alec. Alec just looked at the other man, then slowly, he smiled.

“Thank you,” Alec said softly, taking another sip of the coffee and smiling as he drank it. “This is just what I needed.” Simon nodded and continued to drink his coffee.

“So, do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to avoid the subject?” Simon asked hesitantly. He didn’t want to push Alec, but he knew that talking was better than keeping it all bottled up, yet another thing he learned from his therapy sessions.

“I don’t know. I just feel like useless. Like I can’t help Magnus from here. He needs me, and I am skating in some stupid competition. I should be in Indonesia. I should be there for him,” Alec said, looking down at the coffee in his hands. Simon sighed, not really sure what to say next. He thought of how Raphael would calm him down when he began spiraling. How the touch of a reassuring hand and the simple words, ‘it’s okay’, could clam the quickly rising panic that he often felt when thinking of his family. It was with this, that Simon reached out his hand and placed it over Alec’s.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, “Magnus knows that you want to be with him. But he needs you here. He needs you to succeed. He will be alright, I promise. Magnus is stronger than anyone I know. He can handle this, and besides, he has you. Don’t worry Alec, it will all be okay. What you need to do now, what Magnus needs you to do, is skate and win. Get into the Grand Prix and that way when he comes back all you will need to worry about is him and not skating.”

Simon was unsure if his words did any good. He didn’t know if they would even resonate with the man sitting in front of him. But then he felt his hand being squeezed by Alec’s. Not too tightly, but enough, the other man looked up at Simon, eyes filled with tears.

“Thank you, Simon,” was all he said, slowly the tears fell from his eyes. Simon felt a familiar ping in his heart, unsure of what it was quite yet, he reached for a couple of napkins at the end of the table, handing them to Alec. Alec smiled at the gesture and wiped his eyes. People in the small café looked over at the pair, staring strangely. Usually, Simon would be strictly against any form of public affection (even platonic affection like in this case) towards another male, but he didn’t care. Alec needed him, and _“fuck it”_ , was Simons new mentality.

“So now that we wasted an hour getting coffee, sharing our feelings, and sitting in awkward silence, want to head back to the rink?” Simon asked, amusement in his voice. Alec laughed, it was a light laugh, but still genuine.

“Yeah sure,” Alec said. They finished their coffee and made small talk on their way back to the rink. Simon wasn’t sure if he helped Alec all that much, but he was looking a hell of a lot better and was actually talking, so Simon decided to call it a success. They entered the rink, and Simon could practically see the anger coming off of Ragnor. Camille sat calmly in a chair against the wall, filing her nails and ignoring Ragnor’s obvious ragging rants.

“Why don’t you go make yourself scarce. Maybe find a nice quiet place to stretch. I’ll deal with Ragnor,” Simon whispered to Alec as the two boys almost reached the pair. Alec could tell that the competition was about to start any second. He was the last to skate, so he had plenty of time to relax and get ready. Alec nodded to Simon and took off in the opposite direction of Ragnor. Alec felt bad about leaving Simon behind, but he looked like he could handle Ragnor after all Ragnor had been his coach for many years.

Alec made his way to a small corridor of the arena, one where it was quiet, and no one was around. He pulled out his phone and made a call.

* * *

 

Clary watched as Raphael landed his fourth quad. The crowd cheered in excitement at the landing, he was sure to take first place and Jace second. It wasn’t that she doubted her boyfriend, but she recognized talent when she saw it. He was a good skater, and the music he had picked was perfect for his last program at the China Cup. Raphael skated around the rink, footwork perfectly in tune with the music that blared around them. She could feel Jace pouting next to her as he too watched Raphael skate. He was mumbling something under his breath, bringing a slight smile to her face.

Raphael was the last to skate, and she was very thankful for that. It had been a long day and she was ready to go home. It was then that she felt a buzzing in her jean pocket. She pulled out her phone and smiled when she saw Alec’s name on her screen.

“Excuse me,” she said to Jace and her parents as she got up from her seat and went to a quieter spot for her to talk.

“Hello?” she said as she answered the phone.

“Clary,” Alec sighed, almost like he had been holding his breath while dialing her number.

“Are you okay Alec? Aren’t you supposed to be skating?”

“No, not yet. I have a couple more hours until it is my turn. Listen can we talk?” Alec asked hesitantly.

“Sure, what’s going on?”

Alec took a deep breath and then told her everything. He told her about Caterina and how she was sick. He talked about how Magnus left, how he felt guilty that he didn’t go, how Simon of all people was the one to comfort him and be a friend. He purged everything he was feeling, letting it all go and confiding in his closest friend.

“Wow, that’s a lot,” was all she said after a minute to take everything in. Alec was quiet, relieved to get everything off his chest.

“And Simon comforted you?” Clary asked like that was the most unbelievable and craziest part of the story.

“Yeah,” Alec said, “it was nice. Like he was actually trying to be my friend.”

“Hmmm... that’s different. But a good different. You know Alec, there is a chance that Simon is just as worried about Magnus as you are about him,” Clary said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well think about it, you and Jace are practically brothers, growing up and skating together every day. I’m sure Magnus and Simon have a similar relationship,” Clary explained, “I’m sure that he is comforting you because he needs comforting too. Magnus is probably the only thing Simon has to a real friend.” Alec remained silent at this, he had never thought of it like that.

“Do you want my advice?” Clary asked.

“Yes please.”

“I recommend that you call Magnus one more time and when it goes to voicemail again, just tell him that you love him and that everything is going to be okay. That you are there for him and that he can call you at any time. That you aren’t going to let him down and that you’ll keep skating. Also, say that you’ll wait in St. Petersburg for him when he gets back,” Clary said.

“St. Petersburg? But I am supposed to go back to Idris,” Alec said.

“Magnus is going to need his family when he gets back, that includes Ragnor and Simon. He has known them for years, and the familiarity of where he grew up will be good for him. Stay with Simon for now, and that way when Magnus comes back, he has a whole group of people to welcome him back. Besides, Simon offered,” she said. Alec thought about this for a moment before saying ‘okay’. They then talked about Jace and how he was probably going to come in second at the China Cup, making it so he would be at the Grand Prix, as well as Raphael. They said their goodbyes and promised to call each other later.

Alec made his way back to the ice, and found Simon sitting in the bleachers. He had his hood on and was listening to music on his headphones. He was watching the first of the compotators skate their programs. Sitting next to him was the woman Camille, she looked bored and unimpressed. Ragnor sat behind him, nursing his coffee, or at least what looked like coffee. Alec was pretty sure that there was something else, something with a bigger kick than caffeine, in the paper cup. He made his way up the bleachers and sat down next to Simon. He leaned back in the chair and watched the skater go around and around in circles. Their jumps were decent but nothing over impressive. Camille’s expression of boredom was appropriate for this particular program.

“Where did you go?” the woman asked Alec. Alec turned to her in surprise, he did not think he ever heard her talk, let alone talk in English. He voice was soft, but there was an obvious evidence of a Russian accent, despite her Chinese descent. Her eyes were piercing, and her face serious. Although now looking at it, Alec could see the hidden smile lines around her mouth, and the soft complexation behind her icy glare. He now realized why Simon and she were so close. They were very similar in their overall presentation. Giving off a ‘fuck you’ vibe but underneath, they were gentle and good-hearted people.

“I went to call my friend Clary,” he said back to her.

“The little red head dating the blond? John?” Camille asked.

“Jace, and yes. They are my friends, we were practically raised together,” Alec said. Simon was either unaware that Camille and Alec were talking on either side of him, or he didn’t care. Camille looked at Alec, almost like she was examining him.

“That seems to be the word of the day, _friend,_ ” Camille said the word ‘friend’ like it had some sort of negative connotation to it.

“What?” Alec asked, confused by her meaning of what she just said.

“Oh, nothing,” Camille said, brushing Alec off with a wave of her hand, “What did your friend say?” Camille asked.

“Nothing much,” Alec lied, he didn’t want to tell this stranger about what Clary and him really talked about, “Just about the China Cup. Jace was probably going to get second, and Raphael Santiago was going to place first,” Alec finished. Camille’s attention perked up at the mention of Raphael, a detail that did not escape Alec’s observation of the woman. She nodded her head and turned back to the rink, clapping politely as the skater on the ice took a bow, signaling that he was done.

“How very interesting,” Camille said, her accent thick and a tone of secrecy in her voice. Alec wanted to ask if she knew Raphael personally, but decided not to push the issue. It was then that Camille grabbed one of Simon’s ear buds, pulling it out of his ear and whispering something in Russian to him.

“ваш друг выиграл конкурс в Китае. Похоже, вы оба перейдете к финалу. Поздравления,” she whispered, bringing a smile to Simon’s face. He looked at her, a smile in both of their eyes, before lightly bumping her on the shoulder with his own. The gesture was one of two friends with an inside joke, and Alec just hoped he wasn’t the punch line.

Eventually Alec went to get into his costume and put on his skates. When he was done, he looked at his phone. _‘No New Messages’_ it read. Alec sighed, and then called Magnus once more. When the phone went to voicemail like it had done multiple times before, he listened to the automated message. Then the dial tone came, and Alec talked.

“Magnus, it’s me, again. I know you are busy, and I know you are dealing with a lot right now, but I just want you to know that I love you,” Alec said, holding back the threatening tears that pooled in his eyes. “I love you so much, and I want you to know that I am here if you want to talk, and I’m here if you don’t want to talk. Everything is going to be okay, I promise. I know it’s hard right now, but you can get through this. You’re Magnus Bane, the most amazing, generous, beautiful, and strongest person I know. I have to go skate now, I promise I won’t let you down. When this is over I am going to wait for you in St. Petersburg, okay? I love you Magnus, more than you will ever know. Call me if you can, okay?”

Alec waited a moment, hoping that somehow Magnus’s voice would be on the other end of the line telling him that he was alright. But it was just the deafening sound of silence. Alec pulled the phone away from his ear, and ended the call.

As he made his way back to the ice, he watched Simon’s skate come to a close. The audience was screaming with pride for their Russian prince. He waved and smiled brightly, Camille clapped and had a smile on her face, which Alec would bet money on was a rare sight to see. Ragnor looked grumpy and tired, but proud nonetheless. Alec took off his zip-up and handed it to Ragnor who took it and nodded. As Simon got off the ice, he was welcomed with a warm hug from Camille. He looked at Alec and smiled.

“Good luck Alec. Remember, you got this,” He said patting Alec on the shoulder as he and Camille walked to the kiss and cry. Alec watched them go, and then turned back to the ice. He could feel the nerves building up in his stomach. He wanted Magnus, he needed Magnus, but all he had was a grumpy old man who was no longer pretending to drink coffee, but just straight up vodka in a paper cup. Alec needed a comforting hug, a warm ‘good luck’, a kiss and a smiling face to come back to. But now he just looked at the ice and felt cold.

“Alec,” Ragnor said, drawing the man’s attention back to the coach, “Listen to me, I know you are scared, and I know that you are worried about Magnus. But trust me, if I know Magnus then he would want you to succeed here tonight. You have come a long way in the last year, and I don’t say this often, but you have impressed me. Now, don’t fuck it up. Go out there and prove to everyone here that you came to win. Go prove to Magnus that you can do this, and that he didn’t waste his time helping you. Go show all these assholes that their star skater didn’t leave Russia to teach some loser. Say ‘suck it’ with every step, say ‘watch me now’ with every jump, and say ‘fuck you’ with every landing. Now go show them who you are,” Ragnor said, his tone serious.

Alec just looked at the other man in shock. _“Is this Ragnor caring?”_ Alec thought to himself. Alec nodded his head.

“Okay coach,” he said, turning and walking towards the ice. He stepped on to it, pushing himself to the middle of the rink.

 _“You can do this. You need to do this. Show them who you are. Do it for your family. Do it for your friends. Do it for Max. Do it for Magnus,”_ Alec thought, as he raised his hands and the music began to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ваш друг выиграл конкурс в Китае. Похоже, вы оба перейдете к финалу. Поздравления  
> MEANS: your friend (boyfriend) won the contest in China. It seems that both of you will go to the finals. Congratulations


	23. Alec and Simon’s Awesome Russian Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets revealed, friendships forged, reunions had, and Fabio Romantic Erotica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, darlings :D I was going to wait to post this chapter but I got too excited about it! I hope you all like it as much as I loved writing it!
> 
> Lots of Love,   
> Delysia

Alec awoke to a stream of sunlight coming in from the window across the room. It was a welcoming warmth, as he stretched his arms over his head, letting out a yawn as he did. He relaxed back into the bed, looking up at the ceiling. There was a chandelier over his bed, made of crystal that made the room sparkle in a halo of rainbows when the sun hit it in the late afternoon. Too early for the rainbows though, as Alec looked at the bed table clock reading 8:00 am. He sighed and sat up in the bed. The sheets were white and incredibly soft. Alec might have even suspected nobody had ever slept in the bed before.

He looked around the room, his things scattered in neat piles over the last four days he had been here. He had run out of clothes early on, but Camille solved this problem with a fresh pile of new clothes on his bed his second day there. He had no idea how she knew his sizes, nor what he would like, but he found her taste in clothes appropriate and compatible with his own. Alec suspected that this is what having a sugar daddy was like, or sugar mama in this case.

Alec had barely heard from Magnus in the last couple of days. A few texts here and there, but nothing more than a few “I’m okay” and “I miss you” messages. Alec tried hard not to think about it too much. He looked over at the desk in the corner of the room. Hanging off the chair was his bronze medal from the Rostelecom Cup. Magnus would be proud of his medal, particularly since Alec fell on his ass during his long program, still though he placed.

Simon had gone home with gold, no surprise after his two near-perfect performances. Jace had won silver in the China Cup, coming behind Raphael. He had bitched loudly on the phone when Alec first arrived in St. Petersburg about Raphael. Complaining that the man was “too sexy” and that Jace could be “just as sexy”. Clary disagreed, stating that Raphael “oozed sex appeal”, making fun of Jace. This, of course, caused Jace to bitch, even more, making Alec laugh a much-needed laugh.

Alec wished they were here, but he didn’t mind hanging out with Simon and Camille. Ragnor was there too, but he spent most of his time in his room sleeping from “jet lag” as he called it. But Alec was pretty sure from the number of alcohol bottles disappearing into his room that it was not the time difference that was putting the man to sleep.

Alec was unsure if this was a new development or simply how the man acted. He wanted to ask Simon, but he was busy with training. Simon would practice with Camille for hours on end and then disappear every now and then. Sometimes Alec would find him in the library talking lowly on the phone. He wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but whenever Alec would walk in Simon would quickly say goodbye to the person and hang up. He would then find some excuse not to continue any line of questioning about the mysterious caller.

Sometimes he would disappear into the office with an older man. The man looked to be in his fifties and had a light grey beard, blue eyes, and neat grey hair. He always wore a three-piece suit and had a leather folder with a notebook in it. Alec had only seen him once, but when he tried to ask Simon about it, the younger man froze up. He stumbled through his words and then practically ran away by saying he needed to practice. The whole situation put Alec on edge.

However, the whole experience wasn’t a total mistake. On his third day there he was walking around one of the rooms, old photos on the walls when one picture, in particular, caught his eye. It had three people in the picture. One was a much younger Camille, maybe late twenties, early thirties. Then there was Ragnor, he was also younger, maybe mid-thirties. In the middle of them was a smiling Magnus, no older than thirteen. His smile was bright and inviting, warm and perfect. In fact, all of the members of the photo were smiling. They were eating ice cream in what seemed to be a perfect summer afternoon.

“That was a long time ago,” Camille said from behind him, nearly making Alec drop the photo now in his hands. He turned to look at her. Her expression blank, but her eyes betrayed her. They were a mix of happiness and sadness, the perfect mix of bittersweet.

“Magnus was thirteen, he had moved to Russia not more than three years before that. Ragnor and I had been dating for a while, but that photo was taken the day that we told Magnus we were moving in together. It didn’t work out, obviously,” Camille said, accent heavy, and a tone of sadness laced her voice, “But still, we were happy for the years we were all together,” She said as she walked further into the room, now only a few feet from Alec.

“You were a family,” Alec said, but it came out more like a question.

“Yes, I guess you could say that,” Camille said.

“Magnus, he never said anything. I mean he told me about Ragnor, but not—” Alec stopped realizing it would be rude to continue. He could see that the memory caused the woman pain, telling her that Magnus had never even mentioned her was not going to be helpful in any way. But he could tell that she knew how he was going to finish that statement. She looked down at her feet, and then around the room as if she was looking for what to say next.

“He was a sad child. When he first came here, he missed Caterina. She was the closest thing to a mother he ever really had,” Camille said, but Alec could tell that the sentence caused her pain to say aloud. He was sure that Camille thought of herself as Magnus’s mother when she was raising him.

“But still, he found joy. In skating that is. Sometimes I think that the reason he liked to skate so much was that it was a way to be close to her again. She was the one who brought him to his first rink after all. Who encouraged him to push himself, to keep going. He was always the happiest when he was on the ice,” She said, as she walked towards the shelf on the wall. She pulled off one of the books, its bind a faded red color. She opened it to a page and turned it to Alec. He took the album from her hands and looked down at the photo. It was one of Magnus and a young woman, the same age as Ragnor in the earlier photo, maybe a little younger. She had dark skin and a warm smile that reached her eyes. Magnus was so young, no older than 10, and they were standing on the ice together of a small beaten down the rink.

“Caterina,” Alec whispered.

“Yes,” Camille said, coming to stand next to Alec and look at the photo with him.

“Did you know her?” Alec asked softly.

“Yes,” Camille whispered, her voice strained as if fighting the feelings that were building inside. “We grew up together. All of us, Ragnor, Caterina, and myself. Caterina and Ragnor were best friends, practically siblings. He is not taking the news of her imminent death very well. I think he wishes to have seen her, one last time.”

“Why doesn’t he?” Alec asked.

“Not all of us are willing to face friends own mortality, especially when one is like a sibling,” Camille said softly. Alec thought about this for a moment. The thought of watching someone he loved slowly die of a horrible disease was not on him to do list either. He understood why Ragnor might like to just lock himself in his room all day instead of facing the bitter reality of the situation.

“And you?” Alec asked. He was unaware of why he would even ask such a question. He could tell that she was uncomfortable with the topic of Caterina and was sure there was more to this story that she was saying.

“I am no stranger to death. But that does not mean I wish to see it in action,” Camille said simply before closing the book and putting it away.

Alec thought of the memory of their conversation. Of the secrecy that seemed to lurk in the house as a whole. He laid back into the now cold bed and sighed. He turned away from the sun and decided to get a few more hours of sleep in, pushing the memory of Camille and the photos out of his mind.

* * *

“You should talk to him,” Raphael said into the phone.

“Ugh! But what do I even say? I’ve run out of pleasant easy conversation topics. Now that’s left is the deep stuff,” Simon wined. Raphael laughed lightly and continued walking around his room, organizing it. It had been a long couple of weeks with the traveling to China and back. His room was a disaster with the constant packing and unpacking that had taken place. His skin practically itched with the need to reorganize and put everything away. Raphael hated messes. Also, with the idea that Simon would actually see his apartment soon when he came to Barcelona for the Grand Prix made Raphael nervous all over. Cleaning was calming. Not in an OCD kind of way, but an organized room means organized life kind of way.

“I thought you liked Alec,” Raphael said, trying to calm his boyfriend down over the phone. Raphael smiled at the word, boyfriend. He couldn’t believe Simon and he was finally together. He couldn’t wait to see him again. Sure, the phone calls, constant texts, and Skype calls were nice. But it was nothing compared to the real thing. He wanted to really see Simon laugh, in person. To see the other man, smile and watch it reach his eyes. To hold him against his chest, to kiss his lips softly and push his messy hair behind his ear. He wanted to be near Simon, craving the other man’s warmth.

“I do, it’s just I’m not really sure what to do with him,” Simon said softly. Like he was admitting a secret.

“What do you mean?” Raphael said, reorganizing the medals and trophies on his mantle to have the more recent wins up front. He was not ashamed to admit he was proud of his accomplishments after all skating was his life in a sense. Why shouldn’t he be proud of it?

“Well, it’s just that… you know how everyone has their place? Like Jace is a competitor, Clary is a friend-person, Camille is family, Ragnor is my coach, you’re my boyfriend…” Simon said. Raphael blushed as Simon said the word that sent butterflies to his stomach. “But Alec, Alec is my competitor/friend. There is an overlap there and I don’t like it,” Simon finished.

“Si, but I am also your competitor and I am your boyfriend. People can be two things mi amor,” Raphael responded.

“Well, when you put it like that….” Simon said softly.

“Simon, listen, why don’t you take Alec around St. Petersburg. I’m sure he would like to get out of the house. You can talk him out to eat and walk around some of the major sights. I’m sure he would like that, and this way you can decide if you want to be friends with him or not. Get to know him better,” Raphael said warmly.

“It sounds like you are telling me to go on a date with Alec,” Simon said sarcastically.

“Si! A date, but just don’t kiss him. Esos labios son míos,” Raphael said smiling.

“Lips, body, heart and soul, Raphael, only yours,” Simon whispered, love clear in his voice. Raphael wished he was there now, kissing those perfect lips, instead of just talking about them.

“Forever and always?” Raphael asked softly.

“Forever and always, mi amor,” Simon whispered.

Alec sat on the couch in the living room. He was reading one of the few books Camille had in English. It was a story about some a beautiful young woman and the man she loved. The story itself was moronic, but it passed the time. He would watch television, but everything was in Russian. Alec regretted not bringing his iPad or computer with him to Russia. But in his defense, he suspected that Magnus and he would be entertaining themselves in much more interesting ways.

“Oi, what are you reading?” Simon said as he entered the room. Alec looked up at the other man, he looked like he just threw on the first thing he found in his room. Wearing tight blue jeans, converse, a Star Wars t-shirt, and a black hoodie. He was wearing his glasses and looked like a regular teenager instead of a world-renowned ice skater.

“Nothing good, and nice shirt,” Alec said, gesturing to Simon’s outfit.

“Thanks, Camille wanted to throw out all my graphic t-shirts, but I told her that if she did that I would throw out her shoes,” Simon said, moving to sit next to Alec on the couch.

“So, what are you doing today?” Simon asked awkwardly like he didn’t already know the answer was sit in this exact spot all day and wait for Magnus to call.

“The usual,” Alec deadpanned.

“Well what if instead of sitting here reading…. ‘Tender is The Storm’, why don’t you come with me. I can take you around the city,” Simon offered.

“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure they were finally going to admit they have feelings for each other and were totally going to sleep together,” Alec said sarcastically, gesturing to the book.

“Nope, they don’t fuck until halfway through, trust me I already read it,” Simon said, standing up and holding his hand out to help Alec off the couch.

“You read romantic erotica’s with Fabio on the cover?” Alec questioned, trying not to laugh.

“Big words from the guy holding the book. Besides, there are barely any books here in English. Reading Russian all the time is exhausting after a while,” Simon said, no shame in the admitting of the books in his voice. Alec laughed as he put the book down and stood up. He gestured for Simon to lead the way, and he would follow. They made their way to the front door, wrapping themselves up in coats, scarves, hats, and gloves, preparing to face the freezing cold weather of a Russian winter. They exited the townhouse and made their way to the sidewalk.

They continued their journey, making pleasant easy conversation about the weather and the upcoming Grand Prix. Eventually, they found a small café and decided to stop there for lunch. They made their way inside and followed the hostess to their table. Simon helped Alec read the menu, and when they were both ready Simon placed their orders. The waitress came back with their drinks, coffee for Alec and tea for Simon.

“So, how’s your sister? Isabelle, right?” Simon asked after taking a sip of his tea.

“Yeah, Izzy. She’s good. Looking at colleges right now. I hope to see her for Christmas, but that all depends on Magnus and when he gets back,” Alec said. “I miss her though, she calls me a lot which is nice. I think she is lonely in Idris all alone. I wish I was there more often, but it’s hard when your training,” Alec finished, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah I get it, I haven’t seen my sister in almost two years, going on three now,” Simon said, looking down at his drink, playing with the mug in his hands.

“You have a sister?” Alec asked, the shock obvious in his voice. Simon’s eyes shot up, meeting Alec’s immediately. He realized his mistake, and quietly kicked himself for being open with Alec. But then Simon remembered what Raphael said, to be open and let Alec be his friend. Simon took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension building in his shoulders.

“Yes, Rebecca. She is older than me,” Simon said softly. He shifted in his seat, trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt.

“I had no idea,” Alec said, watching Simon, “In fact, I don’t know a lot about you.” Simon looked at Alec as if he was measuring the other man up.

“Most people don’t know a lot about me. I try to keep it that way, best not to let others in I’ve always thought,” Simon said.

“Oh,” Alec whispered, staring down at his coffee, unsure how to continue.

“But, I’ve been told that I need to be more open with other people if I ever expect to make any friends,” Simon said, Alec, looking up to meet the other man’s eyes.

“And who gave you that sound advice,” Alec asked lightly, trying to ease the situation.

Simon took a deep breath. Alec could tell he was contemplating the answer as if he was deciding whether or not to lie. However, when he finally seemed to come to terms with the answer he looked Alec in the eyes. “Raphael Santiago,” Simon said.

“I thought you and Raphael weren’t on speaking terms, or at least that’s the vibe I got off of you when we were in Idris,” Alec said.

“Yeah, we weren’t then. But now, well…. now he is sort of my….,” Simon looked around the room and leaned in to whisper, “…boyfriend.”

Alec was unsure why Simon would be ashamed to admit such a thing, but then he looked into the other man’s eyes. It was not shame he felt, but fear. _“Shit, we are in Russia,”_ Alec thought. He had forgotten, somehow wrapped up in his own little bubble, that not all countries were accepting of LGBT+ members.

“Oh, well that’s awesome Simon,” Alec said, knowing not to draw too much attention to the subject. Simon smiled at Alec, an unspoken understanding between the two of them began forming.

“Thanks,” Simon said, smiling to himself as he took another sip of his drink.

“How long?” Alec asked.

“Since the Canada Cup. We reconnected and well, one thing led to another,” Simon said, blushing slightly at the memory. Alec was happy for the other man. Everyone deserved to be the people they loved.

“What about you and Magnus? How are things there?” Simon said, trying to switch the topic so the attention wasn’t all on him. Alec took the bait but kept the follow-up questions he had for Simon in the back of his mind.

“We’re good. I mean, except for everything happening now. He’s secretive though, like you. I found some old pictures of Magnus in Camille’s house, but she didn’t seem to want to really talk about them. At least not to the extent I would like to talk about them,” Alec admitted, shrugging slightly.   
“Yeah, I found those a while back too. I’m not really sure about all the details of their relationship, Ragnor, Caterina, Camille, and Magnus, but there is definitely more to the story. I wanted to ask, but well… you’ve met Camille. She is a little scary sometimes,” Simon said, laughing lightly at the confession of Camille’s intimidating presence.

“That’s for sure,” Alec laughed, “Still though, you two seem to be good friends.”

“She is nice to me. Probably the closest thing to a mother I ever really had,” Simon said, eyes drifting to the window, noticing that it had started to snow outside.

“Did your mother die when you were young?” Alec asked softly. He knew he was pushing it, but the vaguer Simon was, the more Alec wanted to know. Besides the mystery of Simon Lewis was distracting Alec from the tiny voice in his head screaming and panicking about Magnus.

“No,” Simon said plainly. Alec remains quiet, hoping Simon would elaborate. Simon looked at Alec, eyes serious and cold. He seemed to be weighing the risks of what he was about to say next.

“My parents and I…. we have an _interesting_ relationship,” Simon said slowly, choosing his words carefully.

“Define interesting,” Alec inquired.

“Do you want the simple version or the more elaborate one?” Simon asked, putting the control into Alec’s hands. Alec was unsure what to do next. Push further or lay off. He looked at Simon carefully, his face blank, not a sliver of emotion escaping the carefully sculpted mask he wore. Alec wondered what would happen if the mask was removed. If he was exposed and forced to see himself for who he was, for the world to see the truth. Alec wasn’t even sure he wanted that to happen to himself, let alone Simon. But still, there was a slight hint of a dare in his voice when he posed the question to Alec. As if saying, ‘Go on, ask me what you really want to know. I dare you,’. Alec took a deep breath and continued with his questioning, praying slightly that he wasn’t about to do something that couldn’t be taken back.

“Both,” Alec said, the voice never wavering, eyes locked with Simons. As if he was saying ‘Your move’. Simon smiled slightly at this, he had answered correctly.

“Short version, mom drinks, dad hits,” Simon said plainly, his mask still firmly placed. However, Alec’s was gone. He stared at the younger man sitting in front of him, eyes wide, and the sudden need to wrap Simon up in a blanket and tell him it was all going to be okay overwhelmed him. He wanted to reach out and make sure Simon was okay. Since he had met him nearly a year ago, Alec never thought of Simon as a child. However, as they sat in this little café, snow falling outside covering the sidewalk and streets in a white, crystal-like glow, Simon truly looked his age. A young man, still in his late teens, who had seen too much of the world already. Simon knew the look in Alec’s eyes, it was the look he hated seeing in people. Pity.

 _“What a disgusting emotion,”_ Simon thought.

 “Long version,” Alec finally said, trying his hardest to control his emotions. Simon stared at Alec, eyes blank. He then pulled off his hoodie slowly. He then held out his right arm, bare skin revealed. It took a while to see, but once Alec noticed it, he couldn’t look away. There they were in the crease of his inner elbow, three circular scars, the size of cigar butts. The scars were faded, with the addition of Simon’s pale skin, it was obvious why he hadn’t noticed them before. Without someone pointing them out, they were probably not that noticeable. But yet there they were three burn marks, littering Simon’s skin.

“I can’t remember what I did on these particular days to deserve the scars, but I’m sure it was something,” Simon said, voice hollow. He ran his hand over the scars, looking down at them. He put back on his hoodie, refusing to look Alec in the eye.

“I have worse. Scars up and down my back, my shoulders… my legs,” Simon said, staring down at his drink. Gripping the mug in his hands like it was the only this grounding him. “Most are from my father, others are….,” Simon looked up, meeting Alec’s gaze. Without looking away he said, “self-inflicted,”.

Alec stared at Simon. He wanted to engulf the young man into a hug, telling him that he didn’t deserve the abuse he had been through. That his father was an asshole and that he was so sorry for any bad thing he had ever said about the other man.

“Simon –,” Alec began but was cut off by the waitress reappearing. She placed down their food and said something warm and smiley in Russian. Alec ignored her, no longer hungry, his sole focus on the man in front of him. Simon smiled back at the waitress and said something in Russian back to her. She nodded her head, smiled, and walked away.

“Simon,” Alec began again, “I don’t even know what to say,” Alec said. His words escaped him as he thought of the abuse and horrors Simon must have endured.

“Alec, it’s okay –” Simon began but was cut off by Alec.

“NO! It’s not okay!” Alec practically screamed, causing curious heads in the café to turn towards the sudden commotion.

“Shhhh!” Simon said hastily, trying to calm down Alec.

“Simon, your father abused you. He should be in jail. It isn’t okay. None of this is okay. Does Ragnor know? Does Camille? Raphael?” Alec said more quietly, “Does Magnus know?” Alec said. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he found out Magnus knew about the abuse.

“Alec, I need you to calm down,” Simon said, tone serious. “Okay?” Alec wasn’t sure how Simon could expect Alec to be calm at a point like this, but he nodded his head, knowing that it was what Simon needed.

“Only Camille and Raphael know for sure. I think Ragnor suspects, he never questioned why I hated going home or the fact that I would avoid it like the plague. Magnus…. Well, I’m not sure if Magnus knows or not. I think he suspects there is something going on, but he never once questioned me. I think he just thought my parents were homophobic. Which they are, but that’s beside the point. It was only when I got emancipated from them and became a full Russian citizen that Magnus even asked about them. I brushed him off though, told him to ‘fuck off’. Looking back, I probably should have talked to him more about it,” Simon said, he played with the food on his plate. Alec watched him carefully, not really sure how to proceed.

“Camille has been good to me,” Simon said, looking up, “Raphael too,” Simon finished.

“Is that who the man is? The one that comes to the house sometimes?” Alec asked.

“Yes and no,” Simon sighed, leaning back in his chair, seeming to be more relaxed. “Dr. Petrov is a therapist. He and Camille go way back, I think he was her therapist years ago. He comes by the house and we talk for a couple of hours. It is usually once a week, sometimes more,” Simon said. Alec closed his eyes, there was so much to process. Simon was abused, he has a boyfriend, and he goes to therapy. Alec wished Magnus was here, he would know what to do. What to say. Alec opened his eyes and looked at Simon. He seemed unsure of what to do like he just revealed top secret information with the enemy. Alec had to do something, say something, to calm his nerves.

“I go to therapy too,” Alec said, Simon’s eyes went a little wide. “I have anxiety, it was really bad when I was growing up. Jace and Clary helped a lot, so did my old coach Luke. But when my brother died, it got really bad again. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t come back to skating right away. That and I felt guilty,” Alec said. Simon leaned in more, encouraging Alec to continue.

“I felt like it was my fault Max died. Like if I was there, it wouldn’t have happened. I feel as though I was supposed to protect him, and because I wasn’t there, he…” Alec didn’t feel the need to finish the sentence. Simon didn’t push him to continue. The two sat in silence.

“Well look at us Alec, two idiots with tragic backstories, hot boyfriends that are thousands of miles away, and just a dash of mental illness,” Simon finally said, laughter in his voice. Alec looked at Simon, laughing lightly in return.

“What a pair we are,” Alec said smiling.

“Not so different after all are we?” Simon asked rhetorically. He laughed and shook his head. The rest of the lunch passed by quietly as they ate. Once they had paid, they made their way outside and started walking down different roads. Occasionally they would stop in a shop or Alec would make Simon stop so he could take a picture of something and send it to Clary or Jace. Their conversation remained light since Simon made a new rule after lunch, stating that they weren’t allowed to have deep emotional conversations until they got back to Camille’s. Alec gladly agreed, already feeling like he was on emotional overload.

They talked about Clary, Jace, and Raphael. Simon was careful to avoid talking about Magnus, since every time he did Alec checked his phone again. He could tell the other man was upset when he looked at his cellphone and saw yet again that there were no new messages. They walked all over St. Petersburg. Simon showed Alec some of his favorite spots, even taking a selfie with Alec at a couple of them. Alec posted the pictures to his Instagram and sent some to Simon to do the same. Simon humored the man, surprised by how many likes and comments started pouring into his account once the photo was posted.

“People like us together,” Alec said smiling. His cheeks and nose were bright red due to the cold, and he was covered in light white snowflakes. Simon just laughed at him.

“Yeah well, people like it when competitors are friends,” Simon said.

“So, you admit it? We’re friends,” Alec said brightly.

“Fuck off dipshit,” Simon said flipping Alec off with his gloved hand. Alec laughed loudly and lightly shoved Simon. They walked back to Camille’s happily.

When they entered the house, they were enveloped in the warmth of the home. They went to their own rooms and changed into comfortable dry clothes, brushing off the snowflakes from their clothes. They each made their way into the kitchen where Ragnor and Camille were making dinner. It was some sort of stew, and it smelled amazing to Alec. Ragnor and Camille were arguing about the ingredients, Camille saying that Ragnor wasn’t adding enough spices. Simon rolled his eyes and sat down at the kitchen table, cup of tea in hand. Alec joined him and looked at his phone again. Nothing but Instagram notifications and a text from Clary. He sighed and put his phone away.

As they ate dinner, Simon told Ragnor and Camille about their day. He left out the ‘deep conversation’ parts and focused more on the sight-seeing. He switched from English to Russian and back to English in a fluid motion that Alec wasn’t even sure he knew that he was doing it. Camille and Ragnor seemed to be able to keep up, but Alec was lost every time Simon switched to the other language.

When dinner was done, Alec helped Camille clear the table, washing the dishes as she put them away. Ragnor and Simon left to talk about practice tomorrow.

“Still no word from Magnus?” Camille asked softly.

“Nope,” Alec said, as he handed her the freshly washed bowl.

“Do not worry, he will call soon. I am sure of it,” Camille said. Alec knew she was just being nice, but he appreciated the gesture.

“Camille?” Alec asked lightly as he turned off the water and dried his hands. She put the last of the dishes away and looked at him.

“Simon told me,” Alec said. Camille’s face remained blank and emotionless, Alec decided to continue. “Simon told me about his father. About Raphael, about Dr. Petrov,” Alec said, looking down at the towel in his hands. When he met Camille’s eyes again, she seemed to be studying him, as if seeing how much of a threat he will be towards Simon.

“And tell me, Alec,” she said, fire in her words, “What will you do with this information?” She looked like she was ready to pounce and attack Alec if he even dared looked at Simon wrong.

“Nothing,” Alec said calmly, “Just, if it ever gets bad, and Simon needs someone, I’d like to be there,” was all he said. Camille looked shocked. Alec decided it was best to continue.   
“Simon is my friend, and I care about him. I lost my little brother, it was the reason I left the Grand Prix, the reason I didn’t come back to skating until Magnus convinced me to. I just…. I just want you to know that you can trust me. That to me, Simon is like a little brother, and that I won’t betray him. So, if something happens, and he needs help, you can count on me,” Alec said, voice firm even though his heart was pounding against his chest. Camille just looked at Alec, like she wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Then finally, she seemed to be resolved on her next move.

“Thank you, Alec,” was all she said. She walked up to him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “  
у вас есть чистая душа. Не меняйте это. Когда-либо,” she whispered, and then walked away, leaving Alec in the kitchen alone.

 _“I need to learn Russian,”_ Alec thought, tossing the towel on the kitchen counter and walking back to his room.

* * *

Alec laid down on his bed, exhausted from the day. He had learned so much about Simon, about his life. Yet, he was happy he knew, even though some of it wasn’t great. He was glad the other man felt comfortable enough to talk to him openly about things. It finally felt like they were friends. Alec closed his eyes, contempt with falling asleep in his jeans and sweater, ready for sleep to take hold. However, it was at this moment that his phone rang. Alec blindly reached for the phone, bringing to his ear without even looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” Alec said sleepily.

“Alexander?” Magnus said softly, voice tired.

“Magnus!” Alec said, shooting up, wide awake.

“Can you come to the airport? I’m in St. Petersburg,” Magnus said. He sounded off on the other end of the line.

“You’re in Russia? But I thought you were still in Indonesia. Magnus, why didn’t you tell me you were coming in today?” Alec asked as he put on his boots and grabbed his jacket.  

“I… I don’t know,” Magnus whispered. He sounded like he had been crying all day. Alec didn’t want to push him, glad he was just back.

“It’s okay. I’m coming now. Okay? I’ll be there soon. Just hang on,” Alec said.

When Alec reached the airport, he looked around the arrival gate. There weren’t that many people around, it was very late after all. Alec turned around in circles trying to find Magnus. Then in the corner of his eye, he saw him. However, it was not the Magnus Alec knew. This was a different Magnus.

He was sitting on a bench, back leaning against the wall. He wore a black t-shirt, dark jeans and combat boots with mud still on them. He had no make-up on and his hair was loose, falling around his face. He had no product in his hair, no glitter, no extravagant outfit. In fact, the only thing that was signature Magnus was the long, black corduroy jacket that he was wearing. He was staring at nothing, head turned away from Alec.

Alec slowly walked up to the man, noticing his chipped nail polish, and tired eyes.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered. Magnus turned to meet Alec’s eyes, but they were not the warm caramel colored eyes Alec knew so well. These eyes were exhausted, red, tear-filled, and hallow. Above all else, they were hallowed. It made Alec feel empty like his heart was wrenched from his chest. Alec fell to his knees in front of the man. He raised his hand slowly, placing it on Magnus’s right cheek, brushing he face softly with his thumb.

“Magnus?” Alec said softly, voice filled with love and worry.

Magnus just looked at Alec. He then closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. As he did, the tears that were built up, slowly feel down his face. Alec moved closer to Magnus, brushing the tears from Magnus’s face away with his thumb.

“Magnus? My love, look at me,” he whispered.

Magnus opened his eyes. He looked at Alec, heartbrokenly. Then he lunged into Alec’s arms and held him tight. Alec pulled Magnus closer, making sure that whatever demons followed Magnus home was vanquished by his touch. Alec could feel the tears from Magnus soak his skin and shirt. He didn’t care, all he cared about was that Magnus was in his arms and that he was finally home.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Alec whispered into Magnus’s ear, kissing the side of his head lightly. Magnus just held on tighter, burying his fingers into Alec’s hair, the other hand gripping his back. It felt like he was holding onto Alec for dear life. Magnus began to cry harder, unable to stop the tears as the poured out of his eyes.

“Shhhh, it’s okay Magnus. I’m right here, I’m right here. You’re home now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! 
> 
> please comment :D 
> 
> ALSO, 
> 
> Esos labios son míos = Those lips are mine.   
> у вас есть чистая душа. Не меняйте это. Когда-либо = You have a pure soul. Do not change this. Ever.


	24. The Story of Catarina Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title pretty much sums this chapter up I think :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't posted in a while. For this I am sorry. I will not post again until after August 15th, again I am so sorry. I have to study for the GRE's (placement testing to get into grad school). After the 15th, I'm yours and I will write until this story is done. I promise! I'm not gonna leave you guys hanging. I love you all and thank you for your constant encouragement and support. 
> 
> Love,  
> Delysia
> 
> PS I know this is a short chapter, I promise you the next 2 are like crazy long.

Catarina Loss was adopted by a wealthy family at the age of three. She was raised in Westchester, New York in a large estate. There were outdoor swimming pools and indoor swimming pools, outdoor tennis courts and indoor tennis courts. There were butlers, maids, nannies, tutors, and chafers. She grew up as an only child to a wealthy heiress and her darling husband. They adored their beautiful baby girl and provided her with everything she could possibly need or want.

When she was ten years old, her family moved from their luxurious mansion in New York to a larger townhouse halfway across the world. Her father was transferred to Russia as part of his job to start the new branch in St. Petersburg. Her mother was devastated at the news of having to leave her family home and sail halfway across the world. But she loved her husband dearly and promised him and God that wherever he went, she went as well. So, together with part of their household and their daughter, the couple moved to Russia to start their new life.

They settled in nicely, and quickly adopted the new countries customs, language and traditions. Catarina attended the finest schools, and it was here she met someone that would forever alter her life, Ragnor Fell. A dashing young man with a fire in his eyes fell hard for the dark-skinned American. They became instant best friends and spent as many hours as they could with each other every day.

Ragnor’s only other love than Catarina was ice skating. He was a protégé in the sport and had won many competitions. It broke Catarina’s heart when Ragnor’s parents pulled him from school so he could focus solely on skating. She snuck into the rink time and time again to watch him practice after school. He would smile at her and try his hardest to impress his friend. He shot through the ranks and quickly became one of Russia’s most prized and renowned skaters.

Catarina, on the other hand, was a scholar. She read many books, often during his practices, and was the top student in her class. She learned many languages and was the winner of many mathematical champions. Her parents couldn’t have been prouder.

Catarina found herself wanting nothing more than to be a doctor, to help people and heal them. Ragnor supported her passion and helped her fill out the hundreds of different college applications needed. After graduating high school, Catarina found herself getting into many different pre-med programs and had her pick of the top schools. It was the night before she left for school that Ragnor finally admitted he was in love with her. With a kiss farewell and the promise to call and write every day, she left for the next chapter of her life.

Ragnor continued on with skating and soon found himself in a ballet class with a young woman named Camille. She was stern and fierce, but most of all, she was lovely. She was a prima ballerina for the Russian ballet and the second her eyes fell upon Ragnor’s, she was lost. Ragnor, of course, stayed true to Catarina, and Camille was never more than just a friend. Ragnor won medal after medal, with Camille always the first to congratulate him. He would travel to Catarina’s school time and time again, they would rekindle their relationship, but the distance was never easy.

Finally, on one fateful day, Catarina called Ragnor and told him not to come anymore. That it was too hard for her to say goodbye each time he left, and that the distance was too much. Ragnor begged her to reconsider, with promises of love, of marriage, of being together forever, but nothing would do. Her mind was made up, and with a tearful goodbye, she hung up the phone, severing half of his heart with it.

It was not long after that Ragnor found comfort in the arms of Camille, and they began their relationship. It was a lovely one, full of laughter, companionship, adventures, and above all else, love. But still, Camille was not Catarina, and they both knew it. Still, though, they stayed together, both realizing that they could easily dance around the topic of the pre-doctor miles away and be very contempt with their relationship.

However, on one fateful and dreadful cold December night, a car lost control of the icy roads and skidded over a bridge, landing in the river. Both passengers died instantly and left behind only a daughter and a large fortune. Catarina came home immediately, dropping everything to return to St. Petersburg and bury her parents. She never returned to school.

She blamed herself for her parent’s death and locked away in the large townhouse, refusing to see anyone. Ragnor begged her to let him in, but she refused, not letting anyone but the local priest come to talk to her. Catarina herself was never overly religious, but her mother was. Catarina’s mother never doubted the existence of God or angels or even demons for that matter.  She went to church every Sunday and never missed a mass. It was the priest form her mother’s church that came to visit Catarina.

He would talk to her about God, and how she didn’t need to worry about her mother or father because they were both in the Kingdom of Heaven. Catarina would usually roll her eyes at the gesture, but now it was comforting. She often talked to the priest, he would read her verses from the Bible and she would ask questions. He was never one to shove the religion down her throat like others in the practice. Instead, he simply did it as a kind gesture for all the work her mother had done for the church.

He talked about Jesus’s message of forgiveness and love. About how we as humans should love each other and treat each other with respect, no matter what. It was a message that Catarina would carry in her heart always. Eventually, with much persistence, the priest was able to get Catarina out of the house. He brought her to lunch and then church for afternoon mass. She didn’t say much, but after the mass, he introduced her to a group of people. They were so excited to meet her, having all worked with her mother.

She soon made it a regular occurrence to go to the church and help out. She taught Sunday school and helped around the church. She soon found herself going abroad to new and exotic places. She and the other members of the various church groups would build houses and help orphanages and the local churches. She loved the work and found that helping people was still her calling, just in a different way.

To her, it wasn’t about the religion, but the sense of community. The sense of working together to help people who had nothing, and who was lost. She loved it. Whenever she would go back to Russia, she would spend her time planning her next trip. Eventually, she let Ragnor in again. They became friends once more as if they never stopped. However, things were different. For starters, he was with Camille.

Catarina liked Camille, she was nice enough. But there was a tension between them that was unmistakable. It was the tension of only two people who have loved the same person could feel. Still, though, Catarina did nothing to break the relationship up, Ragnor, on the other hand, was not as good. It was obvious Camille was his second pick, and the bitter sting of that realization would lay the groundwork for their eventual break-up. However, that was years away.

In the meantime, Catarina worked, living off of her inheritance, she was able to travel wherever and help as many people as she could. She particularly loved working with the kids, and it was at a particular orphanage in Indonesia that she found her true calling. She was playing with the kids, teaching them how to say different things in English, when one of the nuns came into the room. They told her that she was needed immediately. She went with the nun, following until they reached a small room, inside was a crib and there laid a small baby. There was the head nun in the room too, and a police officer. The nun told Catarina that the child’s parents had both died. His father in a car accident, and mother by suicide. It had been a while before anyone found the child, and when they did he was near starvation. The child would need someone with medical skills to take care of them while he recovered. The nuns had basic training, but nothing compared to Catarina’s.

She looked at the small baby, no more than a couple of months old. Her heart went out to the child. Maybe it was because he was so small. So helpless against the world that had already taken so much from him. When she picked him up for the first time, he slowly opened his eyes, looked at her and smiled.

She asked about his name, and they told her that his name was Magnus, Magnus Bane. She whispered his name to the young child, and he smiled brightly at her in response. It was from then on that she decided to make the small village in Indonesia her home. That she was going to stay with the child, and she would work there at the orphanage. It was with this that she wrote to Ragnor, telling him that she was to stay in Indonesia. Permanently.

Over the next few years, the child grew up, becoming a smiling happy child with more charm than anyone Catarina had ever met before. He made friends easily and the nuns adored him. Catarina was always so surprised when time and time again he seemed to never get adopted. She began to pray in hopes that he would find his home, that someone would come to take care of the small orphan boy. Magnus and she would go for walks around the village, sometimes even venturing into the town about three miles away. There wasn’t much there, but it was nice and quiet.

They would walk around the stores and watch the various street acts. Every now and then he would stop and look at the old beaten down ice skating rink. It was still running, but nearly enough to keep it looking brand new. Catarina asked him one day if he wanted to go inside, and with a bright excited smile, he agreed. He skated for hours that day, so much so that on their way back home, she had to carry him on her back, for his legs were ‘too sore’ to carry himself. She didn’t mind, his smile and stories for the other children when they got back was worth it.

Soon it was every day they ventured into the town, he would skate for hours, sometimes people in the town or the rink would watch, and then they would go home. It was not long before he had a constant following, they would show up for his practices and encourage him to try new tricks. Catarina went to the bookstore in the town one day and found a book on different ice skating techniques. She gave it to Magnus for his birthday and he read the book front to back.

He began trying the different jumps and moves in the book, and soon caught the attention of one bystander in particular. It was this bystander that told Catarina that the boy had a real talent and should pursue the idea of becoming a figure skater. It was with this in mind that Catarina called an old friend and asked him to come to the small town in Indonesia.

Ragnor had become a skating coach in Russia after he retired from the sport. Camille and he were together on and off again, currently, they were on. It was one particular night that he got a phone call from his closest friend begging him to come to Indonesia and watch someone skate. Without hesitation, Ragnor bought his ticket and left the next day, much to Camille’s unhappiness.

When there his heart practically leaped out of his chest when he saw Catarina. However, the feeling was not long to last when he found out that Catarina intended to take the vail and become a nun. It broke his heart, but he smiled and kissed her on the cheek telling her that he hoped she found the greatest of happiness in her new position. It was with this in mind that Ragnor watched the young boy skate. He was good, but he could be better with the right training. He had talent, and no one could deny it, but was it enough? Ragnor looked at Catarina, her eyes never leaving Magnus. When he landed his quad she practically jumped off the ground with glee. She loved this boy as if he were her own.

All she wanted was for him to have a good life, a better life, and here right in front of him was the golden ticket. Ragnor sighed and knew what he had to do. He took Magnus back to Russia with him, adopting the young boy. He put him in the best schools and every day they would train. He quickly became one of the best skaters in Russia, and then the best skater in the world.

It broke Catarina’s heart to watch Magnus go, but she knew it was for the best. He would have a good life in Russia, and one that she could not provide him in Indonesia, at least not with the resources the nuns had. Magnus wrote to her often, and she always wrote back. When the letters eventually stopped, Catarina would pray for Magnus, sending her love and protection with every word.

She watched him skate on the small television the nuns had, and sometimes the local town would put on big parties to watch the larger competitions. They would project the screen on the side of a building and the whole town and village would gather to watch Magnus skate. They were so proud of the boy, even if he wore the colors of Russia, they knew where he came from, and they loved him all the same.

Over the years Catarina worked at the orphanage and the church. She loved the work and loved the children. She grew older, and then one day, she found out that she was sick. Cancer in fact. The nuns helped raise money for her treatment, but it was no use. The cancer had spread all over her body, and she did not have long left. Instead, she told the nuns to use the money towards the orphanage.

It was in her final days that she realized that she couldn’t die, not before seeing Magnus again. She called Ragnor that night, and through tears, he agreed to send Magnus to her. She waited for the boy she always thought of as her son. She prayed to God that she would live long enough to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Comment.


	25. You Endure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus comes to terms with what happened in Indonesia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot, but it is my favorite one yet. Also a special thanks to @mw138 for adding me to their collection of Favorite Malec Fics!!!! Truly honored! I hope you guys like this chapter!   
> Lots of Love,   
> Delysia

_“One… Two… Three,”_ Magnus breathed in the scent of worn out leather and cigarette smoke that filled the cab. His eyes closed, head resting lightly on Alec’s shoulder as he breathed in and out softly. He wasn’t asleep, but he wasn’t awake. He was in that middle phase between what is and what isn’t, where everything is either a memory or a dream or a subconscious mixture of both. He could feel Alec’s arm around him, fingers rubbing gentle circles into his forearm. It felt distant though like he was remembering the feeling instead of actually feeling it.

He played back all that happened in the last week, was it a week? He honestly couldn’t remember, time seemed to move so differently when he was in Indonesia. The days blended together in a haze of what was and what is. Past and present colliding in an everlasting harmony that seemed to bring peace and destruction to those who heard it. The song seemed to never end until one morning it did, and with it so did the rest of everything that was. As if the world lost its color or sound or even presence altogether, life seemed to halt on that day. But Magnus wasn’t going to think about that. He couldn’t. Instead, he thought of the smell of cigarettes and the soft feeling of Alec’s shoulder under his head, and the warm sensation in his arm as he counted the circles Alec drew onto him.

 _“One… Two…. Three….”_ He counted until his feeling of unconsciousness deepened, pulling him further and further into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

Magnus awoke in an unfamiliar bed. Soft and silky sheets with the sun peeking through the curtains despite them being drawn close. He breathed in the sheets, they smelled like Alec, and it brought a smile to Magnus’s face. He turned over in hopes of finding Alec, but the bed was empty. Magnus opened his eyes slowly and realized where he was. He had stayed with Camille a few times when he was younger, and this room was actually his own. He smiled at the different little things on the desks and bookshelves that were his. He was happy Camille didn’t change anything.

He slowly got up, body soar from all the traveling he had done in the last few days. Two planes, a train ride, and then a one-mile walk to get to the small village he grew up in as a child. Magnus thought of the mountains, the winding river that flowed through the town, the people, whose faces lit up with the mere presence of him. He closed his eyes and could still see the little orphanage he had left not more than 36 hours ago. The cracked walls, the stone floors, the children running through the halls, laughter echoing around him. If he thought hard enough, he was still there. He remembered walking down the narrow hallway, its walls littered with pictures of saints and Jesus. Words from the Bible written in chipped black paint on the white stone that surrounded him.

He thought of the wooden door and the horror that waited for him beyond it. Magnus shook his head, he was not going to think about that. He needed to focus, he needed to get up. Magnus slowly rose from the bed and walked towards the bathroom, it was empty and there was a fresh set of towels waiting for him on the counter. He showered thoroughly, washing away any trace of his trip. The warm water felt nice on his skin, he didn’t realize how much he had missed the convivence of water until now. The heat of the water rolled down his back easing all the tension that had built up in the last days. He pushed the memories of cold showers out of his head as he washed his hair. The shampoo smelled warm and sweet, making a smile break out across Magnus’s face.

 _“Alec”_ , he thought. He wanted to see Alec. He hastily finished his shower and dried himself off with the plush towel. He moved to his suitcase but found it empty. Magnus looked around for his clothes and found a pair of Alec’s on the chair in the corner with a note on them. Magnus picked it up and smiled.

_“Took your clothes to the dry cleaners, here is a pair of mine to wear for now. When you wake to find me in the drawing room -A”_

Magnus pressed the note to his lips closing his eyes for a moment. He thought of how lucky he was to have Alec in his life, and how much he loved him. How feeling his embrace when he got off the plane was everything he needed and wanted. He quickly got changed into the pair of jeans and a simple gray sweater. Magnus would never be caught dead in an outfit so simple, but it smelled like Alec, so he put it on happily. He brushed out his hair but didn’t bother styling it. He just didn’t have it in him. Instead, he looked in the mirror and examined his reflection.

He thought of how much older he seemed to have grown in the last couple of days. Maybe it was the beard that has started to form on his face four days ago and now took hold of his appearance. He would need to shave eventually, but not right now.

Right now, he needed food, a cool glass of water, coffee, and most of all, he needed his Alexander.

Magnus left the room and walked the halls, mind remembering the house with every step. He found his way to the drawing room, but before opening the door he could hear the end of a conversation.

“… all I’m saying is that if Anakin chilled out like a tiny bit, then none of the things that happened with the Empire would have happened,” Alec said.

“Oh My God! It’s like you didn’t even read the source material or watched Clone Wars! You do know it was more than a bad dream that leads to Anakin turning into Darth Vader!” Simon argued passionate back.

“Clone Wars? Isn’t that the second movie –” Alec said innocently.

“WHAT!?!?! YOU DID NOT JUST--- OH MY GOD!!!” Simon yelled, sounding like he was about to tear Alec a new one. But then Alec’s laughter filled the room like a soft symphony.

“Wait… are you fucking with me?!” Simon said. Alec just laughed more.

“Oh, you little shit!” Simon yelled, followed by the sound of a pillow being thrown and a glass shattering, this, of course, led to more and louder laughter from Alec.

“What was that?!” Camille yelled from down the hall, Magnus trying to stifle his own laughter as Alec’s grew.

“Shit!” Simon said, feet hurrying across the floor in ungraceful motions. Simon ran out the door, and straight into Magnus, nearly falling down on impact.

“What the—Magnus?! Holy shit you’re up! Thank God, Alec was so fucking worried I wanted to strangle him. Listen we can talk later, but if Camille asks, I wasn’t here,” Simon said, the sound of heels clicking on the hardwood leading him to panic. Simon pushed pass Magnus and ran in the opposite direction, only causing Magnus to laugh at the sight of the nearly grown man scurrying down the hall.

“Magnus?” the softest voice in the world said from inside the room. Magnus looked at the source and smiled brightly. He didn’t realize he was running until he threw himself into Alec’s arms. Alec fell back onto the couch with the force of the embrace, but took it in stride, not letting Magnus go for a second. When Magnus pulled away he realized he was crying.

“Oh Magnus,” Alec whispered, brushing the tears from his cheek, “My love, what have you endured?” he asked softly. Magnus shrugged and shook his head. He looked down to Alec’s shirt, softly outlining the Russian Cup logo on it. He was sitting on Alec’s lap, unable to meet his eyes.

“Magnus?” Alec said softly, “Please Magnus, look at me,”.

Magnus sniffled, and slowly looked up, his eyes meeting the caramel ones of Alec’s. He smiled lightly at Alec, trying his best to put on a brave face, but it was no use. Alec could see right through him.

Alec pushed a piece of loose hair behind Magnus’ ear.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Alec whispered, “Not until you’re ready. Okay?”

Magnus swears to himself he couldn’t love Alec anymore than he already did, but in this moment, he was proven wrong. Alec had said the exact right thing Magnus needed to hear. In his arms, Magnus had finally found someone who understood him, who loved him, who trusted him, and who protected him. All he could do was nod “yes” and hug Alec again.

Alec rubbed Magnus’s back lightly, soothing him in his arms.

“Come on, let’s get you some breakfast,” Alec said lightheartedly, “Although it is well into the afternoon, I could go for some pancakes. Would that be okay?”

Magnus held him tighter, realizing that Alec was everything he wanted him to be and more. Magnus pulled away and looked Alec in the eye.

“Pancakes sound good,” he said softly as if he were a child. Alec just smiled and nodded. Magnus got up slowly and helped Alec off the couch. He was about to turn to walk towards the kitchen, but Alec stopped him. Before Magnus could realize it, Alec kissed him softly on the lips. It was a kiss much like the one they had before he left. Full of longing and love. With compassion and kindness. It was not a kiss of lust, but one that said, “I’ve missed you” or “I care about you” or even “I love you”. It was the kiss Magnus needed. As Alec pulled away he rested his hand on the side of Magnus’s face.

“I love you Mags,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” Magnus said back, and God did he mean it. Alec smiled at him, and took his hand, leading him towards the kitchen for their very late breakfast.

* * *

 

The warm smell of pancakes flowed through the house making everything smell like delicious maple syrup and sugar. It brought Simon and Camille into the kitchen, both in hopes of a plate of their own. Alec happily obliged, making enough for everyone. Simon made coffee and Camille set the table. Everyone worked around the kitchen preparing for the breakfast/lunch. Magnus sat in his chair quietly watching everyone move around him.

He felt a sense of distance between himself and the others like there was an invisible glass wall keeping him from being part of the present, instead, he was forced to watch from the sidelines. He watched how Simon and Alec interacted, teasing each other in a fiendlike manner. Camille laughing along and sometimes interrupting with her own stake in the conversation. They seemed at home here, all of them. If Magnus was being honest with himself, he felt a little left out, as if he wasn’t part of the giant inside joke that was occurring.

Before his mind could run away too much with that thought, a warm cup of coffee was placed in front of him. It smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. Magnus looked up to see a smiling Alec watching him.

“I had Simon pick up vanilla creamer for you this morning. I figured you would be missing your usual vanilla latte’s,” Alec said happily.

 _“What did I ever do to deserve this man?”_ Magnus thought. He thanked Alec and took a sip of the coffee, relishing in the sweet and welcoming taste of something familiar. Simon moved to sit across from Magnus, Camille sitting beside Simon. Alec walked over with a tray full of pancakes and bacon, placing it down on the kitchen table. Everyone took their fair share of the food, complementing and thanking Alec for his fine cooking.

“MMMMMM! So good!” Simon said with his mouth full. Camille shook her head.

 **“Don’t talk with your mouth full my Caramel,”** Camille said in Russian. Magnus smiled at the familiar language. Simon just nodded a gesture saying he understood but was still going to do it.

“So, Magnus,” Camille said, turning her attention across the table, “When will you and Alec be heading back to America?” Magnus was taken aback by the question. Not because of the context, he knew that eventually Simon would need to go back to training and Alec and Magnus would need to go back to Idris. But still, he hadn’t given much thought to the idea of traveling again, let alone leaving Russia. He was still in a haze from everything that happened in Indonesia, he couldn’t bring himself to think too much ahead.

Luckily Alec stepped in, “We’re leaving on Monday. I already got our flights. Izzy is going to pick us up from the airport and drive us home,” Alec said. Camille nodded and went back to eating her food. Two days, Magnus had two days in Russia before getting on another plane, his palms began to sweat just thinking about it. He didn’t want to fly again, he didn’t want to fly anywhere, he wanted to stay, he wanted to crawl back into bed and never come out, he wanted Cat—

 _“No,”_ Magnus thought harshly, he would not say her name, he couldn’t. The mere thought of it pushing him near the brink of tears. His only grounding point was Alec’s hand that rested gently on his thigh. Magnus reached for it, squeezing it lightly, needing something to hang on to. He breathed deeply, pushing everything he had experienced in the last week deep down into his gut.

 _“I’ll think about that later,”_ he lied to himself. When breakfast/lunch was over, passing by with minimal conversation except for the easy chit-chat between Simon and Alec, Magnus excused himself and hastily walked back to his room. He needed to turn off his brain, he needed to be free of these haunting memories that plagued his mind. He went to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. He took out the aspirin, downing three and then heading over to the bed. He laid down, covering himself in the warm comforter, and closing his eyes.

 _“Sleep, sleep, sleep!”_ he said in his head, trying desperately to will himself into a blissful, dreamless sleep. As the aspirin eased his mind he began once again seeping into unconsciousness. However, it was only when he felt the warm embrace of another’s arms, safely wrapping around him, that he finally fell into the sleep he so desperately craved.

* * *

Magnus looked over his things, making sure all his bags were packed and ready to go. Alec had just finished checking their room for any forgotten items. Simon stood next to Camille, leaning against the wall.

“Gonna miss you guys for Hanukah,” Simon said. Magnus looked up and smiled.

“Don’t worry, well facetime you. Besides you have Camille and Ragnor,” Magnus said.

“Hmm,” Simon hummed, looking over to Camille who stared at Magnus like she was studying him. He could feel her gaze the last couple of days only intensifying with every waking hour. He knew what she wanted to know. But he could not bring himself to say the words.

“Ready?” Alec said excitedly as he approached Magnus and the rest of the group. Magnus knew he was happy to be going home. He so desperately wanted to see his sister and parents, Magnus couldn’t blame him. All he wanted to do when they got back to Idris was curl up in bed with Chairman Meow and press his soft fur against his face.

“Well, I hate to say it, but I’m gonna miss you Lightwood,” Simon said. Alec smiled at him, opening his arms to hug Simon. Simon welcomed it greatly and the Camille did the same when Alec embraced her.

“Be good Alexander,” she said in her thick Russian accent, Alec nodded. Magnus looked at them and felt that distance again, of being within and without of the scene unfolding in front of him.

It wasn’t until her heard someone clear their throat behind him that he came out of his haze. There in the corner stood Ragnor. He looked like he had gotten less sleep than Magnus, of course, Magnus was smart enough to wear makeup and do his hair in hopes of not causing anyone to worry about him. But there a disheveled Ragnor stood, beard in full grown and hair a ness. His eyes red and puffy with dark circles underneath them. He looked like shit, and that was putting it lightly.

“Ragnor,” Camille said softly standing up straight, like she was seeing a ghost. She might as well of been, in the two days Magnus had been there he had not once seen or even heard Ragnor. If he wasn’t so wrapped up in his drug induced sleeps, he might have been worried.

“Magnus,” Ragnor said, clearing his throat again, “Can we talk?” Magnus wanted to say no. He wanted to grab Alec by the hand and leave the house immediately, but he knew he couldn’t. A piece of paper burned into his back pocket reminded him of why he couldn’t.

Magnus walked towards Ragnor and followed him into the office down the hall. Ragnor shut the door behind them and turned to face Magnus. It was now that Magnus realized he had not been alone with the man since he left Russia in search of Alec. Ragnor poured himself a heavy drink of vodka in an ornate crystal glass, sitting on the couch in the corner. He looked defeated, by life, by love, by everything he once held dear. His eyes vacant of any emotion, even anger.

Magnus stared at the man he once considered a God in his eyes. Ragnor had always been the man Magnus wanted to be. Strong, independent, and world renowned for skating. However, it was over the last couple of days that he realized there was so much more to Ragnor. There was a man who had lost the love of his life simply because he wasn’t strong enough to fight for it. Because he let her slip through his fingers, because he didn’t stand up and say “stay,”. Magnus looked at this defeated excuse of a man and knew that he never wanted to become like him. Magnus was going to keep fighting, he was going to fight till his dying breath. He would do whatever it took to make sure Alec knew how much he loved him.

Alec was the love of Magnus’s life, he knew that now and he knew it in Indonesia when he wanted nothing more than the other man to hold him tight and tell him everything was going to be okay. Magnus felt the back pocket of his jeans burning with the note within, he knew what he needed to do. He reached for the letter, slowly pulling it out and looking at the worn writing on the envelope.

 **“Did she suffer?”** Ragnor asked, voice barely above a whisper.

 **“Yes… and no,”** Magnus said, looking at the other man. **“She was in pain, but she was at peace. That’s all that matters,”**.

 **“How…,”** Ragnor began, unable to get the question out. Magnus knew what he wanted to ask.

 **“In her sleep. The nuns told me the next morning,”** Magnus said, a sob building in the back of his throat. Ragnor nodded his head and let out a deep breath he was holding. Tears pooling in his eyes as he looked longingly out the window behind the desk.

 **“I loved her,”** Ragnor whispered so lightly Magnus wasn’t even sure he was meant to hear it. Tears fell down Ragnor’s face, followed by sobs. Magnus wanted to comfort the man who had been like a father to him, but he knew Ragnor. He would not want comfort unless it was in the form of a clear liquid designed to take away the pain of everyday life. Magnus instead walked towards the older man, gently placing the letter Catarina had written Ragnor down on the table next to where he sat. Magnus leaned over and kissed Ragnor’s head softly.

 **“She loved you too,”** was all he said before walking out of the study and leaving Ragnor to grieve over the loss of his soulmate in peace.

* * *

 

_“Magnus?”_

_“Cat, oh Cat. You look so pale. Here let me get you a blanket, you must be freezing,”_

_“No no, I’m fine. Oh Magnus, I am so happy you’re here. I was worried you wouldn’t make it in time,”_

_“Of course, I’m here. You’re my family Cat,”_

_“Then Magnus… why did you leave?”_

Magnus’s eyes shot open, cold sweat covering his body, breath rigid as he struggled to grasp where he was. The room familiar, blue walls, the smell of cinnamon, a messy desk in the corner, and snow falling lightly outside the window. He was in Alec’s room. He could feel the other man sleeping soundly next to him, gentle breathing undisturbed by Magnus’s sudden awakeness. Magnus could also feel the gentle purring at his feet. His little tabby cat Chairman Meow sleeping between Alec and Magnus’s feet brought comfort to the man.

He slowly sat up, rubbing his face with his hands. He felt sick, but not in the sense that he needed a doctor, more like he needed a forty-eight-hour nap and a vacation. His mind racing to make sense of the memories that infected his dreams. His stomach ached at the memories of Catarina and Indonesia. He wanted nothing more than to escape them. He reached for the aspirin bottle near his bedside table. He pulled the lid off the bottle, only to find it empty. Magnus could have sworn that he had just bought a new bottle at the airport before they left.

He closed the bottle, giving up on the idea of sleep and rose from the bed, heading towards the bathroom with his phone. He washed his face with cold water, calming his nerves. He looked at his phone, leaning against the sink. He had a few Instagram messages, and Twitter alerts, but nothing worth looking at.

 _“6:00am”_ his phone read. Magnus sighed at the obscenely early time he was awoken. He decided that he couldn’t just sit upstairs and do nothing. He walked downstairs and headed towards the kitchen in hopes of coffee. When he walked into the kitchen he stumbled upon Maryse, softly sniffling and staring out the wide window parallel to the kitchen table.

“Maryse?” Magnus asked softly, her eyes shooting up to meet his. She looked shocked to have been discovered in such a compromising position.

“Magnus!” Maryse said in surprise, wiping away the tears on her face and clearing her throat.

“What are you doing up so early?” Maryse asked warmly, as if the tears were nothing more than an illusion. She had turned from a real person to all business, Magnus could relate. However, there was a nagging voice in the back of his head that demanded to be heard. It begged him to push her, to make her talk, to comfort this woman and to maybe find some comfort in return. Magnus tried to will the voice away, but its yells consumed his mind until he gave in.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said, “I had a nightmare,”. He sounded like a child, but it softened Maryse’s face.

“Come,” she beckoned, pointing to the chair next to her. Magnus walked over obediently, taking the seat. Now that he was up close he could see her more clearly. She looked almost as tiered as him. Bags under her red, puffy eyes, tissues stuffed into her sleeves, and nose slightly red from the sniffling. She looked like someone just punched her puppy. He wanted nothing more than to engulf her into a giant hug and tell her it was all going to be okay.

He remembered Alec asking when they got back where his father was, only to have his mother calmly say he is not staying at the inn anymore. She walked away after that, leaving Izzy to fill in the details. It took a lot of convincing on Magnus and Izzy’s part not to let Alec walk out the front door and punch his father in the face. He calmed down eventually, falling asleep from the exhaustion of his anger and the flight.

“Do you want any coffee? It’s fresh,” She began getting up and making him a cup before he could even answer. “I got that vanilla creamer you like. I tried it myself yesterday and I must say it is quite good. I can see why you like it so,” she said placing the mug down in front of him.

“Thank you,” Magnus said softly, smiling at her as he took a sip of the coffee. It was perfect.

“Breakfast?” Maryse said gesturing to the kitchen behind her.

“Oh no, I’m fine,” Magnus responded looking down at the mug in his hands. Maryse sat back down next to him, taking his hand into hers.

“So, why don’t you tell me about this nightmare,” Maryse said softly. Magnus looked at the older woman. The closest things to a mother Magnus ever had was Catarina and Camille. Camille was nice, kind, and above all else beautiful. But she was not the nurturing type. Magnus never resented her for it, she was more of a friend or a cool aunt than anything else. Cat on the other hand, well Cat was everything. But she is gone now, and so are the hopes of ever having a mother. Magnus looked at Maryse, if he ever did have a mother, he would want her to be like Maryse. Someone who fiercely protected her children, who comforted them no matter how much her own life was falling apart. Someone who always put her needs above her own. Alec and Izzy didn’t realize how lucky they were to have a mother like Maryse.

“Magnus?” Maryse asked softly, realizing he hadn’t answered her question.

“Um,” Magnus said, “It was about Catarina,”. It was the first time he had really said her name since he landed in Russia. The sound of her name felt distant, like a faint whisper heard in the winter winds.

“What happened?”

“I—We were talking,” Magnus said softly, voice barely above a whisper, “she asked me why I left her. How I could say I loved her and then leave,” Magnus finished, voice breaking and tears forming.

“Oh honey,” Maryse said, running her hand over his head, as if he were a small child. In all honesty, Magnus felt like one, but it didn’t stop him from letting the tears fall and leaning into her gentle, motherly, touch.

“Magnus look at me,” Maryse whispered, placing her hand under his chin to tilt his head towards her. “Catarina dying is not your fault,” she said. Magnus was sobbing now, sniffling horribly as tears fell down his face, pushing them away with the sleeves of his shirt. Maryse pulled a tissue out from her sleeve and patted his eyes dry, handing him another one to blow his nose.

“But it is my fault,” Magnus sobbed, “If I hadn’t left I could have helped her. I could have been there. If I had come back, things might have been different.” Magnus cried harder, all the emotions he had felt in the last couple of weeks crashed down onto him.

“Magnus, honey, look at me,” Maryse said. “There was nothing to do. There was nothing to do,” she repeated. “Catarina only wanted what was best for you, as any mother would. She wanted you to have the things she never did, the life she couldn’t give you. She loved you Magnus,”.

Magnus wiped away the tears that escaped him. He looked at the woman in front of him. Someone who had lost her youngest son, who had been betrayed by her own husband, who was stronger than anyone he knew. No wonder her children were so brave and resilient, they learned it from their mother.

“How do you do it,” Magnus asked, “How do you bear it,”. He looked at her like she was all knowing. Like this woman alone over a cup of coffee was going to give him the answers to life. And yet, that’s exactly what she did.

“You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. That is all. It seems impossible, trust me I know. But every day it gets a little easier, every day it gets a little harder too. Magnus, it’s not about forgetting or moving on, it’s about learning to carry it with you. I carry my son with me every day. My poor boy, who was taken from me at such a young age. It’s impossible to bear, and yet I do. Because I have to, because I need to, and because others need me to. My children are my world, and I am so happy that Alec found you and you found him. It is love like that, the unconditional love between family, between friends, and between soulmates that help make the unbearable bearable. You will get through this Magnus. I know this because you are strong, and you are not alone,” Maryse said looking into Magnus’s eyes the whole time. “Do you understand me Magnus Bane? You are not alone. You have a family and we love you very much,” she smiled.  

Magnus looked at her in shock, tears gently falling down his face. She pushed his hair back and smiled at him. She then pulled two more tissues out of her sleeve and pushed them into his hands. Slowly she got up, pushing the hair out of his face and kissing him on his forehead. As she pulled back she smiled.

“You’re home Magnus. You are home and surrounded by people who love you. Let us help, let us in,” Maryse said, standing up straight and moving towards the kitchen. She pulled a pan off the shelf and began to make breakfast. As she did she gently hummed a lullaby. Magnus watched her and smiled. He felt love, the unconditional, intoxicating, and heartwarming love one can only feel when they are home.

* * *

 

Magnus walked upstairs, tray in hand. He was carrying Alec’s breakfast up to his room, still raw from the conversation with Maryse, Magnus had found a new courage within himself to finally talk to Alec about what happened in Indonesia. He walked into the room, pushing the door open with his hip. He walked over to the bed, smiling down at Alec sleeping soundly, wrapped in the comforter, Chairman Meow buried in his arms. The scene melted his heart.

Magnus placed the tray down on Alec’s desk, moving to sit on the bed next to him. He gently brushed the messy, loose hairs out of Alec’s face, gently rubbing his thumb over his cheek until Alec’s eyes began to slowly open.

“Good morning darling,” Magnus whispered lovingly.

“Morning,” Alec whispered back, smiling and leaning into Magnus’s touch.

“I brought breakfast,” Magnus said, Alec, humming and opening his eyes more in response. Magnus laughed and got up to bring over the tray. Alec sat up in the bed, resting his back against the head board, Chairman Meow awoke only to jump on Alec’s lap and curl up into him.

Magnus brought the tray over and placed it between them, mimicking Alec’s position. They both began drinking the coffee and eating their breakfast’s. Alec pausing to feed Chairman little bits of bacon in between bites. The tabby happily accepted the food, allowing Alec to gently rub his fingers through the cats’ fur in return.

“Alec,” Magnus said softly, pulling Alec’s attention from the cat to Magnus.

“Yeah?”

“I want to talk about Indonesia,” Magnus whispered, playing with the rim of his coffee mug.

“Oh,” Alec said, straightening up some more, “Are you sure? We don’t have to if you’re not ready I don’t want to push you,”. Magnus just smiled at the man.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” Magnus said, “But I want to talk about it, I need to.” Alec just nodded his head, reaching over to take Magnus’s hand in his own. He squeezed it lightly and made it clear that Magnus had his full attention. Magnus put his coffee down, turned to Alec and told him everything.

Magnus told Alec about the village he grew up in, about how it didn’t change one but when he went back. He told him about seeing the orphanage again, about seeing all the Sisters again too. He told him about how they all recognized him right away and how Catarina makes them watch all his matches on their broken-down television.

He told him about Catarina and who she was, her story, her life, and above all else, her death. He told him about Catarina’s fortune her family left her and how she had spent it all on charities and giving back. How she always wanted to help people, and how much she helped him. Magnus told Alec about their conversation when he was in Indonesia. About how he wished Catarina was his real mother, about how he wished he could have had a family with her and Ragnor, about how he would have given up everything to have that come true. But how he also knew that he would never have met Alec if it were.

Magnus told Alec about what he learned while there. What he learned about Catarina, what he learned about himself. He told him about how thin she was, how sickly she looked, how run down the orphanage was. He told him about how he wanted to save her, how he blamed himself for her death, how he wished he could have done something. He told him about how much she wished she could have met Alec, and how he sounded like a “real nice boy,” when Magnus described him to her. He told him about how she walked with him through the gardens of the orphanage. About how she told him under the trees that she had no regrets and that she was happy. He told him about her letter to Ragnor and how Magnus promised to deliver it, and he did.

He told him about how she said she was at peace with dying and how she was excited to see her family again. He told him about the next morning, when the nuns came to his room and told him she was gone. He told him about the funeral, how practically the whole village showed up and how everyone was in tears. He told him about how he stood at her grave until everyone left, and long after. He told him about how much he missed her, and how much he loved her. He told him about how her life was more than inspiring, it was something that had changed the course of so many. He told him about how without her, he would be no one.

Magnus told Alec everything, through tears, sniffles, and sips of coffee, all his cards were laid on the table. He told Alec that unlike Ragnor, Catarina died with no regrets, and how Ragnor would always have the regret of not going after her. How he didn’t want that regret for himself. Magnus told Alec how much he loved him, and how thankful he was for having him in his life. Magnus told Alec everything, and together they endured the unbearable, because together it wasn’t so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE!!!!!! 
> 
> please comment.


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